#but if Selûne doesn't fucking reach out she just might

[slverblood]

Aylin is honestly grappling with a lot of anger toward her mother after being freed. She can't help but wonder why Selûne didn't step in to protect her or [as far as we know] make any attempt to free her or reach out to her directly once she was freed or [if you don't sell her out to Lorroakan] step in to prevent her from being caged a second time. It's an anger she's wrestling with. She doesn't entirely want to feel it. She doesn't really want to doubt her mother's love. She wants to go back to the way it was a century ago, when she was certain of their relationship and of her place in the universe. But, she can't go back, and she is at the beginning of grappling with that.

She clings to her wings, to her arms and armaments, to her powers as proof of her mother's favor. But, even her mother's favor is . . . It feels wrong to think it is not enough, but it isn't. She is not a priestess or a devotee or a Chosen or any other mundane faithful. She is Selûne's daughter. She begins to question just what that means to Her. Is she only a sword to Her? Is she only a tool to be used and discarded, nothing more? Does She care at all for Aylin or what she has suffered?

Although she eagerly reconnects with Selûnite communities, there is a good while after she is freed where she can't engage with Selûnite worship. She cannot bring herself to pray or make offerings or visit shrines / temples or observe any rites / rituals. She thinks about it, especially when Isobel does so and invites her to join. She begins to practice her faith but quickly aborts the act. Perhaps pantomimes obeisance but does not put her heart into it, like mouthing the words of a hymn without singing them. She strongly wants her mother to reach out first — to speak to her, to visit her dreams, to do something either than look down on in her silence! Signs are not enough! Visions are not enough! She needs something concrete and indisputable! It is hubris for the faithful to demand so much from a goddess, but dammit she is Her daughter. Shouldn't that mean something?

She thought it did.

Now she isn't sure.

#META / HC: PRIMARY. #to be clear her faith isn't quite broken yet #she'd still count herself a Selûnite and has not really turned from her mother #but if Selûne doesn't fucking reach out she just might #she needs her mother but where is She??? #Aylin will be giving Her the silent treatment until Selûne talks first tbh #and no gifts or signs or visions or messengers #if mom doesn't break this silence directly it will never be broken #[I think Selûne will actually. I need to write up all my thoughts but there is every evidence Selûne loves her #and is watching over + protecting her. it's just complicated when divinity enters the mix] #[and Aylin's not cutting her any slack. she can't. there is no slack to cut.]