#also like. ik this is sort of pretentious but it was a wonderful dream and I think I'm allowed to be a little poetic about it. as a treat

[jinxy]

Last night I had a dream about meeting someone outside of a local market (one of the ones with a section for fishing goods, a deli, and a small grocery; no gas pumps in the tiny parking lot) and while I don't remember the exact words they said to me, I woke up feeling content with the fact that I don't owe anything "love" that I can't or don't want to feel.

I can still have an incredible passion for things, I can still feel emotion the way I do, but I need to stop subconsciously forcing myself to be something I'm not anymore. I can still be part of the world and have deep bonds with other people, but I have to let myself just exist as I am and I have to let those bonds just be what they are naturally.

#dis.txt #'love' in quotations because it was sort of a mix of romantic/sexual/a certain kind of platonic affection and my individual experiences #the whole thing had the air of that one ursula le guin quote #'I'm a part of it. Not separate from it. I walk on the ground and the ground's walked on by me. I breathe the air and change it- #I am entirely interconnected with the world' #and the Les Feinburg classic 'Nature held me close and seemed to find no fault with me.' (which makes my chest seize whenever i read it) #also like. ik this is sort of pretentious but it was a wonderful dream and I think I'm allowed to be a little poetic about it. as a treat #also this is happening in the middle of what I can only describe as a 'category 10 intimate platonic breakup event' so yk