#and considering this time period a gentle heart TRULY is a weakness and she didn't want him to be use and controlled and manipulated | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dollypopup · 10 days

Text

I truly cannot overstate just how much I adore Colin Bridgerton as a male love lead, and how important his story is, in particular in a current, modern reading. We live in a time of alpha male machismo that in many ways mirrors the sexism of the historical time period Colin is in, and we have a hero who explicitly rejects it. More than that, we have a hero who first tries on the persona, first tries to fit in, and then determines, with no outside influence and all on his own, that it's wrong. That he doesn't want to be like the men of his society, that he doesn't like the expectation of sex without love and commitment and connection, that he doesn't want to be 'one of the boys', even if it comes at their derision.

Because when Violet says he has always been her most sensitive child, when he has always considered others before himself, when he has always offered a joke or a moment of levity- for so long, he felt he had to. That there was no other choice.

Colin Bridgerton, The Great Pretender, is finally coming into the light.

Take my hand. Come walk with me.

Colin's arc is incredibly clear, and incredibly dear to me. We can track his progress throughout the seasons he has been in, but if we consider his backstory, it comes even more in clarity.

Piecing together a timeline with some influence from the books and loose historical accuracy, Colin loses his father at 12 and then is sent off to Eton. And he is a tiny thing when his father passes, shorter even than his 9 year old sister, Eloise.

(Yes, I checked!! He's half a head shorter than Eloise, and an entire head shorter than Daphne. This boy is SMALL)

So it makes a lot of sense to me that this is the start of his fake-it-to-make-it personality. He cannot grieve with his family in these circumstances, he's been sent off to school with other boys who are bigger and stronger than him, and he must realize relatively quickly that weakness in their eyes will never be tolerated. In fact, Eton was well known for corporal punishment and bullying during this time. Older boys were well known to mistreat the younger once, and considering just how small and soft-hearted Colin is, and just how vulnerable he is having lost his father-

Of course Colin would become a target of such.

And despite that, we meet him in Season 1 with an endearing earnestness and hopefulness in the world. Something inside him, something sweet and gentle and warm, thrives to live. And fights against grief to do so. How easy it would have been for him to lose his father and be bitter. How easy for him to see his father die from the steps of Aubrey Hall, to be sent to a boarding school away, and withdraw in on himself.

And yet, he doesn't.

At least, not in the way one would suspect. Instead, Colin becomes a chronic people pleaser. If the people around him are happy, then he will be safe. Will not be hurt. And they have no space for his own hurt, regardless. There's hardly even any space for his mirth, as most people didn't even reply to his letters on his travels the previous season.

In Colin's confession in Season 3, he says 'I have spent so long trying to feel less', and this numbing begins early in his life. He's a consummate gentleman in Season 1. He does everything by the book, everything as he should. He wants to be accepted in his society, wants to be taken seriously, wants to belong. So he sees a pretty woman, and he gets along with her well enough, and he courts her. Openly, honestly, in full view. It isn't a heart-stopping love, but he has numbed himself for years at this point, so affection will do, and if proper men of his society are married, well, maybe he'd finally be taken seriously.

And yet, no one notices him, even still. No one except Penelope. His own mother doesn't recognize his behavior, and worries for him after she does. How long has it been since she's actually seen him? We know from the show that he's incredibly close to his mother, and loves her dearly, but we also know that after Edmund's passing, Violet was mired in grief and post-partum depression. Colin misses much of this as a firsthand witness since he's at school, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be able to tell, wouldn't be affected by losing his mother and father in one fell swoop. In fact, Colin loses his connection to the majority of his family in being sent to school so soon after the tragedy. So of course he comes back and he tries not to make waves. Tries to do things correctly.

His friction with Anthony proves time and time again that nothing he does is entirely ever able to fully please him, and this causes contention in their brotherly bond. Of all the siblings, Anthony is arguably the most harsh with Colin. And he is also the model for who a man should be in the family, as the head of the family.

So when Anthony sees Colin earnestly try to marry, he scoffs him off. Accuses Colin of only wanting to marry to have sex, and then claiming "It is my fault. I should have taken you to brothels." This is the first on-screen shaming of Colin looking for connection before sex, and Colin doubles down. He wants to marry for love.

But he doesn't actually love Marina. Neither of them truly know each other, and so when it all blows up, and he is humiliated to the entirety of his community, Colin gets his first taste of romantic failure. He tried to do it right, and it ended more wrong than he could have ever imagined. So, maybe Anthony was right. Maybe he is just a foolish, green boy, who has no idea how to go about things. The fallout of his failed engagement echoes in the persona he puts on in Season 3, and the choices he undergoes during them. Is it any wonder he ends up going to brothels to have unfulfilling sex if even his own BROTHER, the head of his family, tells him to do so?

It doesn't happen right away, though. Despite the fact that no one truly checks on him or sees how this breakup effects him (Eloise dismisses the hurt he must feel in light of such events with an honestly rather accurate wave-away "Men are always less affected", and that is true), it is evident that he is NOT okay.

We leave Colin in Season 1 putting on a mask, a happy face to his family, a 'you inspired me' to Penelope, and then spends his travels sad. Depressed. Taking drugs to try to ease his mind, occupying himself with writing to Penelope. In Season 2, he spends the entirety of it trying to be useful. And he does this with Penelope. He feels deeply for her, he cares so much for her, and he even says it to her aloud 'You are special to me' and 'I will always look after you' and how he could never give her up. Season 2 is a season of healing for Colin- he closes his chapter with Marina with a relationship post-mortum conversation after he does a wellness check to make sure she's alive (let's be real here, no one else was going to reach out to her. She made it clear to him that even her own father didn't want her), makes amends with Will, proves himself useful to Penelope, and departs on a high: he thinks he threaded the needle. He thinks he was successful sending Jack off, that he made Penelope happy, and that he's in with The Boys.

But whilst the person he is around Penelope is genuine, the person he is around these men are not. We know from Season 3 that they don't actually like him. They make snide, underhanded comments toward him, and laugh at him. I stand by the idea that end of season 2 is Fife and Co. laughing at Penelope AND laughing at Colin. They don't care about their friendship, they're teasing him for caring about her so openly, and Colin is protective of the relationship he has with Penelope. So he makes a comment for the boys, and puts on his mask. 'I would never court Penelope Featherington' (look, I'm just like you. I walk like you, talk like you, speak like you) 'Not in your wildest fantasies, Fife' (I am one of you one of you one of you- so why does it feel so hollow?)

He gets, now, his first taste of acceptance from them. They come to him to Mondrich's bar, he repays his slight against him, and he feels he is one of them. (Does he truly *want* to be one of them?) And so when we open Season 3, it's a smooth progression.

Colin is walking the walk and talking the talk, and yet his heart isn't in it. He's not one of these smarmy men, but he mimics them. Their behavior. In part, at least. Whilst Fife is out preying on 18 year old women in coat closets, Colin is telling gaggles of girls how pretty they are and how with such nice dresses, they're sure to find a husband. He makes it clear he's not an option, but that he doesn't mind being a fantasy. And Luke Newton does an amazing job making that clear: there are three sides of Colin. The Colin portrayed to his society in the light in good company (1) and the Colin portrayed to his society in the dark, in. . .less savory circles (aka: The Lads)(2), his 'armor' as his mum calls it. And finally, the most important but the one kept closest to the chest: the Colin of truth. The Colin who cries alone in his room after a breakup, the Colin who doesn't burden others with his feelings, the Colin who writes to Penelope, the Colin who loves deeply and feels deeply.

But his society has no use for a man like the real Colin, they do not *want* a man like real Colin, so he puts it under lock and key. And so much of this is centered around his feelings about sex, so here comes my 'Colin is Queer' soapbox. Colin does not experience sexual attraction like the rest of the men of the ton. He is expected to find it casual and be cavalier about it. To just want to fuck for the sake of fucking. But Colin needs love and romance and connection to actually enjoy sexual interactions. Nowadays, we recognize this as being on the asexual spectrum, of being demisexual, but he didn't have words for that in the time period he's in, so he has to forge ahead to figure himself out without a community identity to find solidarity with. That's what makes the brothel scenes so interesting as a narrative device: in the first, he's masking even in the midst of it, and in the second, he can't. After kissing Penelope, he finally, for the first time in his life, has a sexual interaction that means something to him.

It's the first one he truly enjoys, and the first one that feels right to him. It clicks for him that oh, that's what it's meant to be like. And the strain of that realization whilst still having to be what his society expects of him puts immense stress on his shoulders. You see how he grows more and more uncomfortable about the conversations, until finally he rejects it outright.

Even when it's very much not encouraged for him to do so. He's even told "You are much more fun this season." That's why he hides himself. From near everyone, even his family, even his brothers. It's telling how Anthony's positive interaction with Colin is when they're at the club, and Anthony praises him for his most recent attention. Have we seen much of Anthony being proud of Colin, otherwise? Not really. So he's reinforced in his persona. Doesn't boast of his travels because it didn't have anyone liking him for it, before. Doesn't even say how many cities he's gone to. Except with Penelope.

In the books, there's a line about their kiss, referencing how his world will never be the same. And it won't be. Because when Colin says that she helps him see the world in new ways, it's in a multitude of meanings.

Penelope refuses to let him wear the mask, because in truth, Penelope is the only one who doesn't like it. Not only does she see the real Colin, but she enjoys the real Colin. Whilst everyone else is simpering over Colin's new look and attitude, rejects who he is in reality, Penelope dismisses it, wants the person she knows him to be instead. It's only when he strips down the facades that Penelope allows him into her life again. And her Whistledown article was harsh, but it was also true. He *is* masking. He *is* putting on a persona and a role. But she was wrong when she asked if Colin even knows which is real: Colin knows very well which is real. And he also knows the realities of him haven't been accepted.

When Colin tells Penelope charm can be taught, he speaks from experience. When he says 'living for the expectations of others is a trap' it is because he has already fallen into it, and if he can't dig himself out, maybe he can keep her from it. Colin tells her 'you do not need lessons' and that she is fine exactly as she is, because just as she sees the real him and loves him, he sees the real her, and loves her, too. But they both live in the constraints of their society, and so they both put on the masquerade. Even sometimes to hide from each other.

The current climax of his arc is when he's out with the lads, after they all go off to the brothel again, and he disassociates from the experience. Playing cards and insisting on sharing sexual exploits, to which he does not want to take part, and makes a lighthearted dig at them. 'There is no gentleman at this table'. He includes himself in that, and then clarifies. He speaks aloud for the first time to them the truth of his heart- 'Do you not ever tire of the expectation to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning? Do you not find it lonely?' Can it really only just be him?

And it is. Or, maybe it isn't, but the rest of them aren't brave enough to admit it, so they're okay in making him feel like it is, in outcasting him for being a romantic, for caring about a woman beyond what she can provide for him sexually. Colin professes he doesn't like who he's become, doesn't like the expectations for him to behave the way he has, and they laugh at him. Again. He is made fun of, again.

He goes home and he falls in his bed and he feels like he lost it all. Lost Penelope to his own advice, and lost his newfound shine in his community. But when he's faced with which one matters more to him, he chooses Penelope. Unhesitatingly.

Colin chooses to be sensitive. He chooses to be a warm-hearted, gentle man in a society that prefers sexist machismo. Act one way in the light and another in the shadows. Colin wants to live authentically, as a man he doesn't really have a role model for. He is brave and he is tender, he sees the sexism of his society and he rejects it. He sees the importance Penelope has in his life, the way she makes him feel, and he embraces her wholeheartedly. He wants love and romance, he wants connection and meaning.

Colin, The Great Pretender, sick of pretending. Colin, walking into that ballroom and giving Fife the cut direct when he invites him out. Colin, cutting into a dance in the middle of a ball between Penelope and a man the entire city knows is about to propose. Colin staring deeply into her eyes with such unfiltered longing even *Cressida* can't help but notice what's going on. Colin running off after Penelope in full view of his society, outrunning a *carriage* to see her. Begging her to let him in. Colin on his knees, all but flaying his chest open for Penelope to see his heart. Colin made a choice when that candle flickered out, and his choice was Penelope. His choice was himself. And his choice was to flip off societal expectation and to live for love, damn the consequences.

I think our own world would be a better place if modern men took his example, too. Colin Bridgerton as male love lead in Bridgerton, a global show, is such a refreshing, wonderful example. A man who tried to be like what the world wanted, and who decided to go against the gender norms of his time. A man who prioritizes the woman he loves, who risks ridicule in doing so and comes to realize that he doesn't care. He doesn't care anymore about being one of the boys, one of the lads, one of the guys. Fuck his society if his society can't recognize the beauty of what he feels with Pen. He cares about being the best self he can be. And that best self is around Penelope, inspired by Penelope.

Because how he is with Penelope? God, I could swoon. At every turn, he prioritizes her comfort and personhood. He validates her, he sees her in beautiful, positive light and he helps her see herself that way, too. He encourages her to be brave because he already feels she is, he refuses to let her call herself stupid or a laughingstock, he apologizes without excuses, he checks in on her every step of the way. He's so passionate in that carriage, he's burning for her, he's yearning, but he doesn't do anything until she agrees for him to. He confesses his feelings and when she says they're friends, he backs off. He listens, he cares. He apologizes for overstepping her boundaries, and then when she gives him her consent, the only thing on his mind is showing how much he wants and appreciates her by providing her pleasure. Colin, the people pleaser, dedicated only to pleasing two people in that moment: Penelope, and himself. Because he wants to do that, to give her an orgasm that exists just for her. He's a witness to it, and that's pleasure for him, too. He waits for her nod of consent, he revels in seeing her enjoying herself. And the aftercare- I could cry.

Colin is a man who had every single reason not to be a kind, sensitive soul, and still he chose it. Chose to share it because the headline, even a wallflower can bloom, that's not just for Penelope.

It's for Colin, too.

#colin bridgerton #polin #bridgerton #penelope featherington #i just love him so so much #if colin has 0 fans i've died #i just feel so connected to him as a character i could keep going #like this is SO long and i have more to say #will have to edit later for now have some unfiltered thoughts

934 notes · View notes

leonum-matrem-blog · 7 years

Photo

Another post to say, how Tommen is the embodiment of Cersei’s lost innocence.

#| she wanted a storm to match her rage | ( musings )#fite me on it #(ง •̀_•́)ง #she just wants him to be strong #and considering this time period a gentle heart TRULY is a weakness and she didn't want him to be use and controlled and manipulated #and she tried to make him stronger #I HAVE CERSEI MOM FEELING SHE LOVES ALL OF HER CHILDREN #she thought joffrey was going to be her independent cub- they're all mama's babies tho #(but joff died at the tender angry age of THIRTEEN and like)#(i know he didn't have the chance to come to any realization that it was his mom he only needed instead of pursuing the love of his dad)#(by trying to act like him- but again he was killed at 13 we'll never know)#(but that's an entire meta all on it's own)#(POINT is- CERSEI LOVES HER CHILDREN SO MUCCCCHHHH)#AND TOMMEN IS THE BABY OF THE HOUSE AND SHE FEARED FOR THE DAY HE WOULD GO ON WITHOUT HER BECAUSE HIS HEART WAS UNGUARDED #okay im going to wite thing now im here officially im feeling all-#mom cersei rn

12 notes · View notes

nemesis-nexus · 4 years

Text

Imbolc 2020

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY! As this year continues to unfold we now enter the midpoint betwixt the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox on this blessed day of Imbolc! It is this day that signifies the reawakening of Brigid from the Death Sleep of winter and her regeneration from the Winter Crone to the Spring Maiden! During this time many things occur, ploughs and other farming equipment are blessed for the upcoming planting season, seeds are also consecrated so that they will yield a plentiful harvest when that time comes! Ewes begin to lactate in anticipation of the newly born lambs and other animal life begins to stir still awaiting for Spring to officially arrive!

While Imbolc is the center point between Winter and Spring, it is also the time in which we begin to consider the future and what lay in store as well as what we will take with us there and what we leave behind. At the time of the Spring Equinox we do what is offhandedly called "Spring Cleaning of the Spirit" and what this means is that we sit and meditate about all the things we have done or been through in the last year. We analyze every situation, every relationship, every action and we take some time to consider not only that which has helped us to grow as people, but also that which we employed to help others to grow as well. We determine what worked and what didn't and we cull that which had little to no effect from our methods. We also review the relationships we have with various people, both the years long ones as well as the newly formed ones. We take the time to reflect on the nature of the relationship itself and also the current state of it.

Unfortunately things tend to happen over time and not all the relationships we have forged, regardless of how long we have known a person or people, are meant to last any longer than they have and we must cull those who are no longer on the same wavelength we are on or those who have deviated so far from their Path that they no longer care. In addition to culling those who we may part ways with business wise we must make the extremely difficult decision to sever ties with individuals in our personal lives whose presence is or has become such a source of vexation that a viable relationship is no longer possible; this is made even more difficult if the person or people has been part of our lives for an extended period of time and we have gone through some very rough times with (and/or because of) them. However, as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever and alas some friendships are no exception.

The most difficult thing to do for many though is NOT the culling of professional or personal relationships but the examination and scrutiny of one's own self. While we would like to believe that we never get in our own way for any reason, we know this is not the case. Whether we mean to or not we do things, sometimes without realizing it, to prevent things from happening - such as not making or forgetting appointments for ourselves or anyone dependant on us or failing to update an accounts information or being too stubborn to accept fault of situation that we had a hand in creating.

Sometimes we are more than aware of the things that we do and we are aware that these characteristics are not only counterproductive but can also cause social as well as professional issues if they are not addressed and dealt with accordingly. It is not a bad thing to be stubborn but being stubborn to the point where you are endangering yourself or someone else is NEVER acceptable! It is perfectly fine to have pride in your Path and beliefs but to use your own Path as a method to belittle another's - even if what YOU think you are doing is 'helping them learn the RIGHT way or TRUTH (according to you)' - is also NEVER acceptable because the more you talk down to or AT people, the more you also push them away and into the all too waiting arms of an unscrupulous person or group who could care less about ANY kind of truth so long as people are worshipping THEM - even more than the Deity and some disregarding the Deity altogether! Not only is this an EGREGIOUS insult to the Deity, it is counterproductive to the person or people as it could be destructive or even fatal depending on where they end up.

This is what we are here to prevent and the only way to do that is for us to be at the top of our own game and make sure that we are approachable by those we are trying to reach. This doesn't mean we will be doormats, we WILL take care of business no matter what it entails, but we also know that self-control is integral to any working relationship!

Analyzing ourselves to cut away the parts of our own personalities that are causing us to be stymied or are otherwise preventing us from evolving on a more personal level (unable to let go of bad habits or superstitions) is in fact one of the hardest things we do but it is necessary to acknowledge these "flaws" in ourselves so that we can work on them and move forward. It is also necessary to acknowledge the things WE must change personally if we are to aid others in changing any fundamental part of their character as well; if we are unable to come to terms with our own issues we have no right to point out the issues of others!

Imbolc heralds the coming of the Spring and the Light of Life during which the Lord and Lady rejoin and all manner of life begins to stir in anticipation of the coming Season of Rebirth when the grass will begin to poke through the snow, the flowers will begin to blossom and the animal kingdom will heed the Call of Nature and begin coupling among themselves continuing the cycle of life in their own right! There is an old Irish legend that speaks of Cailleach who on this day sets out to gather her firewood for the rest of the Winter season. The legend goes that if she intends for the Winter to last for an extended period of time that she will make the weather on Imbolc bright, sunny and warm - she does this so she can gather a lot of firewood to keep herself warm for the remainder of the Winter season. If she chooses not to extend it the weather is quite unpleasant as she won't need as much firewood to wait out the season.

On this night we take time to reflect but to also appreciate all that we have been given because as arduous as life can be at times it is only by enduring the bad times that we can truly appreciate the good times! It is only by being burned by those who we thought we could trust do we learn to be more conscientious with who we keep in close quarters! It is only by having nothing do we appreciate the things that we acquire no matter how great or small! It is only by being ignored and overlooked do we learn to not do this ourselves as we know the frustration of trying to get someone's attention for whatever reason and getting constantly blown off!

It is only by enduring social isolation that we truly appreciate our Spiritual Family! It is only by being lost in the Darkness that we truly appreciate the Light! It is only when we are blinded by the Light that we truly appreciate the Darkness! The Qi of the Multiverse ebbs and flows entirely of its own accord, it is keeping it in Balance that is necessary for everything in existence to continue to grow and thrive! This is of course easier said than done but well worth the effort! Unfortunately there are those who would deliberately throw things in Chaos to achieve a very selfish end, these are the ones that we need to safeguard against lest they destroy everything in their path! We have no fear of any enemy, for we were molded from the earth, born from the water, forged in the fire and given the Breath of Life as such will NEVER back up we will NEVER back down, we will NEVER give up, we will NEVER give in; we will face any and all adversaries head on with intelligence and comprehension rather than brute force and senseless violence if at all possible. We were given a multitude of gifts not only physically but mentally and psychically, it is when we learn to use them all in conjunction with each other that we truly Master ourselves and are able to handle any situation accordingly!

"AVE INANNA!

Do Not Mistake Her Kindness For Weakness, She Will Prove You Wrong!

Do Not Think That Anything You Do Escapes Her Eye, She Sees All!

Do Not Think That You Can Commit Acts Of Aggression And Not Be Judged,

Her Judgment Is Severe And She Is Not In The Habit Of Being Lenient!

When The Drums Sound, Heeding The War Cry, She Emerges In Full Armor!

When The Names Of Her Children Are Slandered, She Will Strike Down Their Detractors!

When The Children Of Her Children Are Attacked, She Will Destroy The Guilty!

When Those Who Instigate Are Relentless, She Will Drive Them Into The Ground!

SHE Who Removed Every Piece Of Protection And Ascended To EGURRA!

SHE Who Faced Her Sister ERESHKIGAL And Her Horde Of Demons!

SHE Who Died And Rose Again To Retake Her Place On The Throne!

SHE Who Does Not Back Down From Any Battle No Matter Who Engages!

SHE Who Comes To The Aid Of All Her Children In Their Time Of Need!

Illustrious Lady INANNA, I Call To You, I Pray Thee Acknowledge Me!

Lionhearted Lady Of The Battle, I Call To You From The Earth, I Pray You Hear Me!

Gentle Spirit Of Divine Love, I Call To You From My Soul, I Pray You Heal Me!

Triumphant Goddess Over The Netherworld, I Call To You From My Heart, Lend Me Your Strength That I Might Decimate My Enemies!

You Who Are Most Loved By The Gods, You Defend Your Own With Your Life,

SPREAD YOUR ARMS AND EMBRACE THOSE AFFECTED!

You Who Fears Nothing And No One, Who Will Meet Any Threat Head On,

BRING FORTH YOUR SWORD AND SHIELD!

You Who Lets It Be Known That She Will Not Be Disrespected By Anyone,

SMITE THOSE WHO ARROGANTLY CURSE THY NAME!

You Who Are An Inspiration To All Those Who Have Had To Die So They Could Live

WE ARE ETERNAL FOR WE KNOW YOUR LOVE, HONOR AND PROTECTION!"

-HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss ("Avè Inanna, Lady Of The Battlefield")

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INSENCE!

AVÉ IGGIGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

RESPECT TO ODINN!

RESPECT TO FRIGGA!

RESPECT TO NJÖRD!

RESPECT TO RAN!

RESPECT TO AEGIR!

RESPECT TO THE NINE SISTERS!

RESPECT TO ALL AQUATIC SPIRITS!

RESPECT TO FREYA!

RESPECT TO FREYR!

RESPECT TO ÞOR!

RESPECT TO BALDUR!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss

0 notes

nemesis-nexus · 5 years

Text

Imbolc 2019

HAIL NINGIZHEDA, Keeper of the Balance between Life and Death, Darkness and Light we call to you! Hail NINHURSAG, as this year continues to unfold we now enter the midpoint betwixt the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox on this blessed day of Imbolc! It is this day that signifies the reawakening of Brigid from the Death Sleep of winter and her regeneration from the Winter Crone to the Spring Maiden! During this time many things occur, ploughs and other farming equipment are blessed for the upcoming planting season, seeds are also consecrated so that they will yield a plentiful harvest when that time comes! Ewes begin to lactate in anticipation of the newly born lambs and other animal life begins to stir still awaiting for Spring to officially arrive!