#n I'm only now comin to terms that it ok to say that it hurt me. it's ok to say I had it bad!

[bellflower-goat]

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#Just scroll past if ya see this #Hm. I am realizing many things tonight #This might be vent-ish so beware! #I am more than a bit broken and I don't really know what to think about it #Many things that happened 1-5 years ago hurt me a lot and I never quite realized it #And if I did. I tried to minimize it. like if it wasnt enuff to count as a bad thing. I had it good! But #Then I realized that I didn't. maybe I did have it better than some people but it was still bad nonetheless. #n I'm only now comin to terms that it ok to say that it hurt me. it's ok to say I had it bad! #I still don't know if im really aut.istic or if im overanalizing stuff #It's hard to tell really. some people in my family are on the spectrum #And idk if it's really alright to say that I might be. iknow people say that it's alright to inform yrself and it helps but #Maybe I'm makin a mountain out of a molehill and it's not that deep. The copin mechani.sms help me wonders #And some stuff like what being over or understi.mulated ring some bells as to what happens to me #But I still don't know. And maybe if I look it up more I'll just fill myself w the wrong ideas and make a wrong assumption #It's weird. #Stuff's weid and idk if I should worry so mucha bout this. It's kinda pointless isnt it? #But its scary to not know what's happenin to my body. Freezing up and not being able to talk at all and hrmin mself just to feel #somthing. anything. It's very scary! Cause I'll have plans for when it happens but it didn't work last time and I felt so sick n i tre.w up #And I don't know what's happening or what I can do to help myself or anything. #I wish i was exagerating I really do. #but maybe I'll be alright. I hope I will #I discovered many stuff abt me but I still don't know so much #I am worrying too much and this won't help. Maybe I should take a bath. #I think ill go do that actually.