#while this is so entrenched/supported By Everything As Is that it's just ppl ''being normal'' instead of consciously disdainfully violent

[taylortruther]

1\? Ok. So hi! The ''advice'' anon. I'm a huge fan of CS Lewis and Narnia. A lot of his supporters are christians (while i'm not one myself) and i'm fairly comf talking to them you know? My dad's side of the family is catholic, i have christian friends...And so i was pen pals with this one guy N. and we talked about his books so so much and i loved it. Then he told me he stops by my city for a week and we decided to hang out and it was a lot of fun. So that's how our friendship began.

2\? He was a total gentleman and he didn't make fun of my accent(english is my 2nd language) when a lot of my ''woke'' friends did. I liked him. His only drawback at the time was that he told me he attended a Pro-LIfe march and being friends with a lot of religious people i understood that, but didn't support it(same with him).And we've been friends for a year when i out of nowhere found out that he was a trump supporter? We didn't have each other's socials (being pen pals and

3\? and romanticizing the idea of letters). And i asked him about it and he's not like a full on Trumpist, he still critises him and all, but he's pretty pro Trump and i don't know what to do. I've grown to love him and i just rethink every single moment i've spent with him and how i didn't see it? I asked a bunch of my friends for help and some just side-euyed me telling me to cut him off and others said that maybe i should stay friends with him and help him change his mind. A small

4\? amount of people reminded me that i'm an immigrant and my mom's side of the family is muslim so if i'm uncomf i could just leave him alone, but if can, then i should try to change his mind. I don't know what to do, Rae. I spent sometime searching the web if that's even possible bc conservatism seems very close0minded and i found some intersting stuff - google ''Former neo-Nazi removes swastika tattoos after unlikely friendship'' and Daryl Davis KKK if you can. These people changed

5\? NEONAZIS and literal KKK members surely that can be done for a Trump supporter? although it would pretty hard bc i don't see N/ very often and he has a pretty big community behind him (with gay ppl in it? i'm sorry!? what the hell trump ever did for gay people? i don't mean to gatekeep it but c'mon trump made it harder for gay couples to adopt kids, transgender ban and everything) and he's comf in that community. I guess he's not the person that i thought he was. I miss not knowing him.

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anon, i’m so sorry. your last sentence broke my heart - “i miss not knowing him.” 

truthfully, i get the sense from your message that you already know you can’t maintain your friendship with him... but you’re mourning the friendship you had. and that’s totally normal. you should grieve your friendship because it was important to you and he had an impact on you, and he’s not the person you thought he was. 

ultimately, it’s a personal decision to cut him loose, or try and change his views. but it will be hard, and likely futile to change him if he is deeply entrenched in his views. you say he’s skeptical or critical of trump, so maybe he’s willing to denounce him completely if you share more information with him. i think your personal experiences as an immigrant, for example, could help him see why trump’s immigration stances were racist. but do you want to do that emotional labor for him? that’s a lot of work. work that may end up revealing his true character (and that could be good, or very very bad). 

i think it depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice. can you sacrifice your friendship with him? or can you sacrifice your emotional comfort and maybe even your emotional safety in order to change him and maintain it? does he even want you to try and change him? he could decide he doesn’t want to listen to your experiences, and shut you out himself, too. 

i’m so sorry you are going through this. it’s deeply unfair that our friendships and other relationships have to go through this kind of turmoil. i’m here if you need to chat about this more. take care of yourself. ❤️