#gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to

[naggingatlas]

i looove putting spark over songs about like heroes and saving the world (tom cardy's 'level clear', uncle outrage's 'saved the world' <- nice voice hc for him!. and 'my superhero movie'.) when he like. Did. Not : ) funney.

#sprksplrs #gaia talked about spark wanting to be desired yesterday and while i think he's too much of a Lone Wolf... for those kinds of wants to #even surface. at least in my interpretation of him. its hilarious to think abt him getting. just a tad insecure abt fark's status as #a real like. superhero basically. just for a second in the far back of his head. oh i want to be as cool as him. im not good enough #tho again in my characterization he only wants to do that to be able to love himself. i first got this thought when ruminating on #oh god. what kinda games he n fark like to play respectively? and said 'if he ever does pick up hardmode or a challenge level #he will only do that to one up himself and himself only.' he only proves stuff to himself. he only cares about himself. #and the things that do the most mental damage to him are all scenarios in which his self is attacked. #in which his agency is taken his independence. losing a job to someone something that copies him and does it better than him #something that even copies a really dear object to him thats been with him throughout the years - his jester hat #an attack on individuality. and then being merged into the sim. idk. the yaoi moments when he does work together w fark become even more #potent. this way? and. it contrasts really well with how selfless (at some point in his life very literally) fark is. and how confident in #his self. he turns out to be in the end. as micah said 'how he moves with so much more fluidity in his organic body #the body he created himself because he's no longer afraid of it being fake'. citing that as the bible but yea kinda. #i think spark grew up quite ostracized maybe even self-ostracized and really needs a distinction between himself and everyone else #to be better than everyone else. there is some personality disorder shit happening under that piss yellow scalp. #and he fucking loses it when the events around him hammer in that the facade he builds for mostly again himself is. yknow. untrue. fake. #idk thoughts. i love exploring the antisocial aspect in fictional personas with how shipshipship focused fandoms and 'analysis' #in them is it's not something i see all that much. seems like only people whove experienced it ever bring up that topic. #is it so uncomfortable for others? who knows. ramble over