#steroid so i can become the ultimate lifeform

[agentargus]

That moment when you have so many characters you write that you have to make a “tag yourself”-style quick and dirty cheat sheet because even that is ridiculously long.

Agent Agave/Meli Medina

-The prettiest princess

-Plays all the sports

-So many rhinestones

-Killed someone with an Ultimate Grand Supreme tiara once.

-Puts puffy paint on all of her possessions

-The most country belle ever to be from Northern California

-Has been celebrating her Quinceanera for the last fifteen years.

-Cute as heck but will break your neck.

-Cheerleader who is always right there when you need her.

Agent Alichino/ Dante Argenti

-Laughs at his own jokes

-Has a pet tarantula

-Considered becoming a priest just to wear the cool outfits.

-self-described killer clown

-Owns at least twenty different mascaras

-Poisoned the last person who insulted his little sister. (The unfortunate victim survived, but it wasn’t pretty.)

-Says a Requiem Mass for any animal that may have been harmed in the making of his food.

-Can juggle any inanimate object. Literally.

-Puts too much cilantro on everything.

-one of those theater geeks who is always singing

Agent Argus/Henry Clementine

-Best dressed

-Certified Uncle-Friend

-Every dog is a good dog.

-Instantly dislikes people who never say “please,” and “thank you.”

-Never leaves home without his umbrella

-He died once but he got better.

-If he likes you, he’ll put his hand on your shoulder at least once.

-Completely desensitized to violence except when it’s against his dog.

-Bisexual icon

-Floats like a butterfly, stings like ten thousand angry wasps on steroids

Billie Joe Addams/Battle-Integrated Laser Lifeform Intellegence Experiment #J-03

-Actual greased lightening.

-Always has a guitar with him.

-Convinced his creator not to kill him by playing a Smokey Robinson cover.

-Terrible pickup lines.

-Keeps forgetting it’s not the ‘50s

-Surprisingly relatable.

-Doubles as a preamplifier.

-Could probably survive on milkshakes and jello alone.

-Has like ten thousand leather jackets.

-Adorkable.

Agent Colombina/ Giuliana Argenti

-Eyes that will literally stare into your soul.

-Sometimes forgets she’s not a vampire.

-Idolizes Billie Holiday

-Can turn her head all the way around, like an owl.

-Stiletto heels made of actual stilettos.

-Decapitated the last person who insulted her big brother

-Occasionally mistaken for a Blythe doll.

-Though she be but little, she is fierce

-Doesn’t talk much except to her brother and his tarantula

-Spoopy

Agent Merlin/Hamish MoChroidhe

-Science bro

-Country roads, take him home

-Probably invented the fidget spinner.

-Mom-friend

-Allergic to bullshit.

-Would probably help you with your math homework if you asked nicely.

-Has read every single book.

-“This is mine.”

-Tol

-Looks better in a kilt than you do.

Agent Pantalone/Silvano Albarado

-A fancy guy

-Will drop everything to say “hi” to a cute kitty.

-Has been working on the same painting for three hundred years.

-Accidental dad-friend.

-Dermatologists hate him.

-Not a morning person

-*Dramatic cape flourish*

-Just a bat who loves cats and hats.

-Seriously, he owns almost a thousand years’ worth of hats.

-Wears silk brocade on casual Friday.

Agent Pru/Prudence Jane Doe/Public Relations Unit

-Cinnamon roll

-Fembot, more like Femmebot

-Always wears pink despite the fact that her favorite color is purple.

-Shoots TERFs with her eye-lasers.

-Alternates between mom-friend and baby sister-friend

-Love machine.

-Lesbiab—lesbean—G I R L S.

-Has animated conversations with the Roomba.

-Not your waifu.