#like probably more in depth than we've really discussed it since he left portland

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Well damn, today did not go how I expected

#life of faye #woke up normal and actually started to get stuff done #then got distracted texting d #which turned into us having a long deep conversation about our whole situation #like probably more in depth than we've really discussed it since he left portland #or possibly ever #i definitely ended up confessing that I am kinda sorta in love with him and don't know how not to be #and that I feel like a bad friend for still wanting to fuck him but also that I feel like there's been some mixed signals in that regard #and he talked about how he's not comfortable pursuing a relationship with me or anyone else right now #and that he would be open to something fwb-related but he didn't think I would be interested/comfortable with that arrangement #especially considering my own confessed feelings and everything #but I told him I can work with that because at least I would have a chance to occasionally fuck someone I trust #and i already know he fucks like a champ #like fwb fuckfest every once in a while- even if it's only every year or two- is still preferable to ~1 shitty new stranger date per year #and maybe it's pathetic of me to stuff down my love to at least get sex #but fucking a friend that just doesn't love me back is still better than fucking a stranger to me #anyway we haven't really nailed down it all yet but the conversation has finally been started #also he asked for me to make a painting for his bday and it made me 🥹 #nobody has ever specifically asked me to paint them something before #my date with sweet d