#but i just fucking hate reality we live in and refuse to cede the ground i'd have to cede in order to be okay with it

[thereallyanythingblog]

I’m a god damn idiot

I get it now. I fucking finally get it. I can't believe how fucking naive and unobservant I've been. I thought I had it all figured out, and that I basically knew what was going on, but the most obvious possible thing eluded me. I know now why my mom's husband invited my best friend to live with us even though he's a heartless, disgusting human being whose contempt for me has always been obvious. I thought, incorrectly, that he was playing on my mom's sympathy and concern for my best friend to manipulate her. I thought he saw her as a convenient way to always swing things back in his favor whenever my mom wasn't doing what he wanted. I thought it was as simple as that. But now I finally get it. He didn't invite my best friend here to manipulate my mom -- he did it to /ruin my relationship with her./ He knew, he fucking knew, how much strife was caused between my mom and I when he was abusing my and my mom's dog. He saw that as my dog's behavior and health deteriorated, and as he constantly fought my mom about it, that out of pure exhaustion she drifted to his side. He saw that he could get her to be a co-conspirator in his abuse. He saw that he could get her to lock him up in a room, and scream at him whenever he growled or barked because he was so fucking afraid of his abuser. He saw that it caused tension and huge fights between my mom and I. When I finally got my dog out of the house it was too late. My dog died three years younger than his natural lifespan. He never recovered psychologically, his health was always poor. His teeth had all rotted and fallen out from constant acid reflux. His fur had all fallen out from huge patches on his body and never regrown. He started having fits and seizures, and respiratory problems. He stayed afraid of anything that sounded like heavy footsteps for the rest of his life because my mom's fat fuck husband walks like a fucking elephant. And then he died of a prolonged seizure in the arm's of my best friend's boyfriend, because they were both taking care of him for me when I finally got him out, and way, way, way too late. But that evil scheming bastard never forgot how effective that his torment of my dog and subsequent playing of the victim was at driving a wedge between my mom and I. He probably looked all along for a way to replace that divisiveness, so that when my best friend was leaving her house because of the emotional abuse she suffered there, he knew he had his gotcha moment. He knew she wouldn't put up with his emotionally hostile bullshit for two seconds, and that I wouldn't put up with it either. He knew that if he pushed he would get the reactions he needed to play the innocent victim, all while playing the generous benefactor to my friend. He picked on every little thing he could. He complained about her using the kitchen while he was in it. He complained about her studying. He complained about her using the water. He complained when she left washed dishes in the drain board. He complained and complained and complained and started huge fights with my mom over it. He pushed and pushed and pushed until she went along with anything he said, even if she pretended to push back before ultimately coming after my friend, and subsequently me. And I did exactly what he expected and tried to defend her because I've seen the bullshit she's been through, and the way people treat her like she's done something wrong no matter what she does. The girl is here barely three days a week, barely cooks, doesn't shower here, and stays out of his way. And /still/ he found shit to complain about. And this is normal behavior for him. The man constantly negs my mom, gives backhanded compliments, complains about how things are done, and does not a god damn thing for himself. He's got my mom, who voluntarily does stuff for me, doing fifteen times as much for him without so much as a god damn thank you, and still manages to make her think I'm a lazy, good-for-nothing piece of shit. I have done nothing but busted my ass with school and work -- I've given up my comfort zone literally dozens of times to seek better employment opportunities and to resume my studies. And because of how my generation got screwed, even though I worked so hard, I still make not even close to enough to support myself. And this god damn loser exploits that fact, and has my mom singing his songs for him. And, you know what. Good. I'm glad I fucking used him for everything he's worth. I can't believe I didn't realize that he drew a connection between his abuse of my dog and his abuse of my friend and the wedge it would obviously drive between my mom and I. And fucking succeeded in ruining our relationship. And she's so fucking codependent and suffering from such fucking Stockholm syndrome, and has been so successfully gaslighted that she actually fucking can't distinguish fantasy from reality. It's so traumatic to deal with his bitching and emotional abuse that she finds it easier, whether she realizes it or not, to pick fights with me instead. Today she texted me and my friend as she often does, not so subtly accusing one of us of making a huge mess and not cleaning it up. Except that, this time, neither of us had even touched the thing that was a mess. And when I told her this, instead of even questioning whether or not it could be her sociopathic piece of shit husband, she literally just accused one or both of us of lying. Then sat there and said that that wasn't what she was doing. And then she had the fucking gall to say that my friend, who's not even fucking here 90% of the time was the one driving a wedge between her and I. How does she figure? Because my friend reporting to me about how her husband is abusing her out of concern is apparently, according to my mother, a manipulative tactic to turn me against her. HER. By talking about the shit HE is doing to abuse her, my friend is driving a wedge between me and HER. How? Because that's how my mom's emotionally abused mind has decided to cope with the fact that the piece of shit she's in love with is actually a fucking monster who will destroy anything and everything to get his way. Even moving us in here was under false fucking pretenses. The day we were moving in his sister left the water running in his bathroom and it flooded. He cursed my mom up and down for destroying his house. That was just day one! And ever since then, ever since he realized I know what a slimeball piece of trash he is and didn't worship the ground he walks on he's been ploying to break down the one most adamant thing my mom has refused to cede her ground on -- me. I could have told you this manipulative piece of garbage was going to be a problem from day one. I'm gay, and my best friend is a girl, and she shared a bed with me when she slept over. This happened at the house we lived in before we moved here. And he told my mom he didn't think it was right for a girl to share a bed with a boy, and, just like that, my friend was not allowed to sleep over anymore. Yeah. It took him saying one thing to end something that had been going on uneventfully for years. I could have told you that she was going to bow down to his every whim. I could have told you that there were going to be massive fights. I could have told you she would eventually side with him over me. But somehow, I'm so god damn stupid that I didn't draw that really obvious connection until now. I am so furious and filled with hate that it's /scary./ Eternal damnation is too good for him. I'm not even sure if I believe in Hell, but if it exists, he's going to roast on a spit for all of eternity, and /still/ that would not be enough. Not all monsters are serial killers and tyrants. Some of them are very tiny men who are frustrated that their insignificant lives, and petty grabs for power will never get them the recognition and narcissistic fulfillment that they crave. I shudder to think of what would have happened if this shitstain psychopath had ever had any real power in his life. He'll get his.