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plantcore-posterboy · 5 years

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A look into the past

So, this is a little look into my diary, to show how far I've come. I have removed names because I don't want to expose anyone. A warning, there are quite a few triggers.

"Hey diary, it's Destiny and I've got something on my mind, well here goes everything. So [Redacted]....I may be 11 and a girl, but I thought I loved her. I'm so stupid! I'm literally crying right now, just because she's a reminder, a reminder about how I'll never be able to be in love. It'll break me, my father was a gambler and I haven't seen him or talked to him since I was 2, my step dad is very abusive and kind of scares me. I have a step grandpa. My brother got dumped the day after prom, and the last girlfriend if his i can think of, I was around seven. This family doesn't have a chance at love. None of us. I'm afraid to fall in love and end up getting seriously hurt. I'm a real messed up human being, I seriously think I'm partially insane, have no respect, and is completely emotionless half the time, I didn't cry when I watched a dog's purpose, my friends were bawling. What's wrong with me, just UGH. Have you ever thought that something was possible, so close and everything was perfect, and then it's recked leaving only enough to torture you forever. [Redacted]. [Redacted]. My dad. All of them just why..whyy. like there's two wedding dresses in my closet, I'll never be able to wear them, and if I do I'll regret it. I'll fall in love FORGET everything I'll be happy and it'll be okay, and then something will happen. It always does. I don't want to put my kids through that if I have any. My kids, a boy would be Alexander David, Alexander my dead brother, David means protector of the people that's what I want. A girl would be Kuenzi Marie (pronounced ken-z) Kuenzi, family last name, Marie, middle name of every girl before my mom. No faith or hope or grace in their names. I hate my name Destiny Faith Price. Destiny means fate all that reminds me of my family's sucky history. Faith, because as a baby I almost died but I didn't, faith for what That everything will be okay? Well guess what IT'S NOT. price, my dad's last name it's part of me but I don't like that part of me. I don't like how I look either. I'm the spitting image of my mom, who constantly threatens to get rid of me, my eyes are hers to, my hair reminds everyone of my dad, the thickness comes from my grandma. My mom's always saying my hair is greasy and I have acne all over. What's the point of trying? I'm not pretty any way, and is rather distract people from my eyes, there a little crooked, and my glasses don't help. I'm fat too not helping me. And sure I can put on my favorite dress, cover up my acne and wash my hair, I'm pretty for one night. And then they see me for me, what if they dont like what they see. I really really hate this I hate it all, can someone please just love me for me, stay and never leave. My dad never even tried. Once when I was six. I don't even know who he is. Who really am I though. I'm an insufferable brat, who randomly spouts out facts, hands out tic tac and talks way too much. Heck [Redacted] dated my bff and had a massive crush on my other friend. He friendzoned me. I just....please future me be better and what ever you do, don't fall in love.

Sincerely, Destiny

July 7th 2018 11:45 P.M

This entry, I have gotten much farther than I thought I would, I have my amazing qpp and girlfriend, and I'm so proud of myself for making it.

"Continuing this

My mom's worse now she keeps breaking my stuff and my self esteem has gone to hell. My anxiety is so bad that I burn my arm. I've broken down so much. I missed this entire week because of acne. Im ugly as hell. I genuinely want to die. My mom tells me things about my dad when she's mad like how he called me fat when I was two or how he wanted a boy. It hurts. My freind [Redacted] is banned from my house I cant talk to [Redacted] at the moment and my mom keeps insulting me and [Redacted] and calling her a cunt. My grandpa is rude without meaning to be. My uncle actually cares. Were away from my dad but I hate it my mom's worse now and I wanna run away but I have nowhere to go. My arm is scarred from burns now. And I don't wanna eat because I'm fat I don't need any food. My mom always says I'm fat and lazy and I'm just like [Redacted]. And I'm gonna be alone forever because no one likes me half my freind are only there to get work gone because I'm smart. [ Redacted], [Redacted] and [Redacted] all ignore me now. I wanna die."

Sincerely, Destiny Faith Price

December 8th 2018 2:24 A.M

To anyone who ever felt like this, you'll make it. Believe me. You will make it.

A future note.

Hey, guess what, you made it.

We may not be in the best place, or be the best person, yet somehow, we made it.

Sincerely, Dustyn James Price

July 19th 2019 7:27 P.M

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paisleywraith · 6 years

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Curses, curses. Chapter 9

Junior year is often considered the most difficult year of high school. Kyle would agree with that on a regular day, he didn’t need some magical bullshit wriggling its fingers at him and turning him into an ass-old Bill Murray movie reboot.

Kyle did not drink coffee. Certainly not Tweak Bros. coffee. Yet here he was, at night, about two hours before close, sitting inside with Kenny on one side of the table and he on the other. The ass looked very pleased with himself, but if he thought Kyle had forgotten, he was wrong. Kenny was dodging all his questions, making fun of him to try and throw him off.

Now Kyle was pissed.

And he had all the time in the world to get under Kenny’s skin.

Kenny waved his fingers at Tweek, then, and Kyle nudged his foot with his own. Tweek didn’t look happy with the attention and nodded once with a fairly solemn look.

“Tweek looks grumpy,” Kenny noted cheerfully. “He didn’t even wave back.”

“Boyfriend rubbing off on him, I gue-” Kyle interrupted himself when he saw Kenny turn with a maniac grin. “Kenny, don’t.”

“What are you talking about, Ky?” Kenny’s eyes sparkled. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Just…shut up.” Kyle went back to nibbling on his pastry, but Kenny wasn’t done.

“Why, Kyle Broflovski, what a dirty mind you have!” The blond looked cheerful as he continued to heckle the poor boy. Kyle was ready to beat him. “Say that a little louder, Craig’s playing bodyguard in the corner.”

Kyle turned almost against his will, seeing the incredibly-tall boy taking glances at the employee from over his laptop. Honestly, he was even taller than Kenny, if he’d ever been inclined for sports in high school they probably would have taken him on height alone. That and he was more broad-shouldered than Kyle’s blond friend, who was as slim as he was tall. Hugging the guy, Kyle could feel his ribcage. Felt like his arms went around too easily. Funny how he never noticed shit like this in elementary, wondering why Kenny was so tiny. It never really crossed his mind whether Kenny had anything to eat one night or not. Even now, once he started drifting away from his old friend, he tried not to think about him. That was pretty selfish, considering Kyle himself really had few problems to complain about. Some kind of friend he was, considering he was supposedly one of the nicest of the group and fiercely loyal and now look at him. Practically isolated and not talking to anyone, who knows what Kenny had been up to the past two years, and honestly-

Or better yet, keep ogling him. I really don’t know how he’d handle that.”

“You wanna shut the fuck up already?” Kyle whirled, kicking Kenny in the shins. The blond winced through his snickers. “You want to talk? Start talking, playboy. You’re brushing me off because you’re uncomfortable and I don’t know even why, so drop the cool guy shit and fucking talk to me.”

Kenny exhaled through his nose, leaning back to cross his arms.

“You seemed happy I knew.” Kyle spoke with a fierce edge. “So why did that change?”

“It didn’t!”

The look of agitation definitely didn’t fit him. That was where Mysterion came in, Kyle supposed. Mysterion was everything Kenny hid behind humor and cheeriness and innuendo. Kyle raised an eyebrow.

“It didn’t,” Kenny struggled, clearly trying to look as unbothered as possible. “It’s fine you know. I’m glad you know. I just-” He was struggling again, and Kyle crossed his arms as well and watched. Waited. “I don’t like you knowing.”

“Thanks for clearing that up.” Kyle rubbed his face. “Do you want me to tell you I know tomorrow or not?”

“I mean-” Kenny rubbed his face. “Yes. I want you to know, I just-”

Kyle chewed the inside of his lip. He let Kenny think.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kenny finally admitted. “Not...give me some time. I know you can’t really give me time, but…get outside the time loop. Okay? Give me time to think about it.”

Kyle pursed his lips. Fine. He could do that. He leaned back against his chair, unfolding his arms. He offered Kenny his hand, like he had last night.

Kenny looked puzzled a moment before beaming, lacing their fingers together. He understood, clearly, and was watching Kyle with such a sweet smile it was hard to watch.

“And we’ll get you out of this,” Kenny spoke with authority he clearly didn’t have.

“You don’t know that,” Kyle said wearily. Kenny ran his thumb over his hand.

“We will.” Kenny leaned forward earnestly. “Whatever I can do, Kyle. We’ll figure it out.”

It was way too sweet. Kyle tried to take his hand back, but Kenny had him in a grip. Kyle gave him a look.

“Also, I don’t think you’ve ever called me a playboy before.” Kenny was grinning. “Hot.”

“Oh my god.” Kyle ripped his hand away, face flaming. “Go fuck yourself, Ken.”

Kenny was already wriggling his eyebrows, smiling even more broadly until he looked truly crazy. Kyle buried his face in his arms.

“What? Jealous? Are you lusting after this, Hot Stuff?” Kenny gestured dramatically to himself, draping himself over the back of the chair. “Say the word, baby, and I’m yours.”

Kyle muffled a scream into his sweater.

“Stop flirting,” A detached voice interrupted them. Both boys looked up, seeing Craig Tucker, of all people, staring down at them. Dead grey eyes glittered with something malicious. Craig was a soft-hearted young adult with a fierce love for the thing he was softest for. “Tweek’s afraid you’re going to scare customers off.”

Kyle could feel the warmth radiating from his cheeks. Having this happen, technically twice in a day, was nearly humiliating. He bristled. “You’re one to talk, Tucker,” He managed. He could recall at least three of the last five times he’d been in the place he’d gotten an eyeful of the geek snogging the barista.

Kenny inhaled so sharply he choked, looking like he was torn between laughing and running away. “Kyle-” He wheezed.

Craig set his jaw. He was reddening as well, clearly struggling. “I’ll kick your ass,” He said, more like he was making a decision than threatening.

“You can try,” Kyle couldn’t believe the asshole was really going to face off.

“Craig!” Tweek was at the taller boy’s shoulder, visibly twitching. The boy had hit puberty and calmed down as far as shaking went, but getting him agitated would bring all the tics back immediately. “I said I’d take care of it, -nffh!”

“Nothing to take care of, Tweekster,” Kenny said quickly, now recognizing this was turning into A Situation. “We were goofing around, made fun of Craig a little, didn’t mean for it to be taken badly, we’re leaving.” He took a quick breath, because Tweek was now looking pissed and Tweek was actually the one of the duo one should be afraid of kicking their ass. You might get away with poking fun at Tweek. One definitely did not get away with making fun of Craig. “Sorry Craig. Tweek.”

He grabbed Kyle’s hand, both boys standing up, (one rather reluctantly,) and walking out the front door.

Kyle was still pissed.

“You know,” Kenny drawled as they began walking down the street, still holding hands, “I think I might have contributed to that.”

Kyle didn’t even dignify that with a response. Though he did debate shoving him into a light pole.

Kenny glanced over at him. He frowned briefly before smiling. “Though I’d love to see you and the giant duke it out. Tweek would kick Craig’s ass, your ass, my ass. His own ass. Craig, though, I’d love to see who’d win.”

Kyle shook his head.

“I’d bet on you,” Kenny squeezed his fingers, clearly trying to get a reaction. “Probably.”

“Yay.” Kyle grumbled.

Kenny huffed. He let go of Kyle’s hand, moving around to walk backwards in front of him.

“Okay, what is it?” Kenny raised his eyebrows. “Hurt feelings?”

“No.”

“Didn’t like being kicked out?”

“It’s the second time that’s happened in the past week.”

“Wow. Neat! Did I embarrass you in front of Craigory?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Kenny looked surprised. “That’s it? Really?”

“No, you jackass,” Kyle dragged his hands through his hair, anger burning his chest. “That’s not it.”

“So it is something?” Kenny moved next to him to nudge him. “What was it you told me? Cut the cool guy shit? Talk to me?”

Kyle aimed a kick at a half-empty beer bottle on the sidewalk as they passed.

“Just drop it.” Kyle’s jaw was clenched. “I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Kenny stepped neatly over a crack without looking. “Ky. You’re, like, vibrating.”

“I’m not!” Kyle jerked away from his hand again, and Kenny’s expression changed into pure alarm.

“Kyle, you need to talk to me,” Kenny was using a no-nonsense voice he rarely ever heard, and that sent Kyle over the edge.

“Why?!” Kyle stopped now, flushing as he stood on the sidewalk. “I’ll just talk to you tomorrow, McCormick. Just...leave it.” He shouldered past him, purposely shoving him aside. “I’m going home.”

“Oh, no you’re not.” Kenny didn’t seem angry in the least, only reached him to more or less trap him in a bear hug. “Holy shit, dude, I can feel you shaking. Kyle, seriously. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!”

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“You shouldn’t be!” Kyle tried to struggle out of his arms. “Just fuck off, okay? Just leave me alone, it doesn’t matter, none of this fucking matters just fucking let me- let me go, you fucking ass-”

Kenny just took it. The words and the physical struggle. His hold was strong and he braced his feet, the skinny-ass young man somehow keeping Kyle from moving.

“I know, I know, I know,” Kenny kept him tight against him and spoke gently into his ear. “I know. I know, Kyle, I know.”

Kyle grit his teeth. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to strike anyone nearest to him, wanted to scream, wanted to just…stop.

He was crying. He slumped against Kenny, who moved to make the hug a little more tender and less restraining.

“I fucking hate this.” Kyle snarled, shivering violently.

“Yeah.” Kenny gently squeezed him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I get it, man. It’s okay. I promise.”

Kyle pressed his face into Kenny’s neck, shoulders slumping.

Kenny said nothing, but let the Jewish boy lean against him. He gently rubbed his back, slowly lowering his cheek to rest against curls.

“Straw that broke the camel’s back, huh?” Kenny asked, murmuring into his hair.

“I guess.” Kyle closed his eyes.

Kenny tsked his tongue. “Sit down, dude. You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

He and Kyle sat on the dirty-ass sidewalk, in the middle of Colorado winter, at night. Kyle had his knees up to his chest. He could feel the worry radiating off Kenny.

“I’m fine,” He assured him. He wanted to go back to tomorrow already, where he hadn’t made a fool of himself and tears weren’t running down his cheeks like he was an infant. “I’m fine, it’s fine.”

“Oh, cut the shit,” Kenny nudged his shoulder. “I literally just held you in my arms as you cried. You can stop with that now.”

Kyle said nothing, wiping angrily at his eyes.

“Hey.” Kenny leaned against him. “I get it, seriously. It’s fucking scary, and it makes you feel pathetic. You can’t change shit, so you start losing yourself in everything it is. The Curse you have.” His head rested against Kyle’s. “But even if I can’t do shit, you have me. You know what I am, now. So I’m always going to believe you, I’m going to be here. No matter what you say, what you do, I’ll come back for you.”

“How did you not fucking hate me?” Kyle spat, wishing he had the spine to nudge Kenny off. Not out of anger, but an odd kind of fear.

Kenny paused.

“I never hated you, Kyle.”

Kyle buried his face in his knees. “Maybe you should have.”

“Maybe I should have,” Kenny agreed readily enough. “And don’t get me wrong, man, I’ve been pissed. But in the end, it wasn’t your fault.”

Kyle gulped, not realizing he needed that reassurance until it was there, out in the open. He wasn’t the kind of person to just drop another bombshell, apologize for leaving him behind, but in a couple hours it would reset anyhow so-

“Since you’re not going to remember anyhow,” Kyle said, muffled, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you lately.”

A soda can rolled down off the curb and was crunched by a passing car before it got across the street.

“Maybe I want to remember that,” Kenny said, having watched the little soda can meet its untimely end. “And maybe I’m not the only one you need to say that to.”

Kyle looked up, unsure of whether to be shocked or just go for a glare. The end result was a truly baffled look.

“I’m not the only one you’ve left in the dirt, Ky.” Kenny said easily. Wild blue eyes watched him with a seriousness that made goosebumps rise on Kyle’s arms. “I don’t know where you’ve been, like mentally, but you kind of left us all behind.”

Kyle looked away again, resting his chin back on his knees. He didn’t bother to try and argue that.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, Ky.” Kenny sighed.

“For the record,” Kyle flushed, embarrassed at the idea of saying this out loud without planning. Or without real planning, because making up conversations in the shower every night wasn’t really planning, “I missed you.”

Kenny’s weight was back against him, and he nuzzled back against his hair. Kyle only just realized he’d forgotten to grab his hat.

“That’s so gay,” Kenny said happily. “Aw, Ky, that’s so gay!”

“I’m going to hit you.” Kyle threatened wearily.

“Worth it to hear that, wow. You missed me.”

“I’ll take it back,” Kyle raised his head to try and shake off Kenny. He stopped snuggling him but didn’t lean away far. The asshole was grinning.

“I missed you too, Babe-lofski. Been like a withdrawal without a hot little redhead at my side all the time.”

“I definitely take it back.”

Kenny laughed, a fully-body kind of laugh that made even Kyle smile.

“C’mon, we always ran in the same circles, I had my fix of Kyle all the time as a kid and now it was brutally taken away!”

Kyle snorted. “Most of the time we ran in opposite circles, Ken.”

“I don’t recall that,” Kenny said easily. “We always hung out. The four of us.”

“I want to remind you that any time we played, usually you and I were on opposite sides.” Kyle intoned. “Not on purpose or anything, but clearly we had different opinions.”

“Oh yeah. Forgot how much of a dick you were during the superhero phase. Maybe I take it back, too.”

“Okay,” Kyle stood straight up now, looking Kenny directly in the eyes. The blond’s smile widened. “Princess, let’s jog your memory here-”

“I had a tragic backstory and you know it.”

“You became the supervillain!” Kyle waved his hands. “For no reason!”

“Clyde started it!”

“Yeah, but you were on our side from the beginning! You made that shit up out of nowhere!” Kyle smacked his shoulder. “I was pissed!”

“Yeah, you were.” Kenny laughed again, full on cackles that made Kyle grin. “Mad that I wasn’t going to seduce the Elf King after all? Sorry to say, the end result was going to be I take your kingdom and rule over it myself.”

“Sorry to say, I knew that no way would Cartman let you do whatever you wanted once you got it,” Kyle darkened at the word seduce but overall thought he handled it well.

“Oh, I was going to overthrow him after that,” Kenny said, leaning back against the brick building looking smug. “I had it all planned.”

“Oh yeah?” Kyle leaned back as well, greenish eyes glittering. “And how exactly did you plan to overthrow us both?”

“Easy,” Kenny said, staring down at Kyle with a smirk. “As I said, seduce the Elf King. You take out Cartman for me.”

“And then a zombified, German-speaking Princess takes out the Elf King?” Kyle snarked. He really wished Kenny’d stop using that word.

“And then a beautiful, fairy-tale Princess has a Elven King so in love with her he lets her rule over his Kingdom and takes out any competition.”

Kyle’s chest seemed to freeze. He scoffed, feeling himself shaking slightly worse. “Right. And you thought I’d go for that.”

Kenny leaned in, playful mosaic eyes far too close. “You know you’re soft for me,” He teased.

Kyle’s eyes flit between Kenny’s. He was purposely turning Kyle’s mood around, he knew. This day had so many ups and downs in it he felt dizzy. Kenny was smiling at him so fondly, so softly, ready to do everything he could to make Kyle happy, even if it wouldn’t matter in the end. Nothing today would matter. He wouldn’t remember.

Kyle leaned in and pressed his lips hard against Kenny’s. Kenny gasped, drawing back with parted lips before laughing in disbelief and then exhaling softly right against his lips. He was leaning in again, kissing Kyle firmly and tilting his head.

God, yes. Yes, yes, yes. This was what he wanted, this was what he needed. Kyle sighed against Kenny’s mouth, feeling the other smile. It was so soft, so warm, Kyle’s mind felt like it was sizzling. He reached up to brush the back of his hair, cool fingers brushing the nape of his neck and reveled in the shiver he got from Kenny.

“Kyle,” Kenny murmured against his lips, gentle and sweet as his kisses.

Kyle was shaking now, and Kenny’s arms circled around his shoulders.

“Kyle,” Kenny repeated, moving back to nuzzle his nose against the redhead’s.

This was a bad idea. So horrible, so terrible, God yes. Kyle kissed him again, wanting to, amazed that he just could, that Kenny was okay with it, seemed to want him too, and there were too many feelings to process and this was definitely a bad idea.

So maybe he was soft. Maybe he’d thought about this too much, maybe he wanted it too badly, but he was going to reset and it wouldn’t matter-

Kenny apparently picked up on that thought through his lips, because he moved back just to speak softly.

“Tell me about this tomorrow?”

Kyle said nothing.

#Yep yep yep #k2 #sp k2 #kyle x kenny #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #PaisleyWrites #this was planned for a while #It seems like something is solved but is it #prepare to watch Kyle really break down after this it's gonna be a wild ride

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