#but then i would still be here to housesit when carrie and kiel are doing sca stuff and they won't have to board

[fooltofancy]

alternatively what if i just said "fuck it" and kept trying to figure shit out from this end.

#less imminent emotional damage. #i do not cry for two months solid #i do not have to move my remaining two fish #or split our cats #i start actively looking into government jobs because that's what sorts the loans #and what i should have been doing anyway but i'm scared of state websites #i talk to my parents abt idk maybe loans maybe just planning for garage remodel so i have somewhere to live that isn't the immediate house #then it wouldn't be that big of a deal even if we separated the cats (horatio has been kind of an ass with both wyvern and sophie lately) #so it wouldn't be that bad to separate them anyway #but then i would still be here to housesit when carrie and kiel are doing sca stuff and they won't have to board #i have been thinking about the possibility of going back to sd for months but i didn't realize how like #viscerally heartbreaking it would be in practice lmao #literally i don't remember being this consciously like. hurting. about something since my dog died. #i... don't think my dad almost dying even felt like this lmao #something about causing pain and distress that absolutely fucking undoes my resolve #also. like she and kiel are settling here and they are like making the attempt to make this their home #but they're not there yet #and it's lonely #idk. processing. #i dont really believe in right decisions and i know that like. taking this job (if it's offered) would objectively be wise of me #from a financial standpoint #i also just don't fucking care about money when it comes to people and i think that's where it's catching #ugh. #going to watch elden ring playthroughs about it