#i truly went through hell in that house youse guys don't understand

[strawberryblondebutch]

As many of you know, I lived in a frat house in college. What you may not know is that our house bled so much money that we stopped vetting people. As a result, I spent the worst 3 years of my life in a building that was eventually condemned. It was Lord of the Flies in there.

Read all options carefully before voting. Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Levi: Has apparently never worked a dishwasher in his life. Possibly unfamiliar with the concept of showering. Will offer to cook for the entire house, then will wipe dirt off his foot and go back to handling meat without washing his hands in the process. Is completely fine with the roaches in the microwave.

Connor: A hedonist by nature, Connor's goal in life is to sleep with as many men as possible. His room is a revolving door of guys ages 19 to 45. Has a drinking problem and falls into a weekly trap where he will drink too much, pick a fight with someone at random, and then start crying. This makes everyone at the party uncomfortable.

Harlow: When diagnosed with several mental illnesses, Harlow said, "I don't need therapy, I can exercise 5 hours a day and that will cure me." It did not work. She tried to steal my ADHD meds because she heard they could make you lose weight but instead she stole my mood stabilizers and we found out who the crazy one was. Every month or so she'd try to kill someone in the house, but she was pretty bad at it, so it was an inconvenience more than anything.

Topher: Topher will not move out of the basement, because doing so would require him to get a job. Instead, he's an amateur bootlegger who has contracted every infectious disease known to man. You will come home semi-regularly to find that one of his projects has taken over the entire dining room.

Katy: Katy has not consumed any media in the last 5 years besides Harry Potter, which she religiously rewatches and rereads. Possibly as a consequence of this, Katy does not believe that the humanities are important and will outright call you stupid if you do not study STEM. She also harbors a vendetta against the Irish, cat people, and baseball fans.

Mark: A sheltered only child, Mark does not know the common courtesies of living with other people. He will occupy the bathroom for 45 minutes in the morning without telling anyone else or asking if it's a good time. He will leave beard trimmings over every sink. He will eat your food, and you can no longer hang out in the living room, because he and his 12 closest friends are down there smoking weed and watching anime between the hours of 4pm and 2am.

Dani: Dani might be an unfair option, because Dani does not technically live in the house. She lives with her boyfriend, but if her parents found out about that, they would disown her, so she rents a room in the house and has her name on the lease. Downside: Dani will block you if you ask her to pay rent or utilities because "I don't actually live there." For the purposes of this exercise, you do not make enough money to cover her share.

#i truly went through hell in that house youse guys don't understand