#week or 2?? which mkes me feel evn more like i pressured him into something he didnt want which is uhhh :') disgusting :') of me :') lol :')

[gumdecay]

.

#had a dream my bf invited me 2 a part w a bunch of his friends but was already there when he invited me & then avoided me the entire time.. #we mustve been there 4 hrs or more and i only saw him 4 like 5 minutes in the middle of it & then he said hed b right back n just.. wasnt.. #like thank u 4 this brain its exactly what i needed after him ignoring me most of yesterday n not texting me Nything today :') #it was the clearest n most detailed dream ive had in a Long Time n im just :') i woke up thinking 'yeah its time 2 be done w this' like..... #ok ig.. this is fine :') he's been sending me songs every day n when he doesnt send them i ask 4 them bc he was the one who suggested it rig #ht so that shld b ok right? but ive had to ask the last 3 or 4 days n he'll usually send them right after i ask but i asked last night aroun #d 9 and he just.. nvr responded.. n i had texted @ 5 too n he nvr responded 2 that either.. but nyway i feel gross n guilty now 4 asking lik #e evn tho it was his idea i feel like im Making Him Do It n hes probably annoyed abt it :') lol :') n he usually texts gm if he wakes up ear #lier than me but he didnt today and now its 2.30 n we havent talked n like.. i wldnt care except we talk every day at least a little so :') #i feel like he just. doesnt like me anymore. lol :') n like im annoying him n taking up too much of his time lol :') like every time i text #him lately (like the past 2-3 weeks lol) he just responds so short like he just says me too to almost everything i say orjust gives such a #short response n we havent had any.. Actual Convos except one of the songs.. but thats one convo in like 3 weeks other than that we just. #like say gm gn & Maybe a few texts in between but not actually talking and uhhhh its killing me lol :') i feel v unwanted lately and on the #off chance i bring it up he feels bad n says his time is just taken up so much during summer but like.. its the end of september.. and i hav #ent seen him except for 5 minutes in the morning Once last week & before that was just dinner & a quick fuck in my room like.. idek how long #ago.... lol i checked it was aug 12.. was our last date n after he fucked me he like jokingly said i cld convince him 2 do anything n then #he saw my face drop n was like 'no i wanted to tho' like :') if u wanted 2 i wldnt have had 2 convince u :') lol :') n ive felt sick abt tha #t p much nonstop since :') esp bc he hasnt like. sexted me or responded 2 mine At All since then or i think not evn b4 then for like maybe a #week or 2?? which mkes me feel evn more like i pressured him into something he didnt want which is uhhh :') disgusting :') of me :') lol :') #but yeah like. we havent spent the night together since. maybe the beginning of july? if not then it was all the way back in june like :') #its killing me n i asked him the other day like how hes so good @ dealing with it and he said like. 'im not i just have no choice.. my time #is completely taken up lately' which is true bc he works all week n then on the weekends is getting his new house updated n ready 2 move int #o so. ok. i get it. i Understand. but its literally killing me not 2 b able 2 see him or evn rlly talk 2 him nymore like i feel. very hopele #ss abt it n i cant evn ask 4 reassurance bc he doesnt. rlly live up 2 what he says a lot. which like theres always a Reason but uhhhh it sti #ll sucks lol n it makes me feel rlly sick n nauseous n part of me wishes we'd nvr gotten serious n it had just. stayed a paid relationship #lol :') i wrote in my journal a long long time ago like when i first realized that we werent gnna see each othr all the time i said st like #'i hope this doesnt last 4evr bc im gnna start resenting him 4 not giving me his time' and guess what happened!! lol!! like we didnt get 2 #spend vday or my birthday 2gether bc he was working n 4 my birthday he said hed make it up 2 me (like w/o my asking. he just said it unpromp #ted) n then brought it up like A Lot in the following weeks but we just. never did anything. n he eventually stopped saying it n then nothin #g evr happened which wldve been fine except He was the one who said hed make it up 2 me?? so like?? n we'd originally had plans 4 the weeken