#so if this seems very incoherent its bc i literally forgot what i just said n had no way to check n tried not to repeat things
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hotel room, tokyo.
oK ;3; fsnfjsdfnjs i hope you you have a nice trip back home tomorrow then! you really have to travel a lot for your job omg o3o i can see that being nice bc different environments and such!! o3o bUT YO. she's pushing his buttons and he's just "dONT TOUCH ME" like im shaken. i forgot how awful marie can be. JuLIEN MY SON THOUGH OHMYGOD. i can finally spoil that one of the few pictures seen in the dispatch post are them holding hands. and ofc the going in hotel. so there is one thing julien can cri over. IM SO HURT.
OUO thank you! It's nice to go home but lol it's a little perk. I told Beth I was like IM SORRY I DONT FLY THIS MUCH FOR WORK THEY JUST NEED HELP I AM SORRY FOR HIATUS AFTER HIATUS. Also ugh Marie. Julien will legit cry ok. Like he's so sad when dax is all drunk and "hahhh yeah he went home with this pretty little thing. don't be surprised if he looks exhausted in the morning, she was hot af." And Jules is just /strained smile "....o-oh. good to know. goodnight." and he's just in the hotel hallway in pajamas getting a drink from the vending machine ok, he was not expecting this. he just goes back to his room and curls up and cries bc /wow ok maybe I was looking too much into it and he actually doesn't like me in that way lol what did I expect why am I crying in bed/ and tbh had he been drinking he probably would have pulled a Jerome and called Jerome's phone and left drunken voicemails of him crying and blubbering something incoherent
BUT RIIP NNOOO oHMYGOD im SO IN PAIN. but at the same time. all those realizations. Like why IS he crying over the fact that Jerome with a girl. Like. WHY. if they were /just/ very close friends it wouldn't be like this. and omg. pulling a jerome. if he would still be at maries hotel he would feel his phone buzzing in his backpocket. if its during his cab ride back he cant seem to answer the phone, his vocal cords not letting him, nor does his mind. omg he'd listen to it probably the second he wakes up from his broken sleep because of his alarm he didn't turn off. He'd see the many missed calls and left voicemails. He'd swallow loudly and listen quickly becAUSE WHY DID JULIEN CALL HIM? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO HIM? DID MARIE JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HIM? and he'd hear him crying. marie hatred intensifies because he couldn't be there for julien omg and jerome just rushes out of his hotelroom to juliens. he asks idols walking around were he is and then insert them seeing each other wow
TBH. He's devastated at Jerome leaving with a girl but also upset at the fact that he's so hurt over it bc WHY SHOULD HE BE HURT HE SHOULD BE HAPPY JEROME FOUND SOMEONE. And Julien would have great technique when pulling a Jerome ok. He cries into the phone and Jerome's inbox is full and Julien's battery is dead and he fell asleep but woke up a little hungover with puffy eyes. He would instead just clean himself up and throw on his glasses and blame his allergies and sinuses ("Julien it's autumn there are no plants out" "I said it's allergies >>") but he'd prob be holed up in his room until he needs to be at the stadium. Jerome would probably find him as he's opening the door to put the room service tray outside and it's just them looking like shit but looking at each other and Julien just "...." /sniffles and straightens out while looking at Jerome "what's up?" And he's trying so hard to act like he's unbothered, like he didn't just bawl into his cellphone a few hours ago
ohmYGOD. It's such a confusing time because Julien doesn't have his feelings sorted out as clearly as Jerome has. (which only grew after that night let me tell u) and these feelings hit him and omg. bUT the blowing up of Jerome's phone. You don't knOW. how far his heart is up his throat because of the notifications on his phone screen. and ugh. He'd be so panicked. He could almost faint. All this added pressure to his brain wow. But when they see each other, and Jerome is just stood there staring at him, noticing the puffy eyes, the sniffles, staring straight through the façade, before a snap, a switch goes off in his mind that makes him drag the other back inside of his hotelroom, a total disregard of asking for permission and the door isn't even closed yet Jerome is holding his arm maybe a bit too tightly, standing close as he talks "Are you okay? Why did you call me? Did something happen? Tell me." and he'd say that in a string of words without a breath being taken, looking at him so intensely that wOW. He's in a weird place in his mind rn so he's all on edge and that also means on edge with emotional things and CARE INTENSIFIES.
TBH Julien's feelings are all just a gray puddle. He can't even begin to sift through all his emotions he just knows that he needs Jerome in his life. His eyes would go wide, a tiny gasp escaping as Jerome pulls him back inside with the door shutting behind them. Julien would look up at him, tears starting to well up in his eyes a little but he blinks them away and clears his throat. He can't hold Jerome's gaze rn, bc he will prob end up crying again. "Nothing happened. Just got drunk and lonely. Happens all the time." And he'd he'd move to wiggle his arm out of Jerome's grasp, gaze to his feet while clutching his arm. "I'm sorry if I bothered you last night with my calls, I guess you really were busy." mumbling softly. "But you don't have anything to worry about." It's so out of character for him because he's usually the type to just address things and be blunt about it to clear the air but things are always different when it comes to Jerome.
I'm in pAIN. The fact that he isn't telling him directly what is going on is very reminiscent, only with the roles reversed and Jerome gets a taste of how Julien felt when he couldn't admit he was falling in love with him. And Jerome is scared, the string of voicemails left on his phone having him in a panic. There is tension in his jaw again, but not in the way it had been when he was eye to eye with his ex. It's in the way of biting back emotions, seeing his eyes turn teary before his gaze left him. "You don't just cry without a reason when you're drunk and lonely." He says, voice just above a whisper as he looks at him with such a caring look that Julien misses when he looked away. "I should know." Admitting this, he searches for his eyes as he counters Juliens attempts to escape his hold by taking a hold of his other arm as well. "Tell me." He demands but there is a wavering in his voice, allowing his voice to grow softer and a bit more desperate. "Tell me please, I already regretted this night, don't make me regret it more." And he says that without thought, "Tell me why you called. Tell me why you cried." Julien looks at him then, whether its due to himself or due to Jerome cupping his chin and tilting his gaze up. "Tell me why you needed me." oh wow i wanted pain anyways
TBH it's actually their positions in reverse and it's literally the same reason too I'm crying. And Julien hates that Jerome is trying to reason with him about it. "Well I was drunk and alone so I felt lonely," he'd counter. Julien would bite on his lip, blinking to keep his tears from falling even more, and his gaze would fall on the way Jerome's hands grip onto his arms. He just needs a little coaxing to finally let his thoughts escape but he's still stubborn and he shakes his head when Jerome first asks him to tell him. He shakes his head again when Jerome asks him to tell him why he called and cried. And finally the third time Jerome asks him and Julien can turn away his resolve finally crumbles, tears starting to fall and "I was upset that you left with her!" he'd reply, covering his face to try and wipe his eyes "dax told me you went home with her and you didn't pick up and I-" and he'd stop bc he's starting to shake and sob and "I was upset, okay? Is that the answer you were looking for? The answer you wanted?" And ok yeah pain it just hit me heaves
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