#i completely forgot if women meant more than one female ill look it up-

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GoT Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

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Hello and welcome to forsaken lands. The episodes of GoT that broke fans. And considering that GoT fans made it past in-universe heartbreaks like Ned Stark’s death and the Red Wedding, and major disappointments in the writers such as ‘Breaker of Chains’ and ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’, that is saying a lot.

It’s kinda fitting that the home stretch starts with a funeral, really. Good way to farewell our hopes. We’re not getting closure anywhere else in this series.

8.04 – The Last of the Starks

(2:15) When the credits said “with Iain Glen,” this is what they meant. With Iain Glen lying on a pile of sticks for two minutes.

(2:46) We do not get to hear what Dany whispers into Jorah’s dead ears, but I’m pretty certain the implication is that Dany, in her grief, is thinking on the lines of “BURN THEM ALL!”

(3:00) Because Sansa weeping over Theon’s body is…somehow less worrying? Somehow shot without the implied promises of fiery vengeance? What we’re looking at right now I think is far more ableist than sexist. The difference between Dany’s grief being portrayed as worrying and Sansa’s grief being portrayed as, you know, grief, is Dany’s family history of mental illness. Don’t get me wrong, there’ll be a heaping helping of sexism in here too, a lot of it in how Dany’s status as a female leader is linked narratively to her emotional state (“hysterical women” and all that) and written into the plot in the first damn place, but right now what attracts ominously unspoken whispering on Dany’s part and “purer” emotion on Sansa’s is connected to the parties we knowhave family members who have suffered from mental illness.

Man, imagine if they’d actually adapted the books, where Sansa’s father suffers what looks an awful lot like PTSD. Which doesn’t stop with just end-of-episode flashbacks, but affects his ongoing decision-making processes.

(3:36) Meanwhile, over in the toxic masculinity department, note who isn’t being so disgracefully emotional! The men, and the women who “aren’t like other girls.”

The show had good material to work with here. They could have shown men breaking down, portrayed as a completely reasonable reaction to the incredibly traumatic events of the previous episode. They could also have shown men struggling with the stoic performance that toxic masculinity requires, only to break down later, or question their own lack of response. You know, like several characters do in the books.

(4:31) Incidentally, it amuses me that though the words of Jon’s speech are addressing the survivors, he’s delivering the speech to the dead (and also the camera).

(6:50) Uh-oh. Dany couldn’t contain her tears as she lit a friend’s funeral pyre. Bad signs! Red flags! Red like fire.

I’m just going to dig out a relevant passage from The Curse of Chalion (spoilers for that book follow). For context, the crown princess Iselle (daughter of a woman widely regarded as mad, for further comparison’s sake) and the chancellor, Dy Jironal, are locked in a struggle over who gets power when the king dies. Iselle’s BFF recounts a relevant public event:

“Iselle is Ista’s daughter. She cannot speak of [the titular curse], lest men say she is mad, too. And use it as an excuse to seize…everything. Dy Jironal thought of it. At [the late crown prince’s] interment, he never missed a chance to pass some little comment on Iselle to any lord or provincar in earshot. If she wept, wasn’t it too extravagant; if she laughed, how odd that she should do so at her brother’s funeral; if she spoke, he whispered that she was frenetic, if she fell silent, wasn’t she grown strangely gloomy? And you could just watch men began to see what he told them they were seeing, whether it was there or not. Toward the end of his visit there, he even said such things in her hearing, to see if he could frighten and enrage her, and then accuse her of becoming an unbalanced virago.”

If Dany cries she’s unbalanced. If she hides her emotion she’s unempathetic. If she gets angry, she’s insane. The difference isn’t in the reaction (as already noted, we’ve got other characters openly grieving and other characters hiding their emotions), but in how, whether, and when the reaction is portrayed to the audience. In The Curse of Chalion there is a named antagonist doing that spin; here, the camera, the viewer’s PoV access to the story, is pulling exactly the same trick as it checks in with Dany’s emotional state to highlight the “out-of-place” emotions. Even the frequency of these check-ins affects the portrayal – as the viewer is treated to each and every fluctuation in Dany’s mood, her emotional state appears less constant than those of characters where we don’t get a reaction shot every time a traumatic thought crosses her mind/she schools her reaction/something mildly irritates her.

This phenomenon is not isolated to this scene. It’s been happening all season. It’s going to keep happening.

(7:50) I do not get the mood of this scene. Tonally, it feels more awkward/ordinary than full of grief, with none of the wild “glad to be alive” mood until a named character prompts it later on. The background characters often do not appear to exist independently of the main characters. It’s just these little things that chip away at suspension of disbelief. In this case, a general feeling like this fictional world is populated by named characters and department store mannequins only, not people.

(9:24) “So who’s lord of Storm’s End now?” Funny question. Strange that nobody’s asked that in the last few seasons. While we’re at it, who’s the Lady of Casterly Rock?

(10:42) Nor do I get Tyrion’s tone as he observes that Gendry’s going to be loyal to Dany due to this appointment. I mean…yes? That was the point? As Cersei shows us in AFFC, appointments for surface level loyalty don’t cut the mustard, but at the same time, Tyrion’s not being cynical and sardonic about Gendry’s competence.

(11:29) Davos here has a heart-to-heart about his complicated feelings towards a woman who engineered the death of a child he loved very much. To Tyrion. Who engineered the death of a child Davos also presumably loved very much. Davos’ interactions with Tyrion regularly go beyond a man who’s bottling up the death of his child for the sake of a political goal he genuinely believes will better the lives of more than just him, and into the realms of real emotional intimacy and friendship. I swear the writers forgot about this.

(13:12) Just from a writing standpoint, that line, “I don’t really want anymore,” really gets my goat. Oh, Bran just doesn’t have any motivations anymore, no biggie. Now the only thing that I the viewer want for this character is for him to start wanting things again.

(13:24) “Mostly I live in the past.” Yes truly this is an excellent trait for a temporal ruler.

(14:31) Here we have the unintentional call-back to season one, wherein information that the characters in-universe find distressing is revealed via the now-rather-clumsy mechanism of a drinking game. Book!Brienne’s status as an only child is a little sensitive for her.

(15:07) Tormund’s praise of Jon here is also pretty clumsy writing. It’s hard to praise Jon’s actions in that climactic battle because, well, he rode on a dragon and fried wights for about thirty seconds, and that’s it.

It’s also hard to see praise for Jon without corresponding praise for Dany as anything but sexism, because Dany was also riding on a dragon and frying lots of wights, and they’re her dragons. Played as in-universe sexism, this could have been a good source of material too, highlighting how Jon’s gender results in him getting more praise for equal (or lesser) work. Left unexamined it becomes part of a sexist narrative, an example of how Jon’s gender results in him getting more praise for equal (or lesser) work.

(15:21) No, don’t mention that Jon got killed and brought back! Don’t! It just raises the question of why!

(15:40) Notice how we keep getting the Dany reaction shot? Yeah. Isn’t the fact that Dany has emotional reactions weird?

The dialogue makes this worse. “What kind of person rides on a fucking dragon? A madman or a king!” Did…did they not realise the depths to this comment? The context? I mean, clearly, this is another hint that Dany’s going ~crazy~. On account of how she cannot be a king. The context of Dany’s gender. The gendered language used here. The minimisation of Dany’s accomplishments. How did the writers think this would come across, if not some fairly blatant sexism?

(16:04) This is the third Dany check-in regarding her unhappiness at a fairly miserable party.  This one is extra special because the very observant and knowledgeable Varys is apparently thinking, “hang on, she’s not happy, and it’s a party! This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with listening to her boyfriend praised to the skies for things she did first and/or in parallel,  immediately after losing a close friend and fighting in a very scary battle. She must be going crazy.”

Also there is spooky music and the shot choice emphasises that Dany isn’t hanging out with anyone at this party. This is far more worrying than Bran not emotionally engaging with anyone at this party thus far or Sansa not hanging out with anyone at this party thus far or Varys not hanging out with anyone at this party thus far, or Sandor drinking heavily at this party while snapping at people who come near him thus far or Arya not even attending this party. Double standard? What double standard?

(16:51) Tyrion’s marriage prior to Sansa is here brought up as a joke. There’s a joke in here all right. I call it ‘continuity’.

(17:14) Oh, my, how shocking, Brienne’s a virgin. In this world where noblewomen having premarital sex is frowned upon, Brienne not having premarital sex is unthinkable and something that the rules of drinking games say she should be embarrassed by. Wtf?

(18:36) I’m as sick of the “Pod has a magic cock” joke as the next person but frankly, they didn’t beat us over the head with detailed stories or lurid jokes about Pod’s sexual prowess, and someone should have a nice time here in season eight.

(19:56) Oh boy. Reunion between Sansa and Sandor, when these two haven’t interacted for six seasons, and what interaction they had was seriously watered down. Thematically watered down, that is. In the books, Sansa did something Sandor believed was impossible – held on to her idealism and kindness throughout horrible experiences. He was the one who learned more from their interactions. Sandor was not serving as an author avatar, but rather being depicted as a man lashing out with cynicism and nihilism as a defence mechanism.

The show didn’t appreciate that back in season two and it’s sure not going to start now. We’re about to hear some real awful stuff.

(20:10) “Heard you were broken in. Heard you were broken in rough.” 1) Why should we like this character? He’s an asshole! Not just gruff, an asshole. 2) Why is everyone an asshole to Sansa about her rape? Of all the things to be an asshole about. We got it long ago. This world is dark and gritty.

(20:15) Note that Sansa executing someone by setting dogs on them is not depicted as a worrying sign of her mental stability or lack thereof, nor as a lack of empathy, but as justice.

(20:52) “Without Littlefinger and Ramsay and the rest, I would have stayed a little bird all my life.” Okay! Wow! What a line!

What the writers think they’re saying: Sansa has overcome adversity and become a stronger person for it.

What the context of the entire series adds to this message: Sansa needed to be raped in order to become stronger. “Becoming stronger” here meaning “someone who relishes retributive violence,” as if there is no other form of strength, and as if the capacity for retributive violence is necessarily a sign of strength. The person she was before, who comforted others in their time of need and stuck her neck out to help, was stupid, naive, and weak. There is something deeply wrong with retaining qualities such as idealism. Sansa had to shed those qualities. Rape was the way to do it.

So, in short, gross.

(21:30) This is…definitely some archery safety.

(21:42) We got that? Arya is celebrating by standing out in the cold, rejecting social activity, and continuing to practice with deadly weapons (nearly killing a friend as she does, good work!). But there’s nothing to worry about in terms of Arya’s psyche here. The difference is the family history of mental illness.

(22:54) Begin the ship-sinking! Anchors a-smash! This is one of two relationships this episode which work out well until nah. For reasons. Ultimately, I don’t think the writers had a clear vision of what Arya was and what Arya wanted, instead defining the character by what she was not. She’s not a lady. Okay. What does that mean? Does that observation bring us any closer to learning what Arya does want from her life?

Aside from Not Gendry, anyhow. Man. Hope nobody was invested in that ship, because that was quite the abrupt sinking.

(24:56) Now the show remembers that Jaime has trouble with things like laces when he’s only got one hand.

(26:07) Hope nobody’s invested in this ship either! More on Jaime/Brienne soon. Let’s just keep the pattern in mind for the moment. Long-teased relationship culminates only to fall apart almost immediately because reasons.

(27:22) While we’re on the general theme of romance. The deterioration of Jon and Dany’s relationship is dragged over a longer period than the other sunk ships this season, but the reasons for that relationship failure aren’t well explicated. In large part because Jon never has the opportunity to really go into the identity crisis that the parentage reveal resulted in (note that the info that he was seriously shaken about the idea that he was sleeping with his aunt came from the showrunners, not the text). Jon’s silence throughout episode two was a good idea, in the context of building up to an eventual resolution. Only the writers kinda forgot that such a huge reveal might need a resolution.

(28:24) Continuing the thread that what tips Dany over the edge is rejection. Yes! We are really doing this! She is a woman scorned! Goodbye seasons of discussion about whether the ends justify the means. Goodbye seasons of dealing with various setbacks, developing opinions of her own, and earning respect. We’re reducing it all down to “nobody likes Dany, she feels entitled to their love, and now she is angry.”

Incidentally, why haven’t people softened towards Dany? Who was, after all, riding on a dragon just like Jon, and saving a lot of lives? We’ll get to that in a few scenes.

(28:39) Again, the fact that Dany gets angry and emotional about the prospect of losing her claim in Westeros is part of the depiction of a general downward trend in sanity and upward tendency to assume her power as an inherent moral good.

The problem here is that a) Dany’s not wrong that Jon poses a political threat to her, whether either of them like it or not, and b) this character’s arc shows some good sound reasons for wanting power – to protect her own agency, at the very least, to say nothing of her broader politics. If Dany was forced to concede the throne, her ability to decide what she does with her own life is sharply reduced. Her ability to achieve what she wants to do in the world (things like ending slavery and oppression) is sharply reduced.

In short, this is a scene and a situation where getting angry and upset is an entirely reasonable reaction. At best, this doesn’t work to depict a character with declining mental stability. At worst (and I believe worst), the very fact that a woman has emotions is being turned into part of a narrative where her emotions render her unsuitable to do things such as provide a reliable perspective or wield any form of power.

(29:27) I’m actually sympathetic to Jon’s desire to be open about his parentage with his sisters. Again, there’s still good material here! Jon’s reasonable personal desire to not keep secrets relating to their family from his sisters vs Dany’s also reasonable political concern that the more people who know, the less controllable the information is, the more dangerous it is. That’s a real conflict! I’d like to watch more along those lines!

(30:15) The narrative of Dany’s “hysteria” is advanced by focusing disproportionately on her emotional reaction the dilemma, without an equal and counterbalancing focus on Jon’s side of the problem. Through this conversation, Jon’s offered simple rebuttals to more complex statements from Dany. I owe my siblings the truth. Sansa won’t plot against us. The truth will not destroy us. You are my queen and nothing will change that. What’s missing here is any sort of explanation as to why Jon believes these things. The lack of explanation leaves Jon’s character underdeveloped and shifts disproportionate focus to Dany’s reasoning and motivations.

(31:09)  So just to put a percentage on it, in flying north to aid Jon and save the north, Dany sacrificed a full 50% of her troops. Half the northerners were killed too, but I don’t think it’s a very controversial argument that without Dany’s aid, 100% of the northerners would have been killed. Also 100% of the non-combatants.

(31:27) Meanwhile, it’s made clear that as a result of Dany’s assistance, she’s taken a serious hit to her ability to take the Iron Throne. Note the mention of the Greyjoy fleet.

(31:37) “When the people find out what we have done for them – “ “Cersei will make sure they don’t believe it.” So…working out a propaganda strategy isn’t worth it? The woman who catapulted barrels of broken chains into Meereen to prove to its slave population that she was the real deal, something she did not do in the books, is out of ideas to counter the narrative? Dany kinda forgot that she successfully conquered three cities already. Not for the first time.

This is a fault with the writing. The writers are jamming square character pegs into round plot holes. These scenes pay lip service to the problems the characters come across, and dismiss those problems either out of hand, or as completely insurmountable and not worth bothering with.

(31:56) “Thankfully, Cersei is losing allies by the day.” Footage not found. Footage to the contraryfound, as Varys plonks down quite a few more new tokens on Cersei’s side of the map table. There’s no good reason for it, but there we are.

(32:24) Give the smallfolk the opportunity, and they will cast Cersei aside? There are a few problems with this.

1. It’s exactly what Tyrion proposed last season. How’s the strategy working out? A reevaluation may be called for here.

2. As someone who lived through food riots in a city under siege, Tyrion should be well aware of the human costs of starvation in a medieval urban area. This is not the mythical “humane option.”

3. This still doesn’t address the fact that Cersei is demonstrably willing to blow up whoever’s in her way, and a slow siege gives her more opportunity and motivation to burn down her own holdings just to deny them to Dany.

4. Why the fuck haven’t the smallfolk rebelled already, given that Cersei blew up the Vatican? If they are not going to rebel over that, what are they going to rebel over?

(32:52) Speaking of lip service! Sansa’s concerns here that the armies are exhausted would (and should!) be a valid and important objection to the wisdom of Dany’s plans. But we never see any evidence later that the troops are over-tired. Or underfed. Sansa’s insights don’t mean anything. And this is poor writing for her.

(33:02) Sansa’s proposed solution is an indefinite break. She came to the meetings without the details about how long a break might be appropriate. Keep in mind who’s been the most vocal about saying ‘we don’t have enough food.’ I think on context it’s fairly reasonable for Dany to suspect this is Sansa trying to get out of assisting at King’s Landing (and we’ll see shortly afterwards that she really does want to get out of assisting at King’s Landing). Likewise, the rebuttal that regrouping gives time for Cersei to dig in is another fairly reasonable argument.

But from Sansa’s comments, apparently this is Dany not caring about the wellbeing of her own troops.

(34:59) Now we get into it! Why are the Stark sisters so dead set against Dany, despite the assistance she’s provided?

(35:34) And the answer is xenophobia! “She’s not one of us.” Arya and Sansa do not trust Dany because “she’s not one of us.” No amount of assistance or heroism can overcome this fundamental barrier. It is bigotry. Not to mention it’s also pretty much identical to the Lannister ethos of “fuck everyone who isn’t us.”

Again, how did the showrunners think this would come across, when the Starks proposed treating Dany with “screw you got mine”? How did they think it would look for the Starks to accept the benefits of Dany’s assistance only to try and back out and treat her with rudeness and hostility when she wanted their help in return? How did they think it would look to have the reason for this rudeness and hostility be “she’s not one of us”? The Starks here look like absolute assholes. Worse, this reaction can be extrapolated to the North at large.

(35:41) Complete with some poor adaptation of Arya, who doesn’t need allies and apparently doesn’t care for friends either.

(36:21) So Jon decides to reveal everything to his siblings. This devastating family secret which should have to force every Stark to reevaluate what they knew about Ned and what they thought about Ned’s treatment of their mother and brother. This is a doozy of a secret. Let’s see some reactions.

(37:15) – a cut? What the fuck? We cut away from that? Why! Why would you do this! Why would any writer in their right mind and possessed of their dramatic sensibilities cut away from the moment two of our major PoV characters discover their father’s greatest secret, in the context of renegotiating high level political relationships?

(38:09) Bronn’s presence here is insult to injury. Not only did we cut away from what by rights should have been one hell of a reveal, we cut to a scene with a character who’s just here for the fanservice. It has been a very long time since Bronn was plot-relevant or theme-relevant. His presence here, in fact, just highlights the plotholes of his involvement in previous seasons. I mean why, for the love of all that is well-written, would this character continue to play along with the jackasses who’ve promised huge payoffs and never delivered?

…aaaaaaaand now that I write it, I see it. We are all Bronn here. Right up until he gets his fucking payoff, and we the audience do not.

(40:40) Ah yes, more homophobia which is somehow not problematic when a funny character says it.

(41:26) So now that that scene is over, what did it do? The answer is “very little.” It provides an explanation of how Bronn’s Lord of Highgarden at the end of the series, when Highgarden’s resources are no longer relevant to the plot. It does not matter who’s running Highgarden. But if you cut Bronn’s subplot from this season altogether, it doesn’t actually affect shit. Hell, it opens up plotholes. Bronn’s going to vanish for the next few episodes. Cersei’s going to proceed as though she never hired anyone to off Jaime and Tyrion, and Jaime and Tyrion are going to proceed as though Cersei never hired anyone to kill them. Also as if they never decided to give away Highgarden, something I’m sure Dany would be thrillled about.

If any of the characters involved thought about the implications, that is, instead of barrelling along with the plot because Script Says So.

(42:21) So Sandor and Arya go on one last road trip for old times’ sake. Can’t have this story finish with anything but revenge.

(42:33) Now, okay, I might draw some conclusions about the quality of adaptation from the showrunners’ decision to make Arya effectively not Arya, but they can make that decision and within the show’s own canon we’ll have to live with  it.

But Arya here walks out on her family, completely blank-faced, no goodbyes, no indication of any sort of grief (even a shot where Arya looks back longingly at Winterfell), on a suicide mission to take revenge on Cersei. It’s all very well to rely on Arya’s longstanding desire to kill Cersei. That’s fair. Now that desire should be competing with things like “longstanding desire to reunite with her family.” And the show skips out on depicting any internal conflict there. Instead, we approach Arya’s decision to leave through Sandor’s PoV, the reverse of the book’s choices. More about how the story weights the revenge narrative next episode.

Oh, and Sandor is also completely static as a character. Completely fucking static. Our time has been well spent watching this character not develop.

(43:37) “Why her?” Oh my god. Again? It really does seem like Sansa’s got nothing else going on in her characterisation this season but hating Dany. (This is not quite accurate. There are at least three scenes this season where Sansa is not directly or indirectly engaged in undermining or expressing her strong dislike of Daenerys.) I cannot stress enough, this is both poor depiction of Dany, and poor characterisation of Sansa!

Also, the choice to open the scene with Sansa staring at the dragons, followed by the line “why her?” frames Sansa’s subsequent choices in said scene as being motivated by her dislike of Dany. Think of that opening shot and opening line as a heading for the scene.

(44:55) We establish for sure here that Tyrion is afraid of Dany. The basis for this is Dany’s behaviour after the Loot Train Battle and Dany’s impatience to be getting on with taking King’s Landing. Note that Tyrion, while afraid of his abusive father, was not afraid of him because he pulled stunts like the Red Wedding. And while show!Tyrion hated Joffrey, unlike his book version he does not appear to have been afraid of Joffrey. So what makes Dany different?

If anyone can come up with a reason other than deeply ingrained narrative sexism…

(45:06) “The men in my family don’t do well in the capital,” Sansa says.

(45:58) It’s been [checks] eight minutes and forty-three seconds of screen time since Sansa learned the truth. A truth she swore not to reveal to anyone else. Here she makes the decision to tell someone else. Firstly, this plays real bad for Sansa herself, who broke a promise in a hot second in a scene that’s about How Much She Hates That Daenerys Woman. Secondly, this plays real bad for Jon, who trusted Sansa to do no such thing.

It’s been forty-two seconds since Sansa said she didn’t want Jon to go to King’s Landing, with the implication she believes he’ll be in danger if he does. This does not track with a motivation to protect him. It does, however, track with a motivation of wanting anyone but Dany in power.

I really don’t think the writers were trying to make the Starks look like assholes, which is why their success is so astounding.

Hey, you notice that they cut before we can see Tyrion’s reaction to this news, too?

(46:28) “I’m taking the Free Folk home. We’ve had enough of the south.” It sure is nice that this political faction doesn’t have to deal with things like the long-term material and cultural consequences of internal unification, being subject to essentially foreign authority of variable friendliness, mass migration, dispossession, things like that. Nope. Right back over the mostly-intact Wall. Nothing’s going to change for them. Just a warm southron vacay.

(46:57) Jon just fucking exiles his direwolf. Worst pet owner. Also themes, direwolves, etc.

(48:13) So Gilly’s pregnant. And Sam’s vows to take no wife and father no children have not been mentioned for an awfully long time. The showrunners masterfully resolved the central conflict of Sam’s season two, three, and four dilemmas in this relationship by ignoring it entirely.

(50:05) Here Tyrion tells Varys the big secret. In spite of the fact that he should bloody well realise that spreading the information about could destabilise Dany’s campaign for the throne and eventual rule. Good job, man. Good job. (There is also no reason to believe that Sansa knew that Tyrion would pass the information on to Varys.)

Plus additional depiction of Robert’s Rebellion as being because Robert couldn’t get over being rejected, rather than Aerys being a dangerous tyrant.

(50:41) “People are drawn to him,” Varys says of Jon, in a series where yes, we’ve seen people acclaiming Jon their leader, and precious little reason why they would do such a thing. ‘Failing upwards’ does seem to be the term. Note, however, that what Varys says equally applies to Daenerys. People drawn to her. War hero. But that doesn’t matter because Dany is a woman.

(51:08) Is marrying your aunt common in the North? Do we have time to go back to the history and lore material? And there is still no good reason this wasn’t brought up in season seven!

(51:23) Varys is very worried about Dany’s sanity. Based on…the fact she was impatient with Tyrion’s demonstrated-to-be-failing plan, the fact she didn’t enjoy the one party after one of her close friends died violently in her arms, and possibly secondhand reports of the Loot Train Battle.

This is incredibly hard to buy. I mean really. For seven seasons, Dany was a reasonable, rational individual whose cruelty was a) occasional, b) a reaction to the actions of others, and c) not out of line with what we saw from other characters, giving the impression that her behaviour as a ruler was not beyond her society’s tolerances. What made her stand out was the fact that she was freeing slaves and talking about “breaking the wheel.” That was outside her society’s tolerances. The instances of Dany’s cruelty, in the context of the series as a whole, do not appear enough to support a conclusion that mentally she’s on a downward slide.

Concern over how Dany’s handling her grief over Jorah might be more reasonable, but again, there’s no reason to think this is anything but grief and trauma. Which isn’t great, obviously, but nobody’s going “oh, she’s sad and going through a rough time,” they’re saying she’s going crazy. Just leapt right to the worst possible conclusion.

Meanwhile, on the meta level, let’s keep in mind that the narrative is using the fact that Dany wasaffected by grief and trauma as proof that she is demonstrably irrational and not fit to lead. This is textbook hysterical woman trope. Textbook.

(52:08) So for context, the dragons are approaching King’s Landing. From their height, they should have a good view of the bay.

(52:17) And yet Rhaegal gets sniped! Goodbye dragon #2! Well, given how he treated Ghost, perhaps it’s a good thing that Jon didn’t get another pet.

(52:42) Euron’s invisible fleet strikes again. Sure, we see them sailing out from behind a cliff, but the dragons had some serious height advantage, and there are a bunch of ships. Guess Dany kinda forgot about the Iron Fleet!

No, really. That’s the explanation the showrunners gave.

Even though in the moment it seems that Dany also forgot that she isn’t limited to seeing what the camera points at, and/or forgot to use her eyes. If the cliffs were high enough to hide the fleet, they should also have been too high for Euron to aim over. Not that his first two shots weren’t implausibly good either.

(53:18) And Dany does not fly around the fleet and flank them…why?

(54:02) So Euron’s invisible, memory-fogging fleet, which the showrunners have relied on way too heavily for diabolus ex machina, starts laying into Dany’s fleet. Because the showrunners seriously expected Dany to forget about the Iron Fleet. Dany has also forgotten she’s flying on a fire-breathing dragon. Don’t worry, she’ll remember when the plot says she’ll commit a bunch of war crimes.

(54:35) Again straining the limits of plausibility, Tyrion survives despite being knocked on the head by a falling mast. While in the water. In the middle of a battle. That’s one way to avoid depicting a battle that should not have happened.

(55:12) Missandei is established to be missing here.

(55:27) Cersei loses allies by the day. The smallfolk will surely turn on her. In this shot, people are pouring in through Cersei’s gates and seeking her protection. Not a riot in sight. Again, there’s no good reason why, but there we go!

(56:01) They’re not dropping Cersei’s pregnancy. This still raises questions as to how long it’s been, and she’s still not showing.

(56:30) “Keep the gates open. If she wants to take the castle, she’ll have to murder thousands of innocent people first.” That sounds to me like an argument for why Dany should be rather quick securing the capital – to prevent Cersei taking and using hostages! Note that this argument applies from season seven!

(56:44) It turns out that Missandei was captured. Yes. Euron not only managed to sneak invisibly up to Dany’s forces after they all forgot about his existence, kill a dragon with some seriously implausible sniping, escape unburned when Dany forgot to set Euron on fire, and trash her fleet utterly, he also bravely sailed in, discovered that Missandei was a hostage of significant emotional value to Dany, and captured her and her alone. What plot problems can Euron not solve.

More seriously, this is some shoddy treatment of one of the show’s only significant characters of colour. It’s going to get worse. Before we got to see Missandei’s face, we got a long shot of the chains she was put in (and a snide comment about it too).

(57:13) Varys says that storming the city is a mistake. I’m yet to hear workable alternatives. Dany’s advisors have been wrong about Cersei’s political and military strength every step of the way. Why should Dany listen to them, at this point?

However, Dany’s rejection of her advisors’ (proven-poor) advice is depicted as being born of emotion rather than reason.  See above re: hysterical women. We’ve got this dichotomy between emotional women and reasonable men. This is all the more noticeable in the context of Cersei’s rule. We’ve got two queens fighting for a throne at the moment, and both are apparently willing to kill any number of people for it. Currently the narrative’s saying that our sympathies should be with the reasonable men trying to rein in these unreasonable women.

(58:34) Tyrion advocates talking to Cersei. Again. This is a bad rerun of 7.07, and 7.07 wasn’t much good to start with. What reason does Tyrion have to believe that anything Cersei says can be relied on? None. He has, instead, every reason to believe that Cersei will lie if she needs to and reject every effort for a peaceful solution. He has every reason to believe this because she already has. And also hired someone to kill him. Which he found out just a few scenes ago.

I realise that Dany’s the one on the Hitler end of the Nazi analogies in episode six, but watch out for Neville Chamberlain here. Peace in our fucking time.

(59:15) “I’ve served tyrants all my life. They all talked about destiny.” Really? Did they? I can’t recall either Tywin or Joffrey or Robert talking much about destiny. Weird throwback to book!Varys, there.

(59:44) We see here that Varys measures fitness to rule in how often the ruler agrees with him. As soon as Dany turns down his advice, even though it was of dubious merit, he starts looking for a replacement. This is, again, the sort of thing that makes Dany’s supposed paranoia not look very irrational.

(1:00:04) “Have you considered the best ruler might be someone who doesn’t want to rule?” Why, yes! That question was considered extensively in the novels, in the person of Robert Baratheon! Back in the day, Robert was a fantasy hero. He had almost everything going for him. Almost every personal quality you could want in a king. But he didn’t want the throne. And nobody could make him do the job once he was on the throne. His disinterest and inertia had profound consequences on both his personal health and the running of the country.

Robert Baratheon is GRRM’s argument against that line.

(1:00:21) While there is plenty of sexism in the narrative, I don’t think Varys is incorrect to observe that in the patriarchal setting depicted, Jon’s gender will make him a more appealing monarch candidate.

(1:00:46) Varys: Jon would make a good king of Westeros.

Also Varys: We can’t marry Jon to Dany, her personality would overwhelm his!

Tyrion’s solution addresses the problem of Jon’s claim. Varys rejects that solution because it doesn’t address the problem of Dany. He does not want Dany to be the driving force ruling the kingdom. Also, apparently marriages where the woman is a Type A personality and the man’s a Type B personality are bad. Presumably the reverse is not true.

(1:03:44) Maybe three or four scenes this season where show!Sansa isn’t focused on hating Dany? Of course, my comments about Sansa being “toughened up” by having her come to enjoy violence against her enemies still apply.

(1:05:14) Now this reads like a fuck you to everyone who was at all invested in Jaime/Brienne as a ship. Brienne lays out the basic position – Jaime is a good man, he can’t save Cersei, and he doesn’t need to die with her. Sums up a good chunk of audience hopes, too. A lot of what drives the dramatic tension of Jaime’s scenes is the audience desire to see him actually follow through on his better impulses, including giving up on his toxic relationship with his sister. Not only is the audience not unreasonable for wanting this, the audience’s desire for this has been actively encouraged by the narrative for several seasons.

(1:05:39) In response, Jaime says, “nah, not a good man, just as bad as my sister, I’ll be leaving now, see ya!” As if scenes justifying Jaime’s actions-for-love never existed (just because I don’t think “I did it for love” is a good excuse doesn’t mean the show has thus far not treated it as a good excuse), Jaime lists a bunch of crimes, concludes he’s awful, and heads out. In hindsight, this is clearly Jaime rejecting any sort of different path. At the time there were theories going round that Jaime was heading off to the battle for some sort of personal resolution…but no.

So, you know, fuck the viewers for thinking someone could grow and change, I guess. A special fuck you to anyone who shipped Jaime/Brienne. They can go cry with the Arya/Gendry shippers. This is not just bad writing, it’s asshole writing. It gave the audience something to want, gave the audience what it wanted, yanked it away, and called the audience idiots for ever wanting it in the first place.

And it’s not even the worst example of asshole writing in the series. As we know.

(1:07:26) So here’s our setup. Dany, her advisors, a small group of Unsullied, and Drogon, are all hanging out on the clear stretch of ground in front of King’s Landing. Cersei’s up there and there are a whole bunch of ballistae pointed in their general direction, as well as a whole bunch of archers on the walls.

(1:09:13) Tyrion and Qyburn state the positions of their respective monarchs. (In the context of the series, especially with both Dany and Cersei being “mad” queens, it gives me the irrits that Dany and Cersei aren’t doing the talking – no, that’s for the men. See above regarding reasonable men reining in unreasonable women.) Note that these positions each demand the unconditional surrender of the other. I don’t think this is going to be resolved. I think this is well past the point where talking does much good.

This is one of the problems I have with the “reasonable” positions proposed by the men around Dany – they fail to recognise that they aren’t working against a reasonable opponent. These men aren’t reasonable in the sense that they considered the available evidence, alternative courses of action, and weighed up their options. The alternative proposed, and initially taken up by Dany, did not work. We saw it not work for most of season seven, and it continues to not work now. The “reasonable” option here doesn’t have anything to do with the situation established by the show. It’s “reasonable” in that it’s less outright violent in the short term, without accounting for long-term consequences or, you know, major strategic objectives. It treats negotiation and non-violence as inherently the most reasonable course of action, and therefore the best.

Again, this makes for a poor contrast with the books, where Dany’s storyline has talked about just these things. There are situations where people cannot solve their problems by talking. There are peaces that should not and cannot be made. Sometimes violence is necessary. The questions are when? and why?

(1:11:49) Note that when someone does actually bother speaking to one of the monarchs here directly, Tyrion doesn’t go for reason. He does not outline military consequences as he did for Qyburn. He goes for the emotional appeal.

It’s also worth noting: fucking again? This worked so well last time.

(1:12:07) Wait, so Jaime’s hateful for murdering his cousin and attempting to murder a child, but Cersei blows up the fucking Westerosi Vatican and she’s “not a monster”? Either the show’s being inconsistent here, or Tyrion is one of a) the greatest actors Westeros has ever seen or b) fooling himself. She hired someone to kill him out of personal spite! Tyrion found this out like half an hour of screen time ago!

I’m deeply suspicious of the show’s attempts to make Cersei somewhat sympathetic at this late stage. It looks a lot to me as if this is intended to make the demonisation of Dany easier. Cersei does not do much this season. She didn’t do much last season. Continuing on from what I just said about reasonable uses of violence, we’re not actually seeing much violence these past two seasons from Cersei which would make Dany’s own use of violence reasonable and appropriate. (No, they still can’t resolve their issues by talking, Cersei’s broken deals with them before.) Cersei’s tyranny is kept out of sight and out of mind for the audience, including most if not all references to that time she blew up the Sept of Baelor, so Dany appears inherently less justified in her actions.

The only thing Cersei does this season, which she’s about to do, is in direct service of “setting Dany off” mentally.

(1:12:57) Also, Cersei’s pregnancy being used to humanise her? Yikes. In context of ongoing comparison over “who’s the worst monster?” to Dany, who is infertile? Mega yikes. These characters should not be judged by what’s going on in their uteruses.

(1:13:45) Finally! A queen speaks! After six minutes of “negotiations”.

(1:14:14) “Dracarys”? Well, that’s ambiguous. Scans an awful lot like Missandei’s saying “yeah, burn the city!”

(1:14:44) So this is awful. The show has two recurring characters of colour. It just killed one. A freed slave, killed in chains, with nasty comments made about this fact, to motivate a white character whose arc has already had fair accusations of white savourism levelled against it. Not good. Not good at all.

(1:15:20) Incidentally, I can’t help but notice that Cersei stopped at killing Missandei. She’s kinda forgotten about her archers and ballistae and that she doesn’t care for norms such as truce.

(1:15:40) Dany walks away with an actual expression on her face. Her inability to school her features after witnessing the murder of a friend is how we know, for sure, that she’s losing it. If she’s calm, she’s emotionally dead. If she’s sad, she’s hysterical. If she’s angry, she’s about to kill hundreds of thousands of people…

#anti got #fine toothed comb edition #cw: violence #cw: rape mention #season eight #in which i call a lot of people assholes

[rivetgoth]

I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

[diariesof-kg]

Accountability.

08_12_21

I don’t have much to blog about.  I was thinking of not typing my blogs but record and post.  It would be easier for people to listen than read a 4-page letter about my thoughts.  This helps me cope with my thoughts, since they are all over the place and some things come to the forefront that I forgot about.  I want to take time to reflect slightly.  I want to take accountability for myself.  As I get more comfortable speaking about what happened to me for nine months, it’ll be easier to post it on my IG.  It’ll be easier for my followers to understand me.  To understand the mind of someone who lived in silent.

After everything ended, I cried for a week straight.  And it wasn’t no small cry, it was so bad, I couldn’t breathe.  It was so bad, I felt like I was so empty.  And as I reflect, I see myself sitting at the desk, trying to work and crying.  But I also see the light at the end that I could not see before.  I remember telling my therapist, that I was officially beyond repair.  And that I worked so hard to self heal from the same shit I told myself I would never deal with again.  That’s the accountability for myself.  After 2016, I worked very hard to heal with no therapy and was dating easily.  I was likeable asf.  So it hurts and I am disappointed in myself that I repaired me just to have to do the shit all over again.  I think when I think about that, I cry a lot.  Because I’ve been through so much and of course everyone watched my relationship on IG, because I posted it all over.  And when I got out, everyone was happy for me.  I am disappointed because I allowed myself to allow the things to happen to me.  The moment she appeared at my house unannounced because I didn’t come to dinner was a red flag to remove myself.  And I didn’t.  The moment when she cursed me out just for asking about posting photos of me and her, was a red flag.  There were so many flags waving and I ignored them.  I have to take responsibility for my ignorance.  Some of it is my fault, because I allowed it.  I told myself and I told God, I WOULD NEVER end up in a situation like I was years ago.  I had understood the signs of abuse, I had read so many blogs and articles.  But I fell hard and fast.

There is a lot of disappointment that I feel and although they tell me, it’s not your fault, it still sucks.  Maybe if I was less of a lover I wouldn’t feel this way.  I legit was going on dates and had no interest in anyone.  Although they really wanted to date me or see me again, I declined.  Plus I had booked this TV show and in order to get a Capricorn attention or time, you have to honestly work for it.  And I think this Taurus knew that.  That’s why it was so easy to capture my attention and so easy to get me.  And it sucks.  Especially when she said I flaked on her, when I really had to film this show.  That should have been some sort of sign from the universe to skip over this one and date someone else.  I feel so eh.... I am still trying to figure that out.  I am according to so many others “hard to get...” I am not hard to get, you just have to have that vibe that vibes with me.  I think I liked her from the conversation and I never felt that type of energy from any other women I went on dates with.  But still after that, I should have known.  By now I’d be proposing or some shit to the right women.  But instead I’m picking up the pieces of myself to start healing all over again. 

I don’t even have the energy to date.  I feel like I am stuck on her, like some weird ass soul-tie, but I no longer want her.  It took about 90 days to get rid of those feelings and wanting someone who never wanted you.  It was hard.  Despite having a restraining order, parts of me wanted to just talk to her, parts of me wanted to be intimate, parts of me never wished it happened.  But I realize that it was meant to happen.  And this portion, I can’t wait to share with the public, because the push-pull was real.  It’s a battle between your mind and heart.  It’s a battle between those on the outside.  But at the end of the day it was me who made the choices to remain strong and not fall for it.  I am also realizing that, I was used for the moment.  At the beginning she said she was talking to someone else before me and parts of me wished she chose the other girl.  Parts of me is wondering why me?  Was it easier to manipulate me?  Was it because I am a Capricorn and I love money?  Because of what?  I feel used.  I even feel more disgusted, because I broke my 90day rule of intimacy and later she tells me before our date she had sex with some female who had a whole girlfriend.  If that doesn’t scream RED FLAG, I don’t know what does.  I don’t condone infidelity.  I have to take responsibility for falling deaf on things that were clearly present.  I don’t date cheaters!!! And she’s a damn serial cheater.  I fault for myself again for just not paying attention.  If yall don’t understand how the signs were clearly present, I don’t even know.  I honestly don’t date cheaters and I am very adamant about that.  I never cheated in my life! So WTF.

And it’s so crazy how women think that I have multiple women when I don’t.  Yes I have women interested in me, but do I talk to them all at once, No!  We usually end as friends and they date someone else, while I’m single and they keep in contact, because they like me.  And when they do bring up about wanting me, I put them in their place, because if you do that, then you lose me as a friend, so they understand.  My phone has no lock or code on it.  You can look through my shit.  It’s mind boggling.  So the advocate today asked, what did you guys argue about the most?  And honestly there was no answer to that.  It was either I wasn’t communicating enough or I wasn’t doing what she wanted.  It’s got to be an issue with the Taurus, someone ask Chris Brown. Lol.  Like seriously my friend dated a Taurus and that taurus physically did harm.  You can’t tell me they are not violent.  She has a restraining order on that bish.  So.... if everything is good with a Taurus and a Capricorn except the communication is 3/5 then, what’s with the violence.  I don’t think anyone can decipher it, except all the taurus I spoke to said they love hard.  I love hard too, but you don’t see me controlling or manipulating anyone I dated.  I don’t need to be in control.  Just some sort of weird chemical imbalance to me.  

You know what sucks is my brother.  He never got along with other people I dated and he just jumped into her arms and was so happy.  Damn *insert sad face*  My brother matters and I always said, I can’t date people if you don’t get along with him, because humans with disabilities are beautiful and deserve the same recognition.  And it definitely shows your character.  One time he said her name and I had to explain to him, that she gone home and never to return.  Isn’t that crazy.  He doesn’t understand, but understands. I can’t tell him NO, don’t say that, because he would not understand it.  I feel sad about that, because my brother had a “friend” someone that acknowledged him and he loved that.  And I am responsible for sort of taking that away.  Plus he’s a dude he love thick women. Lol, I’m done with him, he’s a character. 

I need two days of a break from blogging.  Lol, My weekends are to relax.  But I am disappointed that I may not buy a Tesla, because it’s so damn complicated.  Like wtf Elon. Lol, I need to do an interview or an update, because I am so different now.  But like I said several celebrities follow that page and one I know.  And I just don’t have that confidence to be okay with them knowing, it’s so weird.  I mean when I meet H.E.R. like on some intimate shit, best believe we having a whole conversation. Lol. I did reach out to H.E.R. management though.  I am serious about her singing at my reception after I’m married.  

I still need to write this will and beneficiaries documents.  I am still very sure that my next partner can have my assets.  Because you honestly never know.  It’s not something I’d bring up on the first date, Lol, but it’s there.  I am always a planner.  I be two years ahead but still be stuck in the current year.  I do want to fall in love again.  It’s still there, maybe by 2022.  I thought I’d bounce back but I can’t and I’m impatient but I can wait.  But I signed up for classes, and I am going back to OT, so I really don’t have time for no one else unless they were persistent like she was, but even then I couldn’t trust them.  It’s a process.  It really is.  And of course I think once I feel this soul-tie completely break and separate Ill be ready.  And ignorance is a bliss.  Because I told her she was my person and when you say things out loud, the universe listens.  So that’s why it’s taking longer to move on.  I am so spiritual it sucks sometimes. 

It’s past 10pm and I need to sleep... until next time.

[impvarjack60]

15 Welcome *ome, Anna

The shuttle clunked on the ground, and out stepped Anna, Princess Anna. Ugh,... I think I've created a monster in my own mind. She was wearing the same white dress as that first day. A wide strap sleeveless affair in cotton. I vaguely remember seeing her in it from some past memory, ah yes, it's from a story I wrote. She was in the Mediterranean on a trip........ She held out her arms as she approached me, almost as if she was displaying her new arm. We wrapped each other up, and kissed for what seemed like forever. Then something happened that I had totally forgot about, Rain Day. Yep, it rained on a schedule here. The clouds weren't heavy enough for any real precipitation, so they pumped water thru a gazillion nozzles to make it rain in the Habitat. So there we were, recreating the end of Breakfast at Tiffany's. All we needed was Cat. I just didn't care, it wasn't that cold, and I couldn't move, for fear of spoiling the moment. Even with all the time in the world, I kept having this gnawing feeling that it would all get ripped away at any time. She'd be gone, the Habitat would disappear, and my flabby old carcass would come back, like Cinderella at midnight. But that's what life is, it doesn't last forever, and you have to make the most of it. Even though I would turn out to be one of the oldest humans ever to live. At the time, it just didn't seem like enough.

_________________________________________________________

As we walked back to the house she seen it, and started giggling in the cutest way possible. I had made a sign just like the one in Frozen Fever and hung it in the trees, 'cept this one said; 'Welcome Home Anna'. I had specified to Olaf several days ago I wanted water color paint and a brush on paper to recreate what Kristoff had done. Now that it was raining the paint was running down the paper, making it a complete mess, as the 'H' fell to the ground. "Well, I bet the stuff inside the house survived." "I still love it." Then she kissed me on the cheek. Inside the house it was wall to wall flowers, Minoo gave me a hand with this yesterday. I'm glad Abzari turned her loose with me, I needed the help, and it was a sign that he was letting go of the past, this would have never occurred on Earth. She is very attractive, but my days of chasing tail were decades behind me, and all I can see is Anna in my life now. I'm so glad I can look at a woman like Minoo, and see only beauty, instead of desire.

"Oh my God, they're sooo beautiful!, she walked up to every arrangement to give it a sniff. "We should probably get into some dry clothes." "Stellar idea." She went to the replicator and got something comfortable. As she started up the steps, she gave me a long look. I knew what it was, this where I would help her. "Go ahead, I'll get dressed in the Cave." She slowly turned and walked up the stairs. It's amazing to me how these little things that come in and out of our lives can have such a profound effect. But every Sun-day I would button her buttons, or put on and tie her shoes, and she would smile. It would be our tiny little ritual. And this one was pretty harmless.

So we had dinner, and I finally noticed it, she had a perfectly circular scar around her shoulder. They cut off the remains of her arm and popped in the new one at the socket. Probably trimming off the excess like a vinyl record fresh out of the stamper. She seen me starring at it. "Pretty ugly scar, eh?" "I honestly don't care. you're in one piece, and you have your independence back, that is all that matters. You are just as beautiful as the day I met you." "Still, I wouldn't mind doing a cover-up. Whatcha' think, flowers, Celtic, or maybe a dragon?" "And ruin your beautiful freckles?" She gave me a puzzled look. "You think my freckles are beautiful?" "Of course, do you think you'd have them if I didn't?" It took her a second to realize what I was saying. "Oh, yea." "Anna, your beauty lies in these tiny little flaws." I started to touch them. "I never subscribed to the typical beauty that so many American males were attracted to, I'm sure you've noticed your breasts aren't gigantic, right? I think they're actually a touch smaller than in the movie." "Wait, WHAT?" "As it turned out, you were kinda' built to specs, and I'm into the dancers body, the Gamine. They obviously seen this and made you this way. You are my ultimate beauty, and anything you do to degrade that is going to sadden me, but I must be fair. Even if they created the image I wanted, it's your body, and you can do what you want. Just know the scar doesn't bother me, and if it bothers you, then fix it. I don't want to ever reduce your happiness." "When I first met you, you were scared of me, and I thought it was a mistake to love you. I will never believe that again." More hugs, more kisses, more love. She understood what I meant, and she would never feel the touch of the artist's needle. She respected my thoughts, the one's I had while I lied in stasis, waiting for my fountain of youth, dreaming of twirling in the ballroom with the strawberry blonde princess.

_________________________________________________________

I got a hold of the Doc and had him come by to give Anna a thorough going over, and I mean thorough. He was a little nervous about this, as we were trying to be friends, and the idea of seeing all of her before I did concerned him. "It's OK, Doc. I really don't have a problem with this. Besides, if her vagina has razor sharp teeth in it, I'd rather you lose some fingers vs. my junk." "Very funny, Michael. But I suspect that wouldn't be the case." "Either way, we need to know what's going on here, and any clue is a good clue. I for one am sick of all this secrecy." "Very well, shall we proceed?" "Anna, can you come upstairs please?, the Doc is ready for you." She came up the stairs with light, unsure steps. While she said she was OK with this, she may be having second thoughts. "It'll be OK, Anna. He's done this many times before." Which was an absolute lie, he's never examined an alien before. "OK, Anna remove all your clothes and lie on the bed." "That is my cue to go downstairs, make sure you buy her dinner first!" "Good one, Michael, thanks for being so helpful, while I'm so nervous." I knew I'd be in for it later.

After a while I heard the snap of the glove. Then I heard Anna give a loud 'RAHHHH!' as the Doc immediately gasped. I was rolling on the floor at that point. I wonder if she heard the razor sharp teeth bit. Doc came down the steps first, while Anna got dressed, he was still breathing a little heavy. "Well one things for sure, she has my sense of humor, you OK Doc?" "I've been better. Can we talk privately?" "This way, Doc." I took him to the cave. "Other than her strange facial appearance, unusual skull shape, and somewhat disproportionately small feet she seems perfectly normal." He paused for a moment, this is never good. "Her birth canal does seem somewhat larger than I'd expect for a virgin. She is a virgin, right?" "As far as I know, I don't know if someone took 'er for a test drive before I got her." "You seem rather flippant about that, Michael." "I've never had a taste for virginity, they usually don't know what they're doing. But she has my memories in there, so I think she'll be well versed in that department."

I suspected the birth canal thing, that's the reason for my own personal upgrade, parts with a matching fit, plus birthing would be easier. A desirable trait when you want to make as many babies as possible. This has been the curse of women for ever. Hopefully we'll help to breed that awful trait out, it seems so illogical to me that creatures of nature have little trouble giving birth, while human females try to squeeze a bowling ball thru a garden hose. But the clue that provided was the scariest of them all. When we got to the new world, we would be on our own. The technology would leave with the Masters. We are currently ill prepared for a life without technology. Somebody will have to have a plan. There are some other possibilities here. We're both big headed people. Those big eyes need a big skull to fit into, and would need a larger passage to fit through. Or is a bigger passage needed for some hideous monster to make it's way thru? I keep having images of a Xenomorph ripping it's way thru her belly just before it consumes us both. I really hope the Masters reveal themselves before we start having children.

"Still, she's quite healthy, you said they wanted to have her wait a few weeks before she uses her arm fully?" "Yea, that's the message I got from Olaf. I'm not taking any chances with her, I'd hate for her new arm to pop out." "The speed at which that graft healed is amazing, I hope they share that technology with us some day." "Me too, Doc. But we should assume that once we reach the home world, we're on our own." "Agreed,... OK Michael, I'm on my way home, It has been a pleasure, although Anna could use some restraint, I nearly broke my fingers." "Sorry about that Doc, there's still some child in there." "Tell me about it,... good day, and peace be with you." "See ya, Doc. And thanks again." Hmmm, no surprises here, and only one ominous clue. It was time to meet with the other Hybrides and whatever name the Earthling women came up with for their men. I'm really not looking forward to this.

[dailydoseofme5]

LETS TALK ABOUT MY TEACHER

I really wanna write this down just for the sake of remembering this. 

dude......Reece Theriot though...

I have the biggest crush ever on my teacher. Like I get butterflies when I talk to him or see him. I haven't felt like that about a boy since I was a freshman in high school. Even though obviously nothing will happen, I still think its nice that he allowed me to have such a massive crush because I honestly did not know that I could feel like that about someone anymore. Its so fun to have a crush and it makes me know that this feeling still exists....in the beginning of a relationship anyway lol---I feel like you shouldnt date someone unless you feel like that about them

ANYWAY after being in his class for 2 semesters, being on the UL sales Team, and going to Bayou we have spent a lot of time together and he's become pretty fond of me as well. 

We have a lot of banter and he just picks on me all the time to mess with me because I'm one of his favorites. 

So last week we were talking and I ended up telling him how he's made a big impact on my life. I really am totally different than who I was before I took his courses and have learned so much about sales. So I was thanking him and just telling him that he really has impacted me and Im sure other students as well. And he was saying thank you and talking about how end of the semester student evaluations are tough when he gets bad ones. He was saying one said, “doesn't know how to respect women..” and he was like, “that one got to me for a long time. Because you just think to yourself what could I have possibly done to make someone feel like that?!” and I was like omg that is so untrue though blah blah blah But anyway I just wanted to tell him because (((( I just feel like its important to tell people things like that while you can. People should know the impact they have on your life)))))) So, when I went home, he sent me this. 

“Ms. Hughes,

I just wanted to say thank you for making my day. Telling me that I am making an impact in student's lives meant a lot to me. None of us are exempt from the uneasiness of wondering if we are on the right path. Thank you for giving me a little bit of affirmation, that I am at the very least, close to the path meant for me. You have been such a wonderful student, and have taught me a great deal. Keep up the good work!

Take care and know that I am here if and when you need,

Reece P. Theriot” 

And I responded with 

“Mr. Theriot, 

Aww that made me smile...thank you for sending that! I am very glad that you took it to heart because I'm sure that other students, whether from this semester or previous semesters, feel the same but just might not have verbalized it. I was going to make sure that I told you at the end of the semester but it came out today. But no worries, I'll be sure to put it in my student evaluation :)

 Thanks for making an impact! 

Hanna Hughes”

And lemme just say I was very cautious of sending that email back. I feel like its friendly and I didn't know if it was crossing the line because I put the smiley face---because it was kind of flirtatious---BUT THATS ALL PERCEPTION. If Jacey would have sent that no one would even think twice about it. But anyway I was nervous about it. 

Fast forward a week to today. Today we had sales practice and I hadn't seen or talked to him since I sent him that email. I felt like he was being a little stand offish to me in the beginning (AND I WAS ALREADY PARANOID FROM THIS EMAIL I SENT) So then we are in the role play and he was just really hard on me. He hit me with a objection I’ve never had and didn't know how to handle. I was flustered and humiliated. So after, when he's giving me feedback he was like, “I feel like you need to be more formal with me...I feel like you talk more formally when you role play with Dr. Baker” and I was like “really?! I do NOT notice that I do that..” and they were critiquing me on being too informal like saying AWESOME.....is that a joke? Why am I being critiqued for saying awesome?????  I just started getting really upset like I was about to cry. I couldn't stop tearing up, make eye contact, or speak because I was about to lose it. Later in the practice after I did ANOTHER role play and did GREAT I was like, “well I'm really glad that y'all liked that one because you made me cry earlier so I'm glad I ended on a good note.” And he was kind of shocked and was like, “I did?!” and was apologizing and stuff and he kept coming up to me after putting his hand on my shoulder and being like, “look I really didn't mean to upset you, Im so sorry.” and I was STILL about to cry (I hadn't let it all out yet) so I was just like its fine its fine and was trying to brush it off. When I tried to leave he stood in front of me and held out his hand and just kept trying to lighten the mood I guess but I think he knew that I was still upset and distant. 

And then I left and CRIED AND CRIED. I cried like all afternoon I felt like lol ---there was just a lot of shitty things happening today” 

THEN his class comes. And we had a speaker today and I wanted him to talk to me after class so I could tell him how I felt (because now I could actually talk about it since I cried it out) but I didn't think he would because we had a guest speaker that day. And I was honestly pissed off at him. He embarrassed me and made me feel like shit about myself. 

SO after class when I was walking out he was like, “Ms. Hughes?” and I went up to him and he was like, “you still mad at me?”

Me: I wasn't mad at you....

and he said something like, “Well it really bothered me that I hurt your feelings this morning...like I thought about it all day long...”

Me: Me too..I’m just frustrated

Reece: about what?

Me: I feel like I shouldnt even tell you how I feel about it....

Reece: Well I mean I’m not ganna make you tell me but if you want to tell me then I would love to know how you feel about it. If you are worried about how IM gonna feel then don't. Because I wanna know

Me: Im honestly just annoyed because I feel like Im getting critiqued for saying words like awesome and in the real world that would be fine. Like Im sorry that Im not a robot but...

Reece: ...but you have a personality

Me: Yeah! And I feel like in the real world, thats what people like about me. and about anyone

Reece: I completely agree. You have a GREAT personality and  Im not trying to train robots and hanna don't EVER lose your personality because in the real world thats whats gonna make you successful. Its just that for the sake of this competition, thats something that they look for but I completely agree with what your saying. 

And then we continued talking about that for a while. And then I said something like

Me: And I think what mainly upset me was that you told me that I needed to be more formal around you and I feel like you made me think I crossed a boundary when I know that I didn't....

Reece: omg no that is not what I meant when I said that! You are one of the most professional students I’ve ever had and I think you always carry yourself professionally. I just meant I think you are more lax around me because you are comfortable around me 

Me: I just feel like I treat you the same as I do every other teacher 

and he just like smiled........

Me: I DO! 

Reece: Okay! I wouldn't know because Im not around you with all your teachers. I just meant I know that we are close. I had you last semester and this semester and we went to Bayou together so we are obviously closer than other students so I just meant that you seemed more lax around me-that all I meant by that....

and then he said something like 

Reece: I love that we are close. Like I am gonna be checking up on you for years to come...

And I know that I give you a hard time about things. But I do that for 2 reasons....1 because I know you can take it ...or I thought you could take it....*smiles*

me: thats mean!!!

Reece: Im just kidding. and 2. your fun to mess with. I always mess with my favorite students but it really did bother me when you were upset because remember how I told you that that girl said that I didn't know how to respect women? Well I never wanna make anyone feel like that and I definitely didn't wanna make you feel like that. 

Me: No I wouldn't ever think that.

Reece: Well sometimes I don't realize how I come off...so thats why I wanna know when/if I hurt your feelings because if not then Im just walking around not even realizing....

And you know what? Every girl that I have ever coached I have made cry....

Me: really???

Reece: yeah and its just because I don't realize it. 

and then he went into detail about those situations. 

*****This guy Mike in our class is legit in Reeces office everyday about something lol---so he passes by and is like “Hey you wanna be in your office later?” and Reece is like “yeah ill be there” and we started laughing

Me: He is literally in your office every single day

Reece: Every. single. day. Im like his bro haha

Me: See..I feel like its a gender thing too....

Reece: what is?

Me: Like I couldn't be like him and be in your office every single day...

Reece: ...yeah because people would start to talk 

Me: Exactly! So because Im a girl and you said that to me earlier I was like “crap he's making me feel like I did something wrong..” but If I was a guy then we wouldn't even be talking about this...

Reece: your absolutely right. Its sad but there is that double standard. Ive probably had 15 males students that Ive had close relationships with and I've maybe had 3 females that have been as close as me and you...

and then I forgot what happend but I ended up saying 

Me: well I was probably just emotional today and was being a girl...lol

Reece: Well it doesn't matter.I hurt your feelings and your feelings are always valid so if I made you feel like that then I want to apologize.

Anyway we kind of went back and forth for a long time almost repeating a lot of what we had talked about and I was eventually like “okay well its fine. Now that I know that you didn't mean that, I'm good.” and I left 

and then he emailed me and said 

“Ms. Hughes,

I forgot to mention that I bought you a copy of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People - last week. Remind me to give it to you...

best,

Reece P. Theriot” 

How sweet. He was gonna let me borrow his book but I guess he bought me a copy. 

***Cries****

Poor thing. I think he feels guilty and is probably scared I'm gonna get him in trouble or something. 

Anyway, that was just a LITTLE of the convo but I described it as a hott mess and out of order but I obviously cant remember everything exactly because contrary to what this post may say....im not a pysco. lol