#those things are not 'gross' 'cringe' or 'freak' behaviors. they are not 'ugly' or 'stinky'

[arielmagicesi]

been looking through old posts and I just want everyone to know, if you see an old post of mine where I have a bunch of caveats being like “but I’m not a gross cringe freak about this obviously, I’m the smart cool version of this, I’m doing this thing with full knowledge of all the serious problems that come with being gross and cringe” I just want everyone to know I was lying. I am a gross cringe freak. and don’t think for a second I’m not <3

#me in 2017 frantically explaining that i write shippy fanfic IRONICALLY and WINKING at it and SELF FLAGELLATING the whole time #me being like no no but i'm a proper good gold star feminist sexy non-cringe lesbian i promise!!! #bullies will you like me if i hurt myself enough and apologize for existing... oh my gosh... #spoiler alert dipshit they will never like you. they don't like anybody! especially not freaks! and you are a freak! own it! #me in 2018 trying to work out if i was a 'gold star lesbian' and being twisted into a knot trying to figure it out #because gender and genitals and love and sexuality are actually more complicated than people on the internet said #'people on the internet' being terfs with a fondness for being bullies who appointed themselves judge jury and executioner of lesbianism #i fully do mean terfs like trans exclusionary radical feminists. they swarm around deeply insecure baby dykes so hard it's terrible #ANYWAY this wasn't even inspired by any of that shit #this was inspired by me reading tags on a rwby fic i wrote in 2018 #where i tagged it 'hurt/comfort. but NOT the gross version of the genre' #??? i was so desperate to prove i wasn't 'gross' that i don't even know what i meant #what is the 'gross version' of hurt/comfort ??? #what did i mean? i don't know #if you were a fat hairy dyke all through middle and high school... #and then you find a lesbian community and they're immediately concerned with making sure no one is ever 'gross' #you immediately retreat to your favorite old fallback habits of apologizing for existing nonstop to the point of saying nonsense #anyway. in case anyone wants to wildly misinterpret this. i'm not talking about being racist or transphobic or ableist or anything else #those things are not 'gross' 'cringe' or 'freak' behaviors. they are not 'ugly' or 'stinky' #they are cruel and they hurt others #please stop using silly words to undermine harmful behaviors #and then get mad at anyone who owns those silly words when talking about non-harmful behaviors like 'existing while fat' #ok i'm done monologuing for now #written by me