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327th · 2 years

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heyyy!! can i request a anakin x reader fic where they were together but she left the order?? you know depressed!anakin ... but they found eo again after a few years on a mission!!!!

Hands like home.

•WARNINGS: ANGST. Mentions of abandonment.

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!reader.

Summary: Y/n leaves the Jedi Order after a heavy argument, leaving Anakin behind too.

Word count: 3.7k. Buckle up.

A/N: First request!! So grateful to the person who did it! Thanks for trusting me with your vision. I hope this fills your expectations. :) I did with all my love. I didn't know if you wanted a happy ending or not, sooo let me know if you want the other version as well. :)

If you want to request something, here are my rules !!

Recommendation: While reading, listen to:

-IDK you yet by Alexander 23 (for the first part)

-Touch by Sleeping at Last (for the second part)

I will signal the parts so you can turn on the music.

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(Cue “IDK you yet by Alexander 23” Repeat if you must and want to :))

“And ta-da! This is how you fix a droid’s transmitter!” I pointed proudly at R2-D2 and smiled widely at y/n, who was looking at me with loving eyes.

“I could listen to you talk forever”. She clapped her way to me and then hugged me, her arms wrapped around my waist.

“Would you? I think it would be really boring.” I scrunched my nose and then chuckled.

“No. Never.” She poked her lips up and kissed my nose, to which I giggled. “I love the way your eyes light up every time you talk about mechanics.”

“Well, I love you.” And now I kissed her gently on the lips, slowly, soaking up her flavor. I caressed her hair softly and she cupped my face, smiling mid-kiss.

“We better stop before someone enters.” She separated from me and I whined.

“C’mon, nobody comes to the hangar at this time.” I pulled her back again, only this time turning her around, holding her back against my chest. My arms squeezing her, wanting to feel her as close as I could. She grinned and grabbed my hands strongly. We stayed there, holding each other for what felt like hours.

The sunset was beautiful; different tones of orange, yellow and pink splashing the skyline. Y/n tilted her head, putting the weight on top of my left shoulder, while quietly stroking my arms wrapped her waist. I didn’t waste my chance and I peppered kisses along her cheek, her jawline and her neck, to which she could only giggle.

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” I sighed, returning my attention to the magnificent view and put my head on top of hers.

“I don’t.” She said, caughting me off guard. “I wish we could have more. Leave this glorified cell of institution.” she rolled her eyes. This was not the first time she expressed her disgust towards the Jedi Order. I kept my opinions to myself so I wouldn’t upset her, but how could I hate the place that rescued me from slavery? Being a Jedi pulled me out of a lifetime of misery. How could I turn myself on Obi-Wan, on my fate as the Chosen One? I knew that they were really old-fashioned, but that’s how things were. We couldn’t change them. She continued speaking. “To have a life of our own, be free to show our love. ”

“I wish that too.” I agreed. “Just you and me against the world.”

“Just you and me against the world.” She repeated in a whisper.

“But you know I don’t care if the world doesn’t know that we are together, right? You knowing that you have my heart is enough for me.” She didn’t say anything. I could sense her pain deep inside, her mind going over and over again.

“Does the sun remind you of back home on Tatooine?” she asked, her voice so low I could barely listen to her.

“I never considered it as such. That place is just pain to me.” My spine shivered at the awful memories and I had to fight the tears from escaping. Now she was the one squeezing me.

Her touch soothed me everytime. For some reason, her hands were always warm and soft. My favorite moment of the day was crawling into bed and falling asleep at her head scratches. Or whenever I came back after an exhausting battle and she would welcome me with a hug and her nails would drag along my back. Or whenever she kissed me and cupped my face, slightly stroking my cheek with her thumb; her palms had become home to me and my body couldn’t wait to return to her at the end of the day.

I turned her around and pressed our foreheads together, breathing her in, admiring her beauty. “You are home. I’ll always come back to you, baby.”

She smiled and right when we were gonna press our lips together again, my commlink bipped.

“Skywalker, we need you to backup Master Fisto’s supplies drop-off on Ryloth. It’s a tricky one, we believe Grievous may be there, so there’s a possibility you’ll have to engage. If you see Y/l/n on your way, let her know she must go too. Good luck. May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you, Master Windu.”

I looked at y/n and she rolled her eyes.

“You heard the man, let’s go.” And she buffed while starting to walk out, but I grabbed her wrist and I turned her around. “But first.” And I kissed her like it was the last time our lips would meet. It felt like it.

——————

“I’m not gonna keep talking about this, y/n” I groaned.

“Are you seriously mad at me? With what reason? I did what was right! Those Twi’leks were starving to death!” She yelled back at me. Her smaller legs fought to keep up with my pace.

Finally, I turned around and faced her angry, reddened face.

“But Grievous escaped!” I upped my voice tone to match hers.

“Anakin, I can’t believe this- Drop off the supplies, that was the priority.” She hit her hands on a firm gesture.

“Priorities change! Especially when you are at war! And in case you haven’t noticed, we are in one, y/n! It’s our duty to win it.” She limited herself to buff and turned her head to the other side, shaking it.

“You sound just like them.” she whispered and rolled her eyes.

“I-” I was interrupted by the Council’s secretary.

“You may come in. The Council is waiting on your report.” He let us know.

Surprisingly, the first thing they did after we entered was not to ask for an explanation of the mission’s events. Apparently Fisto already filled them in. What they did was to ask Y/n for her side of the story.

“It was either that or he would have destroyed the cargo ship. I made a choice and I would do it again!”

“Master y/l/n, do you know the implications of this so-called decision?” Windu asked with his palms pressed against each other, covering his mouth.

“Yes. I know I could have intercepted him and that I would have been able to stop him and bring him here, but I was not gonna let those citizens spend another night of despair and hunger! Who knows when we were gonna be able to drop off another load like that? It could have easily been months.”

“You need to calm down, master.” Windu threatened Y/n’s when he saw her heavy breath and hateful eyes. “Master Skywalker, what do you think about this situation? If I recall correctly, you ordered Master y/l/n to chase Grievous.”

All of the eyes were set on me, nonetheless, the stinging gaze of Y/n was unavoidable. She stared at me, starting a visual duel between us. The expectant looks of the remaining Jedi pressured me and pushed me to speak.

“Well, y-yes, I did- But you know, it wasn’t my commanding mission, it wasn’t really my call-”

“But do you agree with your Y/n’s… decision?” Windu added with sass.

I stared at Windu, then at Yoda, Obi-Wan, trying to avoid my love’s eyes but I inevitably reached Y/n. Everything in my body screamed at me to say yes. To agree with her. But I would be lying.

“Well, I mean, the cargo was equally important-” My body worked hard to appear confident.

“Master Skywalker, sense that you are lying I can.” spoke Yoda. “Do you or you do not agree with Master y/l/n’s actions?”

Dead silence.

“No.” I finally spat.

I sensed a disturbance in the Force and I directed my attention to my girlfriend. Her body radiated hate, anger, disappointment, sadness. She shook her head at me with teary eyes, breaking my soul.

“Fine. Needless to say, Master y/l/n, the whole Council disagrees with your course of action and due-” Y/n interrupted Windu.

“I don’t care.” She blunted with poison.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I don’t care. I don’t care what any of you think.” Her tone getting louder and louder. “I made the right call, whether you agree or not! I did what I must. Protect the civilians, keep the peace! I’m not a soldier, I’m not here to fight a war that isn’t mine. What my duty is to look over the ones who need it!”

“Master y/l/n, I won’t tell you again, calm down!” Windu squinted his eyes. “A Jedi does not behave like this-”

“Maybe I don’t want to be a Jedi anymore!” My head almost snapped at her words.

“Master, I would recommend to choose your next words careful-”

“I hereby renounce my title as Jedi Knight.” The Council gasped. Her defying face didn’t flinch once. I widened my eyes and tried to reach out to her, but she was already on the move. I followed her back to her room, where as soon as she entered, she grabbed a little backpack and began to fill it with a bunch of her stuff.

(Cue “Touch” by Sleeping at last. Repeat if you must and want to :))

“What do you think you are doing? Are you crazy?” I pulled her things out, to which she glared at.

“Stop it, Anakin! It 's already done! I’m leaving, I’m finally leaving this dreadful place.” she flipped her room upside down in her little hunt.

“You totally screwed up this time- Can you please stop for a second and listen to me? Please.” I stopped her on her tracks and held her by the shoulders, slightly shaking them.

“What do you want me to say, Ani? You know how tired I am of them, of this war! We are not what we are supposed to be!” She shouted once again.

“What we are supposed to be is together, Y/n! And you totally left me there! Without warning!” I yelled with resentment, my face scrunching.

“You are talking like you didn’t you totally throw me under the bus there! Huh? What was that all about?” She yelled back. Tears threatening to fall at any given moment.

“You know I didn’t mean to! I was totally cornered!”

“And how about when I left? Why didn’t you say something then?” She asked with hurted eyes. “You let me go and you didn’t say a single word.” She poked my chest to the rhythm of her words.

“What did you want me to do?” She escaped my grip and walked to her bedroom.

“To follow me! To say that you were quitting too! That you were choosing me over them!” She twirled midway and shouted at me, completely broken, tears running desperately over her face.

“You are twisting things over, Y/n. Please, think for a moment.” I walked over to her and grabbed the sides of her head, putting a loose strand of hair on the back of her ear. I must admit I was truly hurt when she didn’t cup my face back. “This is not about us. I love you, you know that. Nothing will ever compare to you, you are my priority-”

“So are you leaving with me?” She asked, suddenly extremely calm.

I ignored her question and kept going. “Tell me what I can do to make you stay. What I can do so you won’t leave. I need to know how I can fix this!”

“You can’t Ani! You can’t! I can’t stay, I won’t stay.” My vision became blurry and I closed my eyes, looking down, not being able to face the reality of the situation. “Will you come with me then?” Her eyes bleeding hope. I felt my heart clustered on my throat, the beating sounds deafening me. The solemn silence drowning the room. Her heartbeat boomed on my palms and I swallowed hardly.

“Y/n, stars, it’s not fair. Why did you have to make everything so complicated?”

“Will.you.come.with.me?” The pause between her words building up the tension on the room. Her hands were on my forearms, holding tight to them, holding down to the last hope of us.

“I-I… I can’t” I finally whispered.

“So I guess priorities do change.” She let the last few tears roll down her eyes before she sucked them up. I let go the grip on her face as well as she did to my arms. Her fingers slowly moved to my hands, just to hold them one last time before letting go. We looked at each other so defeated, so breathless. Neither of us strong enough to keep fighting. She reached for her bag and backed away.

“It doesn’t have to be this way-” I began to talk again, but she stopped me.

“Anakin, there’s nothing left to do.” Her lightsaber was placed on the dinner table before marching her way to the door. Taking my heart with her.

—————

After that day I fell asleep to my usual nightmares, just to wake up and realize that they were true.

The first few days were especially tough. I sneaked out to her room and slept on her bed, breathing in her sheets, hugging in her clothes, if that somehow replaced her absence. It didn’t. I cried myself to sleep with the loose optimism that she was thinking of me, just like I was thinking of her.

Then something changed. My sadness turned to anger. How did she have the nerve of getting mad at me? She was the one that gave up. She abandoned me. She didn’t let me know what she was gonna do, she just blurted it out in front of everyone, treating me like everyone else, but I was so much more. She blurted it out like it didn’t concern me. Like the love of my life leaving me wasn’t something I should know. I stopped going to her room, like I used to do when we fought. I even turned my face when I walked past it, refusing to think about her. She didn’t deserve my thoughts. If it was so easy for her to leave me here, she didn’t deserve my tears.

But I never got to hate. I couldn’t hate her. Not even if I tried with every inch of my body. I tried, Force, did I try. I remembered every time she would do things to annoy me for the sake of it: hide my tools, steal my robes, pretend she wouldn’t listen to me when I scolded her. It definitely backfired because it only made me miss her even more. Whenever she hid my tools, she would always return them and stick by my side as I fixed whatever I needed to. Whenever she stole my robes, she would jump around her chambers and say how much she loved to smell me. Whenever she ignored me as I scolded her, I knew she was actually paying attention and she would apologize with soft kisses. I couldn’t hate her. I loved her. With every beat of my heart.

As the days went by, the hope I had of her coming back decreased. And what were days, quickly became months, and then years. The painful hole she left in my chest never got smaller. As if it weren’t tough enough, I hated to be in the Temple; it only reminded me of her, her essence, her laugh. I could only see all of the places we once hid, kissed or walked. I worked on pushing those aside. I forced my mind to block her and all of the moments that kept replaying on my head non-stop. I forced my heart to shrink, so the love I had for her would somehow bleed out of me. I forced my body to forget her, but I guess my hands didn’t receive the memo, because the feeling of her warmth letting go was a pain I could never erase.

That’s why I was constantly volunteering to be deployed.

“Always on the move”. Obi-Wan continuously said, but what he didn’t know was that if I stood still I may not come back from the void and hollow place my mind turned after her departure.

So here I was. On my way to Cato Neimoidia. There was a droid invasion on the central village and the Jedi couldn’t lose the opportunity of annexing another system to the Republic. The 501st marched out the transport with me to the chaos, but everything got incredibly harder with the awful rainy weather of the planet. Our vision was considerably compromised, making it harder to walk. We decided to split up, Rex leading three quarters of the legion to where the main battle was taking place. On the other hand, I took some troopers down to the warehouse we suspected the Separatists had their base. Not to our surprise, some of the droids were waiting for us at the entrance, completely outnumbering us. I reached the warehouse all by myself and I ran through it, eliminating everything at my pace. My soaking wet clothes didn’t help me to be subtle.

I started to notice that the droid's bodies were totally destroyed. But not in the path I came. Someone else is here. I ran quicker, trying to catch up to the figure that was beating up droids when I encountered someone on a dark blue cloak, running away from me, the fabric whooshing behind them as they entered the rainy street.

“Stop right there! In the name of the Galactic Republic-” I choked at the reveal of the mysterious face. When the person turned around and put down her cloak, I didn’t know whether I should run towards them, drop down and cry or turn around and come back to the troop. My heart felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest and my legs started to fail me, feeling jiggly underneath me.

“The Galactic Republic can suck it, for all I know.” She answered witty, trying to keep her composure. But I knew her. She was petrified. She wasn’t expecting me.

“Y/n…” I let out a heavy sigh. Words couldn’t come out of my mouth. My head was dizzy and the extra water on my face wasn't helping me concentrate.

“Hey.” She whispered.

“What- why are you killing droids?” I asked, but that was the least of my worries. What I really wanted to ask was, Why are you there and not right here in my arms?

“Someone needs to take care of the people. Jedi can’t handle them all.” She said with a bare hint of emotion.

“Please tell me this is real.” I begged, holding back so I didn’t burst into tears at that moment. “Please tell me it’s really you. You look just the same.” I tilted my head, pushing my wet bangs out of my forehead so I could look at her better.

“Yet I’m so different from what I used to be,” She said with just a string of voice. I walked up to her and she backed off, stepping on my heart in the process.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about everything. I should have said something. I should have defended you in front of the Council. I should have been braver-” I blabbered all of the words I had stuck on my head for years. I saw her face softening and her body giving in. “I should have left.” I finally let out the words that would bring us peace. Her face scrunched up, fighting to hold the tears.

“Anakin-” She was interrupted by a hoard of droids coming our way. I ignited my light saber and she got two blades from her cloak, dropping the coat to the floor. We fighted them fearlessly, letting out pain flow through each swing of our weapons. I saw that she got in trouble when they knocked out her blades from her, leaving her defenseless. I reacted quickly and pulled out an extra weapon from my belt. One that I could never leave behind.

“Y/n, catch!” And I threw her lightsaber at her. She looked at it surprised, yet did not hesitate to turn it on and keep fighting. We were back to back, our movements so smooth and coordinated, like they were connected. The droids fell down, one after another like the useless metal they were. After we were done with all of this, we stood in silence, contemplating the view in front of us.

We were panting at the effort and looked at each other, mechanical bodies all around us. Her eyes finally gave in and tears rolled down, to which I joined. Her knees failed her and she fell down on them, grabbing her face to hide her pain from me. I kneeled in front of her and pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight, not ever wanting to set her free. Our bodies shook when our crying got more intense, letting out of all the bottled up emotions. The seconds became eternal in our embrace and I just wished this moment would last forever. What I would give to flip a switch and go back to when it was just me and her against the world.

She pulled back and looked up to me. I cupped her face and she did the same, releasing some of the burden of my chest with a simple gesture. I pushed our foreheads together and I forced myself not to close my eyes, even if they ached due to the rain, so I wouldn’t miss a second of her beauty. Time got heavy and slow, being almost non-existent.

“There’s nothing I can do to fix it, right?” I asked, terrified to the bone.

She grabbed my hand, put it on her mouth and left a kiss on it, always looking at me with loving eyes. My chest tightened when she shook her head.

“No.” and smiled sadly.

I don’t quite remember the moment I got up from that position.

I just remember staying there as she stood up and turned around, walking away from me. Again.

I just remember staring at her figure and crying my lungs out through muffled sounds. Again.

I just remember feeling her lightsaber on my hand after she left it there. Again.

I just remember staying there completely heartbroken. Again.

I just remember feeling her hands leaving mine. Again.

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