#just a reminder since ive had a couple friends i had to redirect

[imagine-knb]

If I Die Young [Kiyoshi Teppei]

Originally posted on my personal writing blog (along with other writing accounts that I have). I thought it’d be nice to bring it here as well. I hope you enjoy. -Neon

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in a river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Kiyoshi hadn’t been nervous on his flight to America. No, the only emotion he was feeling was the sting of sadness as he left his friends behind in his home country of Japan. He hadn’t even felt that nervous standing at the front desk of the hospital, his grandparents on either side of him as they checked in. Rather, he felt annoyed at the fact that he was struggling to understand the quick speech pattern of the nurse in charge—English was still pretty difficult for him to grasp. Now that he was standing in front of the room which he would reside in for the next few months however, Kiyoshi suddenly felt very nauseous. He had never been a fan of hospital visits. Not ever since he was forced to stay in one for therapy sessions the first time his leg was injured.

Kiyoshi watched as the nurse opened the door for him, gesturing for him to enter before her. Walking in, he was instantly met with a sight he hadn’t expected to see. A girl was sitting up on the bed adjacent to the one he presumed to be his, her eyes which were previously focused on the blaring television now centering in on him. She gave him a smile and a small wave of her hand before redirecting her eyes to the commercials that were playing.

“This is ____,” the nurse said kindly as she showed Kiyoshi to his bed. “She’ll be your roommate for as long as you’re here. Please do get along.”

After a lengthy speech about what Kiyoshi should expect over the next few months and a couple warnings about the sensitive buttons wired to his bed, the nurse left the room. It was tense for a few moments on Kiyoshi’s part, the only sound that filtered through the air being that of the television. Kiyoshi was only partially startled when the television screen was turned off, complete and utter silence filling the room for a few seconds.

“I’m ____, but the nurse already told you that,” the girl on the other hospital bed said, her hands idly fumbling with a remote control and she gave Kiyoshi a warm smile. “What’s yours?”

It took a moment for her words to sink in, the process of translating English to Japanese being rather slow in his mind. He had to think about his words carefully before saying them. “I am… Teppei Kiyoshi. It is very nice to meet you.” Kiyoshi mumbled a bit, nearly forgetting that in America people were typically introduced with their first name then last.

If possible, ____’s smile widened and her eyes seemed to glisten as she listened to the rather tall boy speak. “You have got a pretty funny accent. Where are you from?”

Kiyoshi was grateful that, this time, ____ avoided using contractions in her sentence and actually spoke a bit slower. It made it easier for him to understand. “Uh… Japan.”

“Wowie,” she whistled, her expression showing genuine amazement. It made Kiyoshi relax a bit and he found himself leaning back against the headboard of his bed, a small comforted smile gracing his lips. “So Teppei, what are you here for?”

Shocked by her forwardness, Kiyoshi had to remind himself that it was customary to call people by their first names in America. He stumbled a bit with his words, starting his sentence over a few times in order to convey to her his reason for being at the hospital. “My knee. I am going to be in surgery today.”

Saying it out loud, Kiyoshi suddenly felt that what was happening was truly inevitable. He felt a numbness overtake him as he thought about the surgery to come. So many things could go wrong. What if the anesthetics didn’t work? Or what if they worked too well and he never woke up? What if the surgery was a failure? What if he could never walk again? All these questions and more bombarded the basketball player’s mind and, slowly, his small smile turned into a grimace. His eyebrows furrowed together into a bushy line on his forehead and his gaze focused on his hands which were clenching onto his bed sheet. They would be coming for him any hour now and he wasn’t sure he was ready.

Noticing his sudden distress, ____ could only guess that he was nervous. “Don’t worry, you will be fine. The people here are very good at what they do,” she reassured him, her gentle voice catching his attention once more. “Trust me. I’ve been here long enough, so I can tell.”

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh, And life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well I’ve had just enough time

A few days later and Kiyoshi’s surgery had been a complete success. Now he had nothing to do but lay in bed, waiting for the day where he would be healed enough to start walking again. Time seemed to crawl on slowly for the teenager, but talking with his roommate seemed to make things more bearable.

____ and Kiyoshi had gotten to know each other quite well over the past few days, telling each other about their pasts and about the important things they held dear to them. Kiyoshi couldn’t help but talk about his basketball experiences with the girl, recounting the many games he had played and won over the years. ____, in turn, would tell him about her passions and hobbies, often describing them in great detail to the point Kiyoshi could practically see her doing them. Sure, a lot of comments were lost in translation, but the gist of what each person was saying was enough to spark excitement into what was expected to be a boring hospital stay.

Every so often, for at least an hour or two, their long conversations would be interrupted by a visit from ____’s mother. The older woman would hobble in, a book in her hands—Kiyoshi guessed that it was some sort of book of faith—and she would sit next to her daughter, reading the scriptures that were written in there. The two females would pray with each other every time the older woman came to visit, taking their time in repeating the same phrases.

One day, after her mother had left the room while bidding the two teenagers goodbye, Kiyoshi asked ____ about her faith.

“I don’t really know if I believe in it,” ____ admitted, shrugging her shoulders carefully. Her left arm was attached to an IV, an unknown liquid dripping into her system and preparing her for her surgery to come. “But it makes my mom happy, so I participate.”

Kiyoshi nodded, understanding the feeling of wanting to make a family member happier through actions. “What do you pray for?”

____ gave him a smile, though he could tell that there was a certain sadness in her eyes. Her fingers started to fidget with the sheets on her bed as she answered him. “I’m not the healthiest person out there. I’ve had some pretty gnarly surgeries before,” she murmured, lifting the hospital gown up a bit to show him the long scar that ran down her side and back. “We pray because, well… it’s just in case.”

He understood the implications of her words clearly. The type of surgeries she had to undergo were dangerous; she could die. Deciding that he would let the conversation drop for now, Kiyoshi turned to look out the window as he allowed his brows to furrow. He was upset with himself for letting the conversation take such a sour turn. ____, however, wasn’t at all affected by their topic and continued to speak.

“I don’t want to die, but Mom says praying will make things less scary in case I do.” ____ turned to look out the window as well, her eyes softening at the sight of fluffy white clouds lazily drifting through the sky. “I’m not scared though.”

Kiyoshi turned his worried gaze over to the girl, his eyes questioning. He noticed how her eyes still seemed to sparkle despite their grim conversation. Had she not been so pale from being indoors all the time and had she not been constantly attached to a hospital bed, Kiyoshi would have thought of her as one of the most beautiful girls he’d ever seen.

“I’m not scared because I’m going to come back one day.”

“Come back?” Kiyoshi was confused. She couldn’t possibly mean that she would come back to life after a while. The image of a zombie movie he had watched a few years back flashed into his mind and he shuddered. “How?”

“Reincarnation.”

Kiyoshi sighed, his heart calming a bit at the relatively normal answer. He hadn’t really thought about reincarnation being an answer, so he was glad when she brought it up. It was a topic he was more comfortable with discussing. “What do you think you will become?”

“A rainbow,” she answered, thoroughly confusing Kiyoshi once again. When he looked at her in question once more, she gave him a warm smile before clarifying. “They make people happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well I’ve had just enough time

She was wringing her hands together, a nervous habit Kiyoshi had learned to recognize whenever her doctor came in to have a word with her. Eyes downcast towards the wrinkles in her bed, he could hear the slight wheeze of her breathing. The liquid that had been seeping into her body through an IV had made her weaker, more susceptible to illness, but it was supposed to help make the surgery easier on both her and the surgeons. It had been days since they had started her on the drip feed. It had also been days since the two of them had their conversation about reincarnation. Kiyoshi could remember her smile vividly as she talked about making others happy, but he was having trouble finding that smile now.

“What is wrong?” He asked, breaking through the unbearable silence in the room. He wanted to get up from his bed and reach out to comfort her, but he still wasn’t allowed to move on his own.

Startled by the sudden inquiry, ____ redirected her gaze towards Kiyoshi. She forced a smile onto her face, but the gesture didn’t reach her eyes. Kiyoshi could tell that she was still scared behind her brave façade. Fingers subconsciously continuing in their fidgeting motion, ____ inhaled shakily before answering.

“My surgery is today, Teppei,” she answered, trying her best to hide the nervous waver in her voice. “They finally found a donor and I’m getting some replacement parts.” Trying her best to lighten up the mood, she poked at her side which held the long scar marring her body. She traced the line with her finger, mimicking the motion of a scalpel slicing through skin. “I kind of feel like a robot or android getting some brand spanking new parts from the auto shop.”

In her desperate attempt to seem like her normally cheerful self, ____ had spoken a bit too quickly and Kiyoshi had trouble understanding the words that left her mouth. He had only caught a few of them, but it wasn’t enough for him to translate into a coherent sentence. He did, however, understand her body language as that of a person who was anxious to get something over with. Mustering up as much of a smile as he could manage, he made sure it reached his eyes as he spoke.

“Do not worry,” he started, patting his lap in a gesture that brought some attention to his healing knee. “Someone once told me that the people here are very good at what they do.”

A small gasp escaped ____’s lips as she recognized the words Kiyoshi had uttered. Small tears had started to form at the corners of her eyes as she looked over to the brunette male and she had to rub at her face with the heel of her hand to stop her waterworks, giving him the weakest smile she could manage. Her lips were quivering slightly, strong emotions overcoming her as she struggled to accept the fate that was dealt to her. She was scared.

But Kiyoshi’s smile and kindhearted words were giving her a glimmer of hope.

Deciding that it would be best to keep her mind off the thought of her surgery to come, Kiyoshi continued to hold a conversation with ____. They talked about whatever came to mind, often having to repeat themselves as their language barrier still got in the way of their communication quite often. Every so often a laugh would escape ____’s lips, causing Kiyoshi’s heart to flutter a bit as he was reminded of the sweet sound of ringing wind chimes. He wanted to hear her laugh more.

An hour later and the doctors and nurses had finally arrived—in Kiyoshi’s opinion they had arrived much to quickly—and they started shifting things around the room so they could wheel ____ away towards the operating room. Before she left the room, she looked at Kiyoshi, the smile he had placed on her face wavering slightly.

“Wish me luck?”

“You do not need it,” he said, flashing her a grin along with a thumbs up. “You will be coming back.”

And I’ll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger, I’ve never known the lovin’ of a man But it sure felt nice when he was holdin’ my hand, There’s a boy here in town, says he’ll love me forever, Who would have thought forever could be severed by…

…the sharp knife of a short life, oh well? I’ve had just enough time

Taking yet another shaky step, Kiyoshi couldn’t help but grin in self-satisfaction as he merely brushed his fingertips against the wall of the hallway. He had started walking again a few days ago, taking it slow as his legs got used to carrying his weight once more. It had been a struggle at first and Kiyoshi would often find himself upset when he could only take a few steps before feeling tired, but now he had built up both his strength and stamina. He had finally accomplished his goal of walking down the hallway and back and he was feeling prouder than ever.

A nurse gripped onto the handle of a door, opening it for Kiyoshi as she helped him inside. Upon entering the room, Kiyoshi was met with the familiar sound of a heart monitor beeping away. He had to force his frown to leave upon casting his eyes towards the occupied bed, noticing that ____ was once again idly watching television. Walking slowly into the room, he made a short detour to her bedside, standing next to it and towering over her frail frame.

Noticing that Kiyoshi had shuffled his way to her bedside, ____ pressed a button on the remote control that sat loosely in her grip, effectively shutting off the television. She flashed him a weak smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling a bit.

“How far did you make it today?” She asked, watching as Kiyoshi fished around in the pocket of his sweats for a bit. When he finally pulled out the object he was searching for, he let it drop onto ____’s bed. To say she was utterly confused when a crumpled up tissue landed on her bed would be an understatement. “What’s this?”

“There is a tissue box at the end of the hall,” Kiyoshi stated, a small smile forming on his lips as he watched her put the pieces of the puzzle together. In his mind, he imagines that she’d probably do something cheesy like treasure the tissue for as long as she can and it makes a feeling of pride swell in his chest.

“Teppei, that’s great!” Despite her lack of breath and weak status, ____ had managed to sound ecstatic. She tried in vain to sit up, only to have one of Kiyoshi’s large hands gently push her back onto the bed so she could rest. “You’ll be back to playing basketball in no time.”

Kiyoshi nodded, deciding he would much rather stay by her side for a few more minutes than go over to his own bed. Asking the nurse for a bit of help, Kiyoshi struggled slightly to sit in the chair that was always near ____’s side. Once the two of them were comfortable, the nurse left the room, promising to return in a few minutes.

Kiyoshi took that time to study ____’s weakened state. Yes, her surgery had been a complete success and the doctors were able to replace all the parts that needed to be removed, but the IV drip that had been supposed to prepare her body for her new organs hadn’t done its job as expected. Upon the end of her surgery, it quickly became apparent that her body was rejecting the new parts, causing an internal warfare to ensue inside of her. The doctors were doing everything in their power to make ____ healthy again, but nothing seemed like enough. The biological struggle inside of her had caused ____ to become severely ill, her skin much paler than normal and her muscles barely able to keep up her own weight. Even breathing was a difficult task and more often than not, she was attached to a machine that would help her do that as well. Her eyes still held that sliver of hope however.

And so did Kiyoshi’s.

Shifting a bit in his seat, Kiyoshi moved to hold her smaller hand in his. Her skin felt cold to the touch, almost corpse like, and Kiyoshi wanted nothing more than to warm her up. A small, almost unnoticeable pressure on his hand alerted him out of his grim thoughts and his eyes instantly found ____’s. She was smiling.

“I’m going to be alright,” she assured slowly. “I promise.”

So put on your best, boys, and I’ll wear my pearls What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I’ll sell ‘em for a dollar They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’ Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’

A few nights later and Kiyoshi was struggling to sleep comfortably. He was having a vivid dream, images of a healthy ____ standing before him in all her glory. Her skin, no longer a sickening pale color, seemed to glow and her eyes shined with a happiness he hadn’t seen in such a long while. She was laughing, the sound that he had grown to love reaching his ears, caressing his mind. Her hands were pulling him along, leading him to some unknown place. He was hesitant at first, not knowing if his legs could handle the fast pace at which she was going, but upon realizing that his muscles worked perfectly fine he ran alongside her.

“See? I told you everything is going to be fine.” She laughed once more, talking with him normally as they slowed their run to an eventual stop. She sounded distant despite being so close to him and Kiyoshi almost had to ask her to repeat herself. “You’re going to get better and everything will be just fine.”

“What about you?”

____ let go of his hand and Kiyoshi suddenly felt cold. Turning on her heel so she could face the tall male, she gave him the same grin she had shown him the first time they met. Somewhere in the distance, Kiyoshi could hear a familiar sound.

“Everything is going to be fine,” she echoed once more.

Her image started to seem blurry to Kiyoshi’s eyes and he found himself reaching out for her, only to come up empty as his hand simply phased through her. Calling ____’s name, Kiyoshi started to feel a slight panic as his heart started to beat in time with the sound in the background. He tried to pinpoint where the noise was coming from, his sleep hazed mind barely able to recognize why the sound seemed so familiar.

Kiyoshi woke up with a start, sitting upright in his bed instantly. A cold sweat was making its way down his neck and he shivered involuntarily. He rubbed at his eyes, his mind still foggy from his confusing dream. Normally this would be the time where he would selfishly wake ____ up, wanting to tell her about his dream before he could forget the next morning. She would complain about his rude behavior for waking her up so early in the morning, only to sit up as well and listen to his narration. However, this time his voice was caught in his throat. Something about tonight seemed different, almost as if he had seen that dream for a reason.

Looking over towards his roommate’s bed, Kiyoshi’s eyes landed on her passive face. She looked cold, her skin almost seeming blue due to the dark shadows of the night. The background sound that had invaded his dream was still ringing in his ear and, if Kiyoshi hadn’t glanced at ____’s heart monitor, he would’ve thought he was just hearing things. However, he did glance at the heart monitor and the image that was portrayed nearly caused him to have a heart attack of his own.

One long, thin green line was displayed on the digital screen and a constant beep resonated through the room.

Kiyoshi didn’t know when he had stumbled off his bed, his legs nearly giving out under the sudden weight of his body. He could barely recognize the feel of ____’s soft skin on his hands when he reached out to touch her face. He could barely see her features, a wave of emotion suddenly clouding his vision. He didn’t even know when he had instinctively reached for what he deemed as the panic button she had on her bedside.

Doctors and nurses alike quickly filed into the room, some of them gently ushering Kiyoshi back to his own bed as others quickly got to work on the girl. His ears barely registered the commanding voices bouncing around in the room as the curtain between his bed and ____’s was drawn, effectively shutting him away from ever seeing her again.

The internal warfare that had been plaguing her for days was finally over. ____’s body had won.

But at a terrible price.

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh) The ballad of a dove (uh, oh) Go with peace and love Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket Save 'em for a time when you’re really gonna need 'em, oh

After that night, the room was silent for a long time. Often, Kiyoshi wondered if he should switch on the television for some ambient noise. Even the thought of calling his friends back in Japan had crossed his mind a couple times. Anything to keep the silence out of the room. But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it, instead basking in the solitude that now consumed him. He hadn’t cried, thinking that ____ wouldn’t want him to do so.

It was the next day when an older woman hobbled into Kiyoshi’s hospital room, shuffling over to the now empty bed. She didn’t have a book in her hands this time, knowing full well that it was no use bringing something like that now. Slowly, she opened drawers and cabinets that were beside the empty bed, cleaning them out of all the belongings that had been collecting dust in there for months. When she opened the last drawer, she found a bunch of papers and useless trinkets along with a crumpled up tissue. She quickly shoved the items in that drawer into the rubbish bin, having no use for them.

A twinge of pain found its way into Kiyoshi’s heart as he watched the wadded up tissue fall into the rubbish bin. He hadn’t really expected ____ to keep it. Turning his eyes away from the woman in his room, he bites back the emotion that threatens to overcome him.

“Thank you.”

It’s the first time the older woman has spoken directly to Kiyoshi and he almost has to ask her to repeat herself. When he finally turns his gaze towards ____’s mother, she is sitting on what used to be her daughter’s bed, her tired eyes staring at the floor. Kiyoshi can see the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, evidence of all the years she had spent worrying over her sickly daughter. It makes his stomach churn uncomfortably as he realizes that this woman can finally rest, though the price of that relaxation was far too great.

“You made her happy in what little time she had left,” ____’s mother said after a long while, finally turning her gaze to look Kiyoshi straight in the eyes. He could see the family resemblance and, for a moment, he wondered if ____ would’ve grown to look like her mother had she lived. “I’m very thankful that she had the opportunity to meet someone like you.”

Kiyoshi opened his mouth to respond, but immediately closed it. What was he supposed to say? That he was grateful as well? Or perhaps that he was glad to have met ____ despite their individual circumstances? Either option didn’t seem appropriate to the male teen and, despite his desperate need to convey his feelings, he bit back his words. He didn’t trust his voice not to waver.

Noticing his silence, the older woman continued. “If you’re still in the area when it happens, I’m sure she would like for you to come to the funeral.”

Standing from her position on the bed, ____’s mother gathered up the things she had collected from the drawers before slowly stepping towards the exit of the room. She paused momentarily, one of her hands holding the door open as she turned back in Kiyoshi’s direction. He noticed how her eyes seemed to look passed him, gazing out the window that stayed beside him.

“She’s in a better place now.”

Taking her leave, the older woman closed the door quietly, once again causing the room to be consumed in silence. Once he could no longer hear the click of her heels in the hallway outside, Kiyoshi turned his attention to the window beside him. His eyes widened at the sight.

He hadn’t noticed it before, but earlier that day rain had plagued the sky, causing a downpour of fat raindrops to bombard the people outside. Though, the awful weather had subsided for now and a beautiful arch now painted the sky. Kiyoshi counted the colors of the rainbow stretching across the view his window had to offer of the outside world, each pigment bringing back painful memories of a smile he wished to see just once more.

This time, Kiyoshi couldn’t stop the flow of tears from falling.

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I’ll wear my pearls.

#kiysohi