#my brain the whole time watching them is just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[theythemsam]

spn 8x21, liveblog, collected posts (all 21 of them) or as i like to call it: demon actors and the scribe of god, aka just your normal everyday life on a tv show set, i guess?

tw for mentions of hypothetical csa (in context of fanfiction) and discussion of homophobia (in context of queercoding) in here, bc my brain is hell and if I Can Put My Trauma On Sam I Will

“it’s me!” “Now it’s wet me!”

 The demon reveal is actually really nice

#me likey

 Crowley as the director is so funny asdfgh

#the meta levels here #also two demons pretending to be sam and dean as if they were in a tv show is also very good

 Dean making the ok hand symbol to gesture that’s it been three days… No, I forbid it

#it endears him too much and I don’t like that #bc its so goofy and also wrong #like to make a three you either use thumb pointer and middle finger or pointer middle and ring finger OR if youre a big nerd the metal sign #not an ok sign dean-o boy

 Sick!sam with his feverish eyes is… nice…..

#the trials… they’re changing me #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 Cas is back!!!

 I feel so sorry for that poor server

#youre on that crack again?

 I love the way the trials mess with Sam’s memory, reminding him of long ago things as his brain goes into weird overdrive

#hmmm im not saying im gonna go there but I could be rude and write a story where sam remembers a traumatic childhood experience he repressed so far… #but im saying i wish i could do that without triggering the shit out of myself #let me live vicariously through my fav character OK?

 Ufff the angels are so scary!

#hey @ naomi I love you bc youre wife and if people love Crowley im allowed to love Evil Angel Wife and I just wanna talk but like What The Fuck? #that whole thing is so messed up!

 Cas’ fatal flaw: Free Will

#god I love him so much

 Kevin was just like: “huh, the Winchesters are weird, let me test them… how nice will they react to my questions? Huh, yeah it’s not them, that’s too nice.” Asdfhj

#i love samndean but I would not want to be friends with them bc they are terrible terrible selfish people also

 On the one hand I absolutely hate Sam’s perspective view right now, on the other I like sick Sam a lot and so I like to see how the trials affect him

#but also it makes me sick :/

 Sam in the ice bath…

#being so afraid when he wakes up because hes cold hes so cold #also wet sam is good

 Ugh, I hate that Crowley is still an effective villain at that point so I cant yet hate him as much as I want to even though hes already a garbage person

#i mean I still hate him though #but I know its gonna get worse and that makes me sad #also the scene where he reaches into cas’ gut just reaaaally made me feel sick #which is weird bc I watch more gruesome horror movies on the reg #i think it’s the: something moving under skin that I cant handle

 Sam remembering things from his childhood from when he was really little is adorable and sad

#like how he always though that he couldn’t go on a quest like that, because he wasn’t clean! Wasn’t good enough to be part of the knights of the round table #because there was something inherent evil in him #like that’s the queerness speaking #thats what growing up as a mentally ill baby member of the LGBT+ community feels like

 Ok I’ve been here for like a minute now, pausing after like every part of a sentence Sam says about remembering that book and the story and realizing that he already felt dirty when he was a kid bc it just keeps hitting me in the feels

#just that entire speech? One of my fav speeches #but fuck me I forgot how hard it also always hit me #so anygays I went back now and im watching it now just to make sure I get everything and ill try not to freak out again #these trials? They’re purifying me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #theres also a really good meta piece kinda linking it (+ the whole demon blood thing) to csa which like... hmmmm inch-resting.

 It’s transformer time!

#i don’t like him very much but he did make Sam sit down on a tiny table and that looks funny so right now hes still okay in my book

 On the one hand I kinda feel sad for Ion, on the other… Cas was actually really only trying his best

#and like if you want to rebel rebel with the original rebellious angel Castiel

 God as the author is a really big thing in this show and tbh I love it

#and then in the end they decided god just really likes his whump and I can appreciate that

 Kevin has become such a badass and I love him so much

 And the third trials has been revealed and Cas just miraculously reunited with the boys, oh this just promises to be such a good next episode!

#i know its not gonna be bc of course cas cannot work with the boys for like one season finale bc noooooooo #uffff #but that ending right there? That’s beautiful! #fucking imagine how buckwild the fandom would have been during that ending #asdfgh that woulda been nice

#spn 8x21 #collections #q slur tw #csa tw #homophobia tw #honestly the whole im not pure thing just always hits me right in my gay mentally ill trauma things feels #bc Big Kin Mood Id #i wrote most of this yesterday while i was kinda triggered so like that very much influences the way i see this probably #but yeah oversharing on side have fun with my messed up takes yall!!! #sam liveblogs