#if this doesn't make sense ignore it i'm a dumb college dropout who doesn't write for a living

[trazynstolemygender]

Here’s a secret; I’m scared I’ll be single 5ever because I feel like tops are kinda snobby. I love when someone is mean in bed but it feels like sometimes people are trying too hard to keep up a dominant persona yfm? It’s a turn off because they make me feel stupid in casual conversation in the least sexy way possible lol.

i apologize for taking so long to answer this, i forgot this was in my drafts so i didn't lose it, which just didn't work apparently.

but yeah, unfortunately it's a problem. people forget that most people don't actually want 24/7 mean dominant energy and get kind of wrapped up in a bad idea of what it means to be in control and have someone put that much trust in them. if you'll allow me to talk about dnd like a big nerd for a minute, i think you find something similar in dnd with powertripping dms. obviously bad doms are much more harmful but i think there's something similar. you just see a lot of weird talk from a certain kind of dm about actions needing consequences and punishing their players and just this general adversarial idea of me vs the party. and both of them, dm and dom, have fundamentally misunderstood that thing you're doing together is collobrative right? like i ask my players what they're excited to see in the campaign next and i ask my partners what they enjoy and what they don't, because we're trying to do something fun and enjoyable together. it's also a matter of seperation for both. while dming you are in charge, you're fully in charge of keeping everyone on track and focused, but you don't carry that out after the session do you? do you follow your players home to make sure they're still ready for their next turn of combat? no, the session ended an hour ago.

i think also there's something that those people misunderstand about domming where they figure the aim is to be dominant and mean and then you're done. and sure that's part of it sometimes but ultimately it's about making your sub feel good right? you might be doing that by doing awful stuff to them but you're still trying to make them feel good. maybe it's just me being a switch but i feel like that's the whole point of it. you make them feel good and that makes you feel good about them being this vulnerable with you and trusting you to take care of them and not overstep their limits. like how is that not incredibly hot? this person said you're completely in charge of my pleasure and you took that control and used to make them feel really good.

#ama (ask me anytime) #sorry for kind of writing an essay here i think about this a lot #if this doesn't make sense ignore it i'm a dumb college dropout who doesn't write for a living