#and i think that's only bc kasey and janine are JUST similar enough in personality + she fell much faster to SHIT I LOVE HIM w/felix

[queen-scribbles]

 #I'm gonna CRY #the GENTLENESS #the YEARNING #there's so MUCH they're not saying and like they KNOW but #and now I'm wondering when exactly Adam started carrying a first aid kit #did anyone notice? did he try to brush it off as practical? (of course he did) #I'm fine I'm fine I'm Normal about all of this #gonna keep feeling things about this au until the end of time bye (captainofthefallen)

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHI'm fine this is fine I'm so normal about themthe callback to 'what if we don't break?' and everything they aren't saying and adam carrying a first aid kit when his team is 4/5 vampiresthey CARE SO MUCH and they know it but it's not enough (yet) but also they can't help but be drawn to each other 😭😭this is so gentle and sad and sweet and I'm dying 💀(also I love seeing the differences between mallory and aj and kira in regards to their post-book 3 relationship with adam)(haledamage)

(Glad to see I am not alone in the insanity this AU drives me to🙃💀)

Listen. LISTEN. The inherent, eternal optimism of "what if we don't break?" is so perfectly AJ it makes me scream internally and die a thousand deaths. The "What if it's great instead of awful?", what if it's worth it, what if this Worst you're always planning for never comes and we WASTE THIS?! Especially in response to Adam's "I am not strong enough to be broken again" when his Thing on the team is leadership and STRENGTH. This is what he fears will be Too Much, he's not Strong Enough for if this ends badly. (Also ALSO ALSO that he says "I am not strong enough and AJ says "what if WE don't break" bc he's thinking in terms of toughing it out on his own and she's saying No Actually, We're In This TOGETHER. We Are A Team, du Mortain. Yeah. Can you tell that exchange wrecked me almost as much as the Mason Shower Scene? :) ) It's gonna be v hard to do post book 3 stuff for them that doesn't invoke a callback to that bc it's just. YEAH.

There's definitely a gentleness to AJ/Adam(esp on his end) that's lacking in Mallory/Adam for obvious reasons but ALSO bc with AJ he's so blown away by her genuine care and sweetness and knows how rare that is bc 900 years of interacting with people has TAUGHT HIM how rare it is and he wants to protect that, keep it safe from everything even him and AUUUGGHHHHH And AJ is so sad for him that whatever happened, whatever he lost, hurt him so deeply that he's this scared of it happening again, with her. They both know there's Something There. They both WANT to do something about it, but Adam is too afraid of losing her, of being broken, and AJ doesn't want to press forward until they're doing it together(She Will Convince Him. She is water wearing away rock and just as patient)

Does it make it better or worse wrt the first aid kit that I kinda h/c he starts carrying that regardless of if he's romanced/bff or not bc he's Adam "preparedness is a virtue" du Mortain, and it's just how it's utilized that changes based on his relationship with MC? Like, if you're not bffs/romancing he'd just hand it over and asks if you want help(at which point your LI or bff could step in, if present) + there's a lecture on Being Careful if he does help you. BFF gets lecture + Snark about you being careful bc you aren't invincible(that would be fun with Kasey :P) and romanced gets some variation of like AJ.

(also I love seeing the differences between mallory and aj and kira in regards to their post-book 3 relationship with adam)

Do you want me to ramble about AJ/Adam vs Mallory/Adam and how they're gonna play out post-bk3, Rhi? bc that's how you get to ramble about AJ/Adam vs Mallory/Adam and how they're gonna play out post-bk3

#queen rambles #REALLY RAMBLES #look it's more word vomit about #aj/adam au #LOOK the only one of the switchups that DOESN'T Drive me insane to some degree is kasey/felix #and i think that's only bc kasey and janine are JUST similar enough in personality + she fell much faster to SHIT I LOVE HIM w/felix #that it didn't play out too much different in books 2/3 #but the other three all have MASSIVE shifts in dynamic #so aj/adam mallory/nate and janine/mason all drive me FERAL