#idk why that like fr kinda upset me lol I just get bothered when people think I'm stupid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

345pm · 5 years

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Sooooo, maybe I shouldn’t have listened to my friends. Maybe I should’ve just gotten to know him a little better before asking him out. I was honestly asking him as friends though but it ain’t come out that way. Loooool.

He walked past me 23 times today & didn’t say anything to me @ all. Usually, he’ll say something to me like a simple hey or smile, but he just kept going. Walked straight past me. Didn’t even look my way. So, remember the guy I said I used to like? He was talking to me today (he works there also) & my current crush walked past. Old crush started talking to him, so I slipped in & said hey. He said hey back but idk if he smiled bc I looked away immediately. I feel like if my old crush had never spoken to my current crush, then he would’ve just ignored my ass again.

Like, I feel bad now for coming on so strong now bc I’m feeling like one of my friends was right & I should’ve chilled out. Idk what to do now. I fr wasn’t trying to. I genuinely wanted to get to know him & maybe date? If he felt the same, of course. I think I’ve already fucked up. I’m not good with facing my problems. Personally, I’m a fan of ignoring the problem until it goes sway. That’s my dilemma now. I feel like if I just go back to not talking to him then he’ll think that I was never serious from the start. But @ the same time, I don’t want to be annoying & keep bothering him @ all. Not trying to make matters worse.

I really just want an answer. I’m the type of person that wants the truth, even if it’s going to hurt my feelings. @ least I would know fr wassup. If he says yes, that’s fine. If he says no, that’s fine. Just want to know what’s going on. Lol. I only asked him 3 days ago. I’m going to talk to him if he’s @ work tomorrow. Just a simple “hey, how are you?”. Not even going to bring up the question I asked him.

I made the first step & that bit me in the ass, it seems. So if he brings up me asking him out, I’ll immediately apologize to him & drop it. I probably sound childish, but oh whale.

I’m an emotional person, so I was upset today. So upset that I didn’t eat or drink anything today. I even cried a little in the bathroom. JDSKSKSK. I know it ain’t that deep, but I have a habit of overthinking things. You gotta be straight up with me. He obviously has the right to say no or take his time his answer, but I’d rather him just say yes or no. The suspense is killing meeeeee. Lmao.

I guess I should’ve really looked @ it from his POV. I only used to make small talk with him before & then boom, I asked him out. I literally asked if he wanted to go out sometime, like to eat or something. Was that too pushy? I didn’t think it was in the moment. Bitch, I would’ve been fine if we met @ McDonald’s & just talked over a McChicken. Lol.

You shouldn’t give up on what you want, but you also gotta know when to take a hint & stop. The same friend that told me not to ask him out also said that I should just stop talking to him. That if he wanted something, wanted to go out, he’d say so. Another friend that egged it ok made me a Tinder today. So that way I could “get over him by getting under another”. I didn’t even keep that shit. I deleted my Tinder account after I got off work. For one, I don’t like people knowing my location. Weird af. Second, a lot of those dudes weren’t as cute my I think my crush is. Third, I don’t want to give up yet until he for sure says he doesn’t want shit to do with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to harass him; just greet him. I’m not going to get annoying or anything like that. I hope.

I’m not telling that friend (the one who was against me asking him out) anything else bc she told our supervisor. I know our supervisor doesn’t care, but that ain’t the point. I never gave her the okay to tell anyone else. Tf. I’m not cool with our supervisor like that so why would I want her knowing my business? As I said, I don’t care if she claims not to care. It wasn’t her place to go telling people. It was one person she told, but still. I was kinda mad @ her for that. I left without telling her bye. She doesn’t see the wrong in that, so I’ll be sure to keep my business to myself. I won’t vent to her about anything else. Even if the person you tell doesn’t care @ all, I don’t want them knowing my business unless I give you the okay or I tell them my fucking self. Ain’t hard to understand. It wasn’t that deep of a secret, but it was till mine that I asked her to keep to herself. Couldn’t even do that. Now, I’m just going to shut down. Not opening up to her again bc she might tell people shit. I don’t care who thinks I’m overreacting; don’t go telling other people shit that I tell you unless I say you can. Or I go & tell him myself. That shit had me mad.

Well, my confidence definitely dropped. My friend is spritual & she told me I might learn something from the situation & I did. Lol. That’s a wry laugh btw. This one woman I always see told me to stop putting all of focus into him & get my shit together. Focus on my eyesight, getting my license, permit, & an education. She’s right. I know she is. I just hope I won’t be hardheaded again. I probably will though. She also told me to get some confidence. Sis, how? I’ve lacked that shit for so long now. She said I had a pretty face & a great personality. I know my personality is amazing. But pretty face? She only said that shit to make me feel better. Lol.

I just want to apologize & talk things out with him. Hopefully we can do that tomorrow. I really hope so. I want to tell him I’m sorry for being a weird bitch & coming on too strong even tho I wasn’t trying to.

G’night y’all. Going to sleep a guilty (don’t think that’s the word I’m looking for but close enough) bitch.

#345pmrants

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