#when she rewatches arthur and donna's stuff she feels like she's consuming the content like any other viewer

[childactress-a]

thinking about people flaking out on mara and she’s stuck at her place and she gets high and/or drunk and spends all night doing nothing and seeing if anyone wants to come over and chill (nobody does) and by 4 am she’s fucked up and sad and reruns of arthur’s cowboy show start showing on a local cable channel and she lays on her couch watching every episode for a few hours trying not to cry the whole time :)

#so so so surreal for mara she feels like she's watching a ghost #when she rewatches arthur and donna's stuff she feels like she's consuming the content like any other viewer #seeing not her parents but arthur and donna - with them gone it slowly gets harder and harder to pick out their real selves #vs who they were at home and who they were really - mara remembers them well yeah but she was pretty young - #- when they died and her memory gets worse every year #she's always had to share them w the rest of the world but now it's like. really setting in #it feels like she's forced to view her parents through the same lenses as the rest of the world #she's not a fan