#and there's the textbook but textbooks are nothing to me i cant process and retain information from them

[mudstoneabyss]

so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming

#So ermm to vent a little bit #i dont know how to do anything on my own so the expectance for me to be able to for these classes is a lot #Like for this thing i need to write an essay outline based on an introduction paragraph only. which i think? means i have to find sources #for the details on my own. which i dont know how to do #i do know /technically/ but i dont know whats good information and trustworthy sources and also there's so much stuff to sort through #i was never taught how to do it and now when i try its just. confusing and frustrating and exhausting and makes me too upset to even keep #trying to work #and im not even sure what all of these points in the outline means because where it probably wouldve been explained was the lecture which #was canceled and the powerpoint for this week doesnt cover it #and there's the textbook but textbooks are nothing to me i cant process and retain information from them #which hey sucks for my online classes that are wholey based around teaching yourself from the textbooks #(but i cant do in person classes due to transportation reasons + mental health reasons) #but augh #im such a guy who cant do anything by myself and getting the amount of help i need isnt an option idek how to ask for any amount of help #like yeah email my professors but tell them what? i dont know how to do the class i signed up for? #that i dont know how to do basics 101 school shit? like im confused about some of the work and by some i pretty much mean all #and eaugh its not a frustration i can push through because trying to push through it just makes it worse it tips past #''oh idk how to do this. fuck'' #into ''oh god i dont know anything about how to function im literally worthless'' #which. i think i said earlier? makes it so i cant. work on anything anymore. #but also its not an option for me not to work bc i cant fail bc ill be expelled or whatever and charged money and what then #joyousposting #negative // #anyway sorry for getting suicide ideation over school back to regularly scheduled blorboposting or whatever