#anyway. *hits you with a beam that makes you love louise even though you don't know who she is*

[nymphaerie]

GOD LOUISE REGAILIA MAKES ME SO FUCKING INSANE EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HER I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO EXPLODE INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES. ITS JJUST LIKE. girls when they havce to kill their former selves in order to survive. girls when the self they take up in turn is constantly destroyed and remade in order to never be attached to one life. girls when the only way they know how to save themself is to lock themself away. girls when they’ve forsaken their home and in turn been forsaken by it. girls when theyre both the abandoner and the abandoned. girls when they think theyre the most sane completely normal one hundred percent hinged person in the world. girls when they already know they didn’t deserve what they went through but can’t imagine a world in which they can heal from it. girls when they won’t let themselves heal because they don’t know who they are without their hurt. because they killed that girl. and theyll keep killing her forever and ever and ever and pretend thats the same as healing her.

#decided to post this drubnkenly adter reblogging that one post . anyway all my tags after this are from whenebvr this draft was first saved #which were all written as though no on ewas actually going to see this. but oyu are all now going to see this. so. deal i guess lmao #me when i post about my ocs as if theyre well known characters even though ive literally never talked to anyone about them #anyway. *hits you with a beam that makes you love louise even though you don't know who she is* #oc tag #n talks #god knows im never going to make qtts into something finished and tangible because i just. man. #its been in my brain for sooooo long and changed sooooo much that i kind of can't even imagine it being like. Real. #im not even sure what a 'finished' version of this story would look like in my ideal world you know. #it was originally conceived as a comic but. mmh. i dont know. #i feel like its so close to my heart and so malleable and intangible that its going to just stay something cobbled together #in pieces of character sheets and random illustrations and worldbuilding notes and unorganized rambling #just. like. forever. #and maybe that's fine! i have other projects that i Can imagine as 'finished' pieces #like nightsparks and ghost puzzles which were conceived as games so have very specific goals #even wolfepress feels more tangible to me because even though it was also conceived as a comic it was done so with a pretty distinct goal #but qtts has always been. like. Big. #which makes it different than any of those but also different from. like. parfait partea which were pretty much Meant to just be #fun characters who wouldn't ever be part of a ~project~ #like qtts IS something. but i can't conceptualize what that something IS. #im being dramatic it would jsut be like a comic or a show or something but like in terms of my wmotional connection to working on it #i can't imagine it as something static i guess. #like all those other things i can imagine being. whole. as something a Finish and Publish. and that would be how theyre seen and understood #but with qtts its so. grrrrrrrrr i just can't imagine it being One Singular Thing because its always changing so much . #ok wow this started as gushing abt one character and ended up being a vent about my inability to finish things LMFAO anyway. yeag #LONG POST #sorry i have things. to say