#but also very dumb because my priority should be uni and the fact that work is taking more energy than it should isn't good

[rueur]

Morning Pages No. 63

Wednesday 26th August - 11:57am

There’s three minutes left of the morning, and I consider that to be a victory! Also, just have to add that I’m weirdly excited that tomorrow is going to be my 23rd and a half birthday AND #64 in the morning pages, which is the square root of 8, and the answer to the equation 16 x 4 =. I’m not a maths-oriented person, so I forgot what a square root number is. It’s like the opposite of a prime number, but it’s mathematically gorgeous. Evan found us an exercise bike on Marketplace for $250! And it looks insanely nice. It’s in a superb condition, it’s exactly what we were looking for, and it’s WELL within our price range. What a freaking steal, and I also just have to add: what immensely good karma. I feel like we’re deserving of this, and it also definitely feels like such a positive sign that this was a great idea on our part. I’m feeling infinitely more keen to get rid of the futon and streamline the room we’re both currently in into being a lot more health-conscious and thus, a far better room suited to entertainment. The futon is also keeping me from doing Ringfit on a regular basis, so we’ll see once we get the bike how much easier it’ll be for me to work out at home and get myself to a more tolerable level of fit. 

I’m keen to play Breath of the Wild again today because it’s been a couple of days since we last played and Evan ordered another copy from [REDACTED] this morning, so we’ll just be waiting for that to arrive today. I also want to do a bit more work on the site, because my meeting with Julie will be a week from today and I need to get it to a level that I’ll be happy to present it at, even though I know Julie will want to make some adjustments. I feel like her main gripes will be with the colour scheme, which is perfectly fine with me. That should be more than easy to adjust. And the fonts...the fonts are doing my head in. I’m still not sure how to add extra font packs. And to also connect this Squarespace website up with cPanel and VentraIP, but again, that’s not a high priority issue. We’ll need to get the website to a place where we both feel it’s good enough to publish before we even think about moving it over to VentraIP. 

I’m always thinking about work. And because it’s lockdown, I’ve been thinking about when orders we’ve placed will be arriving. We’ve been ordering a fair amount of stuff, and I’m not sure if it’s out of boredom or necessity. Perhaps both? We want to break up the monotony of the day, but doing that with retail therapy seems a little reckless. We have the internet, gas, and electricity bills due and water is also most definitely on its way. And RENT, because it’s the end of the month. September 1st is going to be a Tuesday, so we’ll need to pay before my next payday, which is a touch depressing. But also I suppose it’ll be nice to know that I can retain 100% of the pay that I’ll be receiving next week! That is unless I make an online purchase. 

It’s 12:06pm. I like the idea that it takes me about ten minutes to write out a page of stream of consciousness, so three pages should take around a half an hour. That’s ideal, but usually what happens is I get distracted from this process by Evan or by the animals or just generally by things that I need to do (base biological urges), OR I forgot a word, like what just happened when I was typing out ‘base biological urges’ as a gentle code for having to take a dump. So graceless, always. That’s my style, eh?

Sarah wants to have another phone call at some point today, and I think it’s mostly to chat about the way the group has been heading. People have been leaving and apparently she received her first bit of negative feedback. I’d be curious to hear what it is. I’m curious to know why Nichole left. I know she wasn’t really keeping up with the days so I suppose it makes sense? But Amy’s also not overtly keeping up with the days, which is genuinely surprising to me. I feel like Amy would be all over some well-intentioned mindfulness challenges. Sam just sent me a message that contained a painful pun. We were joking about the ethereal science that is the healing properties of cats. So cat purrs can actually heal human beings because the vibration or the frequency of the vibration has been known to promote feelings of peace in human beings. It relaxes our minds and bodies and heals our cells. 

EDDIE DROPPED OFF OUR GAME! IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE HIM and it was also just a real treat, man. He was sick last week so up until this lovely afternoon, I hadn’t seen him for like two weeks. So now Evan is playing the game AGAIN finally! Oh my fucking lord I have waited so long for him to pick up this game, he’s an idiot. And I am speaking all this out loud as I type because he’s in the room and he can hear me and I love terrorising him. AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK BECAUSE HE ON HIS PHONE THA DUMB. What a stupid smug grin. What a cute face. Aww.

He’s distracting me from this chore. No, this is all a part of my morning pages for today. You can’t say this isn’t properly a part of it, it’s STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS, fool. Do you know what stream of consciousness entails? It’s literally typing/writing as you think. So anything that I’m thinking, belongs in these pages. Get out of the room. I have to finish this first and you are distracting myself from my own mind, you dumb bass. Yes, I meant to type out ‘dumb bass’, because I want to imply that you are a mute fish. I am so distracted from this task, it is infuriating. Also, please be at least a little bit impressed by my touch-typing abilities. Aww. He just said he’s always impressed by everything I do. How sweet. Man, this is going to be so chaotic to read a year or so from now! All I need to remember, future self, is that Evan was in the same room as I in 847 flying high (but he was sober this morn), playing Breath of the Wild for the second time, standing up and leaning against the wall because Kelley Starrett says that we should consider sitting to be a cancer. And that for each hour of sitting you need to do however many minutes of physical activity. 

Fuck, I just remembered that I told the boy that I would make pancakes for breakfast this morning, and I haven’t done that yet. And also it isn’t the morning anymore. Whoops. I am so happy that I got to see Eddie today though. I’m also just glad that he’s okay, I was worried that he had the ‘rona. Can you put the switch on the TV? I want to see you play. That’s the whole point of getting both games. Give me a second. Okay, he grabbed the remote. This isn’t actually promoting mindfulness too much, because of all the activity around me. But look. I’ve maintained this practice pretty damn well for the past week. I’ve written around 2000 words each day for ten or so days straight now. That’s pretty neat. I’m happy with this. I also kind of hope that I can make time to take Lonzo out again today, hopefully well before 5:30pm, so I can talk to Sarah without feeling too fatigued.

I’m fighting the urge to end this third page here. I just want to go on with my day! And I don’t know how many epiphanies I’ll be having in these pages today. I mean, I wrote my last three pages so dang recently, this entry just feels quite arbitrary. But I suppose that’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have done yesterday’s pages at 10pm last night, that’s just basic. Morning pages 101: do them in the morning. Otherwise they’re not as fresh, and your next entries are going to be incredibly close together. I honestly just feel like Saturday has thrown me off so much. I can’t believe it’s Wednesday and I’m still trying to play catch-up because being at work on Saturday and typing out that day’s entry over hours and hours was just...bleh. I have no words other than ‘bleh’. I’m tapped out. 

The soundtrack for this game is actually so soothing. I don’t mind how minimalistic it is. In fact, the minimalistic soundscape kind of just enhances the game’s natural atmosphere and built environment! Evan just found a boomerang! Those are quite rare. Not a lizal boomerang, like an actual boomerang. I feel like I shouldn’t be watching him play or even listening or even in the same room as I finish these pages off. It seems like a major distraction. You found the Duelling Peaks stable! He’s trying to climb a shrine. Lord help me. Oooh. That must’ve been painful. Sorry, Link. Ma man a dumb bass. 

Ooh these pages have just completely gone to shit. But I’m still going to finish them. I’m at around 1600 words, well just over. That means that I have about 400 to go. I’m about or over 75% of the way through! Huzzah! Ew. I don’t even like saying that sarcastically. But it makes me think of ‘Dungeons and Dragons’, and I think I’d like to play that at least once. Maybe some time after lockdown ends I can go to a game with Malith. Gale does them, so that may be a great opportunity to hang out with that gang again. I also want to do pub trivia again! I can’t believe how many innocuous events and happenings this lockdown has had me missing. It’s absurd that there was ever a time where I had the opportunity to do all these activities whenever I liked, and I just never took them, or at the very least seldom took them. But if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, I still see myself being somewhat of a recluse even after lockdown ends. I will indulge in all the newfound freedom once we do find it again, as all Melbournians will, but I won’t be going crazy. I won’t be going out every weekend. If the world opens up again, then that will mean the responsibilities of the world will be opening up again too, which is a contributing factor to my wanting to stay home and be on my own. That, and there’s always Lonzo. I don’t want to leave HIM on his own, because he never wants that, and he never gets to have a say.

This shrine looks difficult. I want to be attentive, but it looks as though I have about 100 words left, which is nothing. I’ll need to start my website for uni soon, I haven’t even thought about that at all. I’d like to pen an online essay, that’s a new experience. And Wordpress should be easy enough to master. I mean, I’ve done it before, for one. Squarespace is just so clean, though! Definitely will be using this to start up BROKEN media. I’m looking forward to that. 

I’m on the fourth page now, but only at 1970 words. I feel like I’m cheating if I don’t at least get to 2000. I used a lot of paragraphs for this entry, because I mean I had a lot of distractions. 2003 words. I’m going to sign off here then. 2012. 2013. 2014. I need to stop. 2020!

#morning pages #stream of consciousness #63 #artistsway