#like 'no leah thats not true. you have andrew and you have X. they've both been friends with you for longer than 3 yrs'

[hilsoncrater]

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#one of my longest-time friends just sent me a bunch of texts that basically said #'i need space. cant support you right now but please reach out when youre stable & moved out' #like how....how much more space do they need?? we only see each other once a month and maybe text a handful of times in between #and like i would reference our friendship anytime i'd start to spiral about how everyone leaves around the 3 yr mark #like 'no leah thats not true. you have andrew and you have X. they've both been friends with you for longer than 3 yrs' #but i guess i cant even use that benchmark anymore to ground myself #because now they've left. they're fucking gone #i dont even know how to reply to their texts i genuinely. dont know what to say #the urge to move to washington D.C. is stronger than ever. just get me the fuck out of the west coast #but if i am going to be so very honest the urge to move is one step removed from the urge to go cliff diving off a hundred foot cliff #i feel like throwing up #how do i fuck up friendships this badly how is this a repeated thing that has happened since 14? #what am i doing wrong. why cant i connect to people. why dont they want to stay connected to me. what about myself is so fucking abhorrent