#the two littles are the ONLY ones I'll save things specifically for dhfjdkl maybe Andrew too bc he's had a rough go of things

[piplupod]

counselor has called in sick I guess (she's not "in" today) so.... at least I don't have to sit in her chair and lie about how I'm doing to avoid being put in psych ward ? a win and a loss I suppose (also I was absolutely about to forget to bring the distress tolerance booklet she wanted me to bring so fhdjdl perhaps this is a saving grace)

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #yes I probably should be in inpatient rn but unfortunately the one here actively makes me worse #so..just.... trying to keep myself alive i guess for now dnfjdkl #''juno dont u have DID cant u just switch and let someone else take over'' lemme ask u a question in return: #do u enjoy the thought of giving ur entire life over to someone? like Actually? #i thought i did until i realized thats what was going on. then i realized that's actually terrifying #what if they say smth wrong and i have to be in trouble for it later (not anything mean but just. smth that will trigger more abuse for us) #and also /i/ want to eat my tasty little snacks #the two littles are the ONLY ones I'll save things specifically for dhfjdkl maybe Andrew too bc he's had a rough go of things #we all have but he's... different ig but he aint around rn so its just the littles that I'll set things aside for and not touch #anyways i am rambling. yes i could theoretically let someone take over but it is terrifying and i dont like it #and yes actually they have tried but i am a fucking nuisance when it comes to stopping switches fhfjdl its the only time I'll try to ground #sometimes they get thru anyways dbcjdkl I can't stop them all (its actually rare that I'm able to stop it tbh) #but yeah #im... not doing that rn much to the chagrin of Lake and Kam and probably Nine too if im honest #RIP at them BSHDKSL sorry that im a stubborn ass about this oops