#and it didn't. so she kinda steps back from the jadedness after that

[thefinalwitness]

l'aiha did so much good for the ala mhigan resistance but she was also in the worst depression of her life and a little uhhhhhh crazy. just a little jaded about the universe. this is as close as she gets to dooming herself the way artemis (and all of l'aiha's other shards) did, but then zenos is dead and it's like. wow. this didn't make literally anything better. i'm going to stop being murder-crazy now.

#like to be clear she doesn't judge others for exacting revenge on people who have severely wronged them #she just. kinda learned that it doesn't do anything for her. it doesn't help #she doesn't feel better that the person responsible for so much of her misery is dead #she doesn't even feel relieved or anything. it's just like. she thought it'd do something for her #and it didn't. so she kinda steps back from the jadedness after that #and it's not that she thinks ppl who 'kill the person that killed others' are no better than the killer it's just like #having a direct hand in zenos's death didn't do anything for her so she resigned from looking for healing that way #for her pinning everything--her recovery--on zenos's death only served to delay her recovery #she still had to mourn and accept those friends were gone and so on. killing him didn't change any of that #sure. it was a relief to know he couldn't hurt anyone else (until he could again but sshshhhh) but #admittedly #that's not all she was looking for. or even mostly what she was looking for. #she wanted his death to make her heart feel like it wasn't drowning anymore. and it didn't.