#not be fond of it since . so BASICALLY i lightly gaslit her and was like 'mom. seriously ? 🙄'

[thanksfortheflaglove]

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#have been an anxious lil piece of shit since my mother walked past/then in my room bc she smelled something- #this was yesterday btw .. first thing she said was 'u dont vape do u?' and i was like 'no' *queue john mulaney voice: like a liar* #ok well technically only on occasion like if i dont have w**d #anyway she steps into my room and starts fuckin sniffing around and goes 'it smells like .. weed 😐' and just looked at me and guys .. #i am the WORST but my mothers brother aka my gay uncle got kicked out when they were younger bc he smoked too and my mother has grown to #not be fond of it since . so BASICALLY i lightly gaslit her and was like 'mom. seriously ? 🙄' #bc we joke about it on occasion like she went to denver and came back with a fuckin pot that says 'a little pot from colorado' meant for #weed and in my head im like 😭 bro i could actually use this 😭 #so thats how we joke but obviously for me its genuinely funny bc of the irony but anyway . #my anxiety was so high after that bc i literally had my pen on me and i just left the situation and started petting my dog and filled up my #waterbottle trying to think of what the fuck i was going to do next but that was literally the end of that #(at least for now but i dont even want to jinx it) #to be proactive tho bc newsflash i do smoke! i got smart as shit and wrapped my smell proof combo bag to make it look like a gift for my #my friends when i go back to school so she wont think anything of it #and then put my pen old battery and vape in a box hidden away so i can still access them if i need but god DAMN #i was def just being stupid tho bc i forget when im at home i cant be so lax and rip the shit out of my pen with my door closed and no fan #anymore like 😐 u dumb fuck i was smarter at 16 with this shit #anyway. its definitely on me and im just mad at myself for it and hope it doesnt come up again/that she isnt overly paranoid with me like i #am with myself rn #also just for some more background my mom and i have never been super close but im really close with my dad but i love with my mom ? so #after this semester not just bc of this situation but i might be like. ive never had a room at dads and id like to at least for summer #and go from there. they just moved and its so cozy and id love to make my room mine over there for once even if it means moving in for abit #but the one thing that would absolutely break my heart is that my dog lives with my mom and its not like i couldnt still see her but i feel #like id feel guilty/like im abandoning her or something :'( #idk if anyone read this far pls lmk ur thoughts #oh and i work right by my moms so its not like i couldnt still visit her but it would break my heart #kylas thoughts #drugs /