#ancestor veneration.... etc etc etc. none of it sticks. none of it feels like i'm doing something

[girlscience]

contemplating the idea that religion and spirituality and supernatural beliefs might simply not be for me and it is a bit sad

#i would say i officially officially left christianity in 2018 #and since then i have tried a multitude of different things trying to fill the space that left in my life #and i kept trying to shove things in there not realizing that space was being filled on its own #it is filled with nature (not in a nature as religion way... explaining what i mean might be its whole own post cause it's complicated) #and my friends and family. it's filled with love for myself and care for other people #there is non christian music that makes me feel the way christian music used to #i don't need god to be happy #i don't want god to be happy either #and this search for some belief in something. paganism. divination. ghosts. pop culture polytheism. heathenism. witchcraft. devil worship. #ancestor veneration.... etc etc etc. none of it sticks. none of it feels like i'm doing something #it all (as in all religion and spirituality and supernatural beliefs) feels like pretend. my brain is sure it's all make believe #and it makes me feel a bit sad because i wanted it for so long #and so many other people have it and it's very important to them #and i would like to devote myself to something bigger than me #but it just... doesn't work for me #and i don't need it... so maybe i'm going to try not looking for a while and see how it goes #this doesn't mean i am lacking in some way. it doesn't make my life empty #it doesn't mean i can't feel the way others do #it just means i am different from some people and that's okay