#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting #married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they' #think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i #said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with #a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive #ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could #talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed #i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man #and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in #front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?” #not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love #or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than #they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw #im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation. #and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down” #and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the #kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off #somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it. #my obligations are to god and myself and that's it #and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already #and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone #else has and that's it. #im done. #and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse. #i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit #and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding. #is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these #decision's for me? #ruined my whole day.