#i will be unstoppable without my expected headaches im used to and pain of eating

[fluffydragon22]

2.13 : The Sudden Shift

I woke up at 5 am the next morning. My legs were already fine but i could feel that i was sweating so much when i slept. But i couldn't remember when i fell asleep.

I got up and made a cup of hot tea. It was still early in the morning so i had plenty of time to just enjoy the view. The letter that i wrote was still there. Nothing's changed in the room, so i took a conclusion that the observer didn't appear when i was sleeping.

Hours passed, the sun started to rise, and the street started to get crowded as people began their Saturday. But there were no replies from Lily after i sent a good morning text. So i decided to go outside just to enjoy a bit of walking.

I walked towards the train station. I didn't have any destination that i had to go to. So i just tapped my card, got into the station, and waited for a commuter line to the city center. When the commuter line arrived, i quickly got in and found a seat. It was Saturday after all so there were not as many people as it was like the weekday.

After getting off the train, i got into my favourite restaurant near the station to have some breakfast. The place was a bit crowded but luckily i found a seat. I ordered a glass of milk and a fried rice. Then i started to read the novel that i brought with me, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which was written by Haruki Murakami.

After about an hour, i put the book back in my bag and paid for my food. Then i walked towards the park. Along the way, i checked my phone and there were no messages or calls from anyone.

"Perhaps i'm invisible, perhaps i only become exist when people need me." I whispered to myself.

But it was true, at least that was how i felt it back then. Everytime my friends planned something, i would be the last to be invited. Sometimes Sarah would be the only one to invite me on the last minute. But i wasn't mad, even if i had the chance, i wouldn't get mad. There was no clear reason for me to get mad at my friends. After all, being invited was already more than enough.

I arrived at the park and sat down on the bench overlooking the small lake. The park was a bit crowded but i found a place which had the least number of people. I sat there while drinking my mineral water.

It was a beautiful day. The clouds seemed to be tired to show up. So the blue colour filled the sky. It was beautiful outside, but inside me, it wasn't so beautiful. At least that's how it was that day.

Shortly after 1 pm, i decided to go back to my place. I took the same route, took a train, and walked aimlessly around my university. The dark clouds were moving towards the west and it could be raining any moment. But i didn't care. If i go back to my place, i couldn't enjoy the rain.

As expected, the rain was pouring down around 1.35 pm. I decided to wait for the rain under a bus stop so my clothes and my bag wouldn't get soaked. There were only four people in the bus stop. They all seemed to be disappointed because of the rain.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I thought it was a phone call, turned out it was a couple of messages. Which was from Lily. I was surely a bit surprised then hurriedly opened the message.

"Hi Adrian, i'm sorry about last night, and today." She said in her first message.

"Can we have a video call tonight?" She asked in her second message.

Without wasting time, i replied her message.

"No no, don't be sorry, it's okay. Of course we can. Just let me know the time." I sent the reply.

But then, no reply came. The rain stopped about 30 minutes later and i decided to go back to my place as quickly as possible. As soon as i arrived, i changed my clothes, threw the one i just used to the basket, and made myself a cup of hot tea.

As i'm watching the rain fell down through the window. I thought about my friends. How i've been left out by them, how i've been 'thrown out' of the groups quietly and slowly. But the more i thought of it, the more i realized that i should be the one to blame for that. How i declined a few invitations from them because the schedule collided with my schedule with Lily. Nobody should be blamed except me.

"Why didn't you come to Rachel's house?" David asked me sometime when we were still in vacation period.

"Uh sorry man, i had a date as well with Lily." I answered him.

"That was the third time you didn't come because of going for a date." He said. I saw a disappointment on his face.

"Well i will come on the next time, surely." I told him awkwardly.

But as most of the things in our lives, three is the limit of the chance that will be given before the opportunity itself gone. I guess i didn't stand another chance within them.

I kept remembering it as the day turned into night. The rain was still falling down and quickly became the music of the night. Then i started to hit by headache and sneezing unstoppably.

At 9, Lily videocalled me and i answered with right away. She looked tired and i gave her a few words that i usually did to cheer her up. Long story short, it didn't work. I was terribly bad at giving some support to people. But about 20 minutes into the call, she noticed that i had a fever.

"You have fever?" She asked me.

"No i don't, it's just, you know, sneezing." I answered, but my voice was already different.

"Go take some rest, goodnight." She said and instantly turned off the call.

I just stared at the screen for a very long time after she turned the call off. Thinking why the fever had to come at this exact moment. But little did i know, the fever itself, was the beginning of my downfall in college.

Exactly three days later, the fever didn't stop. I started to get hit by another symptoms such as losing the appetite, massive weight loss, no strength even to just walking, etc. But somehow until the fourth day, i kept going into the class like nothing happened. On the afternoon during the fourth day, Sarah asked me to accompany her to the supermarket just a few blocks down the road from her place.

"Hi, i hope you're not busy this afternoon because im gonna treat you. I'll wait for you in front of the Library after 4." She said in a voice message.

After my class was over, i straight up went to the Library and waited for her. As usual, she showed up on time.

"Adrian, you look bad. You got fever or something? Have you eaten anything? Can you walk? You want me to take you to your place?" She asked so many things in one breathe, just like how she usually did whenever she got worried.

"I'm okay Sarah. I can accompany you to the supermarket, but buy me something, okay." I answered, i tried to smile but i assumed that i looked more like someone who tries to hold the pain rather than smiling.

"You look pale, you know that?! No way i would take you to the supermarket." She shouted at me. Luckily nobody was around us at that time.

"Chill sis, i walked my way from class to the library. So i can say i'm good to go. No, i don't accept any answer other than okay let's go. Got it?" I told her.

"Huh if you pass out, don't blame me, do we have a deal?" She asked me after a long thinking.

"I won't, but mom surely would ask you." I answered her question and proceeded to grab her tote bag. She carried too much stuff for somebody who wanted to go to the supermarket.

"Mom will definitely believe me more than she believes you." She said as we walked towards the station. The supermarket's shortcut was located right besides the station, so we didn't have to walk that far.

She bought many stuff that afternoon, she labeled it as monthly shopping. Shampoo, toothpaste, lots of canned food, vegetables, drinks, you name it all. Meanwhile i bought some canned food like the one she bought, a few chocolate bars, eggs, and some vegetables that i would cook that night. After that, she took me to the food court to get something to eat.

"Are you okay? Still have strength to get back to your place?" She asked me as we ate our food. I bought a plate of rice and grilled chicken, while she bought a bowl of meatballs.

"Yes, i'm totally okay. See, i told you i could make it." I said proudly.

"Journey hasn't finished yet, monsieur." She said.

"Just a short distance left so no probs, right." I asked her.

"I hope so, i do hope so." She said as she exchanged her bowl with my plate. Tradition, we called it.

"Lily knows?" She asked again.

"No, she is just, busy, i guess." I answered as i took a spoon of meatballs.

"She always busy, huh?" She asked me.

"I don't know..." I answered. I wanted to continue but i couldn't find any words.

"She always had time, back then, right? Why she suddenly gets busy? It's like she suddenly shift her focus off you, don't you think so?" She asked me again.

"I suppose. But i don't want to disturb her. I mean i text her every morning, afternoon, and night. But there are no interest from her." I told Sarah as she enjoyed every bite of the grilled chicken.

"Oh my oh my, my Adrian, don't get trapped again, please. I've known you better than any of your friends, and your girlfriend, and i will always know you better." She stopped for a while to sip her lemon tea.

"How difficult for you to get up from your lowest point, how long it takes, how hard you do it, i know it better than her. For your own good, get the things straight with her. Don't take someone who act like you're a temporary option seriously." She continued.

"But i love her." I said.

"That's a poor excuse. You do know that i love you, right? So that's why i tell you this. Because i care about you. Perhaps more than you care about yourself. More than she does. If you get hurt while you're with somebody and they don't even try to change it, why you should stay?" Sarah asked me as she looked at me deep in my eyes.

I was at lost for words. Everything she said was true. But something inside me resisted it. Suddenly what the observer told me back then coming back.

"Be careful, things started to unfold." The observer's voice echoed in my head.

"I need you to think about it, okay bro?" Lily told me as she tilted her head while looking at me. I felt safe everytime she did it, i didn't know the reason of it.

"Now let's go home. You need some rest." She stood up and took my hand.

"If Lily sees us, i guarantee you she will be mad." Sarah laughed as we were holding hands.

"If that's the case, i don't care about what she says though. We've been doing this since we were kids." I told her. Then we walked outside the supermarket heading towards our place.

We were lucky enough to find our places next to each other. So basically we see each other everyday. That night, we walked for about half hour side by side. Talking about many things, laughing at the old times. Sometimes i asked her to stop to rest for a minute. Then, we arrived at Sarah's place and i gave her the stuff that i carried.

"If anything happens tonight, call me straightaway." She said as she opened the gate.

"Copy that, mademoiselle." I told her.

"I mean it. Don't forget. I will come to check you out at 8 tomorrow. Get some rest, don't play videogames." She said.

"No worries, i will let you know. An hour of play won't be a problem though. Don't you think?" I told her with a bit of laugh.

"Gonna kill you if you do that." She told me as she showed her fist.

"Wow wow chill. I won't play tonight so don't worry. See you tomorrow." I said as we waved to each other.

After cooking some vegetables and canned food, i ate it while looking at the half moon on the sky. No messages from anyone. Only messages about assignments and so on in group chats. My parents had some stuff to take care abroad and hardly contacted me. However, 10 minutes later. My phone rang with a message showing up. It was, unexpectedly, from Lily.

"How are you doing? Are you okay??" She asked me in her message.

"Yep i'm okay. But..." I stopped typing to think about the appropriate words.

"Tell her everything you feel." A voice said. The observer has showed up.

"Not gonna happen tonight. Gotta rest so i will just skip the detail." I told him.

"Your choice. But seriously, it's better if she knows about it, right? Good for your recovery, too." The observer said.

"Let's see what will happen in the next 7 days, then i will decide." I told him. I was running out of strength to say anything.

"Yep, i'm okay, but i will see what happens tomorrow. It's not that bad but not that good either. How about you? Are you okay?" I sent her the message.

"Well well, i can't wait to see it then. Get some rest, be tough. I will comeback tomorrow after you finish your business with Sarah." The observer said as he disappeared.

"Huh, that's fast, observer." I told him before he completely disappeared.

"Let me know if anything happens. Take some rest tonight, don't play any games. Just, take as much as rest as you can, okay? I'm okay here so don't worry about me." She replied.

"Okay Lily, understood. I'm sorry i made you worry." I replied.

"No no, don't be sorry. You have to focus on getting healed, okay? Now sleep. Good night Adrian. I will sleep as well so hopefully we'll meet in our dream." She said and followed by a love emoji.

"Ummm okay Lily. Hopefully we can haha. Good night, I love you, I miss you." I sent my last messages at that night and closed the curtain, put my phone down, turned the light off, and pulled my blanket.

I fell into a dreamless sleep. I woke up every one hour with a massive headache and pain on every inch of my body. As the night grew deeper and darker, i found that it was more difficult to sleep. Fortunately, i fell asleep back just before 3 am. But in the morning, every part of my body seemed to collapse. I lost my apetite completely and it was difficult to get up, even to move my hand seemed to be impossible. The downfall was completely started to take place overnight.

#Orchid on my Garden