#i literally couldn't drive past my school for a bit bc. i used to get up at 7am & go there every day. and now i don't. does this make sense

[interstellix]

k k gonna rant about my friend/classmate real quick bc i want ppl to know how precious this girl is

lil backstory is that we've actually known each other since we were 3. we didn't end up in the same class/friend group until 2nd grade though, separated in the friend group during 8th grade bc of some issues but they weren't between me and her so we could still talk casually, stayed in the same class until high school but attended the same one and had occasional corridor talks. i heard pretty much nothing from her during the two years after grad until i, from a mutual friend, last summer found out that me and her were coincidentally about to study the same major at the same time!! made me a bit relieved bc it was nice that i'd know at least someone @ uni but i was lowkey anxious too, like worried that maybe she wouldn't act like we already knew each other but two days before semester start she messaged me asking if i wanted a drive to uni. ever since then we've been together and even ended up in a small friend group with two (i think soon three!) other girls from our class :') overall we're not best friends, not even among each other's closest friends, rarely hang out outside uni but we get along really well and neither of us are particularly bothered by what happened during middle school 'lil' backstory my ass

so last wednesday i broke The Fuck down around the same time as lab class started and good lord i hated it '<3' i couldn't really talk at that point but somehow, SOMEHOW IDG HOW ok i really don't, but somehow she knew immediately that i was either having a panic attack or that i was anxious thinking (and probably looking) that i was about to have a seizure (she asked if i'd taken my medicine that morning which i did so she figured out that it was the former). in the end she took me to a different room and talked me through it as if the things she said didn't make me cry more lmao. one of the things she did was reassuring me that i don't have to be embarrassed about it, that things like that happen. since this was during class she went back to the lab after a while, also to give me time to calm down but she kept coming back every now and then to ask how i was doing that alone made me want to cry even more because we get along well but we're not close to the point where we talk about our problems together. the wildest thing though is that she asked if this tends to happen and i've never really talked about it but that was the first time i've admitted to someone irl that it does indeed tend to happen. i've been thinking about this daily since last week, idk i just find it weird that she's far from my closest friends but i didn't have any issues admitting it to her

we haven't brought the entire thing up ever since then, literally none of it, feels like we've mutually made a silent agreement to not do that lol. but today i had an exam which i couldn't attend for various reasons and never came around to letting my friends i wouldn't come either but like :( a little while ago i checked my messages and saw that she had sent me smth at noon, nearly sobbed when i opened it because she was asking how i was doing, obv because i never showed up to the exam (and with a lidol heart emoji too this girl rarely ever sends heart emojis)

tbh idk what it is i'm trying to get @ with this haha, i'm just :( really happy that, not only that we're fairly good friends, but also that we're not friends the same way as before. like from the rest of the group back then, it's just me and her this time. sometimes we talk about past stories abt e/o but that's more for the shits and giggles to share with the rest, other than that it's just a really comforting friendship that isn't based on the friendship we previously had

anyway moral of the story she's an entire blessing i hope she aces the exam from today <333

#no but rly i don't think i can ever really forget about what happened last week #like i never expected that she'd be there with me but not in an intrusive way and literally just to make sure i was given enough+ #time to calm down fjdksj