#and indeed Yig's and Autumn's influence is strong but this is very much him and at this point he's driven

[yeleltaan]

😶 + do you know not restraint!? Cayin don't you see what you're doing to me?

Send 😶 + a really uncomfortable question and my muse has to answer it | not accepting

And at last, he pauses. A weight upon his heart unfelt since the day of the equinox, it hangs heavy as if to call him out of his frenzied stupor. Painted upon his eyes is a glimpse of reason, awareness. He’s finally aware of the fact that he’s out of breath, of the pressure clutching his lungs because were he not moved forward by an unspeakable, unstoppable force, he would have died of asphyxia hours ago. The overwhelming sensation shatters his hold on his cane, and before it’s dropping thud is heard the stillness of his shoulders breaks into a gasp, reaching for oxygen as he stares wordlessly. And for that brief, haunting quiet his mind is blank of thought beyond shame. For what do you do when you have nothing to hide, but want nothing to show? Nothing. Nothing until the first words come to mind.

“...What has restraint done for you..? What has it done for... for us?” His voice falters, impeded by the foreign feeling of a noose tied tightly around his throat, and keeping the flaring of his chest captive, confined and unable to leave as it burns, burns, burns without solace or release. Beckoned by that cold flame the chilling shivers stab into him, make his tired limbs stiff and determined to stand despite their weakness. His jaw begins to tremble, and his teeth grit to keep it still. His head feels heavy, and it tips back. He stares into the ceiling, and he sees it all. He shuts his eyes, and he still sees it all.

“No... you don’t know.” His head tips forward again, and his eyes meets hers, differently now. They don't look into her, they open for her to see instead. They hold open, their usual glow condensed into the burning shape of his iris, a perfect incadescent ring with no shade or gleam to conceal it, for she must see him clearly. When he speaks, his voice comes out like a turbulent river: unevenly paced, tone peaking and dropping over the currents of barely restrained heaving.

“You don’t know what is being done to you. Do you know that I see everything around you? Everything. You think you’re surrounded? Cornered, outnumbered? You don’t know the half of it. And because of restraint, I’ve let you venture deep into their coils. I’ve seen you walk and entangle yourself with their ropes, their roots, their fingers and, and- enough restraint!”

Wild gesturing gives way to stillness once more. Claws ease out of his punctured palms, shaking fists opening into a calm limpness down which thin streams of crimson flow. His ire tempers, leaving controlled resolution in its wake. He catches his breath for but a moment, before every trace of the sound is gone once more.

“Were it up to you, I would be clueless to your suffering. You would have bid me farewell, succumbed to your wounds, your blood or someone else’s curse, without me ever knowing what became of you. But I won't let you.” Smoke seeps underneath the door behind him, embers fly through the cracks on the walls. His shadow grows, gradually swallowing the room, and the disjointed march of devotees rumbles distant but evercloser. “So enough of it. I’ve let you make your every choice until now… and now I make mine.”

@derjaegermond

#derjaegermond #I am. Very happy to write this #gonna come into my inbox and hurt me huh. Gonna fuck me up with an ask #HERE YOU GO ENJOY YOUR MEAL #unrestrained Cayin. Pure distilled Autumn Cayin going off. 'You have tremendous insight but there is so much more' #'and I can no longer wait for you' #but also the fact that this is very much a response to her doubting the truth of his emotions. If he is a puppet or actor #if he has agency of his own #and indeed Yig's and Autumn's influence is strong but this is very much him and at this point he's driven #by sheer need and desperation of his own #'do my words seem fake Helena? Are my feelings an act?' #this is but one path of many they can take but it still feels very good to finally write #seems I'm getting the hang of it again. Needed to wait until I was certain I could do this some justice #because I want to be as close to my best as possible for things like these. Feeling good