#even jinx makes a face when she'd hear his stories

[mollysunder]

Silco, Vander, and Grace for the Ones Who Hurt Us the Most

Sometimes I feel like we all really need to sit with the fact that Silco was ready, willing, and wanting for Vander to return to his side after Vander tried and failed to kill him. What Vander did was a genuine life altering act of betrayal that Silco had to live with the mental, emotional, and medical consequences for years after. You can bet if Jinx hadn't shot Silco, the river toxins would've gotten him just a little later. And in spite of the ways Vander's actions ruined his life, that Vander admits to even (but doesn't apologize for), Silco rationalized it just as much for Vander as he did himself.

Silco decided that the man he loved the most nearly killed him (and in a way is still killing him) for a greater purpose, which didn't make everything okay, but it made it reasonable. And this rationalization has bled into every aspect of his life because the way Silco treats Zaun is the way he treats himself. If you're weak the people who love you and you love back will hurt you. They are right to permanently alter the trajectory of your existence to make the right calls, because as long you survive it, you will be stronger. He's made Shimmer the lifeblood of Zaun, because Silco is literally dependent on it to live as well. It works for him, so it works for Zaun.

The most warped part is, Silco was mostly right! He had violent rise in Zaun and completely changed the course of its development. Yet he managed to create a Zaun that couldn't be cowed or bullied either economically or militarily by Piltover the way it was in the past. I can't help but think how it all must twist and burn, because if Silco understood he was succeeding at the impossible, then doesn't that mean it all reinforced his logic around Vander? That this man you loved hurt you in a way that can't be taken back for the rest of your life, and he was right to do it? So that means Silco was right to change, to want to be back by Vander's side, because he was the one who needed to reinvent himself to be worthy of control, right?

No matter the success Silco reaped he had to recognize the dissonance between this logic and reality, because despite the bastard he could be, Silco would never do any of what was done to him onto Jinx. Sure Silco would simulate his traumas into life lessons and heavily sanitized rituals, but he never betrayed her or abandoned her when she became detriment to his position. Obviously Vander also never gave up on his kids either (#cinematicparallels), but we don't know if Silco was ever in a position to betray someone the way Vander did him, or if he ever wanted to prior to it. So even as Silco recognizes that Vander changed to protect the children he loves so much, he must wonder if the way Vander and he loved eachother just wasn't it enough? If the way Silco cared for Vander was reciprocal, a deep love whether romantic or platonic, then why wasn't Silco afforded a similar grace to stay by his side?

Silco had to live with all these contradictions and still chose to embrace Vander's memory. In a complete contrast to Vander, Silco didn't obscure who Vander was to Zaun politically or personally. Silco allowed a statue of Vander to stand, and went to it for comfort, he regularly talked about his life with Vander before and after the betrayal with Jinx. Meanwhile, from what the audience can see, Silco's presence was almost fully hidden from the newest generation sans the scar Silco gave him, which Vander hides with a bracer. All I can end up thinking is that must be easier for Silco to keep loving Vander like this, it's how he gives himself the grace for it.

#arcane #silco #vander arcane #silco and vander #zaundads #arcane meta #these guys are absolutely the most #sometime i think silco would love if Vander's showed up by his window wh style #seriously tho #they way silco just rationalized Vander's betrayal FOR vander needs to be studied #even jinx makes a face when she'd hear his stories #like c'mon man #silco still loving vander in spite of the betrayal but this care contradicts the “perspective” of Silco’s new outlook on life #and yet he finds a way becuz he's a hypocrite that will gladly turn his philosophy into the weirdest pretzel #just say you were hurtand he sucks for that #like damn