#why would that be a good fkt for me??? I'll take hectic sensory nightmare for 200!

[audiovisualrecall]

Tfw you feel so alone and it's entirely your fault because you cant seem to function at all

#i want a reality where my dad was able to keep his store open back in 2001 because i really really think i wouldve been happy working there #at least i wouldve had a ready made first job tm and i cojldve worked there part time while in college! #steph got to work for zayde. because she was working for him i never really got that opportunity and im not well-suited to that work anyway #i need clear instructions/training first and then i can roll with it and am v adaptable! #ateph and alena got to work at the carni because they had cars. i got to tag alkng twice #along* #i have no ability to keep up talking to friends or maintaining friendships #anything to do with people outside of customer interaction/brief interaction and i just cant do it #j got an email abt setting up a phone interview and i cant make myself respond to it #i told steph and she thinks i shouldnt try for it bc why would i want to work there????? #and then she suggests trader joes like???? how is that better than a shoe store??? #it just made me wish id gotten to work at dad's store bc skates are not that far off from shoes?? theoretically?? #idk. i actually know how to use one of those shoe size measuring tools like i remember that theoretically at least... #and i know how to tie iceskate (or rollerbladr) laces right #i also really like customer service/cashiering in smallish store settings and for all that malls are crazy shoe stores do not get that bad #afaik. like it just has a way diff atmosphere than a trader joes holy fuck #i dont want to be a cashier in a grocery store. especially not one full of entitled ppl #why would that be a good fkt for me??? I'll take hectic sensory nightmare for 200! #yes they offer health insurance but uh i would like a job that is interesting to me personally and isnt going to make me want to die?? #and maybe a shoe store isnt the best job but i dont need the best job quite yet? i just need a job so i have income so i can pay my health #insurance (or at least my half) without draining my accts dry And maybe get a co signed credit card w dad or zayde so i can build credit bc #thats vital to renting apartments?? #at the very least??? #but yeah im lonely and its my fault bc i cant talk to friends and i try and then i fall out of responding so fast and ghost everyone #unintentionally! im not dojng it on purpose but that doesnt matter and i dont have the energy to talk to ppl ever... #and i feel alone as an autistic 26 yr old who feels behind everyone else my age (and some younger people!) #im so fucking terrified of the future my parents want to retire in the next 5 yrs and i need to find a job w health insurance before im 30 #and it seems far off but it really isnt #at all. and its terrifying bx I'm still at the first jobs stage! no job that i would be interested in is offering health insurance to ppl #with as little experience as i have and involves something i can actually do.