#regulating her and her powers so she doesn't hurt anybody else. it just kinda makes sense to me

[kittyhazelnut]

fic talk in the tags don't mind me

#totally gonna rant about the distanty future of loki misses the asgardian prison system rn just as a heads up #this has been your spoiler alert lol #so I'm only on the aftermath of Age of Ultron rn so it's a bit of a ways away #but the last chapter or two i wrote has me thinking about civil war #and how it would almost make more sense for wanda to join tony instead of steve #and I've always thought in the movie it would make more sense for her to do that because she *should* be okay with the accords #regulating her and her powers so she doesn't hurt anybody else. it just kinda makes sense to me #except i was thinking the bomb in civil war might not hurt anybody which would put her safely on team tony #except rn she's kinda closer to tony than steve because Drama and shit so it *would* kinda make sense for her to join team iron man #but then the bomb does kinda have to blow up the building (or maybe a near miss and nobody dies but the building suffers a bit of damage?) #except the whole reaosn I haven't changed too much plot-wise is that i want peter in the fic and obviously its civil war where that happens #and if tony has wanda on his team then he really doesn't need to seek out a teenager for help #and maybe Steve would? especially because they're both New Yorkers so bonding and shit? but would he let a kid on the battlefield with him? #i mean he used Wanda's age as a defense in civil war and she's older than Peter so.... #although maybe Nat could be team cap and she could bring him in ig? #and then maybe tony realizes hes just a kid or something and takes him under his wing? so homecoming still works? #man idk i don't wanna change too much but I also don't want to keep everything the same like that's boring y'know #I'm so conflicted 😭 #and i have time to figure it out like im just starting The First Big Thing in the aftermath of AoU so it's not like ill be at civil war #any time soon. but ill be there eventually and then I'll need to have sn answer to all these questions and ughhhh fanfics are hard man 😭😭 #lmtaps

[mayhiems]

Hmmm I kinda like the idea of SuperCorp

BUT I also kinda get why they wouldn't last or ya know seem toxic-ish.

People remember the part where Lena pretty much tortured Kara both physically and mentally with the kryptonite and lies and manipulation and all...

My problem is that people keep saying Lena did all that cuz she was mad about Kara not telling her about her Supergirl identity. It's Kara's decision to share that secret or to not share it, they got that right. Lena doesn't have the right to hound on Kara for that.

That's the thing tho.

That's not what Lena is hurt and angry about.

It's the fact that Kara acted and said she was Lena's friend as Kara Danvers, but then as Supergirl she pressures/threatens Lena for creating and being in possession of kryptonite, her action towards Sam/Reign, then gets James (Lena's bf and another trusted person. Do note that Lena has few people she trusts, cuz her power and capabilities and tech can be dangerous at a global scale when in the hands of less than friendly people) to trespass and disregard Lena's privacy by sneaking into her labs to check for kryptonite and steal if found (which is illegal btw).

Anyways, Supergirl treated Lena as a threat and pretty much like a fekin villain with that ^ stunt.

As a superhero and protector of National city that's okay. Understandable and pretty smart and practical. I can't fault that.

The things is, Supergirl is also Kara Danvers. Kara Danvers who is Lena's friend and trusted person. Kara Danvers who said she trusted Lena and supposedly knew how good Lena was.

Oooh. Imagine that: a human and very mortal being, burdened with resources, power, and intellect that she has to regulate, grow, and defend so that she could help the world instead of just making a quick buck. Surrounded by enemies both with superhuman powers and none. Government, media, common folk, aliens, family, business associates, and pretty much everyone save for like...two people (Jess and Sam (and Sam had her Reign problem)) are after Lena, watching like a hawk so they could take something from her. Her enemies don't just wait and watch for weakness they fukin attack and attempt to murder and steal from her all the time.

Lena can't relax and trust just anybody. Her life is literally on the line every time she opens up to someone. And not just HER life, her employees' lives, her company's, without exaggeration the world's, or even just National city's.

Every time Lena makes a mistake, the consequences are wew, huge. Pretty dam terrifying.

So when the people she trusts end up doubting her, and not just doubting. They downright distrust her, turn their backs to her, and actively try to take her down...how else do you expect her to act?

Knowing that her one fukin friend, Kara, betrayed her too (just like everyone in her entire fukin life) broke her heart. It cemented the idea that Lena has always tried to stop from overwhelming her, that she was by herself. That no one would side with her, support her, love her, care for her.

Lena is so fucking alone.

With that in her mind and in her heart, why would she continue fighting to better the world? You know...the world that fekin hates her and wants her dead.

Any normal person would lash out if given Lena's circumstances (I would've went on a vigilante murder spree, made it so the only way to stop me was to kill me cuz Lena and I have self destructive tendencies in common lol or just stop trying...it depends. Violence isn't the first thing on my mind when I'm mad. But getting rid of problems is, hence the vigilantism...with murder.). All I'm saying is that people shouldn't be so mean to Lena for being angry about the secret identity thing. Cuz it's not just about knowing Kara's secret identity.

It's about Kara and friends doing the same thing the Luthors did to Lena: lording over her, saying she's doing the wrong thing, and not listening to her. (Lena has had everyone telling her she's doing the wrong thing her entire life mannn. Why should she listen when the person she trusted to tell sht to her straight apparently can't do that?)

It's sad really.

Lena is a doer, a problem solver, her way of thinking is honed to be practical and efficient. It's how Non-nocere pretty much became an option.

Even if Lena is good and kind, her calculating mindset and disillusioned/hopeless grieving heart made it easier to pick the practical choice.

A few more talks and a couple more support, and nonnocere could've become something less than mind control and more like uhhh law enforcement in your head hnnn.

I digress.

Anyways, I just wrote this cuz I feel bad for Lena's character.

Honestly kinda irked by Kara's problem with her friend having kryptonite. If Lena was a stranger to Supergirl then the doubting makes sense...but Kara isn't a stranger. She's her friend.

I think of it like how I always have a knife on my person. The knife is a precaution against people...but when someone attacks me, I wouldn't immediately reach for the knife, knife would be last resort.

My friends know I have a knife but they trust I wouldn't stab them with it, so they're cool with me having it. Why be afraid to get stabbed if you haven't done anything to get stabbed?

Kara let her fear and ego get the better of her that time...makes sense why Lena went 'oh you think I'll betray you? Okay okay finee. Lemme do exactly what you expected of me. Happy now?'

Asshole move but eh trauma response.

I mean, Kara gave Lena hope. Hope for friends, allies, , trust, support, care, and love. But Kara was the one to let her down first. Lena will never be able to trust Kara or anybody anymore. She can protect them, love them, befriend them, but in the back of her mind, Lena will never be able to silence the thought that she's alone (tho the whole point of the show is being stronger together and they're meant to forgive each oyher and all, I stand by it.)

Well, both Kara and Lena would have that nagging voice in the back of their heads, hence the ending lelelelel.

Anyways, Lena was venting, maybe it's wrong and a tad cruel, but she has a right to vent too (I bet she can't trust therapists either so like) The main reason it's such a problem is cuz Lena's such a prominent figure in their world that tantrums could be a global hazard. Then again everything she does is a hazard cuz she's just that brilliant so whats "petty" and whats "serious" can get kinda blurred.

At least she figured out that she didn't like not being good. Lena was more dark grey than villain tho. Her cruelty was focused on the people who actually hurt her and all.

Basically, Lena showed her "worst" to Kara so she could test whether Kara will really stay with her. (horribly manipulative? Maybe. But people do it all the time, they just don't do enough introspection to see it.)

It kinda makes sense they didn't become canon at the end...maybe a few more years of healing for them both cuz wew the stress that's on them.

This isn't to say people with trauma aren't meant to be in romantic relationships, just saying they need to be on a certain point so they wouldn't end up hurting more. Healing ain't linear anyways.