#what industrial revolution does to a mf

[diabunnies]

INCOMING NEW MAIL!

"BLLK DRIVING HEADCANONS" from DIA!

CONTENT AHEAD IS...

sfw! no implied romance between characters however ur free to take it however u read it!

i lub driving n ive been thinking abt this 4 a liddol bit 2 long now so here goes! a lot of these hcs are inspired by ppl ive been in a car with!

drive safely y'all ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ pls do not be like these ppl (heavy on shidou!!!)

SHIDOU RYUSEI

thinks he's an F1 driver on the streets... i don't mean the professional F1 drivers btw! i mean the "F1" drivers everyone pretends to be in the arcade car simulators. also broke his car speakers from how loud his music is

probably has attempted to do a wheelie with the car more than once before... has had numerous points docked off his license for the stupidest reasons (ie going round a roundabout [the full 360] over and over and over again)

always forgets to turn his lights on at night and attempts to fight the officer that pulls him over. idk how he got his license (he didnt. it's fake but he doesn't know u know it's fake).

ITOSHI SAE

is absolutely silent. sorry if u were expecting more from him but when he's in the car he's iust but i like to think that its a comfortable kind of silence! sometimes he makes small talk but he rlly just prefers calmness be driving is one of the rare opportunities where he gets a bit of a break from his high action lifestyle :(

sae gives me the impression of someone that listens to podcasts and instrumental music over other genres ?? doesn't rlly mind (read: care) if u handle music but don't expect him to breakout into a song

drives one handed bc he is the only mf here that drives stick and for this reason he secretly thinks he's better than everyone for it

BAROU SHOUEI

drives like an aggressive senile person ?? whenever ur in the car w him u'd think he got his license during the industrial revolution bc he goes off the most outdated rules in the handbook

like this dude does not believe in using indicators on the roundabout ("bc the cars should already know where i'm going based on the direction or my wheel!").

u always apologise to the car u nearly crashed into be he cuts ppl off ("i should've been given right of way!!") at intersections

ITOSHI RIN

listens to edgy ahh fuckin music icl! also doesn't talk most of the time but what sets him apart from sae is that the silence is very awkward... any attempt at making conversation by u is met with nothing but soul crushing silence

sometimes his intrusive thoughts win n lets his competitive nature get ahead of him at traffic lights be he will race the car next to him for fun ಠ_ಠ

i do like to think that he loves driving the most out of everyone here and bc he drives obsessively, he knows all kinds of routes to all kinds of places (walking gps king so real)

CHIGIRI HYOMA

is probably the most normal driver. he's pretty confident in his skills (rightfully so) but ofc he doesn't pass up any opportunity to let u know that he passed his test w flying colours :/ "did you know that i pa-" every fucking time without fail ( •_•)

is the best at parking :O in fact he's so good at it that he will park in what u think is an impossible spot all be he doesn't want to walk too far

his car always smells new be he LOVES those "new car" scented air fresheners! also his car is always cold bc he refuses to let the humidity ruin his hair

NAGI SEISHIRO

has rlly rlly bad road rage BUT gets mad at u if u also express road rage ?? he tells u to calm down ?? mf ik he aint talking T⌓T

tbh i think he only has short temper be he doesn't necessarily enjoy driving (will only do it if he absolutely has to) and just wants to get home asap!

definitely waits until the very last minute to fill up his car bc of how often (.) he forgets ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere once be of this exact reason. but at least u can always count on him for having a battery pack!

GAGAMARU GIN

drives below the speed limit... would (and has) swerve to the wrong side of the highway to avoid hitting a bird be he doesn't trust that it'd fly away in time (the bird flew away along with his soul bc he was a second away from colliding with a truck)

poor thing always gets honked at by cars behind him be he gives way to EVERYONE (even if he has the right of way) and traffic always piles up.

his car always smells like Those jellybelly jelly beans be he loves sweet-smelling things! im not joking every time u enter his car ur nose is flooded by candy flavoured air ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

BACHIRA MEGURU

gets distracted rlly easily by any piece of stimuli. oh there's a windmill? nice! u bet his eyes are already following it. roadkill on the side of the road? would point it out and proceed to try and look at it for the next kilometre. probably mourns the thing for the rest of the trip tbh :(

points out livestock grazing on the side of the road! every! time! instigates eye spy every time but chooses the most obscure things and gets surprised whenever u give up

will not hesitate to pick up whenever his mum is calling; doesn't matter if it's super busy on the road or if he's in a crash bc he Will make the time for her

ISAGI YOICHI

is the only mf prepared with everything. he has a mini cooler in the boot stocked with juice and water, his glove box is filled with masks and wet wipes, has a blanket in the back, a 50pc first aid kit in the centre console, snacks in the boot, and insurance papers stashed somewhere.

his car is spotless bc he details and deep cleans it (both interior and exterior) every week bc he is very self-conscious abt his car (n his driving) be he wants his passenger(s) to always be comfy :((

will play (and let u play) any kinda music but during significant soccer matches he will always play a live audio coverage of the match! so im v sorry if u wanted to listen to the new TWICE album but germany v spain is on so ur gonna have 2 wait ;´༎ຶਊ ༎ຶ`;

MIKAGE REO

in the rare occasions that he drives himself and not by a personal driver, he talks a lot. like a whole fuckin lot! but no one can complain be its not like he's dominating the entire conversation!

that kind of driver where the trip otw to a place is better than the actual destination! dygwim??? sometimes u both ditch the og plan for a random burger joint on the side of the highway

if he picks u up he's always early be sometimes he wants to drop by a spot (oooh guys he knows a spot ᵔ.ᵔ) he wants to show u! ps his car has heated seats and massage options മ◡മ

MICHAEL KAISER

ness has to be in the car with him for ur sake... bc if he's there at least u have someone that actually talks about things and includes u in stuff... unlike kaiser who only talks abt himself LMFAOOO

has pictures of him littered everywhere in the car... u open the sunshade? there's a polaroid of him that falls out :/ this mf the type to sign his car in hopes of making mad bank off reselling it some day as a collector's item of "the great king, kaiser!"

the type of guy to wink at every road camera in case he gets caught for committing a traffic violation ("u can never let them catch u lacking!" kaiser dawg u goin 40 over the limit!)

OLIVER AIKU

has a "honk if ur single" sticker plastered on his back window but always forgets so he gets annoyed whenever ppl honk at him (dawg makes his own problems LMFAOO)

pulls up to red lights next to a conventionally attractive person to roll down his window and wink at them @_@ the police station has definitely received multiple calls from ppl due to his... violating behaviours...

his car smells like his deodorant bc he douses himself in it before he gets out (sorry if ur asthmatic)

#bllk #blue lock #bllk headcanons #isagi yoichi #bachira meguru #itoshi rin #itoshi sae #chigiri hyoma #nagi seishiro #barou shouei #shidou ryusei #oliver aiku #michael kaiser #reo mikage #gagamaru gin #dia's writing ┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

[chicago-geniza]

telling stepdad that the commercial goods rationed in the US during WWII mostly became available to the average consumer during the 19th century as a result of the industrial revolution, & that using ancient rome as both an interchangeable synonym for all of human 'civilization' in recorded history & a universally applicable template for the organization & development of 'human society' made him sound like a fascist, then swanning out of the kitchen w/ a plum

UPD: he's really into the strauss-howe generational theory & keeps telling me to read the fourth turning because "it explains all the problems of our age". i'm like "if i buy a spray bottle & spritz you whenever you say something fashy, will it deter you by negative conditioning". what living in Oregon does to a mf

#I'm having fun with it now

[ilkkijangege]

122

So today's episode of The Chad Chronicles, Season 2, Are You Flirting With Me or Not, is short, BUT HELLA SWEET.

I swear, ya girl put efforts to look nice today, I put on my hoop earrings, liptint, powder foundation and eyebrows. Plus wore my neverending Ilang Ilang and Coconut perfume, but he didn't notice me. Or na mesmerize sa ganda ko CHOS.

We didn't really talk much in the morning cos we awkward like that but 1 hour into our shift, he took a 21 minute break and he was probably having a bad day or talking to a girl but it's g 😂

I've noticed that he removes his headphones when I talk to him and really focus on me. He never does that to other people, he would keep his headphones in. It warms my heart. Unless of course, he just couldn't hear me again hahaha

Then I heard him talk about Revolut with this other guy from our team and FAM HE LIED HE HAS REVOLUT, he just didn't want to give his number to me 😂

Then we got a green light to WFH, at first, our TL told him he should bring his PC home already so he wouldn't need to come to work tomorrow. I was sad :( BUT THEN THEY ANNOUNCED THAT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE MOVED TODAY.

He was telling the guys on our team that he will be working in his living room coffee table because their wifi is there. But he also said he could use their home office but his dad is also working from home. So the guys joked that they should work together and he was like "FATHER AND SON BONDING" but he said his dad works in a completely different industry. When asked, he said his dad works in Finance for a Healthcare company. (RICH KID TLGA 😭 His dad is from Roscommon, and went to a public school, maybe that's why he is humble because he wasn't born with a silver spoon. I wonder if they're religious because people from the country side, usually are. Hmmm..)

So we all unplugged our pc and we were just basically standing, waiting for further instructions on transport etc.

This is where the good part begins.

Then I was staring into space but ya girl has really good peripheral vision and I could feel and see that he was staring at me the whole time. Suddenly he goes to me, "Bianca, do you need a lift? You live near MF right?" I said, "Yes. I do." (BUT WAIT I HAD ANOTHER REALISATION! I mentioned the fact that I lived near MF two weeks ago and he remembered today WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT DOES THIS MEAN HALP)

Then I told him "I think work is giving us lifts, idk." Then he was silent, as if I turned down his offer. Awww. I feel like he had to think about what he was gonna ask and then took the plunge. I swear I am suspicious now. 😂 I hope I am not overthinking this!

Then I went to my lockers to put my hand sanitizer and stuff from my desk. Then he also came to his lockers (our lockers are literally 2 lockers apart), there was awkwardness so I just go to him "I am so done." Then he asks me "Why are you so done?" I just said "nothing, just tired, wanna go home." Can't remember what he told me but yeah 😂

Then when I was about to leave the office building, he saw me and was like "Are you sure you don't want a lift?" So I said "Whereabouts are you going?" He replied, "You live past the bridge yeah? I can drop you anywhere." Then he goes "Yeah I do but do you mind?" He replied "yeah no, it's fine! Where's your pcs?" I replied, "Oh they're getting delivered tomorrow" Then he asked, "Do you wanna bring them now? We can help you?" I told him, "See, I have to go to Crumlin tonight cos my stuff is still at my aunt's."

So he grabbed someone else's PC and I asked him if he needed a hand and he said no so we walked to his car and I was surprised to see that he drives a 2015 Ford. I expected a fancy car since he is a rich kid but no. Humble. I like.

I tried opening the boot for him but it didn't open so he said, he may have locked it. So I grabbed one of the monitors from him and he unlocked his car. (There was a lot of revision books in the boot so I'm guessing his brother is doing the LC this year and he drives the same car, because there is also an 'L' plate on it 😂 so he is probably his brother's designated professional driver lol)

Then he was like "Hop in, I'm just gonna grab my coat." Then the drive home was fast since I only live a 5 minute drive. He was playing Smash Mouth's All Star and then Madcon's Beggin. (Basically his Spotify playlist 😂) Then I just gave him directions to my aunt's house and I saw my uncle outside the house and I was like omg. Hahaha.

Then I thanked him, AS IN A LOT OF THANKS but I can't remember his reply. So I just said "See you, whenever!" (My uncle asked who was that 😂)

The end. I'm gonna miss him but it's okay, distance makes the heart grow fonder. CHOSSSSS.

So basically, my plan is to watch the Mandalorian when it comes out, then tell him when I've finished it and mention that I, too, am now obsessed with Baby Yoda 😂 Hopefully our conversation from here can keep going, like him getting the convo to flow. A girl can dream.

[ecotone99]

[SP TH MF] Reunition

A monster enters a bar that serves only hard cider. The monster sees only one stool vacant at the bar and starts toward the stool. Its twenty legs move forward an inch at a time. It weighs one-and-a-half tons. The bar’s wooden floor creaks every step the monster takes. The sounds are a dramatic symphony of notes. Several of the drunk patrons mistake the creaks for music and start weeping because they find the sounds so beautiful. Another patron sees the two patrons crying and believes they must have recently suffered some loss, so he starts crying out of the sadness he thinks the others have felt. The bartender sees the third man crying and pours him a shot glass of whiskey, finishing the last bottle of whiskey that the bartender has available in the bar. All of these events have occurred while the monster has only advanced 194 inches.

A fourth patron, who is sitting in the corner of the bar, observing the entrance of the bar to his right and the bar countertop to his left, sees the monster moving from the man’s right to left. He does not believe what he sees and incorrectly believes the party of three next to him has slipped acid into his drink. An hour earlier, the man in the corner became agitated when the party of three stumbled into a chair that budged into his table and caused his drink to shake. The incident made the man worry that some foul play had occurred. It had not. To calm himself, the fourth man focuses his attention on a party of two at the next closest table after the party of three. Of the party of two was a woman who wore a top that revealed her bosom about one inch up from her nipples and about one-and-a-half inches from the outside edge of each breast. When she laughed at what her table mate had said, the tops of her breasts lightly shook and jiggled. These images helped the fourth man put his mind at ease, and he forgot about the advancing monster.

The monster was making its way to the bartender of this particular bar because it believed it had left its keys here accidentally the night before. The monster had gone out with an invisible team of monkeys the night before to celebrate the moon’s anniversary to the element of oxygen. But, the monster had failed to correctly remember where he had been the night before. He in fact had not been to this bar, but he had been to an establishment on the planet Mars, which now had a trending scene of hip bars accessible only of course to those privileged few who could make their trip to Mars. Unknowingly to the monster at this time, he had traveled to this bar on purpose unconsciously. He had been here one time before 150 years ago.

At that time, the monster was celebrating its great-great-grandfather’s birth, and it, its great-great-grandfather, and several others had unintentionally wandered into this bar because a poster pinned to the wall outside advertised a walrus balancing walnuts on its ears but that gig had been the talent show the previous week in the establishment next door. And they really had intended to go into a nearby cave that was featuring a goat slaying and music by a rock and a disc that had been divorced seven times. Back then, the hard cider bar was a milk bar for poodles who liked to have their anuses licked by birds with implanted cow tongues that were pierced with bone chards of humans who were former masters of the poodles’ descendants. The milk poured thick out of the elephant trunk draught hoses, and it was not uncommon to find a trunk hair in your bowl of milk, but one did not mind finding a hair because it could be gifted to a younger sibling or friend who required flossing but had always spurned the same advice from the dentist.

On that occasion when they entered the thick milk bar, a giraffe’s neck had jammed the bar’s telescope that was planted on the roof and was pointed into the house of the local mayor, and the mayor’s lethal secret squad of banana-painted urchin-licked mastiffs crawled onto the bar’s roof to engage in a beneficial survey of all things and in particular dislodge the giraffe’s neck because the purple blood inside it caused the mayor’s wife to have nightmares and break out with pimples that the mayor did not find attractive and tempted him to sleep with his niece of no blood relation because the niece looked like his wife but younger and more healthy and attractive. The mastiffs weighed a ton each and the roof was made by the local ant firm who had only tested the roof for a half-ton limit, which took ten billion ants to perform and bankrupted the business after many of the weighing ants, as they were called, did not receive prompt or proper payment and therefore sued the ant roofing firm. The multiple lawsuits and the high rates that the hyenas attorneys charged the firm, plus the principal ant’s untimely stroke after hearing his son’s son had died at birth, had been too much financially and emotionally for the firm that it went under water to former Atlantis to construct roofs on reclaimed households by coral reef residents who had been evicted wrongfully from their homes when the coral reef had whited out to the sky and had let no one know whether they would return, unfortunately. This lack of foresight came to light when the roof buckled under two of the mastiffs who fell together on to the monster’s great-great-grandfather who was carrying his birth certificate and was about to light an old pipe stuffed with all natural tobacco farmed in a colony outside of town.

The three of them—one mastiff, two mastiff, and the monster’s great-great-grandfather—fell through the floor, leaving a circular whole behind that resembled the shape of a shadow from a mango that had grown too big, and the sound of them shouting and singing echoed and bounced off the walls of the hole they were making together. The monster and others listened closely to the fall and eventually the fall had stopped and they could hear the great-great-grandfather petting the mastiffs and trying to throw a ball of dirt for them to catch but there was not the space for such an activity and the mastiffs were not open to participating in such an activity because they were highly trained security operatives who worked for the government and had never had time for such things because they had always been focused on their careers and not play and not sex with other bitches. The monster leaped behind the bar, at that time the monster had half as many legs and they moved twice as fast at twice the length at twice the depth at twice the linguistics, where it grabbed hold a young elephant trunk that giggled at the monster’s touch and it yanked the trunk toward the hole and the trunk stretched because it knew what the monster wanted and the trunk was only more than happy to help the monster because it had never made much of itself during its deadtime. The monster stretched the tip of the trunk like how it would stretch the balloon tip so the air in the balloon would make the noise a grandfather makes after a good hearty dinner full of protein and chow, and as a result, the day’s special poodle’s milk sprayed out quickly and decisively and yelled with glee as it coated the sides of the wall of the hole and made its way down toward the three. As the monster saw it, as so did the elephant’s trunk, when the milk filled the hole, the three would rise to the top. But, as it occurred, it did not happen this way. The poodle milk bar owner who had loved Hitchcock movies so much he had a bird tattooed onto his tail was in the back office listening to barking soundtracks and could not inform the monster that the milk of the day was not floating-enabled and thus could not support of the weight of more than one ball of baby poodle’s hair and maybe a small nugget of poodle poop. Nevertheless, the monster poured that milk into that hole and thought with a smile how he would win this day. But when the milk reached the top of the long deep hole, not one of the three bobbed up. It had taken every poodle, every other available mastiff, and all bambadeers, who were in the district at that time and showed up to help in a surprisingly high number considering that it was the season of red present giving that included giving red socks and red slug heads of metal slippers, to wrangle the monster out of that bar after it became apparent that not one thing that the monster wanted was going to come out of that hole.

Since he was back in the bar, he had not recalled any of this, since he had tried his best to put all of that in a box out of his body and had shipped the box to a place that he could not find even if he had a French detective, but now that he was passing where the hole had been—it was now covered with new fake wood that was constructed by a new ant firm that was started by the brother of the former ant firm—it and every memory related to the incident rushed back into the monster’s brain and every leg. He stopped suddenly and crumbled to the floor. By now, several other patrons had started crying at the sight of other patrons crying and because they too had noticed the symphony of creaking sounds that they mistook for sad music, and because of all this crying, the bar started to fill up with tears. Soon, the room, which was twelve feet high to the ceiling, had filled up halfway with liquid tears. All in the room were floating in the tears. Because the beer that the crying patrons had been drinking was made of soylent that was farm-grown in Panama near the industrial marijuana plant that the local rebel terror squad had used to finance its revolution, and because many of the rebel had contracted an unusual illness that caused enlarged hands and feet, the soylent had become infected with the rebel’s illness that caused the tears of the patrons to become thick like battered honey and all the tears because of their weight tried to go downwards, but the only path was the new fake wood that was soluble to honey and dissolved quickly under the six feet of tears. With the wood above the hole dissolved, the tears worked down through the poodle’s milk, which had been preserved by the earth in the walls next to it and flowed all the way to the bottom of the hole. This shift in liquid caused the milk to flow into the room and also caused the three—one mastiff, two mastiff, and the great-great-grandfather—to shoot up from the bottom of the hole into the room because they too were buoyant in the tears. As it happens, the door minder opened the door and the milk spilled out into the street where a local parrot gang swooped down and played tag on foot until a baby slipped, injured herself, and was flown to the medical ward of bird heaven, and the room was left without liquid again but with the three now there. As it goes, the monster and the great-great-grandfather were reunited. The mastiffs said their goodbyes to the monster and the great-great-grandfather, who had started telling one story to the mastiffs but had not enough time to finish it. It said it would finish it some other time.

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