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Hindi ko alam pano ko ipapaliwanag, kung anong tamang salita ang dapat gamitin para mapaliwanag kung ano yung nararamdaman ko. Pero bahala na.

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Hindi naman mali ang magmahal diba? Sa tingin ko, mali lang kapag may nasasaktan ka na, kapag nakakasakit ka na, kapag may natatapakan ka ng iba, o kapag may niloloko ka. Sa tingin ko, yun yung bawal na pagmamahal. Kasi diba dapat, ang pagmamahal, hindi lang basta pagmamahal. May respeto dapat. Hindi lang basta sa mahal mo pero sa mga tao sa paligid niya. Sa mga taong nagmamahal din sa kanya.

Kaso, pano kung yung mahal mo, hindi naman sayo?

Pano kung pagmamay-ari pala sya ng iba?

Ang hirap, diba?

Hindi naman din sa tingin ko mali ang magmahal ng taong may ibang mahal, o pagmamay-ari ng iba. Wag mo na lang sabihin yung nararamdaman mo para di na magulo. Hahaha. On a serious note, mahirap. Minsan masakit. Alam mong wala eh. Walang pag-asa. Mapapaisip ka na, sana, natuturuan na lang ang puso. Turuan mong wag magmahal ng pagmamay-ari ng iba. Turuan mong ilugar yung nararamdaman nya. Turuan mong tumigil at sa iba na lang tumibok.

Kaso hindi eh. Hindi ganon ang puso. Titibok to kung kanino niya gusto. Umiwas ka man, tumakbo, o lumayo. Pag sinabi ng puso mo, ito, itong taong to ang gusto ko, kahit sabi ng utak mo, hindi, hindi pwede. Sa iba na yan. Marami naman dyan yung mag-isa din, sila na lang.

Kaso sabi ulit ng puso mo, alam kong madaming iba dyan na mas pwede kesa sa kanya, yung walang sabit, kaso sa kanya ko tumitibok. Sa kanya ko nagkakabuhay. Sa kanya ko sumasaya.

So wala kang choice hanggang mapagod na lang yung puso mo na tumibok sa taong to para mawala na yung nararamdaman mo. Mag-iintay ka, habang gumagawa rin ng paraan para hindi na sya gustuhin o mahalin.

Mahirap, pero pag alam mong bawal, kailangan, tiisin mo. Bawal eh.

Kung matino kang tao na marunong rumespeto, wag maki-agaw, at marunong lumugar, alam mo kung ano ang dapat mong gawin, at hindi mo dapat gawin.

Ganun talaga, dun ka sa bawal nagmahal eh. Kailangan, harapin mo yung bawat sakit na kapalit nito.

#hahahahasosad

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Song recos for September - October :)

It’s been a while!! 

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Dynamite - BTS

Blueberry eyes - Max, Suga

Lovesick Girls - Blackpink

Pretty Savage - Blackpink

Stand by me - Skylar Grey

Drunk - Keshi

          +

Every song on LANY’s new album, Mama’s Boy :)

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Song recommendations (August)

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Beautiful Scars - Maximillian

I love you 3000 - Stephanie Poetri & Jackson Wang ver.

La la lost you - NIKI

Honey - Kehlani

If I'm being honest - Dodie

Finding hope (remix) - More & More

Right here - Keshi

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

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200804

*i cant remember when my last entry was bc i didnt backread my posts but anyway*

It's my first entry for the month of August and today is also the first day of our city under mecq, again. Seriously this country's health and economy is going down for real, like really nothing's good happening. Also the cases for covid19 has risen up to over a hundred thousand. :(

So much for what's happening to our country, I went back to working out yesterday after months of slacking off. I'm really trying to be productive and to keep moving as much as I can. Right now, my legs are sore and my right arm hurts like hell, but not from working out. It's a different kind of pain. It's currently 7:43 pm as I'm typing this and I don't usually make entries at this hour, I usually do them before I sleep but figured I'd get lazy if I do it later hahah

My anxiety isn't as bad as the past week, I try to help my self and control my emotions to the best of my ability (hehe). Being productive/busy kind of helped me so I hope I continue to get motivated so I can continue what I'm doing.

I pray for everyone's health and peacefulness. Let's survive this virus together.

-

Live well :)

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200730

It's been raining almost the entire day and as much as I enjoy the "cold" weather, I can't help but think of people living in the streets, those without shelter, or got nowhere else to go aside from living outdoors. I hope tomorrow it'll be a much better day for everyone despite everything that's going on.

On the other hand, my sinusitis is back and so vicks inhaler and white flower is my company again but overall I'm okay, except my anxiety won't let me be at peace. It irritates me because I can't function well because I don't feel good from getting anxious.

I hope when I woke up later everythings okay again. Currently it's 2:27 am so... hahaha.

-

Live well :)

(also I've liked this song before and my bias made a cover of it!)

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200728

A lot has happened for the past 10 days that I haven't posted anything but anyway, I'm still here! Alive amd breathing :) I can't really put into words everything that I've felt recently but tonight I can say that I'm really happy. I'm slowly trying to go back to my usual routine of being productive as much as I can and to surround myself with just positive thoughts. My anxiety has been eating me up lately so whenever a day pass by without me getting anxious, it's already a good day for me.

I still continue to pray for better days and less worries and that we can all live our normal lives soon.

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Live well :)

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200718

Not sure what happened to me these past few days that I hadn't made any entry but I'm....fine? I guess I'm fine. I've been spaced out recently for no reason that's why I've been quiet. Also, I've private(d) 2 of my entries due to personal reasons. I don't wanna delete it because I want it to be my memory.

Anyway, this is just a reminder that I'm still here. ♥

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Live well :)

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200710

I am still not well. I'm not sure if I'm better than I was yesterday because I've had really bad anxiety attacks tonight. I am currently listening to "meditation music" to calm myself and I've also meditated awhile ago for about 10 mins. I'm not in my proper senses right now but I knew I needed to release this because doing this helps me be at ease and release my thoughts.

I will probably just share good thoughts tomorrow if I finally get better.

Let's be healthy!

-

Live well :)

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200707

It's been days since I last made an entry. I planned to write an entry for 200706 but I got busy watching youtube videos, again and I also played with my friends. Anyway, my throat is in pain right now. I have a sensitive throat so I easily get sore throat (ok too many throat lol) that's why I can't always drink cold or sweet foods/drinks but these psst few days, I've been eating and drinking them. I thought it was okay because I don't feel any pain until tonight. I wanted to make honey-lemon-ginger water but we ran out of lemons because it's good especially for those with sore throat but it also has a lot more benefits other than that.

Anyway, my thoughts are empty lately. Well, not really empty but I can't really put into words what I'm feeling or what was running in my mind that's why I've been silent for a few days. On the bright side, I cleaned our room, decluttered my cabinet in which I realized I do not even use 70% of my clothes but kept it there for years, and I'm also trying to take care??? of some plants 🌵So that's what I did for the past days.

My dreams are also kinda weird lately...

I hope my sore throat goes away soon.

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Live well :)

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200702

As much as I want to hate myself for not being productive, for not doing things I promised myself I would do, I also want to understand myself better. I try not to push or to force myself because I might end up hating the things I enjoyed doing just because I want myself to do something but don't wanna do at the moment because I don't have the motivation and energy to do anything :(

I literally did nothing almost the entire day (200701). I didn't study my language lessons, didn't play games with friends, didn't clean the room. I didn't also do the stretches that I promised I would do. Even my "habit tracker" that I was excited to do last night. I just watched and watched youtube videos, eat, watch again, did irrelevant things. I didn't even wash my hair today (I usually wash my hair everyday). I barely even talked to anyone, not even my mom or dad. I don't know.... I just, I'm unmotivated.

I've also wasted my time doodling in my scratch notebooks when I didn't finish my "habit tracker" page. It kinda made me feel good and lighter. Writing has really been therapeutic for me lately that's why I liked writing my notes whenever I study but since I didn't study, I just doodled, draw flowers, practiced "calligraphy" or to make it short, I wasted pen and paper hahaha

Anyway, I hope later when I woke up, I finally get the motivation that I need, to do things and to actually be productive. I don't know if my RJ (from BT21) pillow will arrive later tho I hope it does cause I feel like it would give me that "boost" to do things because I'm in a good mood???? I hope the quality is good tho because I just ordered it online and if it's not, I'm just gonna say bye to my motivation hahaha

Let's be productive!! Ajaaa~

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Live well :)

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200701

It's a start of another month! I will be doing a "habit tracker" starting today and I also plan to do stretches now because I've been getting really bad body pains lately and it's not getting any better. Speaking of not getting any better, this pandemic and this government ain't getting any better as well. I cannot see one positive thing about our government and it's really hard not to get frustrated or mad because of how they deal with the crisis in our country. It's been almost 4 months since quarantine started and a lot of people have died, suffering from hunger, also the unemployment rate is getting higher each days/weeks due to this virus and literally this government still prioritized to shut down a network. Like seriously? THERE'S PEOPLE THAT ARE DYING?!? The level of stress and anger this government gives us is beyond what our minds could even handle.

Anyway enough of our shitty government. I wanted to make this entry a positive one because it's the start of the month and I don't wanna start it by being negative but when nothing good is happening in your country and you keep seeing all these greedy, nasty, corrupt, and selfish politicians, it's really hard to focus on finding peace and positivity in your life but WE GOTTA FIND EM POSITIVITY BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO TAKE CARE OF OUR MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE IT GETS WORSE BECAUSE OF THIS FREAKING GOVERNMENT!!!

Again enough of our government.

I've been getting really bad bodypains for a while now for no reason, and I've also been delaying this since 2 months ago lol I promise I'll start doing a few stretches from now on because seriously, I'm only 21, I look 15, and my body feels like 60. That's how bad my body is right now. But anyway, this is just a short entry for today as I'm writing something "long and personal" and will post it as soon as I finished writing it without being messy hahah I'm sorry I got mad while writing this hay.

Let's have a peaceful month ahead.

-

Live well :)

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200630

Apat na beses na, o apat na beses pa lang tayong nagkikita sa loob ng tatlong buwan. Nung pinakilala ka samin sa unang araw ng pasok ko, nung pumunta ko sa office niyo para iabot yung pagkabigat-bigat na hard drive na kailangan niyo daw, nung company anniversary at company christmas party.

Sa apat na beses na yon, kahit kailan di tayo nagusap. Puro ngiti, minsan pa nga, kagaya nung anniversary, magkatabi na tayo sa thanksgiving mass pero never pa din tayo nagpansinan. O nung, christmas party natin na halos magkalapit lang tayo pero hindi pa din tayo nagusap. Siguro akala mo hindi ko naalala lahat yun, o napapansin, pero sa bawat oras na makikita, kahit gano pa ka-saglit yun naalala ko. Naalala kita.

Pero ayun, nagkaron naman tayo ng saglit na interaction. Yung may game sa christmas party tapos tinawag tayong lahat para sumali. Bilang 'mahiyain' nga ako at hindi pa ganon ka-komportable, hindi ako lumapit sa harap. Pero bigla ko narinig boses mo, "Cherry tara!"

All this time akala ko hindi mo alam pangalan ko kaya nagulat ako. Hindi pa ko lumapit agad hanggang sa inulit mo yung sinabi mo "tara!" Sumunod ako sayo tapos sabi ko "totoo ba kasali lahat?" Odiba, sobrang bobo ng sagot.

Pinapwesto mo lang ako sa harap mo habang nakapila tapos yun na yung interaction na meron tayo hanggang maguwian na, pero... iba yung pakiramdam ko. Ang saya. Alam ko masaya.

Ang totoo kasi niyan, unang araw ko pa lang sa trabaho, pinakilala ka pa lang samin, sabi ko sa isip ko "ayshet ang cute nito". Naka-hoodie ka na black, naka-salamin tapos naka-slouch sa upuan. Ikaw pala yung editor na sinasabi nila sakin, aaahh.

Pero kahit magka-department tayo, kahit isang company tayo, magkahiwalay naman tayo ng lugar. Sa QC ako based, ikaw sa Ortigas. Tapos tuwing nasa Ortigas naman ako, sa 7th floor ako, nasa 6th floor ka.

Fast forward sa pangalawang christmas party natin na ginawa sa QC. Isa na ata yun sa pinaka-masayang gabi ng 2019 ko.

Nalaman ko na di ka pala pumasok non, kaya ang aga mo dumating sa office namin. Naka-plain white shirt ka, maong pants, tapos high-cut na converse. Sa isip ko, "ay ang gwapo???? wala ka pa ginagawa kinikilig na ko?" Grabe, pag naiisip ko, ganon ata kita talaga ka-gusto.

Andon ka na sa kabilang chair nakaupo, di pa din tayo naguusap. Hanggang pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, tinanong mo ko "tiga-ceu ka diba?" Natawa ko kahit wala namang nakakatawa. Alam mo talagang may tama eh. Hahaha!

Tapos nagkaron pa tayo ng konting interaction bago tayo pumunta sa pag-gaganapan ng christmas party. Hanggang sa andon na nga tayo lahat, nakatayo ako tapos ikaw nakaupo ka don sa upuan sa dulo ng mahabang lamesa. Sobrang lakas ng tugtog tas busy lahat sa paggamit ng phone. Hindi agad ako makaupo kasi di ko alam san ppwesto dahil naka-kalat yung iba. So tumayo na lang muna ko hangga't di pa naman kakain.

Sa gitna ng lakas ng tugtog, at sa oras na hindi ko naman inisip na may kakausap sakin, may tumawag sa pangalan ko. Akala ko pa nga nung una, mali lang ako ng rinig kaya dedma lang. Kaso naulit. Lumingon ako sa direksyon mo, at yun nga, nakatingin ka, tapos may sinasabi ka. Di ko marinig kaya lumapit ako. Hindi naman to para-paraan pero parang ganon na nga. Pero seryoso hindi lang talaga kita marinig.

"Mahiyain ka no?"

Natawa ko tapos sabi ko, "Hindi. Maingay talaga ko. Nahihiya lang ako sa inyo."

Hanggang sabi mo, "yung anniversary, pati christmas party sa Tektite, hindi kita narinig magsalita eh."

Medyo nagulat lang ako kasi naalala mo pala lahat ng panahon na nagkita tayo, akala ko kasi hindi mo talaga ko napapansin kasi posible naman yun diba? Na hindi mo mapansin yung tao kasi wala ka pake. Hahaha!

May mga tinanong ka pa na hindi ko na maalala, siguro kasi yung puso ko... i mean yung diwa ko, nabigla kasi kinausap mo ko. And we had an actual conversation?! A conversation??? Hahaha.

(Hint kung bakit hindi ko sya inisipan ng something, pag una mo syang nakita, iisipin mo sya yung tipo ng lalaki na walang pake sa di nya kilala, ganon yung awra nya, yung ang papansinin lang yung kilala nya tapos mukha pa syang masungit slight pag hindi ngumingiti. Pero baligtad pala hahaha)

Pagkatapos nun, hindi na ulit kita kinausap kasi baka masyado ko mahalata kahit naguusap lang naman tayo. Masyado kasi ko nakangiti, baka mahalata nung iba nating kasama na ang saya ko kausap ka. HAHAH kaya kailangan, distansya pa din. Halos mga 20 minutes din siguro mula non, nagstart na kumain.

Nauna ka umupo tapos dun ako umupo sa pangatlong upuan sa harap mo, kahit wala namang tao sa tapat mo. Natakot lang kasi ko baka masyado ng halata. Hindi naman talaga tayo close pero ang lapit ko sayo, diba?

Hanggang sa natapos na, tapos start na games, di pa din tayo ulit naguusap, lagi lang tayong malapit sa isa't isa. Tipong pati sa games, magkatabi tayo pero di naman naguusap. HAHAHA????? Feeling ko kaya ako nanalo ng twice kasi inspired ako, ikaw ba naman panuorin ng crush mo sis? Gagalingan mo talaga diba? Hahaha.

Naalala ko pa pala, bago magstart maglaro, tinanong ako ng supervisor natin kung umiinom ako,

sabi ko "konti lang po ma'am".

Tapos tumingin ako sayo, "umiinom ka?"

Nakangiti ka lang tapos di ka talaga sumagot hanggang nagtayuan na nga para maglaro.

Sa bawat laro, lagi kang huli tumayo, pero sa kada-laro din, magkatabi tayo. Di naman sa sinasadya ko pero baka meant to be kasi tayo? Charing! Iniiwan ko yung gamit ko sa upuan para walang umupo, kahit alam ko di naman kita makakatabi na kasi nga sa dulo ka nakaupo tapos lumipat ako sa pang-apat na upuan sa hilera mo kasi may nakaupo na sa pwesto ko.

Nung natapos na nga yung games, medyo lutang pa ko kasi nanalo ko at oo masaya ko, I rarely participate in games and I rarely win soooo...

Umupo ako sa upuan ko without noticing na katabi na pala kita. Narealize ko na lang minutes after I fixed my things. Tapos di pa din kita kinakausap kasi di ko alam sasabihin ko. We were just there, nagpphone pareho pero umiinom ka na. Minutes after pa, biglang may kumalabit sakin tas sabi "inom ka!" Tapos syempre napalingon ako with gulat face, kunwari di ko alam na ikaw yon HAHA "sige mamaya". Tinuro mo yung bote na bukas sa harap ko,

"Sayo ba yan?"

"Ay, hindi."

"Kuha ka dun oh".

Dun na nagsimula, nakaupo lang tayo, umiinom, tawanan, gaguhan na akala mo ang tagal na natin magkakilala, akala nga nila kaklase daw kita nung college hahaha! Edi kung kaklase kita noon edi ikaw na lang sana..... Charet HAHA

Sobrang dami na natin napagusapan, parang biglang kilala na natin ng bongga isa't isa. Nawala yung ilangan, sobrang komportable lang, masaya, magaan yung pakiramdam. Sobrang biglaan. Di ko din alam pano nangyari na parang tropa na kita. Although aaminin ko kinikilig talaga ko lalo na pag tumitingin ka sakin sabay ngingiti. Kung yelo ko sis baka natunaw na ko. Hahaha! Basta, may something sa ngiti mo tsaka tingin mo na parang mapapaiwas na lang ako ng tingin kasi napapangiti din talaga ko.

Hindi ko nga din alam bakit walang umuuwi sating dalawa, e halos wala naman ng nangyayari. Tapos na yung party, naguusap na lang tayo at literal na nakaupo na lang. Nakailang sabi ka din na umiikot na paningin mo dahil sa dami ng nainom mo pero di ka naman umuuwi kahit sabi ko umuwi ka na. Wala, nakaupo ka lang don. Naguusap lang tayo.

Tinanong mo din naman kung uuwi na ko, sabi ko hindi pa. Akala ko uuwi ka na nun pero di pa din pala. Hanggang almost 1130 na ata nung nag-decided tayong umuwi. Sabay lang tayo lumabas ng office pero yun na. Nag-angkas ako tapos sumakay ka ng tricycle.

That's how 2019 ended with you. It may seem as if we did something after because you were kinda drunk, and I'm tipsy that night but we literally went our seperate ways. Maayos naman tayo mag-isip nun except tawa ko ng tawa sa mga sinasabi mo kahit walang nakakatawa tsaka sobrang daldal ko lol. Anyway, thank you for making me happy without even knowing it :)

Edit: I wrote this in my Notes last December 2019, a day after our christmas party. I never thought that I'd post it here that's why it's kinda messy and all over the place haha.

It's now June 2020, and the last time we met was February 2020, 4 days before my contract ended. That was a special day for me that I would like to share some other time. I could still remember some parts of what happened that day but not as detailed as this because everything was still fresh in my memory when I wrote this. I'm happy because I get to relieve those memories again by reading this.

I wish I could see you again.

-

Live well :)

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you make me wanna be better at things. you put a smile on my face though you didn't mean it. you make my eyes shine the brightest when i see your face. you make my lips smile the widest when i hear your voice. you'll never know this, but you make me wanna be a better person. you make me wanna be the brightest, happiest, person.

can't thank you enough just for existing. thank you for being my escape, my remedy, the one that makes me fall in love with positivity.

감사합니다.

x,

c

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200629

I never thought I'd actually talk about you again. Like, here, in one of my stories. I'll admit, the thought of you still slips in my mind sometimes. How you are, what you're doing, what keeps you busy these quarantine days and all. But, I never really bothered to think of it deeper, to the extent that I'd talk to you again or include you in one of my stories. But tonight is kind of different so here I am writing this haha

I had to stop for a few seconds because I suddenly don't know what to talk about or where to begin but anyway, I'm really happy tonigt. I was backreading messages in our groupchat and our friends keep making jokes about you. I can't help but laugh because you got included in our converssyion even thouh you're not active or replying at all hahaha I don't know but for some reason it's funnier for me :)

Friend 1 sent a random photo of you, I think it's a photo of when he mentioned that he talked to you about two weeks ago. I'm not sure though. I feel like that's where I got the thought of talking about you. It's been a long time since I saw a 'selfie' from you, and when I sctuslly got to look at your face. It's kinda weird because it's different now. Like, a lot has changed about us. I'm not sure if I still know who you are, I'm sure you're not that ssme guy I knew 3 years ago but I do wish you're fine and happy with Her.

This is also I think is a good time to talk about how I feel about you now. To be honest, I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything special, or bad. Like, a blank space. There's nothing. Maybe before, 7 or 8months ago I still have this bitter feeling of you but now, I know for sure if ever I see you somewhere I'd completely be fine about it.

Also, I miss your mom hahah we weren't that close but she's a really nice person. I do wish I get to see her again. I also miss sitting in your balcony at night just talking about random stuff. I still remember that time we talked about our dreams, and what we wanna do in life, then I ended up crying so bad. And that time you I made you believe that I was pregnant and you got so mad when I told you it was a prank. Hahaha.

Sometimes.... sometimes I miss being your friend.

Sometimes, I miss being your bestfriend.

When nothing has changed. When we we're still there for each other.

You'll never see this but I hope whatever path you take or whatever you wanna do with yor life, you're happy with it, contented and that you'd give you 100%.

Be happy.

-

Live well :)

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200627

Alam ko ang dami kong gustong sabihin, ang daming laman ng utak ko na gusto ko ilabas pero di ko alam paano, kung ano yung tamang salita na dapat ko gamitin.

Siguro nasa utak ko lang lahat to, pero pwede ring hindi. Pwedeng pareho ng nasa utak ko yung iniisip sakin ng ibang tao pero hindi ko malalaman, at hindi nila sasabihin. Kaya para di na ko magulat o masaktan, pipiliin ko na lang yung pangalawa. Pareho kami ng iniisip nung ibang tao. Magulo pero hayaan nyo na.

Hindi ko alam saan maguumpisa. Alam ko lang, pakiramdam ko lahat ng sabihin ko mali para sa iba. O walang magandang dulot. Laging negative. Laging may masamang intensyon. Sana nga ganon na lang. Sana nga sinasadya ko na lang yung mga sinasabi ko. Kaso hindi. Para sa tulad kong ayaw sa away, ayaw ng gulo, ayaw ng confrontation o kahit anong related sa negative vibes, the last thing I would wanna do is to start a fight or to make other people feel bad. Wait bakit english na to.

Anyway.

Natural sakin yung pagiging madaldal. Mahilig ako tumawa, magkwento, magrant ng kung ano-ano. Ako yun eh. Ganon ako. Kaso minsan kapag masyado ko nagiging madaldal o nagiging masaya nakakalimutan ko na yung mga salita na ginagamit ko. Baka nakakasakit na pala sa ibang tao.

Kaya nitong mga nakaraang linggo, binawasan ko yung social interactions ko. Tumahimik ako. Hindi ako masyado nakiki-pagusap para na din sa sarili ko. Sobrang daming negativity ng social media, literal na masisira mood mo sa mga makikita o mababasa mo. Malaking tulong din sa mental state ko yung pagbabawas ng (social) media intake dahil mas nakapagisip ako ng maayos. Pero syempre, nagccheck pa din ako from time to time, it's just that I tried to lessen the use of it more than the usual.

Hindi ko alam kung sensitive lang ba ko lately, impatient, o petty pero sobrang bilis ko mairita. Pero pag naiirita ko iniiwasan ko talaga ibunton sa social media. Mas madalas, iniiwasan ko yung "dahilan", tapos magfofocus ako sa ibang bagay. Pakiramdam ko lang kasi mas hindi nakakatulong para sa sarili ko yung pagpost ko sa social media dahil baka may masabi pa yung iba, na iniiwasan ko nga.

As much as I can, iniiwasan ko na makarinig, makabasa, o makaramdam na may ginawa akong mali, o sinabi, o pinaramdam. Hindi ako natatakot, ayoko lang talaga dahil para na din sa sarili ko.

Gusto ko pa sana dugtungan to kaso natutulala na naman ako at hindi ko na maisip kung ano sasabihin ko.

Siguro to make the long story short, hindi ko alam kung nagbago ako. Ang sure ako, tumahimik ako dahil umiiwas ako sa negativity. Hindi ko alam kung ito yung tamang paraan, pero ito yung nagwowork sakin. As much as I can, I try to surround myself with positivity, kahit mahirap naman talaga. Ang mahalaga, nababawasan yung negative.

Yun lang siguro. Masaya naman ako sa oras ko mag-isa. Madaming time gumawa ng kung ano anong bagay at magreflect sa sarili. Nasa process pa din ako ng pag-gather ng thoughts ko. May mga ginagawa pa naman ako na naeenjoy ko ng ako lang kahit wala ako masyado nakakausap o napapaglabasan. Okay na din siguro yung ako na lang muna kasi baka magkamali na naman ako nv masabi, may magalit pa sakin. Ito na muna siguro yung bago kong outlet. No judgements, literal na kahit anong sabihin ko okay lang. Hehe

Magandang gabi.

-

Live well :)

Kung mabasa mo to, kung sino ka man... :)

[1-jjk]

200626

I was checking my sun, moon, and rising signs awhile ago and checked whether I got every "trait" each sign has. I believe in horoscopes, astrology, zodiac signs whatever you call it because most of the time, it's accurate and it really defines who I am as a person although of course sometimes it doesn't but like those are just guide and not merely the representations of who we are haha

So going back, I was checking my signs and felt like somethings different. Like, I know I am "that" particular "trait" but at the same time, I was questioning myself whether or not I am "that" trait (I don't know if it makes sense lol). Like, I know I'm this type of friend but like lately I'm not??? Something like that. At some point I feel like I was weighing my personality.

I'm not sure, I sometimes wanna know other peoples opinions about me especially those who've known me for a while and what they think of me now because personally, I felt like something's changed but I can't pin point what it is. All I know is I tried to lessen my (social) media intake and distanced myself a bit but does that count as your personality changing?

Social media has been very stressful for me lately so I just use youtube and twitter (a different account) and sometimes play games every night.

It feels weird cause I feel like I don't know myself anymore and had to question myself everytime. ☹️

Who can help me, hay.

-

Live well :)

[1-jjk]

Not an entry but I just wanna share my favorite songs and some songs that I listen to lately :)

English

Can I - Kiana Ledé

Crying Over You - Honne, RM, Beka

Location Unknown (Brooklyn Session) - Honne, Beka

Circles - Post Malone

Palm Trees - The Surfaces

This View - The Surfaces

Never Not - Lauv

EX - Kiana Ledé

La La Lost You - 88Rising, Niki

Chocolate - Kiana Ledé

Forfeit - Kiana Ledé

To Each His Own - Talos

Korean

ANY BTS SONGS LITERALLY HAHA

Eight - IU, Suga

Seoul - RM

Forever Rain - RM

Still With You - Jungkook

Psycho - Red Velvet

Ko Ko Bop - EXO

As If It's Your Last - Blackpink

More & More - Twice

Blue Flame - Astro

Crown - Tomorrow x Together

Snap Shoot - Seventeen

Home - Seventeen

Fanfare - Twice

Left and Right - Seventeen

(I listen to so much korean songs lately this is not even half of it hahaha)

OPM

Come Inside of My Heart - IV Of Spades

Bawat Kaluluwa - IV Of Spades

Bibingka - Ben&Ben

Mitsa (Salamat) - Ben&Ben

Susi - Ben&Ben

Solomon - Munimuni, Clara Benin

Same Ground - Kitchie Nadal

Panalangin - Magnus Haven

Pake - Coln

Ilalim No. 1 - Just Hush

Maikee's Letters - Just Hush

Masiram - Just Hush

(I rarely listen to OPM lately ☹️ so this is really just some of my faves.)

It's fun to share music for some reason haha. Anyway, these are the songs I've been listening to since quarantine :)