#really i think it's just this intense pining on kazuma's part that's creating a bigger and bigger hole in him

[spiritofjustice]

i'm very tired. i finished replaying tgaa 1 a few hours ago and am now just thinking about 2 a lot. anyways love the concept of kazuma and ryunosuke's romance being a missed connection, something they can't get back or even start because of everything that happened. like the opportunity was there, now it's gone, and kazuma hasn't yet gotten over it because while ryunosuke had time to mourn the loss, kazuma hasn't. and they keep missing each other over and over, because their lives keep diverging, and it's this thing that lingers and hangs over him and he can't even be upset that he lost the chance because he knows that their friendship is strong despite the fact they seem perpetually driven away from each other. he hasn't lost everything, and yet it also feels like he has. ryunosuke has grown so much and kazuma is getting worse.

also ryunosuke is aroace. goodnight

#psy's no punctuation posts #aa tag #i might change my hc on that but i always found a one-sided miserable asoryuu ship or whatever it's called compelling #dgmw i like the ship where they're happy or whatever but like. yknow KRKF #i was gonn a write a fic about it last year and then fucking didn't but i like the idea of ryunosuke mourning the fact he doesn't #love kazuma the way kazuma loves him. i think it'd actually break his heart because he wants to give everything to kazuma but ... #yknow ... #really i think it's just this intense pining on kazuma's part that's creating a bigger and bigger hole in him #he would never resent ryunosuke for not returning his feelings. i legit think he knew ryunosuke never would #but i do feel like it would tie into his feelings of self-hate. that he's 'selfish' for wanting to 'ruin' their friendship he so deeply #values. this feeling that he doesn't deserve the happiness he wants and craves. that he expects and cannot envision a world #where he is accepted. where he can't even fantasize about ryunosuke loving him back. #because all he pictures is ryunosuke crying if kazuma ever tried to kiss him or express his attraction to him #and call that man a prophet cause man. he's right i think ryunosuke would weep about it KRKF #goddamn dude. i should write that fic eventually #maybe after i finish the tgaa replay