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#i can't fucking believe i found out my nana died and then immediately went to class.
non-un-topo
·
9 months
Text
Why does instagram keep giving me videos about grandparents like does it want me to fall on the floor sobbing today
#they're all gone! none left now
#idk what happened this week but i've been trying SO hard not to think about my nana at all
#it’s just a constant don't think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it
#i did have a really violent nightmare about her the other night. that fucked me up...
#maybe it's because i talked to my mom and she mentioned her for a minute. neither of us know how to talk about it.
#i literally can't even think about it i'll start crying.
#should visit my partner's nonna and nonno... but i will cry. still we need to see nonno because he's very unwell.
#i can't fucking believe i found out my nana died and then immediately went to class.
#mentioned it to my professor and the whole class gasped and asked if i was okay or if i needed to leave.
#but if i didn't go to class then i would have just been home alone...
#crying in front of my favourite prof a few days later was... yikes. but it was okay. she felt like a grandma to all of us
#she was sincerely sorry. esp because that class was called 'women and aging'
#she spend the entire year telling us to ask the older women in our families their stories
#and now i have none left. didn’t get to ask.
#i don't know why i didn't call when i wanted to
#i can't think about it
#glad my mom told me that she feels totally disconnected to family too. bc lately ive felt very alone.
#like my nana getting sick and dying brought them together but only for a short while.
#feels like we have no extended family and it's fucking me up a lot. im just glad im not the only one
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