#the shading is low key fucked up ngl

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Just a random thought, since I love song fics… I wonder if I could somehow make a fic using my Spotify wrapped playlist as inspiration hmm… I’m gonna think out loud under the cut

Crash my car… so a meet ugly if it’s an AU (I love these!) but also lyrics could make it canon verse

Roses, need I say more, this is so CoAi vibes already. Lyrics probs more canon?

Bang, um… yeah okay probs canon divergence from the looks of things

Way less sad, labyrinth, know it all, lost, talk too much, maroon (oooo, as if I want already dreaming of a midnights album fic), close to you, 1 last cigarette, bummerland (cause we’re only going up from here. Okay this is like all my fics though), anti-hero, miss you a little, see through, blind, snow on the beach (okay but I did use a lyric already for the December fic…), American money (ngl always wanted to use this song as inspo cause of my bias of mirroring my golden otp), daphne blue (I don’t wanna talk about it! And I think we both know why! Wish it wasn’t automatic, the way I want you every time. Ugh this song man), loneliness for love (this song has always low key reminded me of my fav), karma (cause karma is her boyfriend!?!), songs I can’t listen too (my bias of superposition being their song), isabelle (hm… eh), love somebody (this one!!!), lavender haze (again the midnights album fic really should just be a thing), I like that, hate you + love you (ah yes the low key toxic vibe of it all. Why am I like this), SAD (clap your hands) (honestly probs more of a kaishi vibe but not very shippy really, but we’ll roll with it), you’re on your own kid, 2/14 (can’t fall in love tonight, well guess what pal! It’s happening!), 3 o’clock things (insomnia my old friend but also this ship doesn’t sleep I swear), choke (basically just die, which is such a mood), bejeweled (best believe my queen is still bejeweled and she can still make the whole place shimmer. And when they ask if she has a man? She can still say she doesn’t remember~ seriously this album fic when. Does someone else wanna be in charge of this cause I’m super intrigued by how people write using the same source but it always turns out different and I love that!), never a good time (the demise of the canon ship, there’s literally no good way for them to break up. They’re way too toxic and while obviously they shouldn’t work out, it’s annoying that I even have to figure a way to make amicable. I literally don’t even bother anymore. I hate canon), palm reader (got your crystals in your pocket like a drug dealer, bars. Love this line always), all my favorite songs (see the neon trees song cause that is the tie in), mastermind (most CoAi song off the album hands down), less than I do (I hope you feel blue, less than I do… did I really write a fic if I don’t make him suffer?), ghost story (see previous note), wave of you, question…?, Greek tragedy (she hits like ecstasy~), I think I like you (geezus Christ you think buddy!!! Literally I wanna scream every time cause why the fuck is he like this!!! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW YOURE IN LOVE WITH MY QUEEN!!! I say as if he isn’t canonly dense as fuck when it comes to romance, it’s literally why I can’t deal with him sometimes and will only write him when he fucking is aware! As a hopeless romantic, it kills me to see him be so dumb about this kinda stuff), electric love, sweet nothing (okay I honestly see this more as kaishi but it’s cause I’m soft for them but also imagining it as CoAi is very cute too), strawberry sunscreen (she tastes like sunscreen and summertime, actually lots of feels about this… like you know when a summer fling is going to end cause it can’t last and you know it but you still keep going for it even. Living in the moment and falling more and being so happy and just disregarding the fallout that’s to come. Again just my feelings with this ship, the song does not give this vibe at all), run (need I say more, this is a theme for this ship), baby blue shades (hm… again I’m thinking more of symbolism but the song is not at all the way I’m making it out to be in my head)

midnight rain (ugh okay my fav song off the album but in regards to the ship there’s so much about this song man. And I never think of him, except on midnights like this. My whole heart. I guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted. I guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted. Listen I’m a firm firm believe that they would absolutely be each other’s the one that got away and that just pains me so much), can you handle my love??, I ain’t worried, world’s smallest violin, vigilante shit, girl(you’re gonna take me back to a time when I loved and I mean it), animal(so look me in the eyes, am I someone else?)

you are the traffic (I actually have a fic with this as the title and it is not a great one. Not as messy as devour, but not great either. A terrible toxic relationship that should definitely end, but because it’s me… yeah…)

Dear reader, automatic (god I love the way you talk the way you feel baby), higher, blu (fall into your blue, what the hell is love if you’re in complete control, fighting it is hopeless, sinking in your ocean just like you designed me to do), would’ve could’ve should’ve (the regrets aspect but also John Mayer is a piece of shit, not fic related of course but I never liked him), Thelma + Louise, coming home, boys (got hungover from your words, in New York it’s the worst, all these nights are a blur), the Great War, superposition, cemetery (def not a shippy song but we’ll roll with the title), low key (see I only lie when I love you summary), Paris, I want it all (he’s the selfish one but he’s not wrong when it’s for her), love me like a friend (fwb fic when), song about you (see me always being on the song fic train), high Infidelity, stay next to me

Cringe (honestly could go one of two ways for me. Either more fuel for no canon ship or desperation for my ship. Again I write this all the time), still not dead (honestly the theme of the series if we’re just looking at the title here), bigger than the whole sky, wish you were sober, the other side of paradise (of all glass animal songs it was this one??? I wish you could see the naked truth… I guess), sunshine, glitch, choker (self-sabotage is a sweet romance)

tangerine (okay here’s another one, hm… honestly more of a failed ship song but perhaps a dramatic thing of this is what will happen to me if I miss out on keeping you), dancing in the kitchen

state of grace (okay I never liked the idea of writing a red album fic cause it is the ultimate breakup album and in my world my ship always works out. So really this is more for the canon ship, which I low key have put a lot of thought into and may just write it one day… but I don’t really wanna cause I do not care about the canon ship. But I literally have it all mapped out in my head. All 30 songs. But anyways this is the worthwhile fight I guess would be his stance for my queen if I’m making it for my ship)

My play (basically the perfect scenario, but we all know nothing ever goes to plan in the real world), lean on me, someday, red (see note about this being a canon ship break up album and my ship is absolutely not a red ship cause to me those do not last. I say as I have a red otp), drivers license (okay this does not apply to them at all, but we can roll with it in the way that we’re tying in the crash my car song. Am I bringing back the idea of an AU?), 18

Get away (okay I can’t. This has always been a kaishi song to me and I kinda still really wanna write this fic for them one day… but I guess we can roll with this as just the title, cause the lyrics are definitely more geared towards kaishi for me)

Message in a bottle (again we don’t need to go over this again, so title it is), record player (title), strawberries & cigarettes (basic but so what), find someone, run (but this one is for the one in Run To Change The End Game. I still need to finish that and perhaps add the joker and the queen, but for this purpose we’ll continue the theme of running away or not), new religion, everybody talks (in which as per usual in my fics, everyone ships them), (skipping this one cause it’s not my song but one of my brothers that made the list)

Treacherous (okay I know I said no red songs cause breakup album but… this to me has (still is) always been the most CoAi song Tay ever wrote so… yeah)

In conclusion, this would literally be every fic I’ve ever written so yeah. Totally doable

#cynful babbles #I probably won’t write this as one fic but it’s possible #mostly because I do kinda wanna write a midnights album fic #you know I bet I could be a consistent updater if I strictly wrote song fics

[clusterfuck-misc]

ANON ASKS:

Hey, so I saw you like Tsukishima from Haikyuu. Ngl ever since I watched Haikyuu I've always imagined railing him in the empty gym or a supply closet just before he had to go to practice 👀

You can use whatever pronouns you like but I do have a dick

Sub Kei Tsukishima x Male Dom Reader

Ugh, yes. The tall beanpole shall be railed.

Contains: semi-public sex

ARCHIVED POST. @clusterfuck-dom IS MY NEW BLOG.

PLEASE DO NOT SEND REQUESTS ON THIS BLOG.

He told you to make it quick.

Practice was in about 10 or so minutes, and he didn’t feel like coming up with an excuse for his lateness. He was already running behind schedule, after all, ever since those two other first years on his team pestered him while he was at his locker. You were watching from the end of the locker row as he waved them off, telling them to go bother someone else.

A tut left your mouth at your boyfriend’s rude behavior. Is this how he treats his teammates?

Next thing you knew, you were dragging him off to the nearest secluded area — a supply closet, much to Kei’s displeasure — and slamming him against the wall. It didn’t take long for the blonde to realize where this was going; this isn’t the first time you’ve dragged him off to some empty area and fucked him silly (his dick twitched with interest at just the memory of it). But, once again, it isn’t long before he has to go to practice. What would the team say if he showed up later than he usually did? What if someone came looking for him? What if they happened upon this very supply closet and caught him quite literally with his pants down?

That’s when your hands found their to his waist band.

“Make it quick,” you heard him mumble.

Your lips found his in an instant (a hum of pleasure couldn’t be stopped as his mouth immediately opened for your tongue) and you made quick work with unbuckling his belt. Once it was removed and dropped to the floor, you pulled down his pants and his boxers in own swift movement, allowing his reddened member to spring free from their constraints. The blonde shivered at the cool air hitting his length as he broke the kiss.

“Quick,” he reminded you, his glasses knocked askew on the bridge of his nose.

It didn’t take long before he was turned with his front side pressed against the wall, you fumbling with your pants behind him. Kei have an impatient huff as he through a look back at you. A sheepish smile found its way on your lips, finally freeing your own shaft in the process. The response you got was an eye-roll, followed by him mumbling some sort of sharp complaint. Given the time restraints, you decided to let it slide.

There wasn’t exactly a proper “prep” period. You hastily stroked your member to coat it in precum so there was at least some sort of lubricant to work with. A low noise left your throat and caused Kei’s hair to stand on end. The noise — almost predatory, if he were to describe it — immediately went to his cock as it painfully throbbed. He was now begging in his mind for you to hurry up, not only for practice but for his own pleasure. His legs were already a bit wobbly and you’ve barely done anything yet. A light shade of pink dusted his cheeks, though he didn’t know if it was from arousal or a bit of embarrassment.

After what felt like ages (were you purposely taking your time?), something round prodded his entrance. Kei’s breath hitched and an airy noise left his lips. His fists clenched to prepare for the pain as your hands found his hips.

“Ready?”

Kei could only nod.

Slowly, you pushed inside of him. The blonde clenched his eyes shut and bit his lip, trying to suppress the led noises that were building up in his throat. You were barely even halfway in and he threw his head back with a muffled mewl. It always amazes you how fast you could rile him up. His breathing was ragged, his entire body was shaking, even his member already looked so close to releasing. A small coo escaped your mouth at how adorable you found it.

Finally, the base of your pelvis hit his ass. You were fully sheathed inside of him, hands running up and down his sides while you allowed him to adjust. Precious time was being wasted, but it’s not like you really cared. Kei’s teammates could wait a bit. And, from the small look thrown your way — a look of vulnerability mixed with pure lust — you could tell that the blonde was thinking the same thing.

Huh. That’s weird. Wasn’t he the one who wanted you to “make this quick”?

A few seconds ticked by before Kei gave you a curt nod. He was ready for you to begin. Without hesitation, you thrusted yourself in and out of his warm hole, drawing out gasps and moans from the tall male in front of you. A particularly rough snap of your hips made him practically yelp. It sounded startled mixed with pleasure, making you let out your own noise of satisfaction.

“H… harder,” he moaned, the side of his face squished against the wall.

A chuckle left your throat. “Don’t you have practice soon?”

Kei whined at your words. “Please,” he begged. His eyes were clouded over with lust, tears threatening to fall from them. “God… pl-please…!!”

My, my. How could you say no to that gorgeous face?

And so, heeding your boyfriend’s begging, you began to thrust even harder into his entrance. Your hands had an iron grip on his hips as Kei let out louder lewd noises. You were sure that they were audible from outside the closet, and any passerby could hear your activities, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was Kei’s beautiful moans and agape mouth, his puckering hole greedily accepting the cock that was abusing it. Skin on skin contact caused loud slapping noises and, if one listened closely enough, feint squelching sounds could be heard from the precum filling his insides.

This was going to hurt afterwards. The bruises on his hips from your fingers, the aching of his back from being arched for you, and (most notable) the burning of his hole from your relentless and rough thrusting. He was sure to be limping for a while. His team would probably give him weird — or knowing — looks later on. Dear lord, how was he supposed to attend practice when he’d just get done being absolutely railed?

Well, those were thoughts for later on.

Right now, the focus was how close the two of you were.

“Y… Y/N—” Kei tried to warn you.

“Cum for me,” you said through a grown, hips stuttering a bit.

Teary eyes looked back at you with utter adoration. One tear slipped down his red cheek as strained cries came from his throat. His entire body jostled as you continued to ram yourself inside of him.

Then, with a muffled scream, threads of pearly white came streaming from Kei’s painfully hard member.

His seed coated the wall of the supply closet, some droplets coming back to paint his thighs. You continued to thrust inside of him throughout his orgasm until you came to your own. Milky liquid filled Kei’s burning hole and dribbled out of the sides. Your climax drew a low moan from your chest and caused a needy mewl to come from the blonde. He made small noises similar to that until your entire load filled his entrance.

The two of stood there for a couple of moments, panting heavily and reveling in the pure bliss that filled the supply closet. Once when your mind was clear enough, you slowly pulled yourself out of Kei, eliciting a disappointed whine from the poor blonde. His trembling legs could barely hold himself up at this point and he had to lean against the wall for support.

“Tried to be as quick as possible,” your now gravelly voice said in his ear. “You should get cleaned up before—”

“One more,” he gasped.

You rose a brow at him. “But—”

His face, blotchy with scarlet and painted with tears, contorted with a bit of irritation. “One more,” he huffed.

After processing his words, a knowing grin grew on your face.

It was always “make it quick” until your cock was inside of him.

What a needy little brat.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials S2 Ep 6 - Rambling/Thoughts

I really cannot believe that we’re at the penultimate episode already, oh my gosh. It’s gone by so fast??

Again, because I’ve reread TSK in the last couple of weeks, the book is fresh in my mind but I’ve probably still missed stuff

Also last week was so intense and seeing the “previously on” section made me remember just how intense that was, so it’s a hard job to top that!

ANGELS AHH RIGHT AWAY IM GEEKING OUT

“The last time they were seen was to make war” - IT’S HAPPENING ASDFGHJKL

Ruta going off to see Asriel and me just remembering what exactly went down between them while she was there with him... heh

So Will’s hand looks AWFUL oh my god poor Will 😭

Pan is REALLY into his Red PAN-da form oh my goodness

So the other kids out for revenge terrified the living SHIT out of me, dear god I don’t think it could be any creepier than dozens of them appearing out of the shadows like that, like it’s genuinely terrifying

Serafina just dropped right in to rescue them and I was both relieved and a little disappointed? Because in the book the whole chase sequence is so much longer and more important, like it takes up most of an entire chapter I think, and here it’s like two minutes?

Serafina: What does this edge cut? // Lyra: Everything (Will at the same time: Nothing.) - 😂

I missed Lee and Jopari tbh so yay to seeing them once more! And they’ve crossed into the next world!

Oh hi again Mary!

^ I wasn’t expecting to see Mary again this series because in TSK book, her last appearance is going through the window (which was last episode), so I’m a little curious as to whether we’re going to get a TINY little peek into The Amber Spyglass here (it’s been years since I reread it, I apologize). Because last series they did a bit of TSK (namely introducing Will + him crossing into Cittagazze), so it would be interesting!

“Good, something I can understand for a change” - LOL Same

Serafina wants to take Lyra back to her world?? Really??

Not gonna lie, the two girls spying on Mary was kind of low-key creepy

Lyra mentioning that she crossed worlds to find out about Dust and mentioning Roger 😭

Also I’m so emotional over just how much she wants Will to be safe, like she would really do anything to keep him safe and I love it

Lyra asking the Alethiometer where Will’s dad is and “he’s in this world” - ahhh it’s going to happen!

Also I really hope that the BBC/whoever decides to sell replica Alethiometers because the design is so beautiful?! I would fork out serious dough for one, and it would go nicely with the one I have from the film

No but seriously, words don’t describe just how badly I want a replica

“I wanted to fly so I summoned you here, now I’m flying” - LOL OKAY THEN JOHN

Ooh damn, that outfit Marisa is wearing is FINE. I’m slightly gayer than I was before, ngl

I was like “nooo Mary don’t be nice to these kids, they’re awful”

But it’s very sweet that she offers them food?? Like she pulls a chocolate bar out and is like “it’s no good for you, it’s full of sugar”... I love her

The way that Mary was so happy and excited when they mentioned Lyra, only to tell the girls off for trying to kill her - more of a mum than Mrs Coulter tbh

“Miss, can I have a hug?” - AWWW OMG WHY AM I SAD

They asked Mary to stay and look after them omg 😭😭😭

“Come with me, I’ll bring you to your adults” - ooh okay this could go any number of ways... Either she actually reunites them with their families and all’s well, or she takes them up there and their parents/adults are all dead (for lack of a better word)? Or the Spectres attack after Mary leaves them with the adults??

Jopari talking about meeting his dæmon and also a little bit about trying to get back to his family :(

“Can you magic us up a fire?” “One moment” *presents a box of matches” - LMFAO

Wait did Serafina seriously just imply that she thought Will might hurt Lyra?!?

Serafina saying that if protecting Lyra means protecting Will as well... Yes, protect Will please! Protect BOTH of these children, I literally BEG you, they’ve gone through far too much

Ooh okay so the witch ritual/spell was kind of cool to see!

Lyra saying “please tell me he’ll be alright” 😭♥️

The fact that Lyra curled up close to Will and then Pan (in ermine form) curled up CLOSER to Will is so cute, they both love Will so much

Pan: “We feel safe her... don’t we?” / OOF OKAY THIS IS F I N E

I already know what Lyra’s “other name” is because I read the book but the hints are anything BUT subtle tbh. “Mother of us all, cause of all sin, tempted by the serpent”... I’m not even that religious but I think it’s pretty obvious.

Also, if Mary is playing the part of the “serpent” within Lyra’s destiny, does that mean that Mary has tempted Lyra? Or that she will?

Boreal being nervous about being in the city and Marisa is just so unimpressed by him... Mood

That smirk she had when going up to that Spectre victim was so chilling, we have to stan Ruth Wilson and her incredible acting

Also, fun fact, Ruth Wilson went to my sixth form college and is from Surrey (like me), and she grew up in Shepperton, which is where my Nan used to live when she was alive (my uncle and aunt live there still), so that’s super exciting!

“We could learn from this” - PLEASE DO NOT MA’AM

God I hate the Magisterium so fucking much, the patriarchy is so strong with them

Oh great, now they’re gunning to kill Lyra :/

Also, off topic, I’ve only just connected that Will Keen, who plays Father MacPhail, is Dafne Keen’s dad?!?

“She’s lost a lot for one so young” - AND SHE’S STILL GOING TO LOSE PEOPLE, WHY IS THIS FAIR PHILIP PULLMAN 😭

“She must be protected” - AGAIN, they BOTH need protecting PLEASE

The Spectre noises reminded me of the noises of the Smoke Monster from LOST, so that’s definitely trippy for me

Thanks, I hate it

I nearly shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING” out loud in front of both my parents, I seriously thought she had a damn death wish

I have never been so damn tense in my entire life as I am watching this show - and I KNOW what happens

HOW DID SHE DO THAT WITH THE SPECTRES SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN

Lee’s so worried about Lyra - 11/10, Father of the Year

The Magisterium airships... NO. FUCK. WE’RE AT THAT POINT ALREADY AND IM NOT OKAY BECAUSE I KNOW HOW AND WHERE THIS ENDS AND I HATE IT

I deadass thought Marisa and Carlo were about to kiss when he ran up to her and I actually said out loud “NO please don’t”

Look I must just be so dirty minded but when she said “let’s celebrate”, my immediate reaction was “NO NO NO NO EW EW EW NO” and “I hope she just means having a drink and not doing the frickety-frack”

I was so close to tearing up as Will was talking about his mum, her illness, and the boys who were mean to her because of it. His love for his mum is so beautifully written and the way Amir Wilson is playing Will is so wonderful

I was also close to tears when he was talking about his dad and how he used to imagine about his dad, so maybe I’m just emotional anyway

“Could go to school... have friends” - okay yeah no I’m definitely crying 😭

“I couldn’t trust anyone.” “Until you met me.” “Yeah.” - EXCUSE ME ♥️😭 my HEART

I love one (1) soft boy, and one (1) feral girl and her dæmon

The relief I felt when I saw Marisa and Carlo were literally just having drinks 😅

“They consume what makes us human, so I just suppressed that and hid it” + *cut to the monkey looking kinda sad/uncomfortable* - Umm fUCK OKAY THEN

Why am I feeling sorry for the monkey?!?

“You think we’re equal?” - LMFAO RIGHT

EWW THEY KISSED. No, just... nO

When I saw his snake dæmon moving towards her monkey, I thought one of two things was about to happen: 1) the monkey was going to pet and paw and the snake as Marisa seduced Boreal, or 3) the monkey was going to strange the snake and kill Boreal

OKAY THIS TOOK A SHARP BUT NOT UNWELCOMED TURN

“You’ve NEVER been my equal.” “You’d only hold me back.” - OH MY GOD YES THE SHADE

She’s not wrong though let’s be honest here

So she poisoned him I’m assuming? She poisoned his drink because the monkey didn’t actually touch the snake... damn.

Her just sitting there and continuing to drink with his dead body there is... damn.

“Into that valley” NO NO, please no

Jopari really just summoned a whole damn storm huh

Also the fact he fully trusts in Lee’s abilities to land them safely :3

Lee: “Can we trust him?” // Hester: “Do we have another choice?!!” - LMFAO I love them so much

THE WAY I NEARLY SCREAMED WHEN THAT WITCH GOT ATTACKED BY A SPECTRE OMFG AT LEAST WILL WAS THERE TO SAVE HER

Okay but did Marisa REALLY sit there for HOURS with Boreal’s corpse sitting opposite her?!?

Her burning her hand on the flame in front of the monkey, and the monkey clearly whimpering and in pain was so agonizing to watch, I can’t take this show

Also, you have to wonder just how many times she’s harmed herself (and him) for her to keep doing it with next to no problems (like separating from each other all the time)

I was so excited to see the birds attacking the zeppelins, like it was one of my favourite details in the book, and I worried that they wouldn’t have the budget for it but yay!

I do kind of wish that we’d had Sayan Kötor as the “eagle Queen” leading them though - she probably was but I wish we’d actually seen it or heard Jopari say it or whatever

THEY SHOT THE GAS CANNISTER OH SHIT THEY’RE GOING DOWN HARD AND FAST IN THAT BALLOON

HOLD ON BBC YOU CANNOT END THIS THERE?!? EXCUSE ME?!

The last episode is next week and on an hour earlier, so that’s exciting! I have no idea what I’ll do once this series ends, or when we’ll even get the third and final series because of COVID and filming delays, but I’m excited for it nonetheless and hoping it’s next November/December or something!

#his dark materials #hdm #lyra belacqua #lyra silvertongue #marisa coulter #mrs coulter #will parry #serafina pekkala #ruth wilson #dafne keen #amir wilson #pantalaimon #john parry #lee scoresby #hester

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 10: “Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes!” - Cody

Amy A

Everything worked out PERFECTLY. Ugh I love a good plan. Hopefully my new core 4 plus Najwah stays in power. 

Olivia A

WHAT THE HELL!! Grae was my closest ally this is so disappointing. On top of everything, Aimee didn’t even vote with us!! So we’re at a 6-4 disadvantage. I don’t think anyone wants to work with us. Our last hope is finding and buying the idols and utilizing Kalle’s fake idol. I hate this.

Pedro A

woke up on the bottom...and thinking i was going home...guess what...im still here ahahahhahahahahahahhhaahhah...yall though...kalle is my guardian angel ...like if it wasnt for that girlll i would be out

ben kessler

Wednesday, July 29th, immediately after the tribal grae got voted out: heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh

Aimee

I had a long day and now Grae is gone. I’m honestly crying. Jay asked if I was okay and the river of tears just started flowing. I only knew Grae for a short while and really wanted to get to know them more. They brought such a beautiful, fun and loving energy to this game. Grae, I really am going to miss you. I’m just gonna go hug a stuff animal. 

Maddison

I knew Pedro was going to play an idol. He didn’t do one single puzzle, it’s obvious he felt safe. Snakes are slithering. 

Kalle N.

I truly cannot believe that our plan worked but it did and my splitting headache is totally worth it. I really feel like I deserve an Emmy or an Oscar for my performance with Maddison and Olivia after tribal but it's fine. I have absolutely no idea what comes next but boi will it be messy. I'm so sorry it had to be Grae but I didn't know what else to do. Also I hate that I'm working with Ben but don't worry I will use my chaotic energy to go against him eventually. I will now be erasing myself from the narrative and taking a break for several hours. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Najwah

OK last night's tribal was wiiiiiiild af. I think the funniest part is that this all started with me planting a seed. I told Amy L that she is at the bottom of their alliance and that I was open to working with her to get Maddison out. She spilled all the tea about Maddison having two idols and that she's been wanting to gether out for a while bc she says the same thing to everyone lmao. I think the thing that pissed Amy off is that she told her "I feel closest to you" anyway, Amy didn't respond to me immediately so I thought she wasn't on board at first so I told Cody I'd work with him and that I have the idol from Alan. Ffs. Wrong move. Cody just trust other people wit information and it's really annoying. While I love Sarah, I can't really trust her bc she's really close to Ben and Aimee - who I do not trust. Well, Aimee I am not sure about. I guess I only don't trust her because of her close Ness to Ben and Ben blatantly lies. Anyway. So Amy told me that their alliance is still trying to vote Pedro which is perfect for us coz we can still stay Hanúha strong. So at this point I realise I wouldn't have to play my super idol and Cody wouldn't have to play his extra vote. Anyway. Amy tells Kalle about the plan to get Maddison out. I send Amy a long ass message Pedro sent Zack that Zack sent me. She tells her group that Zack had sent it to her, to solidify their vote for Pedro. And then She, Kalle, Ben and Pedro form an alliance and they pull off one of the most epic blindsided. I mean, wow. Amy told me beforehand so I saw it coming and I told Cody about it too. Lmao but Ccody just can't be low key he wrote something about Maddison's two idols and he asked in the Old Hanúha group whether anyone had known about the plan lmao obviously Ben was like "no" and wtf. Ben's facial expressions at tribal was hilarious especially because I know he careful conducted this whole genius plan. I mean people still think their alliances are with their alliances and that no one has moles but there are so many layers right now and there are a few moles. 

Cody just needs to shut up. Be like Ben who claims that everything he is doing is for James lmao but is in a secret alliance with the person that got James out lmao love it. I love that I can see through some of the BS right now. The only person that could fuck up my game is Cody atm but I am taking a leap of faith and trusting him. He needs to trust me too. I kept telling him to just trust the process last night and he kept freaking out. I think the realisation of Ben being a BSer got to him a bit. Also, he toldd Sarah that I spoke to Amy? Like I'm so fkn mad. Can he just shut up? Ugh that's my biggest problem right now. I LOVE CODY OMG WE SPEAK ON VIDEO CALL LIKE EVERY HOUR LMAO but I'm just scared that he is too trusting with certain people, especially at this point in the game. He also doesn't know how to be low key lmao which is kinda funny. Also, Pedro. Wev ebeen talking a lot. Pedro's friggin Greek they're speech and the vote with Grae that ended with "sorry not sorry" just. Lmao. I wish I watched this on TV. I'm sad that it happened via skype😂😂 also I am not sure how this VL confession thing works. Did I say the right things? Yall probably have all the tea already. I'm a little sad that Grae went home. She seemed genuinely nice but she was our only option because Olivia won immunity. Maddison also made us all uncomfortable coz she took the time to chat to none of the new people at merge. Like? Olivia and Grae made the effort. She just seems too safe. Too comfortable. She isn't even participating in this challenge. Is she THAT comfortable or just pissed? Who knows? Never keep to yourself like that. It makes people suspicious. Pedro does seem very smart and manipulative though and I will be weary of him. Let's go idol hunting then woohoo. 

Najwah

Also I keep laughing at how ridiculously bad I am at answering questions at tribal. Omg. Embarrassing. I need like a few minutes to THINK. I always look back, and wonder why tf I said what I said. In retrospect, I'd answer last night's question with "don't we all feel like we are on the outs?" ugh. I'm so bad at it. I realise it makes me look dumb and perhaps that's not a bad thing. I don't mind looking dumb tbh. Lmao. 

Cody A.

I haven’t done one of these written confessions in a while! Obviously things have been absolutely fish crazy. Idek what fish crazy means but it just came to me. And on the topic of fish... I’m pretty positive I called Maola a bunch of sharks at tribal council. 

If it wasn’t for Naj last night, I would have been completely blonde sided by the vote. I had no idea what was going on, I thought the plan was to put votes on Pedro and Madison and one of them would go. 

About 20 minutes before tribal naj called me and said she did not want me to feel left out of the events that were about to occur. She told me the real plan of Pedro and Madison both playing idols and Pedro casting the sole vote on Grae. Not going to lie I was scared shitless... I was so close to writing kalles name as a safety net for myself. What if Pedro would’ve cast the sole vote against me? At the very least it would’ve been a 1-1 tie between myself and kalle. I just didn’t want to be Denise’d out of this game. 

Ultimately I trusted my gut which told me to just trust naj. If I had got fucked over last night, at least I would’ve went out trusting the right people. Naj also told me about a 4 person alliance between Amy, Pedro, Kalle, and BEN... My Ben!!! Smh. So moving forward I have to be very careful with the information I give and receive from Ben which sucks because I thought I could trust him more :/ Basically THANK THE LORDT FOR NAJ. Not all hero’s wear capes, some wear pajama pants and robes! 

Kalle N.

So this entire time that I've worked with Ben, he always dictates our moves and every single thing I can or can't say to certain people. If I suggest something he immediately turns it down and will only do what he wants. Men are the worst. Anyways, a little bit ago after he told me what our next move is and didn't let me have any input, he suddenly said "Actually what do you want to do? You go ahead and tell me what you want". That is EXTREMELY sus and makes me think that he's just trying to make me feel better while he's secretly plotting against me. I could go along with it and just let him vote me out bc honestly I'm exhausted, or I could reveal all of the insanity that happened in the last vote to my other alliance and then expose him to his own tribe for working with me. Which would get him voted out. But that's a lot of work so I'm ngl I'm leaning towards just getting voted out myself

Aimee

I’m so glad I’m not actually on an island playing real life Survivor right now. I would constantly be in the ocean or somewhere in the bushes bawling my eyes out. And then coming back to camp like, “oh hey guys! No puffy face here, I promise! Yeah everything is peaches! Hanuha strong! Those red eyes are just from too much sun, I think I need to lay down in the shade” I’m not crying over Grae and how shitty I was to Maddison or anything, JayKay I totally am! I hate that I didn’t tell Maddison the votes were going her way. I’m not even sure why I didn’t. I’m so sorry Maddison, I really hope we can rebuild our connection and work together again. I just feel like barf and am exhausted. Trying to play this game with a full time job is tough. I hope I have the emotional fortitude to pick myself back up and put on a poker face. The last thing I need is anyone figuring out my tells and knowing what I am up to. I want to work with Ben and Maddison the most at this point. I hope I can make that work out. 

Pedro A

I'm honestly scared...for the next tribal ...I feel like everyone is gonna go after me...cause apparently I'm the villan lol

Kalle N.

It's a little hard to focus on the game at the current moment bc an exciting/terrifying development may be occurring in my life in the next couple of days. I'm having a prolonged anxiety attack. We were going to try to take out Aimee so F's in the chat to pay respect. Don't know what I'll be doing. Need to go cry in the shower now.

Najwah

Sigh. It's been a very long day. I really played hard at this challenge, knowing I have a 15% DA. Do I think it's insane that someone came into the game when half the players had already been eliminated and over half the 24 hours had already passed only to NOT even try to eliminate the one person not in our alliance in there, then pretend it's all kumbaya and eliminate our alliance (who we said we won't eliminate, we made a pact?) one by one? I mean yeah it's damn insane. And not that I'm a sore loser or anything, but I wish she'd have been there when things were actually heated and when everyone else was putting in the hard work. This isn't endurance in my opinion. This is coming into a game late and reaping all the benefits. However, well done on her tactic. Love it honestly. I think she made good moves and knew when to strike and for that, of course I think she's a fkn Queen. Even though I felt as though I was so close to winning immunity, even though I tried really hard. At the end of the day, it's how you outwit and outlast your opponents. Next time I'll be sure to not read challenge rules at 4am and then try to actually understand the game properly and how I too, can make things easier for myself dammit coz I think i keep making everything so hard for myself in this game ugh. I just need one fucking WIN. Goodness I am playing so hard. Wow. Wow. Starting to wonder what panderosa is like lol must be fun. Anyway I need to sleep coz the sleep deprivation is making me feel sick af and making me paranoid about having corona. 

Aimee

https://lovelyygifss.tumblr.com/post/618070044309700608/deserved-more-than-0-votesssss QUEEN SARAH!!!!!!! 👑 ♥️ This challenge proved to me so much that Sarah is in it for the long haul with me! I could tell she was never guessing for my word and I wasn’t trying hers. Team Casanova is once again coming up equal on all challenges and I love to see it! I can’t believe I got to have my Michele moment and come from behind after being hours behind in the challenge and eliminating the last three people in a row to kick down that damn puzzle! I am on such an adrenaline rush!!! After the low lows of last night this rollercoaster of game really proves you can get right back up and thrive! Haha it was so hard saying my word since I’m a pretty positive person and my word was “not.” Sarah and I never gave up in this challenge and we ended up being the last two remaining!!! I also really bonded with Najwah and Cody. That challenge was so much more than immunity it was also a great opportunity to bond with cast mates and I really capitalized on that. Even during this challenge I patched things up with Maddison too and it seems like we are back to trying to make things work with us. I feel like Grae would want that for both of us too. I went from crying my eyes out the night before to total redemption today. It was on my bucketlist to win an individual immunity and I did it on something I never knew I could win. I’m just so amped and trying to calm myself down. I’m just https://youtu.be/erG5rgNYSd Wheeler island in the sun The song I was listening to when I won immunity. 🎃🐻🌈🍑❤️💜🧡💛

Sarah

There have been so many things that have happened today... This morning Ben, Naj, and I gave Cody enough coins for him to hopefully get the idol. Cody showed me what was in the store and how there were two necklaces for $20 which was odd. He got one of the necklaces and we thought it was a real idol. Tbh we still don’t know if it’s a real idol. Cody sent a fake message to Ben and I showing that it was a “fake idol” (he got the message from Naj when she had found a fake idol). We thought it was real but when Cody found it it said “what seems to be an idol,” which makes me think someone planted a fake idol there and he did get a fake idol. I will send in more soon... 

Najwah

I thought that making it to merge would be enough for me lol but somehow my goal is just to get further now. I'm at a crossroads though bc there is no one I really want to get out or back stab or whatever. Cody found a supposed idol yesterday. I told him just to tell Ben it's a fake idol and if Ben wanted to use the fake idol, he could give him my idol. Thing is, Cody is paranoid about it being a real idol or fake one that he found. I think he should just chill about it and it'll be fine. I just want Cody to be calm, I feel like without Zack's constant talking and scheming, the silence is getting to him a bit. But I quite like the silence. He thinks it means something is happening or people are plotting against him. I just think it means people are trying to sleep lol. I mean even if he was a target, he still has an idol. Ugh. Anyway it's actually a religious holiday for me today and tomorrow. So I will spend time with my husband and perhaps go to a fancy restaurant or something. I haven't felt fancy in so long and I realised everyone in this game has really seen gross, messy haired, late night Najwah lmao like I usually don't even let my friends see me this way 

Najwah

It's silly trying to keep wondering who tf I can trust. I need to just go with my gut. There are a few people in the game I really like. Cody, Sarah, Amy, Pedro and Aimee. I don't know the rest and I don't trust Ben. I don't know what he's up to. He was supposed to be in some secret alliance with Kalle and Amy but he told Cody and I about them so what's really happening? Who knows? Also he keeps asking me what do I want to do who do I want out? Lmaoooooooooo. 

Najwah

We had a lot of deep, crazy conversations yesterday and one of my favs were actually drooling over survivor players and realising how gay everyone is lmao. I love that. As someone who has struggled with my sexuality for most of my life, thinking I'm gay for a long time and then finding myself attracted to boys too was bizarre in the early 2000s. and being told being bisexual is a "phase" or "confusion" or that it was bc I went to an all girls school (shout out to Rhenish girls High), being in a space where everyone is really open and accepting of all this is amazing. I'm happy i live in a country where gay marriages have been legal since 2006 and ironically being trans or gay is not that big of a deal here as it is in countries way more progressive than ours. I still struggle with non binary pronouns but I am learning thanks to this game. I feel free just being who I am, whoever tf that is in this game. And for that I'm obviously very thankful. Today, I'm married to a man who appreciates my sexuality and is open to me exploring it even more. Its been a long journey and it makes me extremely happy seeing people in this game, so much younger than me and so much more sure of themselves. I'm happy that they will be spared a lot of pain and confusion. I love GenZ. I love that they just are who they are and there is no pretense. This Is so important and a luxury previous generations could only dream. Of. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Olivia A

Our plan for this vote feels really ambitious but I think it’s gonna work. We’ll likely get the numbers back :)

Maddison

I’m going to have to use my advantage tonight to save my ass. Guess that’s what advantages are for, eh?

Ben Kessler

I am trying to vote kalle out. If it works, my name will be out there but it may pay off. Maddison and Olivia are definitely going for me which is fine. I need to tell Pedro 5 minutes before tribal to trust me.

Kalle N.

Maddison will use her advantage, Olivia will play my idol, the only votes that will count will be the votes we put on Cody. That's it that's the plan

Cody A.

https://youtu.be/PuZChTTJzzU

Pedro A

Okay so me olivia kalle and amy are voting cody...plus maddison will leave tribal......and olivia will play the idol kalle has....i swear if olivia votes for me...and i go HOMEEE....IM DONEE...i have a bad feeling about this tribal...im trusting the devil lol 

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess 

Maddison

I’m making a big move tonight and I’m not sure yet how it will pan out. 

Olivia A

Kalle has been playing double agent this whole time and told everyone about the safety without power advantage grrr what a mess 

Olivia A

Initially we were going to all (Maddison, Cody, Najwah, Sarah, Aimee, and I) vote Ben but we are going to switch it to Kalle because Aimee and Ben are kinda close and we want to keep Aimee as a number. I’m happy to see Kalle go after how much she has lied to Maddison and me.

Olivia A

I am SO nervous for this vote. Here is the whole plan: Maddison will play her safety without power advantage and I will play the (fake) idol that Kalle gave me. This is just so that Kalle doesn’t get tipped off that we know about her lies. Kalle believes Maddison, Amy, and I are voting for Cody and think that she is voting for him as well. In reality, Cody, Aimee, Sarah, Najwah, Amy, and I are voting for Ben. We suspect Ben, Kalle, and maybe Pedro are voting for me and expect it to work because of the fake idol that Kalle planted. I really hope this works because if people are lying then I’m definitely going home. 

Ben Kessler

Dearest confessional, My life is out on the line. I am in a very vulnerable position right now and if I stay in the game tonight damage control must be done. There are many complicated plans and I work best under chaos, so these votes are hopefully good for my game overall. If kalle actually gives her idol to Olivia and we vote out kalle, maddison and Olivia and Amy will be pissed, but they do not have the numbers. I would need to do some more work to make sure I get the info that kalle is currently giving me, but it's not as bad as going farther with kalle and then losing later on. I now need to video call kalle goodbye.

#episodes