13-augustine1949

[13-augustine1949]

the suffering never ends

[13-augustine1949]

Resources For Writing Sketchy Topics

Medicine

A Study In Physical Injury

Comas

Medical Facts And Tips For Your Writing Needs

Broken Bones

Burns

Unconsciousness & Head Trauma

Blood Loss

Stab Wounds

Pain & Shock

All About Mechanical Injuries (Injuries Caused By Violence)

Writing Specific Characters

Portraying a kleptomaniac.

Playing a character with cancer.

How to portray a power driven character.

Playing the manipulative character.

Portraying a character with borderline personality disorder.

Playing a character with Orthorexia Nervosa.

Writing a character who lost someone important.

Playing the bullies.

Portraying the drug dealer.

Playing a rebellious character.

How to portray a sociopath.

How to write characters with PTSD.

Playing characters with memory loss.

Playing a pyromaniac.

How to write a mute character.

How to write a character with an OCD.

How to play a stoner.

Playing a character with an eating disorder.

Portraying a character who is anti-social.

Portraying a character who is depressed.

How to portray someone with dyslexia.

How to portray a character with bipolar disorder.

Portraying a character with severe depression.

How to play a serial killer.

Writing insane characters.

Playing a character under the influence of marijuana.

Tips on writing a drug addict.

How to write a character with HPD.

Writing a character with Nymphomania.

Writing a character with schizophrenia.

Writing a character with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Writing a character with depression.

Writing a character who suffers from night terrors.

Writing a character with paranoid personality disorder.

How to play a victim of rape.

How to play a mentally ill/insane character.

Writing a character who self-harms.

Writing a character who is high on amphetamines.

How to play the stalker.

How to portray a character high on cocaine.

Playing a character with ADHD.

How to play a sexual assault victim.

Writing a compulsive gambler.

Playing a character who is faking a disorder.

Playing a prisoner.

Portraying an emotionally detached character.

How to play a character with social anxiety.

Portraying a character who is high.

Portraying characters who have secrets.

Portraying a recovering alcoholic.

Portraying a sex addict.

How to play someone creepy.

Portraying sexually/emotionally abused characters.

Playing a character under the influence of drugs.

Playing a character who struggles with Bulimia.

Illegal Activity

Examining Mob Mentality

How Street Gangs Work

Domestic Abuse

Torture

Assault

Murder

Terrorism

Internet Fraud

Cyberwarfare

Computer Viruses

Corporate Crime

Political Corruption

Drug Trafficking

Human Trafficking

Sex Trafficking

Illegal Immigration

Contemporary Slavery 

Black Market Prices & Profits

AK-47 prices on the black market

Bribes

Computer Hackers and Online Fraud

Contract Killing

Exotic Animals

Fake Diplomas

Fake ID Cards, Passports and Other Identity Documents

Human Smuggling Fees

Human Traffickers Prices

Kidney and Organ Trafficking Prices

Prostitution Prices

Cocaine Prices

Ecstasy Pills Prices

Heroin Prices

Marijuana Prices

Meth Prices

Earnings From Illegal Jobs

Countries In Order Of Largest To Smallest Risk

Forensics

arson

Asphyxia

Blood Analysis

Book Review

Cause & Manner of Death

Chemistry/Physics

Computers/Cell Phones/Electronics

Cool & Odd-Mostly Odd

Corpse Identification

Corpse Location

Crime and Science Radio

crime lab

Crime Scene

Cults and Religions

DNA

Document Examination

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Firearms Analysis

Forensic Anthropology

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General Forensics

Guest Blogger

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Interesting Cases

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Interviews

Medical History

Medical Issues

Misc

Multiple Murderers

On This Day

Poisons & Drugs

Police Procedure

Q&A

serial killers

Space Program

Stupid Criminals

Theft

Time of Death

Toxicology

Trauma

[13-augustine1949]

Resources For Describing Emotion

Emotions

Without Making Your Character Feel Too Self Aware

Showing Emotion Without Telling About It

Emotions Associated With Body Language

Telling Readers What The Character Doesn’t Want To Show

Hiding Emotions

Expressing Cardinal Emotions: Masculine vs. Feminine

Writing Extreme Emotion Without Melodrama

Specific Emotions

Conveying Shock

Conveying Embarrassment

Conveying Disappointment

Conveying Love/Attraction

Conveying Annoyance

Conveying Relief

Conveying Uncertainty

Conveying Impatience

Conveying Shame

Conveying Resentment

Conveying Panic

Conveying Guilt

Conveying Desperation

Conveying Sarcasm & Verbal Disrespect

Conveying Confusion

Conveying Stubbornness

Conveying Frustration

Conveying Indifference

Conveying Indignation

Conveying Confidence & Pride

Conveying Smugness

Conveying Enthusiasm

Conveying Curiosity

Conveying Hopefulness

Conveying Unease

Conveying Reluctance

Conveying Worry

Conveying Humility & Meekness

Conveying Happiness & Joy

Conveying Amusement

Conveying Disgust

Conveying Resignation

Conveying Jealousy

Conveying Anticipation

Conveying Contentment

Conveying Defeat

Conveying Excitement

Conveying Fear

Conveying Hatred

Conveying Hurt

Conveying Being Overwhelmed

Conveying Sadness & Grief

Conveying Satisfaction

Conveying Somberness

Conveying Sympathy & Empathy

Conveying Wariness

Conveying Defensiveness

Conveying Desire

Conveying Doubt

Conveying Energy

Conveying Exhaustion

Conveying Hunger

Conveying Loneliness

Conveying Physical Pain

Emotional Wounds

A Role Model Who Disappoints

A Sibling’s Betrayal

A Speech Impediment

Becoming a Caregiver at an Early Age

Being Bullied

Being Fired or Laid Off

Being Held Captive

Being Mugged

Being Publicly Humiliated

Being Raised by Neglectful Parents

Being Raised by Overprotective Parents

Being So Beautiful It’s All People See

Being the Victim of a Vicious Rumor

Being Stalked

Being Trapped in a Collapsed Building

Being Unfairly Blamed For The Death of Another

Childhood Sexual Abuse (by a family member or known person)

Discovering One’s Parent is a Monster

Discovering One’s Sibling was Abused

Experiencing a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Failing At School

Failing To Do The Right Thing

Financial Ruin Due To A Spouse’s Irresponsibility

Finding Out One’s Child Was Abused

Finding Out One Was Adopted

Getting Lost In a Natural Environment

Growing Up In A Cult

Growing Up in a Dangerous Neighborhood

Growing Up In Foster Care

Growing Up In The Public Eye

Growing Up In The Shadow of a Successful Sibling

Growing Up with a Sibling Who Has a Chronic Disability or Illness

Having Parents Who Favored One Child Over Another

Having To Kill Another Person To Survive

Infertility

Infidelity (emotional or physical)

Losing a Limb

Losing a Loved One To A Random Act of Violence

Making a Very Public Mistake

Overly Critical or Strict Parents

Physical Disfigurement

Rejection By One’s Peers

Telling The Truth But Not Being Believed

The Death of a Child On One’s Watch

Victimization via Identity Theft

Watching A Loved One Die

Wrongful Imprisonment

Spending Time In Jail

Suffering From a Learning Disability

Motivation

Achieving Spiritual Enlightenment

Avoiding Certain Death

Avoiding Financial Ruin

Beating a Diagnosis or Condition

Being Acknowledged and Appreciated by Family

Being a Leader of Others

Being the Best At Something

Caring for an Aging Parent

Carrying on a Legacy

Catching The Bad Guy or Girl

Coming To Grips With Mental Illness

Discovering One’s True Self

Escaping a Dangerous Life one Doesn’t Want

Escaping a Killer

Escaping a Widespread Disaster

Escaping Confinement

Escaping Homelessness

Escaping Invaders

Finding Friendship or Companionship

Finding a Lifelong Partner

Having a Child

Helping a Loved One See They Are Hurting Themselves and Others

Obtaining Shelter From The Elements

Overcoming Abuse and Learning To Trust

Overcoming Addiction

Protecting One’s Home or Property

Pursuing Justice For Oneself or Others

Realizing a Dream

Reconciling with an Estranged Family Member

Rescuing a Loved One From a Captor

Restoring A Name or Reputation

Righting a Deep Wrong

Seeking Out One’s Biological Roots

Stopping an Event From Happening

Trying Again When One Has Previously Failed

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[13-augustine1949]

The Matchstick Girl (part2)

Contains NSFW. [2] It's almost time, Just one more year and the fact that Eric is the next heir will be released and then i will probably as well have my freedom, that's what the old   man promised me, His wife has gone mad, and was locked in the basement, I  had to make sure no one knows, on the surface she is dead, But i know very well the truth. Eric is 15, he is almost 16 though. I have been   going to school during those years as their daughter so i know what to   teach him so i was assigned as his personal attendant all this while.   The fact that Eric catch things on very fast scares me, as he should not  know that he has a blood sister and she is dead already. Well now that  Eric's quite independent already, I have started again my job of the   matchstick girl... Being on the streets is better then being cooped in   that house. But sometimes not so a good of an idea to do so, word is   getting around that Yvonne was actually murdered. ————————————————————– "I will kill you all, I  swear i will!" Echoed Aunt Gean's voice throughout the hall ways as she  was drag away by Eric's body guard. Eric has now reign as the new heir.  "Now that i am king i am gonna command that you all are gonna help me  get my rightful position..." smiled Eric. "You all are gonna make ME  king.." He roared with laughter as anger contorts his face. His gentle  smile disappearing from it. The Heir now, is different from the kid we  did know when he was 15, he is now 17, but what makes the most difference is that he knows who was the one that killed his blood   sibling, which he hadn't a word with because his parents hid him out of people's view, in a shed, a dark scary shed, he had to struggle   relentlessly to be able to get even a tiny bit of his parents attention,  by studying.. and also facing his very own fears and curiosity of   coming out of the shed one day. To top it on he accidentally stumble on to a cruel sight of his own mom dwelling in her madness as it seems, but  all he could do was watch. I had comforted him, saying...it's alright,  you ain't a monster, those people are... And then i gave him a match.  "Once you get to be King, light this match and call out to me i will be  there i will help you gain back your lost ones." I smile. He nodded. We  made an agreement for it to happen when aunt gean gets out of jail and then  tries to kill us, Of Course he would have to gain his place in throne  first. ————————————————————– He wants me to be   Queen? Not that i can't but i don't want to, I am not a girl. He still   doesn't know does he? This afternoon i sent a letter to our dear aunt   who is gonna be released tonight, I can't wait, though it will soon   happen. I will take my last nap then, I curled my self up on to the cold  stone path under the light of the sun setting the snow flakes seem like  crystals but all so fragile to the touch. And before i know it, I had  fallen asleep deeply. " Lvine...Lvine Gil Fince..." Someone was calling  me, without doubt this voice sounded alot like Tylor's. I start to stir  from my sleep... "Livine! Die!.." Shouted someone as i felt a sharp  object being push into my chest. I open my eyes to see aunt having a ragged appearance and was  holding up a bloodied knife that blood has flowed from on to the white  crisp snow making it all so beautiful yet dirty.. She has come. To me.  "Kill me." i mummer-ed, blood splattering out from the inside of my body  out from my mouth as i speak. But she stood still as if cemented to the  ground. Slowly I walk towards her rubbing at the wound at my chest. I  stop right in front of her bringing my already bloodied hand to her  face. "You know aunt, You are really lousy at killing....Yvonne. Maybe  you should die." I said in a sarcastic voice. Looking at her frightened  face i slap yet another sentence to her face; "Do you want to kill me?  But by some chance, ....Unable to do so.." I tapped at her knife making  her step back in terror. She backed away till she had her back against  the wall, I tooked her hand with the knife still in it. "Well, Not bad  that you are surviving till now, Don't worry i will come back to find  you..soon." with that i Stabbed the whole blade in to my body. ————————————————————– I had died. Or did i?   Either way, i never could have died, Not now. In the near future maybe. But i bleed quite alot, you could tell from the blood stain that covers  my crumpled Victorian dress...But there wasn't a sign of the wound   inflicted earlier. I picked myself up from the bloodied snow...and   checked if there was any other signs of injuries, that will hinder me.   "Lvine. Lvine." A voice call out to me.. My vision swirled and slowly   images started flooding to my mind... Blood, spears stuck to soldiers, a  castle, tears, and then finally a golden throne and beside it lay the body of king, someone else was sitting in the throne laughing and   shouting my name hysterically, the image of eric's contorted face   spilled with blood was hardly recognizable...Yes. Eric has finally   ascended the throne and now it has come my time to fulfill my part of   the agreement. =============================== (NSFW; There is gay romance in this part, if you don't like move on to the next part) Behind the castle walls   was dead silence... not because that there were no occupants but   because it's night and everyone is now asleep in fear for tomorrow, a   new young king had just ascended the throne in triumph to the ex-king's  death is now lying in wait, for his caretaker to arrive. The night is  long and lonely, the wind had carried a certain chill to it....The   streets beyond the walls was empty and desolated except with snow that   had filled the place to the height of your knees. The towering gates   swings open as i approached the entrance of it. Gone with the blood   stain dress, I now was dressed in a pink buttoned formal shirt and a   long closed pants that touches the top of the closed toed shoe, an over  sized brown leather vest that i had taken from Eric's drawer gown my   shoulders from my neck to my bottom slightly touching the cheeks of my  bum. I had only taken a few steps through the court yard that the   trumpets blown by the soldiers guarding the castle had declared my   presence with great light of royalty,carpets were laid out as i walked   into the huge doors that stood 10 times taller then i am. I finally saw   the king, Eric...looking fresh and prim walked a long way down the   steps  of the throne and gave me a hug and a kiss doing so i felt myself   blushing as never has anyone treated me like this before.. he reaches   his right hand to my face as the other gestures the guards to leave the   room... The guards back away and pulls the door shut behind them, fear   struck my head... as i slowly turned my head back to Eric, i was greeted  by yet another passionate kiss, this time his hands were   wrapped around  my head and my back, slowly and skillfully he presses   his tongue in to  the depths of my mouth exploring them all so carefully  as if my mouth  was a fragile thing. Unconsciously i felt my resistance  died off, as he  laps at the insides of my mouth, entwining our tongues  together, in  heated passion and wetness. I had finally found my voice  back, as i  suddenly shoved him away, stepping back from him, i saw his  desire for  me burning to become a painful erection. Blushing red, I  brought myself  into his arms and started Frenching him and removing  each others clothes  piece by piece, by the time we found our in to his  bedroom, we had  already taken off all of each others clothes, except  for the one  important piece that was barely covering our obvious hard  ons. As we  stand in the room, i set myself down on to the edge of the  bed.. Eric pushes me on to the bed with a feverant kiss slowly exploring my mouth with his tounge again then tangling with mine, he opens his eyes to look at me alittle out of breathe, then he kisses his way down my body finally reaching the tip of my pole and kissing and sucking the tip before enveloping it with his warm already sloppily wet mouth. His hands gripping it in motion with his movements of his head. The sensations and weight are pooling at my balls feeling at my limit i bit my lips and i shiver in release into him. His hands already working again at my limp dick and my balls, letting some spit fall on his fingers he pushes in his fingers gently working them in my sphincter, when he feels it is relax enough he look at me as if asking if he has the permission to proceed. I nodded. He pushes in slowly while stroking my dick and kissing me, i whimpered into his kisses alittle as i couldnt hold my voice.The sensations were alittle burning but not pain. I look at him wondering if his feelings are that easy to settle as to let her be or would he want revenge? and what does he see in me? my eyes refocus again as i notice his concern gaze was directing at me. we change positions a few times it was no longer so fastidious ,he was just  gently sweeping my thoughts away with love throughout the night. ================================ I woke up the next   morning to find Eric, sleeping peacefully beside me as if nothing had   ever happened. I had come to senses that maybe yesterday was just a fling.... a   way for Eric to vent his frustrations out, and also to calmed him   down...I felt that i having loss my pride and virginity in just one   night was something one wouldn't come to experience everyday. I wasn't   upset, just depressed that i did let someone younger then me to hold   me... and yet i was just enjoying it to the full as well. It was just so   wrong. But whatever it is this fella needs me, he had abandon his   family leaving them broke, and he still blames them for not being able   to protect, Yvonne, his twin sister from the blades of death. Inching   myself away from the sleeping Eric, I calmly moved myself over to the   breakfast counter that was across the rather large room by the window,   upon reaching the nearest seat i heaved a sigh of relief seeing that he   is still somewhere off in wonderland and flopped myself on to the   comforts of the cushioned chair. ————————————————————– Parts: 1 / 2 / 3

#The Matchstick Girl #story #Part2

[13-augustine1949]

The Darkest Light: Part5 .

March 9th, Saturday

' This Red string that tie us together will ensure we will meet again, putting it this way, wont things change already. '

The boy with bruises and cut lips tell me as he attach the other red string to my pinkie finger like a ring.

I just stood and cry as i cling on to him, not wanting him to leave.

I woke up with a few tears dripping down my eyes. These days I have been having dreams like that. Just the other day, it was about a father who killed the mother by suffocation with a red ribbon.

I dont understand any of these except the part where red was being shown, my mind flashed back to Scarlet when he was on stage, I shake my head vigorously. Maybe it was a bad omen.

March 15, Friday Deciding on the items to be included in to the men's door gift. Was tough. Now is to generate the report. Which requires trails and data gathered using people involve in the project. I picked a few of the men involve including Jonathan and Veck. And some ladies volunteer to let their partners try the product out for the company. Normally we are not suppose to watch too closely unless the project involves pills or anything that will cause adverse effects. But having said that I am right at the door of Veck's apartment on the pretense of data collection.

Buzzing the buzzer above the lable of the household ''Quinta''. A sound was heard at the intercom as the door unlocked. Veck was wearing a black woolen sweater with white cargo pants. Bringing me to the living area i catch a glimpse of his bedroom it was different from what i expected . There on the dark grey wood was a marine blue flurry carpet and against the wall was a huge bed that was big enough for three. The blanket and pillow was black against crimson red sheets. Walking in to the living area it was smaller then expected having everything in close proximity with each other but with enough room for cushion floor seats on both sides of the coffee table, a sofa and a plasma tv. I could imagine him lounging away on the weekends on the sofa. He walk to the kitchen area which is only a few steps away from the living area and starts the tea pot with a few bags of tea he grab from a jar. Coming back to coffee table he set one of the cups infront of me , the other beside me as he sat down. ' So did you find anything interesting when you visited Sugar the other day? ' he started as he sips away at the warm tea. To avoid answering the question I brought out the products and laid them out on the table.

' So you are saying that the products need to be tested for the best of each and the overall experience of the whole package as well. And that will require you to take up residence in my housing for the duration of a week? '  I nodded in tandem to what he said although the part of the testing was true but staying in his house was not actually required as we have feedback forms for collecting the data but i wanted to get to know him better. ' Sure, you can do that. I have an empty guest room. But try not to invade in the other room opposite of where you will be staying as there are others staying here beside you. I dont mind if you go to my room when it isnt lock or anything just stay clear of the other room. ' He points to the two doors facing each other in the gloomy shadows in between the kitchen and the living area. I wasnt expecting him to agree so easily but i guess to him this is just part of getting work done.

I come back from over my house at midnight sliding in the spare card key he gave me. Creeping slowly through the hallway i saw that his room door was open i slowly peek in. Glancing at the bed illuminated by the soft glow of his nightstand i saw a figure buried under the blankets with alittle bit of his hair sticking out from it. He look abit like a small cute child coddled up like that. I slowly retreated carefully closing the door behind me. I walk across the in between of the living and kitchen area and open the door to the right as instructed. Stepping in the room, put me in awe as it has freshly made sheets of purple with red carpeted floor a toilet door beside the curtains of the window. I slept quite soundly that night.

~End of Part 5~ Chp: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

#TheDarkestLight #part5 #story

[13-augustine1949]

The Darkest Light: Part4 .

' Let me go ' his voice trembled with annoyance as the blond hair man tightly grabs hold of the younger men's wrist. ' Scarlet, You cant do this to Rudy. Rudy cares about you... '  Abruptly I step out of the locker I was hiding in with a clatter as i twist the grip of the taller man off him. Dashing out of the bar's staff entrance. I pulled Scarlet far off enough and dash into a building's alley way.

2 hrs before After discussing with Jonathan , we decide to visit the renowned strip club cum bar. It was a invitation only bar except during open to public event dates. Entry to the bar require the namecard of the bar to be flash at the hidden entrance inside a late night ramen store. Rumor has it that the card is sometimes being auction for a high price by owners of the card who migrated to another bar and the card would be sold successfully in not more then an hour every single time.

1hr before As we step in to the bar the lights were dimmed except for a few tiny blue table lamps the stage area was in total darkness and mist was rising all around it. The silence of the guest told us that there is an anticipation of the next performance which is about to start. The half masked usher brought us to a table closest to the stage. Two dark red spotlights one after the other shone at the translucent curtains as a figure stood legs cross hand on their head seductively. Slowly the figure made his way out in the brightening stage center where a pole is. His turquoise highlights shone under the stage-lights, his hands trace his down his nose to to his lips pulling them apart ever so slightly. Gliding down to his firm but small frame of a chest, pushing down at his abdomen reaching the thin see through red material covering his bottom half stopping at just above his knees. He made a gesture as if signalling the real start of his performance, the audience made slight whistling noises. Without missing a beat he grab the pole and swung his body rotating upwards the pole, using his legs his hold his body as he slide down like spider man would on his web. As his head was about to reach the floor he flip himself into a horizontal position with his hand supporting his weight his other hand tousling his hair as if it was nothing. Leaning back  he spun to the ground without getting up his hand glide down his hip caressing the knot that holds the fabric together. The crowd cheer, some threw notes  onto the stage. He smiled, his eyes glittered frame-less. It was this eyes again, it's him? Slowly he undid the knot letting the fabric fall of his body revealing a silk beech fabric clinging to his package. The audience clap as the lights dimmed out. Ready for the next performance they were. I was already off my seats going through the door at the back in the dimmed lights carefully avoiding any bouncers or security.  

20mins before

Finally arriving at the room labeled "SCARLET", I open the door calling out to him but there was no answer, but from behind the door I hear footsteps approaching, quickly I step into the nearby locker and crammed myself shut inside.

5mins before

As i dash out with him I heard the man shouting for us to stop.  But we lose him as we got far off to a residential building's alley way.

' What are you? A stalker or a fan? ' He shot me the question as soon as we stop in the dark alley way.  ' But you wanted him to let go of you, didnt you? ' I manage to push the turbulence that was on my mind out, but as soon as i said it, it became clear that it didnt give much reason for my actions. ' But you dont know me. He is my doctor. Worry not now. ' He waved as he walk on. Stopping him I drape my overcoat over his shoulders. ' At least dont go stark naked into the streets. '  Holding shut the clothing, ' okay, Mr Stalker. ' he chimed as he went off into the streets.

~End of Part 4.~ | Chp: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

#TheDarkestLight #part4 #story

[13-augustine1949]

The Darkest Light: Part3 .

' Wohoo, Jonaathan!!! Jonathan!! He finally Mailed Me!! ' I exclaimed as I show him the msg on my phone:

//From: [email protected]//

943228754

                                - Veck

//Received: 21 Feb 2013, 8.34am//

Smiling with glee i coddle my phone with both hands and kiss it. Jonathan gave me an unimpressed look. ' shouldnt you be replying him or something instead of jumping around like this? ' he ended with a smirk.

//From: [email protected]//

Hi, Thanks for sending me your contact number. I hope we can get along at work and outside of it too.   (P.s. I got something to clarify with you, so let's fix a day to meet up, we can go out to the movies and then to this cafe I know. Text me if you are interested.)                                            -Chris

//Received: 21 Feb 2013, 8.44am//

Veck glanced at the msg he just recieve and turned back to his laptop.

//From: [email protected]//

Sure. But I will go off if it isnt important. March 2. 11pm, central park station. Dont be late.

                                    -Veck

//Received: 21 Feb 2013, 4pm//

--Saturday; March 2, 10.45pm, Central Park Station--

As usual i arrive earlier then the other party. But in just a few moments as the surrounding people all head off to the shops a men in black turtleneck and blue jeans appear from far off. ' you are early. Shall we head to this cafe you were talking about first or a movie? '

I decided we head to the movies first since i doubt i will ever get a chance to go with him again if i have no 'important' matter to speak with him again. The movie was good, it was a sci-fi romance comedy of a male robot falling for one of his captives which goes against his programming and even protecting him when they were held captive. I was afraid that Veck might not like it as I really dont know what he would like, but it seems he just set through it without much expression except for breaking into a smile when the robot and the captive reconcile at the end. Arriving at the cafe, the server welcome us taking us to a seat by the small window. I like this cafe particularly for it's romantic dim lighting and quiet atmosphere, you can hardly hear a whisper, it's just soft murmurs or silence except for the atmospheric music or piano once in a while. There is even a private booth option which you can stay overnight or few hours for a cheap price if you wish for so.  

' So what was it that you want to clear up, although I do have a slight idea what it is already? ' I pull out the green glasses which i had kept so properly and unwrap it from the silk cloth, carefully placing the glasses on the table. He didnt say a thing but when I look up, I saw the edge of his lips curl to form a sinister smile.  He slowly slide a black card across the table:

" SUGAR "

" free are the mortals "

" sugarfree_barhouse31.com  "

With a name " SCARLET " scribble in cursive diagonally across the card. Pointing to the name, ' Find this person and you will understand ' The words he said resounded in my head after we left the cafe and go our separate ways. So was he not the green glasses guy? Did i recognize the wrong person? And what was the meaning of that smile? Did i find out something I shouldnt have? Or am i about to find out something I shouldnt? Cold sweat beaded my forehead as i fumbled around for my keys dropping it in the process. Giving up i set down on the metallic staircase landing and searched for my phone instead to dial for Jonathan.

~ End of Part 3.~ | Chp: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

#TheDarkestLight #part3 #story

[13-augustine1949]

The Darkest Light: Part2 .

Looking into the mirror the bespectacled guy pull tight his tie. ' Veck. You ready? ' the tall foreigner who just enter the washroom ask. Veck nodded and walks to the door, ' come on Keith, let's hurry or we will be late for the meeting. ' Arriving at Room 213. Veck knocked gently at the door. A muffled voice from the room invited them in.

Jonathan walk up, greeted and exchange name cards with them. While I stood rooted in an awkward half risen position from my seat. Eyes glued to a total black slicked hair, black spectacle appearance of the boy I like, that is right in front of me. As the boy came over to greet me with mannerisms that is so different from what I have been used to watching, my enchantment crack. From head to toe his appearance was a 180. It was oozing with professionalism and a sense of strictness like he would 'whack' anybody if they overstep his moral codes so very different from the simple style of a woolen sleeveless sweater and white shirt i see him wearing. The floral like scent that permeates from his small wrist lulling me in as we exchange name cards and shake each other's hands.

As I was drawing in unconsciously, another hand came into view from the side. The owner of the hand have extended his name card making me aware I wasnt alone with Veck in the room. ' Oh I am terribly sorry I was just amused at how young Veck is, to be working in the financial department as a freelancer with experience from M company as well. ' I express my apology lest he mistaken my divided attention as unprofessional-ism. Keith gave a chuckle adding on ' well this isnt the first time Veck attracted so much attention but he isnt too young either although you might not be able to tell from his looks but he is in his late 20's. ' ' no I cant tell but you arent that bad yourself either , come let's take a seat with regards to beauty plus's door gift for men..... '

The rest of the people involve in the meeting arrive 5mins later. The meeting progress with some ideas from each department. Veck in a very proper yet laid back manner with Keith diagonally behind him sat across me at the round rectangular table. The rest of the externalities were blurred out as my attention was cast on Veck. It seems no matter how I look at him he seem like him. Just with the black spectacles and full black hair.

At lunch, I and Jonathan went over to where he was seated. Veck welcome us to take a seat with a small hand gesture, he was overlooking some documents with some bread and soup at his side. Keith look up and smile at us while taking a slice of his neatly cut salmon platter set. After a few moments of silence, Veck pick up his documents and was getting ready to leave the table. Johnathan nudge me, standing up I reach out and grab his hand to stop him from leaving. ' Can I know ... your personal number? . . . . ' He shot me with an incredulous look as if asking 'did i just grab him by his hand?'. He then reach in to his jacket and grab out a dark purple smart phone and hand it to me. ' yours? I will send you my contact info. ' Keith gave a slightly annoyed face as I typed my number into Veck's phone. It was obvious who he has set his sight on as well.

~End of Part 2.~ | Chp: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

#TheDarkestLight #part2 #story

[13-augustine1949]

Let all your tears flow into the air upwards so that you wont be always having rain on your weather forcast. let the pain and anger be rooted down to the ground and dissapear so that you heal better then before and remain calm for most parts.

#random

[13-augustine1949]

The Darkest Light: Part1.

His small stature was always seen walking alone along the lockers head buried in a book. Coming to the canteen to get bread. Green glasses sliding off his nose. Two streaks of faded turquoise ruffled against his black hair as he rushed through a cluster of people. I have been watching him for close to a year now, but god knows if he even knows I exist or that his invisible presence catches my attention like harbor lights to a drifting ship.

Wait you cant presume I like him for his nerd looks do you? No I dont, I like him without his spectacles that would cover his glorious eyes. The sharp piercing gaze was what I fall in love with. It was that moment when we first met, he accidentally trip and fall on my resting body as I was taking a nap. His glasses fell off into the nearby pool. The abrupt awakening ignite a fume ready to snap at whoever that disturbs my snooze. Apparently it wasnt true that I would be snapping at anybody soon, as my eyes met with his black dark pools. Glistening sweat was trickling down his hair, I was mesmerize.

He got up and walk off as I dive into the pool to retrieve his glasses. The following day he got a new pair of glasses already as if he cant be caught without one. I wanted to return him his glasses but he doesnt seem to want it back. I didnt ask him about it but no matter how much I lounge by the pool with his glasses on, he didnt come to retrieve it.

So a year went by just watching him, it's his routine to drop by this community health center at around 6-8pm everyday except Sunday. He will rent a private room in the activity areas and spend his time there and around 7.30 he will proceed to the canteen to get some bread and then he will hole up in the room till 8. Apparently he works at a convenience store after spending time at the CHC. I went in a few times as a customer to see if he would notice or recognize me but to no avail.

Recently I havent been able to do so as I am busy working on the new project proposal for a men's beauty package. '' hey, Chris you know there are two new finance officers from M company, shall we go take a look, one of them.might just be a hot chick? '' I jolt up from my PowerPoint slides and turn to Jonathan. '' more like hot men? '' '' Chris, that is only you alright? -_-''

Few weeks later the project got approved, with me and Jonathan heading the management for the project. Along side we have the finance, design and marketing departments. Each having two representative from their firm. Talking about this, we are about to have a meeting with each of the department's representative but apparently no one is here yet.

[knock* knock*] " please come in. " What enter the room next leave my eyes wide open.

~End of Part 1.~ | Chp: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

#TheDarkestLight #part1 #story

[13-augustine1949]

Parallel Worlds (Continuation of “The year . . . . 2012“)

Chapt2.

A.N.:Starting from this chapter, is all solo work, if you read the previous chapter some of the style of writing and description is different and maybe even better, that is because of the mix of styles. I believe Issabel my friend have added quality and inspiration to the work. She and I started this continuation was because she wanted a continuation to the story, and we both wanted to do a collab work together but after awhile we both got busy and the story was left to rot until today, I wish to give the story a proper completion. Hopefully you the reader can enjoy this version of the story.  On a side note, special thanks to those who recommend some songs for me to continue writing the story with the feeling down. You probably think it's something small but you really do help me out big time for the completion of this part, stay tune for a part 3.

P.S.Sorry for the long wait.

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[6] "Michelle ..?" I Asked to no one, as it appears the faceless people gathered in the room cant hear a single thing. All except Michelle, the rest has no facial features just a patch of pinkish beige skin over the head where their face suppose to be. Their crowning glory still in tact. long hair, short hair, human figures i would say more than they seem human. The man who seem like Michelle step forward. I silence myself and content myself with an internal conversation, as I feel the need of caution well up in my gut. Wait did i just say faceless? and Michelle? I cant remember my name so why does his name seem able to surface. Suddenly my mind trace back to a memory that seem to be of when i was a child, with my twin braids, I saw a hole on the floor of the roof area near the art class rm, I told the teacher and my classmates but they all make the confused and disbelieving face almost like what I am experiencing now. It makes me think that what i saw, feel, or think is not weighty enough to warrant such attention, it also make me feel like an attention seeker, but I wasnt was i? I try think to think hard about what else i can remember that can tell me about myself but nothing came out. 'Michelle' chase the crowd out of the room. "Do you remember anything?" He asked with a look of concern as he stalks closer. "It's fuzzy" I say, not wanting to give him an exact answer.

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[7] "This is my- no.. Ours. Yes, our apartment. Make yourself at home. Although you dont remember alot of things, I am still happy you remembered my name." His home was a wide sunny apartment. The feeling of the kitchen chairs feel familiar but not as well.  It's a funny feeling when you dont remember the person, but he claims to be your close companion. I watch him as he pour us both a glass of water, although the apartment is well ventilated, and somewhat cool, his thick shirt has been soak up with sweat at certain areas, his chest, his arms, down to his chiseled muscled abs. I gulped at my water, quickly noticing that my stares were super obvious to him. After he finishes his glass, he showed me around the house, the bathroom was huge compared to the ones they had at the hospital, complete with a bath tub too, then he showed me a room which is locked he says i shouldnt enter that room as it's his study. Last but not least the bedroom, he said i would have to share the room with him but mostly because he is out working he says for most parts I would be the one using it.  He left for work right after our little tour. I throw myself on the fresh bed sheets, it seems he have it cleaned before he invited me to his house. The things around the house also seem very spic and span, almost untouched even. It looks more like a showroom then a house- . . in that moment I flashed back to a scene where i was looking for a house by myself.. and then im back on the bed again. Why was i looking for a house? It's looks like I really cant remember.

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[8] As I grab a cabbage from one of the refrigeration unit my attention was prickled by the sensation of a nearby kid staring and pointing at the eye patch over my left eye. I nearly drop the cabbage but i turn and glared at the kid instead, his mother quickly apologizes for his rude behavior before leaving me in the relatively empty aisle. It seem like the area his house is situated in was pretty near a supermarket. But the area he lived in is pretty isolated in a sense that there is a few buildings and lot of empty housings on ground level. alright. cabbage, some lean meat, yogurt and drinks , time to go to checkout. As I turn I noticed a figure standing  behind a shelf. Walking fast to the counter I quickly gave the cashier my basket of items, paid for them and left the building. I notice the hooded figure moving quickly as I ran past a park back to the apartment. As I close in to building it dawn to me that I dont have the card key nor the pin to get into the apartment, panicking I pretended to look into my pockets, I get more tense as I hear the person's footsteps coming to my side in a fast speed. But nothing happen except for a slight bump into my shoulders. before the figure walk briskly off.  Suddenly someone grab my arm from behind, an displeased looking Michelle chided me for leaving the apartment before I could say a thing. Pulling me along back to the building  not before I notice the same figure standing not quite far off their face still covered by the black hood was blown up alittle by the passing wind revealing a face very similar to mine. She was not having any expression, she just looked on dispassionately but as we disappear into the building a flicker of desolation form on her face.

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[9] "Why were you even outside of the building, what if i came home late?" Michelle questions me after nagging about how unsafe being outside is.  I shivered inwardly but stilled myself. "I'm sorry . I ..thought you might want dinner" He look at me like as if he have given in. Then he took the bag in. I sat down on the sofa tired out alittle. He takes the pots and pans out. "Here. I thought you wanted to cook? " I gave him a look that says i thought you wouldnt let me. As I was about the prepare the food at the basin he grab my wrist. "Does the hand still hurt?" I shake my head. I wouldnt have even notice the bandanged palms of my left hand if he didnt say anything. The next couple of days went by just like this. Although I no longer saw the woman with the same face as me anymore. I start recieving weird packages at the mail filled with little things. Some are postcards, Some are trinklets. I didnt tell Michelle about it because they were non threatening. And they dont seem to be addressed to him. There was no name to it. I just keep compiling them into a singular box and threw the empty boxes in the trash. Except I couldnt stay this way it was weird. Although staying with someone I know is supposingly thought that it could expedite the memory recovery but 3 weeks in and I still have no idea who I am. To add to it Michelle, he is always out most of the day. He only comes back for dinner and sleep before leaving super early again. Like I know he said so when he first let me stay at his house. But after the first few day's small incident that seem to tell me he and who I was, were pretty close, he had accidently slept in the same bed cuddling up to me and walking into the bath while i was showering lucky there were curtains. He seemed comfortable with all these but I feel alittle uncomfortable but it was bearable. I am even beating myself up because I cant remember what it was between us? but the thing is do we even have anything to begin with.

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[10]Today was different tho. There was a direct msg of sorts in the mail box. it was two pages long, plasted with newspaper cut out fonts for words..

"R e m e m b e r. . ."

"Y o u A r e N o t"

"M e e t . D a l i n g e o F a m i l y's"

"3 . 2 5 p m" I felt weird out for the first time by the parcel sent by this nameless sender. I decided to ignore it since Michelle will definately freak out alittle if he finds out that I have been recieving weird mail from his mailbox. Seeing as how protective he can be when I went out grocery shopping that one day, that he actually order grocery shopping online for me. It's not like he locked me up in this apartment, he allows me to visit the small nearby park hidden around the corner turns of the apartment building. And also freedom to travel abit, it's just that he asked of me to not visit the supermarket as he fear the distance I have to travel back might have me meet into mishaps. The next 2days I didnt recieve anything in the mailbox. I had thought maybe the sender has given up. Then on the 3rd day was another one in the same newspaper font format. .

"U . N e e d T o R e m e m b e r."

There was two thing attached this time to the singular page of msg. One was a picture of me in a lab coat with two other men on a boat, one of which looks like Michelle. The other was a formula or recipe thing that was in a language other then the one I spoke, looking at it gives me ditzy spells. Behind the picture was some words scrawled behind, "Meet me. Same Place N time."

#ParallelWorlds #part2 #story

[13-augustine1949]

Parallel Worlds (Continuation of “The year. . . .2012“)

Chapt1.

A.N.:This is a collab work with https://www.wattpad.com/user/Scuzabel

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[1] Standing up, I walked myself through the crowds until finally reaching the bar counter. The strange bartender offered me a glass filled with liquor that changes colors, I stared at the mystifying liquid all swirling around in the small crystal like cup. I wondered if this was even drinkable, Ignoring the warning alarms sounding in my head, I thank the bartender and slowly cupped my hands around the fragile glass and lifted it to my lips. But just as i was about to gulp it down, my glass shatters in to a million pieces leaving me with a bleeding hand. A needle was pierce on to the marble table top. I quickly snapped up and looked around... Through the crowds I saw a girl running towards the exit. I thought she could be the one.......I start running after her, almost falling off the bar stool and try to make my way through the thickening mass of people. The girl was still there, almost at the door now. What was she even doing inside a bar? She seemed young, almost a chil...d and i tried to call out, my voice catching from the pain in my hands. Glass is still sticking out from the thin slashes, but i don't care. I see her reach the door, throw it open, and run straight after her, trying to stop the wooden frame from closing, slowing me down. A breath of fresh air hits me as i push it open, the light temporarily blinding me. Blindly, i run out, my heart racing. When i do look out, when i am able to see clear enough through the sudden light after the dimness in the bar room, i feel my heart sink. I do not see the girl anymore. Neither do i see anything familiar. All around me, the roads appear foreign.

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[2] Clink.. Clink pl-ink.... A empty glass bottle rolled out in to sight...as i glanced over to the darkness over in a side alley, I saw a hooded man, It's not the same one but a very different one he is kinda short and he wore braids in his hair, Ah... the girl.... I walked over to her hopefully i could get some answers. But as i reach there, she disappears.. I turned back and picked up the empty bottle, looking at it....i sighed..... How is this bottle supposed to help me? Suddenly the bottle's surface turned cold and liquid start to fill the bottle...it's the same liquid as that time, all so colorful and all...It filled the bottle until the half mark and started warming up in my hands. Words start spelling out at the side of the bottle: "P.o.u.r .m.e. N. t.hy.. w.i.l.l. k.n.o.w. t.h.e. light.." I stood still for awhile and think before i finally lifted the bottle tilting it to the side and letting the strange liquid pour on to the sidewalks. As it reaches the ground... the floor starts turning a little crimson red...and thorns started emerging from the cracks of the ground... a cat that went over for a sip started to transform in to a deformed pained form before collapsing on to the ground....As i watch, a thought of what will had happen if i had drank the drink before, dawn upon me....

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[3] In just a few seconds all traces of the evidence disappear along with the cat.... The pathway was empty yet again... walking down a little further, the walls appear to carry my reflection stepping back i see that it was transparent... and fog is filling up around the area and behind me the pathway becomes no longer visible, disappearing... The floor was changing as well... to become that like a mirror. I Looked in to the many reflections, all was me at different times, me marrying to Ben, That time on Earth, the hooded man, the teacher i know in primary school, my friends, class outing, vacation overseas all was the past except one....a bottled had rolled towards me.. i picked it up and it suddenly turned hot, i let lose letting the glass bottle smash on to the ground..I am seeing myself....the crimson liquid continued to spread, climbing up the walls and decaying it, the brick turning rougher, stained and the thorns soon covered these as well. I watched, feeling myself begin to tremble and i almost dropped the bottle. The thought of drinking from it temporarily vanished, and i backed away as the vines began to spread out even further, covering both the path behind and before me. As i turned about, hoping, praying to find a way out, i caught sight of something in the distance. At the end of the alley, its form framed by the vines and liquid, was the girl. She was what, a hundred meters off? How did the alley get so long....Without thinking, the sudden need to know burst from me and i ran, ignoring the pain in my legs as i prodded over the vines, which i realized were sprouting thorns. They had even covered the cat by now, but i didn't care. The bottle still in my hand, i raced on towards the girl, who just stood there, expressionless...suddenly I become a person in the mirror... a tall Man walk towards me holding out his hand, my vision blurred, I reached out to grab his.

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[4] His hand holding on to mine. I struggled to focus, on him and my surroundings. Doing so I realized he was also holding on to something else in his other hand,....A sword....an unsheathe one...without stopping to think, i struggle trying to free myself from his steel grip. But i couldn't, and his face is the face of my dad...but younger. His sword was prominently rise above his head before being brought down, aimed at my eyes. -*flash*- Lights blinded my eyes, Voices echoing the room, the room looks ghastly. Is this a dream or a nightmare. "Stop...your injured." A voice beside me plead for me to stop. Ignoring the plea I walk right out of what seem like a door, the smell of medicines and sickness slapped me in the face as i exited the room, Walking only a few steps, I felt dizzy. The last i remember was a familiar voice calling to me. When i wake up, i was in a room filled with strangers, there were all altogether 6 people in the room with me, One had a doctor's coat on him, the other had a pink uniform and was tending to my drip. The Other four look familiar and so were their voice, it's very familiar to me but i don't know who they are. Wait. Who am i? I was uncertain and the fear in me was building up what if they were like that guy that stab me in the eye...upon thinking of that, both my hands shot up to my face, on my face was an eye patch over the left eye.

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[5] I cried out, every nerve in me screaming to tear it off, to make sure there was something lest behind there. But at the same time they screamed the opposite, that they rather not know, not yet. I ended up sitting there rigid and trembling, my hands halfway to my face. "My eye...." I mumbled, but no one seemed to hear. There was no pain, not that I could feel, and behind the patch i couldnt tell if i was seeing darkness due to the absence of light of the absence of my... "My eye!" I shrieked, and this got some attention. They turned to me, their expressions quizzical. Then one of them, the one with the coat and who struck me as the most familiar, opened his mouth to speak.

#ParallelWorlds #part1 #story

[13-augustine1949]

Careventir turned 3 today!

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone

[13-augustine1949]

#Feeds

[13-augustine1949]

50 posts!

#50 posts #tumblr milestone

[13-augustine1949]

....

It's bubbling with all these disgusting revolting feelings.. The more you love, the more you can find reasons to hate.. It's tearing me apart.. so twisted. Though both good and bad feelings are real and the truth.. sometimes.. my insides are so sullied by what i hold back.. that it is hard to tell if it is real anymore.. it's feels fake.. because inside has so much revolting things inside.. outside... all your affections given away to people who probably dont know better.. they desert you. leaving you with nothing more then these stupid affections for them.. you cant help but feel that way to them.. and you hate yourself for feeling like that.. you should have move on. you said. maybe it can be better.. you try yet again... when you open yet another door.. or that the door open to you.. you couldnt stay put. you had to move.. as the floor is already crumbling behind you. desperate attempts to save yourself. and have hope.. yet again someone.. come save me. Please i am begging you. I know i am pathetic. but then you hold back again. what if it's a dissapointment again. what if they are going to take what is left of your own heart.. you hold on tighter... on to your own being.. It feels like chains bound you to the ground, you want to be free. from grief, from these feelings. they arent you. but they might one day define you... if you let it go .. you will hurt others.. you thought to yourself... but holding on hurts and destroy yourself... even more then you know. but you said you cant lose even more then you already did...but you wanted to give even more.. but hear me say this.. I want to care.. love. feel joy and happiness. but maybe it's not mean to be . why did i let them do this to me. why am i like this? I wanna let them feel the pain and grief and torture i felt. i want to dig all their black substance inside them... and shove it to their faces.. or just tear them up .. but then i stop myself yet again.. i myself have such terrible things inside.. although when i was younger, i might have been "pure" but right now.. sometimes i have to hold back my own black substance and pretend that it's okay. because i wont allow myself to cause someone to become like i did.. again.. maybe but then i felt my heart dying just alittle.. whatever happens. . let's walk down deep inside and find our way again.. or dissapear like the little mermaid into sea form. because it's alright. living is best done while alive. so we will do that.. or at least try. we might be truely dying inside.. but it's okay.. everyone has to die one day.. it's only a matter of time.. though i would love to spend more time with the people precious to me.. but for now. i will hold them close, somewhere. whatever happens.. whatever happens will happen.. for now.. "i love you" . . . i mumbled under my breath as i lay there in bed.. the sound of rain bringing me into a slumber..

#random

[13-augustine1949]

The faceless world

It felt like i was returning to a house of faceless dolls. my quiet world where everyone lays without opinion or bother for what happens around them, they could care less. They wil settle for "Nothing could change about it" or "You cant do anything about it anyways". They say they understand but they dont.. it's noisy with clutter.. but interweave with small hints of light. But in the world where A can be equal to F, and that sometimes what you see isnt what you get... and what you see can be what you get but you might have doubted it. Proceedings must be taken with care you see. But you cant wait too long either. . But for now i will settle in the dark main room/ It's dark but occcationally a window with the view of the night sky will show up or small spurts tiny globes of shimmery light will fall from the top of the tall dark room.. In this room. there are dark purple and navy blue silk and fur blankets and beds. It's quite comfy, aint it? I lay in it and i can see my dreams.. or nightmares.. and experience it like it is real. But every "Morning" I slipped in to a deep "sleep" away from this comfort and travel to the other rooms. To my waking concious state.. I board the bus. for awhile i could dream of a moving library or a flying carriage.. floating pass beautiful scenary... the many trees. the slight platter of rain.. like a slight hint of a waterfall or fountain. or the bright rising sun. the better future.. the worse parts of human life. I travel up, travel down.. but i refuse to face them faceless people. i fear the worse of what i can see. and how attach or concious i will become of their presence.. that might eventual in my own heartbreak. because in everyone of them, there is something "precious", something with equavalence to treasure. also something dark that fester by alot of infectious "influence". Then i go on with my day to day upon reaching my destination, a sad place to be. not because i hate education.. in face i love learning new things... or expanding my mind to more possiblities or change for the better.. or even challenging myself to completion of a task.. which sometimes i fail to accomplish. it's truely quite a feat for me as i wonder through alot of things.. in mind daily... never really fixating on one for too long.. but i will eventually somehow find my way back or never again.. well. it depends.. Humans are so much capable of so much things.. why cant people see that sometimes.? well why cant i see it too, for myself? i cant see what i am capable of. nevermind that. the point is that i can see for others.. so maybe i thought, maybe i can be a guide to them. protecting their heart.. giving them options... so they will never have to feel like how i have sometimes.. sometimes i felt so cornered... i knew no comfort.. it was like the comforting darkness turn to consume.. my whole self.. becoming darker.. and sluggish. it was like my soul was eaten up alive.. screaming from inside out. In addition to the holes that were holed out by "failed" relationships and social inadequacy... it was literally a collasping black tunnel which i see no way out from. but then i want to push myself harder. because maybe even if i dont actually survive, it's okay, if i can leave something on for others so that they can have a head start in their "race" , journey, path. but many i can see, closed their hearts, minds for any hope there could be.. to start over again. and that it will be okay . because it is getting better. even if it is just a thought. that is step one.. to actualization of that "reality". But in my world. . many are willing to accept that this is the only way down.. and that there wasnt anything they could do.. like really? seriously? nothing? and because of this.. many who think there is hope soon have their inner tiny balls of shimmering light killed.. by the world and eventually themselves.. Hopefully one day. it will get better. and then maybe it will if i keep holding on and walking towards that actualization. fire (SOUL) earth (BODY) air (MIND) water (HEART)

#The faceless world #random