#and i think Paul's journey was somewhat anxiety inducing and he very much looked for models that made sense to him

[mydaroga]

You're really drawing out a lot of quotes that center on or allude to Paul's complex relationship with masculinity. I really appreciate it! Do you feel like they're confirming things you already knew about Paul or are they reshaping your perspective?

Oh man. (So to speak.) I'm glad you asked, because I think this is a really interesting topic. I think I wrote a lot so you might not be glad! But I welcome your thoughts.

It's mostly confirming what I already knew or suspected, which is that as you say, Paul has a complex relationship with masculinity. I noticed pretty early in my time with him (whatever this is) that he over-determines his gender in some ways. What I mean is, he has a tendency to assert that he's a man or has manly traits when no one has suggested otherwise. He talks a LOT about the danger/his fear of seeming "soft." Which has a few connotations in his lexicon but can mean something like "unmanly."

I think initially (and in my first throes of "what ARE those two doing?" while watching Get Back) I wanted to connect this to his sexuality, but if my perspective has changed it's that I think this is actually not really about that. I mean it could be. It's possible. But I think it far more likely that, like countless men of his generation and beyond, he struggled with how to BE a man. Especially, and this is just a guess, because his physical features tend to the feminine and that might have been a point of tension in his social life. It is actually more interesting to me to see this from the point of view of his formation of masculinity, not sexuality. As I said, those can be related but they don't have to be.

So no, my view is the same, but this is just more information. And the more I read, the more I think these quotes are more about gender identity* than anything else.

* I want to be really really clear that I'm not the arbiter of anyone's identity but given his statements this is where I am. I'm not here to declare anyone is this that or the other, and I think he and everyone else is actually more complicated than any one label, but all I can do is offer the view that makes most sense to me.

#possibly a hot take around here i know #but while we're never really going to know i do think we overlook the struggle to figure out gender in both boys and girls #so i wanted to bring the convo around to that #we all LEARN how to be what we are #and i think Paul's journey was somewhat anxiety inducing and he very much looked for models that made sense to him #but even if it's more complicated than that we HAVE to allow for the reality that we ALL struggle with identity formation #Kris talks a lot #mmgth #the ask box