#also can you tell I came up with the title last minute LMAOOOO I'm so bad at coming up with titles

[barricadebops]

To Dance Through the Seasons

Summary: Marius reflects on a memory of dazzling dance turned melancholic as the people at his wedding spin through the ballroom with great ecstasy.

Contrary to popular belief, Marius' grandfather was not the one who had provided him with his education in dance. Most thought that he had hired a tutor for Marius when he was younger and before he had left the house to the many whisperings of the society in which he was raised. But this was not true. Some others yet believed that Gillenormand himself taught him to dance; the man certainly was interested enough in teaching Marius to behave the way he believed young men with spirit and a want for women should, and while it was true that the old man had quite a strength to his movement that seemed shouldn't be possible for a man of his age, this belief was not true either. There were a few still that believe that perhaps his aunt took pity on his essentially orphaned state and, seeing no other parental figure in his life do so, taught him to dance herself.

But none of these thoughts were true. For Marius had received his education and training in dance quite late for the position he held in society, and it was quite informal too, for Marius had been taught to waltz and even quadrille in the small flat owned by--once owned by Courfeyrac.

His first attempts had been laughable, and laugh Courfeyrac did. Having come from a family of means himself, Courfeyrac already knew well how to dance, and from what he had heard as they danced (or in Marius' case, tripped) around the room, spinning and attempting to keep to time, it seemed a good few of Courfeyrac's friends (his friends too, Courfeyrac was adamant on insisting) knew too.

It had come, surprisingly, before he had met Cosette, or even gained knowledge of her existence; it had come suddenly one day as Courfeyrac popped the question out of the blue. Retrospectively, others may say that they may have started much early in their friendship, but he supposed that was how youth was: quick transitions from vous to tu.

At his denial, Courfeyrac had sought to remedy this error and leapt out his seat to extend his hand to him, arranging them in the correct positions to teach Marius to lead. And thus the tradition was born; every so often, Courfeyrac would teach Marius to dance in the cramped little apartment, delighting himself in what little progress he made with each session.

And each time, Courfeyrac had always donned his best clothes and insisted Marius did the same. He believed it was for the atmosphere.

When he had met Cosette, these lessons became even more crucial. To Courfeyrac, that is, rather than Marius.

"You must dance with your wife when you finally have your wedding with her," he teased as he allowed himself to be lead by a then much-more confident Marius. "Ah, Marius! When am I to finally meet this mystery maiden of yours! Am I to suppose you shall reveal her only at the marriage?" And at this Marius would smile and make some comment back on how Courfeyrac would do better to focus instead on the newest woman to have caught his recent fancy, than disclose to him that he had once seen her before, and even deigned to call her ugly. It was a memory that made his nose wrinkle.

As it happened, with the impending rebellion, Courfeyrac seemed to have less time to dance with Marius. Marius, love struck with Cosette, hardly noticed.

Now, however, as his eyes swept across the dance floor at his grand weddding, he wished, though he was still giddy with the feeling of love that filled most of his heart, that there was some part of his love addled brain that noticed. A part of him wished that he insisted, nay demanded, that Courfeyrac take a few moments to step away from the papers he grew to scritch ink on more and more as the time went by, and spin with him through the room.

A part of Marius cursed his lack of awareness. Anothet part yet cursed all those in Paris--all of Paris--for being the reason he couldn't keep his promise to his dear friend.

"It's all good and well that you'll be dancing with this mystery-maiden-to-be-wife on the day of your wedding," Courfeyrac said as they glided across the floor. "Especially as your talent for this seems to grow--La Quadrille is quite difficult and yet you've picked it up rather well--but I've strayed from my point. What I'm saying is that while it's all well you should dance with your wife first on the day of your wedding--she will be your wife after all--I believe it is nothing groundbreaking for me to ask that I be your second."

There had been a twinkle in his eyes as he asked, daring Marius to reject something that would so obviously be accepted by both.

And so of course he had accepted. But it hadn't been enough for Courfeyrac.

"Do I have your guarantee on that, Monsieur?" he cried. "You're sure you won't offer it to any pesky cousins? Your aunt? Perhaps even that old wheezer of a grandfather of yours would want a go."

And so Marius laughed hard enough to break the rhythm of the dance--and it was quite welcome, for he couldn't remember ever laughing quite so much while under the rule of his grandfather--and he assured--promised Courfeyrac that unless heaven above suddenly experienced a storm, he would be his second dance at his wedding.

At that time, he hadn't noticed that the grounds of the city were in enough turmoil with the illness of Lamarque, man of the people, and the dissatisfaction of a great number of people, that its quakings were enough to be felt in heaven above, which would see a staggering number of arrivals soon enough.

"Excellent!" Courfeyrac had replied. "You watch Marius--at this rate, you shan't have to call in a tutor for your children either. I shall teach all your little ones to dance for their own weddings." And the mention of children--imagining children with Cosette--was enough an image to have him blushing and his mind cloud with visions of Cosette that turned his thoughts away from how joyous Courfeyrac looked as he laughed and teased at Marius' flush, and Marius never quite forgave himself for being so caught up as to miss such a moment.

As it happened to be, that promise was impossible to fulfill. He knew it the first time he woke up from his coma and his sobs racked his body hard enough for the doctor to express concern to his grandfather that he might worsen his injuries. He knew it when his grandfather handed him the guest list for the wedding and no matter how many times his eyes scanned the papers, the name M. Courfeyrac never once appeared, until his eyes could no longer run over the list from how they watered as he weeped. He knew it the moment he stepped out onto the floor and offered Cosette his hand and there was no brilliant smile in the background watching with pride as Marius led flawlessly on the dance floor.

But it still did not deter him from excusing himself from Cosette's side and approaching the figure situated in the corner, half concealed in shadows, away from the crowd, a faint smile on his usually illustriously vibrant face.

There were no words he had; this wasn't any sort of storybook where he poured all his grief out in his speech. For as soon as he felt it overburden his being, as soon as he felt it overwhelm his heart and sicken his stomach with how strongly he felt it, the words dissolved on his tongue the moment he opened his mouth to speak.

So there were no words to speak. There were only things to be done as Courfeyrac raised his hand to offer him a dance.

And he should have known. If not from the countless times he had played the memory of the exact event of it over and over until it rotted his brain--the way Courfeyrac had fallen quick as the lightning that struck his heart when he truly saw Cosette for the first time and he no doubt wasted Courfeyrac's time telling him about, the way the light was dashed out from his eyes usually so bright and expressive, a sort of warmth Marius had rarely experienced in his life, like that of a warm bed welcoming him after the cold possibility of loneliness having left such a life of certainty, now fizzled and extinguished leaving the hearth so cold--or the way he had spoken the fact out loud to his grandfather--he's dead, such a casual declaration for such a dazzling personality-- then from the way Courfeyrac was missing a hat. Being the dandy he was, he would not be caught in a wedding without proper attire. So he should have known. And yet, the haunting grief that forced his body into a shudder, the brief wave of rage he still hadn't completely managed to rid himself of even after these several months, and the last overwhelming sense of helplesness that he felt as his hand passed through that of Courfeyrac's--this mere apparition of Courfeyrac's--and his smile turned a little sadder; so close, he looked so real. Just in Marius' reach, and yet, everytime-- from the first time he had seen him the moment before he confronted his grandfather about his wishes to marry Cosette, to the present moment in the ballroom now--everytime Marius tried to extend even the tips of his fingers to brush what should have been warm skin, he only came away cold and empty, and any attempt to garner laughter which came so easily to his friend only caused him to smile with a more melancholic tone to him.

And Marius was no longer sure how he could go on with it anymore. Everywhere he turned, Courfeyrac seemed to be there; a part of him begged him to leave him to mourn and move on with some semblance of normal. Another felt that perhaps even if he had with him this silent spirit, then he may not have completely lost his best friend.

As it was, no matter which warring side was winning depending on the day, it should he said that Marius was exceedingly tired of it. His shoulders sagged under the weight of the ghosts he carried, and Courfeyrac was a great weight he could not get off his chest.

Not even as he stood there in front of an apparition, a ghost, he knew was not real, no matter how he sought to find a hat lying somewhere that would be the symbol of Courfeyrac's beating heart.

As it stood, there was none.

But there was nothing to be said. And so he turned back and restationed himself by Cosette's side. When she asked if he was alright, he plastered a smile on his face and said he'd never felt better in his life. Watching the others dance, he remarked how they would have to hire a tutor to teach their children to dance.

Courfeyrac once promised Marius he would share a dance with him on his wedding. But this hatless apparition of him had neither been dressed with the appropriate clothes for a dance at his wedding, nor the appropriate armour for a fight at an abandoned rebellion.

#hm I'm not so sure I really like this piece #Barricade Day #barricade day #Barricade Day 2021 #les miserables #marius #courfeyrac #cosette #marius & courfeyrac #also can you tell I came up with the title last minute LMAOOOO I'm so bad at coming up with titles