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#but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
remylong
ยท
24 days
Text
tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)
#my friend's in the hospital again so i spent 20 on an uber with my other friend to go see her
#but by the time we got there visiting hours were over ๐ญ
#so we just had dinner at the park
#and i told her about The Big Terrible Thing for the first time
#straight through without embellishment! yay! i think at least
#because ive retold the story in so many different ways that im not actually sure what happened anymore
#she was like super chill about it though!! and was like im really impressed that you actively made an effort to not be [REDACTED]
#not really what she said more like Making An Effort to No Longer [Redacted]
#redacted as an action not as a noun blah blah you know
#and she told me about how shes faced discrimination at our super homogeneously chinese church which i feel REALLY BAD ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW
#HOW TO EXPRESS IT TO HER OR WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ GIRL HELP
#im being so useless and chinese about it ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ i don't know how to talk to people about things that matter
#and idk like ok v non-tatimaxxing of me to say but ive been so self centered and going Wahhh these normies will never experience my
#Deep Secret Emotions unlockable only by spending too much time on tumblr as a child
#on the other hand i feel like once this has gotten out of the way i don't really have an excuse for not connecting with my church friends
#yknow. like i don't have to hide this from them any more
#they're great people!! and they're going through so much and I need to be there for them but I couldn't even get tothe stupidhospital on tim
#not cry typing just ran out of space
#anyway I wish I could care more about them I wish I could make genuine connections without having to lie to feel some sort of weird
#rush of power over them because I know the truth and they don't when I lie so much I don't even know what the truth is
#I've been putting my face on here more lately because I want to be genuine and I want to not hide things
#but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
#cc diary
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