#like dont get me wrong waa is nice and all but really only phoenix can compete with the level of batshittery that is edgeworth's office.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Alex L: are you hoping Matt wont fight me this weekend?

Me: no. I'm hoping you'll fight him. Cause I'll know you'll win.

Alex: you think so?

Me: mmhmmm you always do

Alex: he's huge though baby

Me: well don't go for his Dick. He doesn't have one. But doesn't matter though Alex. I heard someone told him 10 people already had his name on Their fists. So you will be fine.

Alex: well im not using ten other people! Im just talking about me myself and I! Shit Saint Luches! She's gonna get me killed

Me: actually the group of 10 has more danger of being hurt unless they are to hold him down or stand in line. Because they don't have a chance to move when there's such a large group. You alone can totally kick his ass because you know how to move that lil ass. Remember that.

Alex: fucking pillow talk with Sabrina. Shit

Me: besides that baby You know he only got so big cause he was scared because he can't fight. And then he can't even touch the middle of his back anyway because hes got all them useless muscles.

Alex: really? They're useless? He can pick up a car

Me: brass knuckles you funky munky

Alex: You!!

Me: yeah. Gas monkey you used to drive for him. It was black and green lettering and I always sung it when I saw it

Alex: dam baby

Me: all the time. You like that huh?

Alex: Fuck babe

Me: and I remember, too

Alex: you're gonna make me cry

Me: you're gonna need to buy me a bra. I can't find mine

Alex: it's over there in the corner under that Like if shit or in the ... Is it in the hamper baby?

Me: I dont... Think so baby... I don't even... I haven't worn one in like... Since October?

Alex: i noticed

Me: old lady titties. You shouldn't be looking .. Leave them poor old things alone..them old hippie drippies look like they ain't seen a bra in their life!

Alex: well why did you quit wearing it?

Me: i got tired of putting it on everyday!

Alex: alright baby I'll buy you a bra. I know your size

Me: 48 or 46? Idk don't look at me!

Alex: i think it's 46 babe

Me: you have to try it on. Take all your boys babe

Alex: to buy you a bra?

Me: to try them out. You know how to do it. You gotta put it on... Then you gotta jump in front of the mirror and see if you like what you see. I bet Phoenix has a mall. Cacique.. I think it closed down but.. Don't go in Victoria Secrets they will look at your boys rude and yoh all sexy. But go to Frederick of Hollywood. All the girls on Christopher Street go,there

Alex: i know they did

Me: alright so you know what to do

Alex: where this bouncing come from?

Me: you know they can't unlacth the back so in a hurry they can see what it will look like when you know they don't take the bra off and he's got her jiggling.

Alex: I see. This is very testy, how serious is this babe?

Me: very!! I bet them boys forgot their Dick waa even for fucking!! They gotta get all the weird shit outta the way. So parading around in bras jumping up and down its like a bonding moment unlike no other!

Alex: and heels? You want us go try those on?

Me: mmhmmm and buy a pair in their size and then they girls don't wanna wear heels except in bed they will know why. Cause girl ain't wanna heard "them $3,000 shoes ain't ever hit the floor just wrapped around my ass and i swear your heel got real close to my shit hole and you may not wear them again" no she wanna hear "baby your shoe molested me and got me So scared i thought some one was here to take me away from you" that's what baby

Alex: what else baby?

Me: the thong.

Alex: okay baby I'll see what i can do

Me: good baby. That sounds wonderful. I think that's all

Alex: you want me to get your nails done baby? I saw you looking at them

Me: no. They cut them all the same and mine were peeling. But you can paint them. But i don't want to go to the salon

Saint Luches: they can treat them

Me: then we all go.

Alex: i knew that one was coming

Me: i see why you offered.

Saint Luches voice gets deep: for treatment

Me: yeah so after you get all dolled up at the mall yoh most certainly can take down a wanna be terminator with no arm reach. Take Steven Torrence to the mall, babe. Yoh said you owe him a jealousy apology

Alex: babe that's sounds more like torture!!

Me: if you're not invited to some weird cyclone event on Chandler love weekend

Alex: fine but because you called it Chandler Love Weekend

Me: i can't believe you got jealous!

Alex: what i did I did

Me: im just saying. I probably would been too probably but it was non touch. Non chalet just chillin,making someone feel good about themselves

Alex: you weren't ever serious?

Me: i think he's bunker kid adorable boy friend. Not bed.

Alex: aww shit I may had punched him a few too many times

Me: a few? Why?

Alex: eh babe don't ask questions I don't wanna answer.

Me: you really hit him? Like hard?

Alex: he hit me first !! ..... .... sometimes!

Me: you were in war with him?

Alex: hey look. You said boy friend in one word that's all i saw

Me: so. Babe and i was gonna take my girlfriend Brittany to bed?

Saint Luches: hey now a man could wish!

Me: insane. Insane. a War with a bunker boy!

Alex: it was.. It was... It was bad as hell i ain't gonna lie.

Me: you should been happy i had an anchor baby

Alex: I'm so dumb!

Me: did he hit you back good enough?

Alex: he called his mom who called my mom. Don't laugh don't laugh.I'm over here old as hell can't grow a mustache and his mom is calling my mom for the first time. It never happened in my fucking life.

Me: is that what he said? You can't grow a mustache so i wanna real man? So what you called him short? You guys did name calling for no reason until you got mad and threw a punch

Alex: look his mom called my mom first alright. Whose the wimp

Me: babe you probably gave him a bloody nose! And he had a heart attack. He needs extra love.

Saint Luches: you stop that right now

Me: im not talking to you. Really don't beat up that little boy

Alex: he's a grown man babe

Me: i said he's a little boy. You leave him alone.

Saint Luches: you know what i noticed too? He wasn't putting on a pansy about it. He was a real bitch, Alex was

Me: why you gonna yell at him for what I do?

Alex: i was feeling neurotic

Me: i was feeling unsafe and he was safe

Alex: don't cry. I'll apologize okay? I'll give him a dollar

Me: just make sure it's not pennies in a sock

Alex: alright just don't cry. I hate when you cry for what i do

Me: he was an anchor baby and i told you a thousand times.

Mark: dam it that's sexy.

Me: you like my anchor babies?

Mark: yeah. It wasn't that bad babe he was putting you on. It got pretty heated but he didnt beat him up

Me: did he think little Steven was possessing me? Making me like him because he's a nice kid

Mark: He was really just crazy he didn't know what to think and people like both med and large Jesse were taking shit how you were fucking Steven behind Alex's back and Matt got on it. It was bad babe.

Me: that's fucked up. I should had killed them already

Alex: you what? Music to my ears

Me: is he really going shopping?

Mark: you know I can't tell you that

Me: I'm sorry they did that to you Alex. No one told me.

Alex: really? No one? I told you they were fucking with me about him and I was getting mad

Me: and I said I was not hiding anything and it was plain to see

Alex: I know and I said I would beat himup anyway

Me: I thought you meant Jesse

Alex: oh Jesus Christ

Me: well i tell you thst scrap ain't scared of shit. He ain't ever blocked me. That's a real man if you ask me.,BABE. Use your brain.,

Alex: oh ok I'll go apologize and I'll be nice

Mark: they never get along because of you

Me: and the first day I call him sexy He blocks me. Alex come here.

Alex: what

Me: I love you

Alex: alright I'll get over it -- I mean him

Me: well I don't need to because you had more passion in your relationship than he and I did. Just so you know

Alex: are you sure?

Me: YES! :)

Alex: I'll learn to chill

Me: and I thought you were. Until I saw you fighting Tanner Gray. Who by the way is hot. But Babe.

Alex: you think hes hot?!?!

Me: you're focused on the wrong thing.

Alex: he said he would fuck yoh so i beat him up

Me: and i appreciate it.

Alex: wh

Me: because i didn't even know who he was and he was talking shit and i found it to be disrespectful and i didn't run across it online till weeks later. Or months Idk. And it was gross. He don't know me to be talking like that. Someone's kid all nasty up on me. He wasn't invited. I didn't see him that way. Did Steven say he would fuck me?

Alex: no

Me: okay. So don't listen to rumors ok? Ok?

Alex: yeah alright babe.

Me: okay. He's sick like me. He had a heart attack

Alex: Steve Torrence did

Me: yeah. We had things in common not alot of people do. Child hood sickness. Like you and me. We didn't have a normal child hood. While we weren't actually sick. We saw the sickest things in the world. It just felt safe to know he was there. Not like id be all in his trailer. I'd rather be in John Force's trailer just because he is more fatherly.. He just made it help feel safe for me. You see now? And I'm pretty sure they knew that. That's why they started taking shit. Because it could been about anyone to make you upset. But to keep me away so they can human traffic or try to pimp girls. They know I'll fuck up their shit So they would find my safety zone and attack it. So you fight with Steve Torrence. Then I get mad at you. Then what? You don't trust me. So then you're all paranoid and then you don't like people I like so we have no one in common. They had a whole list. Big Jesse ran by me. I just told them I didn't like anyone in it. But they knew who I would. They did. I remember I looked him up. Like Greg Line. Then they wanted to know how much I paid attention to mechanics and they were all "pick this one. Pick this one." On and on then "that should fuck her up" well i didn't know what the fuck they were talking about I really wasn't interested in racing. I knew there was shit to find but I didn't know what. So i knew I wasn't interested in what they were about. Because I have my own ways. My own shit I look for. My own reasons to do things. Them fucking with you is not something I ever thought would happen. I really thought you were all non violent and chill. Outta drama minding your own business

Alex: well I really am babe but they brought it to me

Me: I know baby, that is what I'm saying. To hurt you.

Alex: oh the fuck they did. I see. I'll earnestly apologize to Steve Torrence

Me: honestly?

Alex: it means the same thing. Then I'll take care of that rumor mill okay baby

Me: ok. Thank you

Alex Laughlin: I love you

Me: i love you, too

Alex: More than Steve?

Me: differently than him baby. Diffffferent. I love you

Alex: I love you. Don't cry no more Ok? I'll take care of it baby.

Me: k