#but yeah sal has a lot of issues that stem back to his mother's neglect

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        I literally never write about this, but Sal be getting depressed at all ages, really. He’s just an optimistic, self-assured, resilient man who never shows weakness and therefore, it seems like he has no regrets, no remorse, no thoughts that won’t leave him alone. Sal also doesn’t consider himself to be a depressed person, or a lonely person, so if someone were to try and understand his take on his depression, his response is: “I just have some things on mind.” / “I’m not in a good mood.”           He means, who doesn’t have things on their mind? And furthermore, he has an ablest view on how depression should look, which is caused by his loose understanding of televised portrayals of those who are depressed and suicidal.

            But also, Sal is such a go-getter that he bounces back on his feet in no time while simultaneously letting his stress build because he never does anything to actually handle this emotion.

            From at least 12 to his late twenties, Sal’s honestly at his worse. When Sal is a kid he feels unloved and unnoticed. He also feels like an outcast in his Catholic community because he doesn’t have a father figure plus, he was born out of wedlock. He lies about his life, to make himself feel better. He acts upbeat, because he has too much pride to let the other boys see him beat down. He’s super annoying and loud and rebellious, but this is literally him acting out for attention and maybe something that resembles love.

            When it comes to the quote, “the loudest one in the room is the loneliest one in the room?” Yeah, that’s Salvatore Scozzari. But simultaneously, he pushes away people who show him tenderness and affection. He’s not use to love or genuine praise, to be honest (although he yearns for it). He genuinely believes that being treated like a nuisance is easier to navigate because of its familiarity and some attention is better than no attention. 

       Still, at his best, Sal is often internally thinking of how one day he’s going to be someone who earns RESPECT and everyone is going to look at him with ASTOUNISHMENT but he also thinks of running away a lot, because he tells himself he doesn’t need anyone. It seems nobody gives a fuck about him, so he doesn’t give a fuck about anybody either.

           In his twenties he’s more self-assured than ever. He’s strong as hell too. However, despite being well liked but really always alone in some way. Nobody notices it because - Sal is Sal. Sal knows everybody. Sal talks to everybody. Sal jokes. Sal gets up to wild mischief. He’s the life of the party!!

        But does Sal talk about his family? His real fears? Does he get in-depth talking about ambition or even how certain, well-known, mishaps in his family have effected him? Nope. Never. He doesn’t even really talk about his love life on any deep level. 

      This is because he’s still focused on self-preservation. He doesn’t really trust his friends to love him unconditionally - not in his field of work, and he has decided that if he has to kill them to get to the top, he will. He means, it’s the only way to be that somebody who gets RESPECT in the future. But that’s no proper way to live at all, or form relationships. So that’s a whole other layer of angst inside him.

         So basically, despite being upbeat, funny, charismatic, and sociable, Sal has never really known emotional peace or what ‘safety’ feels like until getting serious with Eve. Or in a special AU, the Carosellas, who adopt him when he’s 12 years old. Really, I realized that 20-something year old Sal is just a little softer in that verse. He’ll still kill you, but he feels more loving. 

#i find it amazing how i've never written abt sal's emotional issues bc its like #he wants to keep that to himself?? i keep this headcanon to myself too then. #but yeah sal has a lot of issues that stem back to his mother's neglect #that and local organized crime shaped the way he viewed the world. #salvatore. it was a party just to be near you.