#i decided to be rebellious and buy a pumpkin to carve for the first time but when i went to the store there were no more pumpkins :')

[wetbananapeel]

First gourd (and radish) I carved in my life 31 October 2019

#the drawing I class i was in in undergrad had a pumpkin carving day that year #i decided to be rebellious and buy a pumpkin to carve for the first time but when i went to the store there were no more pumpkins :') #so i got a gourd and a little skeleton for inside caude i wanted a scene #it was the first time i had carved anything for Halloween ever and i remember feeling so sinful at the time #there was this one person Maddie who was also giving tarot card readings and they were one of my major events(?) to realize i was gay #i didnt get a reading from them cause i was scared that was going too far and I would be too far gone messing with the 'occult' #and they made me nervous but i wanted more and couldnt figure out why (i chalked it up to them being 'cool' and wanting to be their friend) #anyways maddie gave me the radish cause they also didnt bring a pumpkin and had two radishes (cause they were buy 1 get 1) from Winn Dixie #i still think about maddie now and we talk sporadically i told them if they're ever in Chicago to come and visit me but they live in Canada #their art inspires me and i believe they could design a fantasy game or novel because of their work (i own a weird little dog of theirs) #i never mentioned anything to them at the time about being infatuated with them in class and i doubt i would now bc our life goals dont mesh #but i consider them to play a important role in my life and i appreciated the radish and wish i got the readings done #its wild how much growth can happen in just a few years -- i bought a mini pumpkin in September because i wanted to celebrate early #back then when i got home the gourd and radish was forcibly thrown away (and i didn't dare tell of my encounters in class with the lesbian!) #(i hold that memory in my heart & think of it fondly cause i hadnt realized yet i have much compassion for younger me who was never sinful) #now in grad school there is a new Maddie 🍈 who told me she didnt know why she keeps looking at my face in class and i think i know why #but she has yet to get there <3